The Girl Who Tore it All Down
by LilAesthetics-n-Hope
Summary: There is no weapon to end all wars, there are only weapons to bring a new age of war. She was but a girl when she was stolen from her home and put into a program to make the world's most lethal weapon. When SHIELD found her she was thrust into a life she never wanted. With the help of the Avengers she tries to get some type of normalcy back in her life as a weapon.
1. Chapter 1

In the beginning, there was a noise she could not quite identify, not for a very long time. The lull of heavy drugs pulled her senses under. Sounds were very important, though, in the absence of her sight. The drugs blinded her, leaving only the bitter cold, the smell of rust and salt coming from her own body, and the taste of copper in her mouth. Sound was important, it was the only sense she had left that told her anything useful. She listened, fighting through the heavy drugs. The sound was loud like explosions. No not quite explosions, like gunshots. Exactly like gunshots. There were too many for this to simply be one of the many disagreements that the people in the facility often had. No, this was all out war, and the men, seemed to be losing. Thick words spoken in a language she was only beginning to understand called out in distress. She listened more closely and heard her mother tongue being barked out. They were American. The simple thought of that left her reeling. America had sent troops to rescue _her_ she was no diplomat's daughter or of any importance at all. Why would the government care about one lone American girl being stolen away? The door to the room she was held in grated against the floor loudly. Hurried heavy footsteps came towards her and she shuffled away as fast as she could, given that her hands and feet had been bound. She fell against the cold hard concrete, but continued to shuffle away. Words were barked at her, words she didn't understand. There was a time where she would have begged the person coming towards her to spare her what ever horror they planned. Years in captivity had taught that they had no humanity that she could appeal to. What ever plan they had was going to happen whether she begged or not.

A piercing pain stabbed through the back of her neck just where her spinal cord was. A siren call of a scream wailed threw her throat, and her body was no longer there, or so it felt. There was nothing but the sounds that tethered her to Earth, that proved they had not killed her.

"You are going to be magnificent," the voice was marred with a thick Russian accent that she had become able to understand well enough. Gunshots reigned in the very room and she was positive the man that had spoken to her was dead.

"Is she breathing?" a male with an American accent spoke.

"She's alive," a woman spoke back, her voice was louder than the male's, she was closer.

"Let's get her back to base then." There was a pause of sound before brief static sounded, "This is Agent Hawkeye, subject has been acquired."

More static, "Affirmative, head to the roof."

The posh conference room had every chair filled, each person waiting for the means of their summoning to come into the office and tell them what he wanted. One, Mr. Tony Stark was perhaps the most impatient of all the people in the room. He didn't do meetings. He paid people to attend meetings for him. Meetings were probably the biggest wastes of time he could think of. There were a million other things he could be doing, and the only thing he was doing at a meeting was losing money. The scientist and friend, Bruce Banner, beside him was very much on the same page, only his concern was not money. He had been working on a rather interesting project in the lab Tony had provided. The study, if done correctly, would successfully connect a prosthetic to the spinal cord and give it feeling. He was anxious to get back to his work, and anxious about whatever problem put him in this room. Beside him was a man of concerned curiosity. He had been called from Washington D.C. to New York in order to attend this meeting. The company he worked for didn't call meetings unless it was extremely important. This soldier, Steve Rogers, had been conditioned to worry over such things as the weal of his country. This was not due to any brainwashing, or severe training, it was simply the way had always been. Contrarily, the woman at his side was supremely uninterested. She was only here because she was called. She knew the nature of the situation whose name she'd been called in. The woman, Natasha Romanov, just didn't care, or at least that's what she wanted the people around her to believe. The man across from her new better. Clint Barton had known Natasha longer than anyone else in the room, he knew she was on edge, and he knew why. The meeting today was dragging up old memories. There was one in the ensemble missing, and there was no chair set for him. He was simply unreachable.

The boss, and orchestrator of this meeting walked into the room. The doors slid closed behind him, and his naturally scowling face was beheld by all there. He did not speak immediately, taking instead to walk around and set files in front of each member of the team assembled at the table. They looked down at the stack of papers curiously, waiting for some explanation. The boss, Director Fury, came back around to stand at the head of the table.

"I have gathered you all here because we have acquired what might be the world's greatest weapon," he spoke seriously. Tony raised an eyebrow at this, wondering why Fury would speak to him of the world's greatest weapon This was usually the kind of thing he had to go out of his way to find out, and here he was just handing him the information. Tony was the first to open the file and saw a picture of a young woman.

"A girl?" he questioned, incredulously. The others opened the file, curiosity over taking their skepticism.

"Lily Ann Hemlock," he nodded, touching the keypad in front of him, making a holographic monitors come up just above the table. An interactive version of the file right in front of them came up, "we found her in a research facility in an underground facility in Sakha, Russia. She was kidnapped from her home in the winter of 2010. Authorities originally believed that she had only been kidnapped, and she was presumed to be dead. In actuality, the Russian began testing a new serum they created for the perfect soldier. We do not know the details of this serums ability, but they had high expectations. They expected the serum would give her super strength, speed, and agility, along with enhanced mental ability."

"What does enhanced mental ability mean?" Bruce asked.

"Telepathy, Telekinesis, and a multitude of other things," Fury answered.

"How did they make it?"

"We don't know, but they seem to have been successful."

"Wait, wait," Steve called out, " this girl was stolen from her home, taken to Russia and held there for five years and no one did anything?"

"There were no leads, no one had anyway of knowing she was there." Fury replied

"So how'd you find out about her?" he countered

"Agent Romanov infiltrated a sister laboratory of theirs and found data on her existence and their plans."

"So did you take her back because she was an American citizen, or because she was useful," Tony questioned.

Fury sent a glare in his direction, but otherwise did not acknowledge his question, "She is highly volatile," as he spoke these words he pulled up a video feed that covered all of the monitors. The girl sat in a bright white room, "this was found in the data from the Russian facility."

The girl sat in the corner of the white room huddled into herself. The wall on the opposite side of her revealed a door as it slid open. A man in a lab coat, meandered slowly over to her. The girl began crying, pleading to be left alone. Natasha looked away from the video, focusing on a point on the wall, still she could hear. There was the tell-tale jingle of a belt, but then the girl's screams were matched by the man's, Natasha's eyes flicked back to the video and she watched as the man was consumed in in a red glow then he went out of existence. The girl's screams of terror continued and the room began to shake. Then the video cut out.

"Where did he go?" Bruce asked.

"Who cares?" Tony murmured.

"We don't know," Fury answered Bruce's question, "that facility is in complete ruin, and she was relocated to another. This type of reaction happens in high stress situations."

"Why are you bringing her here?" Steve asked.

"Because she needs to learn how to control her power, and we need to learn more about her. And she can't go home."

"When you say high stress situations…" Bruce began.

"I think you're familiar. We kept her on an empty island for a few years with a few experts, she's relatively stable. It seems through her own will power she's found a way to keep herself in check. She agreed to be a part of the Avengers. Rogers, I want you to help her get used to being back home."

"Me?" Steve asked confused.

"Fury, _he's_ not even used to being back home." Tony interjected.

"He's right, that seems a bit counter-productive don't you think," Steve agreed.

"That was an order." Fury spoke, in a voice that did not quite yield to further questioning, "Romanov, you'll help."

The woman only nodded in response, looking straight ahead, with a very forced indifference.

"Stark, Banner, you're both in charge of figuring out what makes her tick. I want all the data you can compile. Barton, you know you're mission."

They all made sounds of assent, closing the files in front of them.

"Stay here," Fury ordered as he turned to leave the room, "Rogers, come with me."

Steve stood immediately following the Director out of the door, through the hall and to the elevator. He wonder what on Earth they were about to do, but thought it better not to question the situation. Steve had a basic understanding of Fury and his inner mental working. The super soldier would spend too much time in the dark. Sure enough, the moment the elevator door closed he spoke.

"I want you to introduce her to the others."

"Alright, but if you don't mind my asking….why me?" Steve questioned. Why choose him to help someone else get assimilated when he himself was still working on that very thing?

"Because you are the least alarming of all of them. Despite her title, she's kinda skittish." Fury explained.

"I bet," Steve sighed. It made sense though. Tony was a bit eccentric, Bruce had issues too similar to her, and Clint and Natasha were assassins. He seemed like the only sure fire choice.

The elevator opened to a rather small woman sitting on a marble bench in front of the elevator. She was bent over the journal in her lap, pencil in hand and all but flying across the paper. She seemed too enthralled to notice the two men who were walking up to her. Fury cleared his throat to catch her attention and she looked up. The woman somewhat startled Steve in her beauty. The picture in the file didn't do her justice. With her appearance came a bit of nostalgia. Her hair was done up in a style reminiscent of his own era, accompanied by a dress that was a bit short for the decade, stopping just above the knee but still styled in its likeness. She pushed up her glasses as she stood closing the journal.

"Lily, this is Steve Rogers," Fury introduced, " he'll be looking after you until you're adjusted."

Her eyes flicked to Steve and he noticed a certain tightening in her eyes for a fraction of second, before they softened and she offered him a shy smile. She held out her hand for a handshake, stepping forward a bit. Steve grasped her hand automatically looking her in the eye as he returned the smile.

"It's pleasure to meet you," she greeted, in a warm alto voice.

"The pleasure is mine," he returned.

"I'll leave you to it," Fury spoke leaving the two to their lonesome.

"So, where are you from?" Steve asked as he walked to the elevator.

"St. Louis," she answered.

"Hmm, I've never been," he admitted. The elevator opened and they stepped in.

"No reason to really go," she assured, not really allowing herself to think much about her hometown, she couldn't go back so what was the point.

"It was something in my day," he said nostalgically.

"So I've heard." she smiled fondly, thinking of what she knew on the history of the city.

"That's a first."

"I appreciate the past," she shrugged not feeling the need to further explain herself.

"I think we are gonna get along just fine, Lil," Steve chuckled to himself.

She looked up at him startled by the nickname. He met her gaze after a moment and frowned in concern.

"Do you prefer Lily, 'cause-"

"My mother used to call me Lil," she explained, "I've always liked it," she smiled to herself looking straight ahead again.

"Lil it is then," he resolved looking at the numbers overhead. Steve let the conversation falls into a companionable silence. She valued that, the fact that he didn't urge awkward small talk. It was unnecessary, and stressful, and she didn't do anything unless it was absolutely necessary. The elevator opened and Steve walked out first leading the way to the conference room. As the door slid open, they only saw Steve. His massive form thoroughly obstructed the small beauty. The moment he moved, there was an air of pleasant surprise in the room.

"She is adorable," Tony breathed, looking at her. Lily only raised an eyebrow. SHIELD had used a great deal of adjectives to describe her, "adorable" had never been one of them.

"Lil, that's Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Natasha Romanov, and Clint Barton," he introduced gesturing to them respectively.

"Hi, I'm Lily, and I love long walks on the beach and multisyllable words," she presented with a small smile.

"Look at her, she is so precious," Tony gushed getting out of his seat and walking towards her, "she's shorter than me. I like her. She's my new favorite. Sorry Bruce."

"Oh it's fine," Bruce a shrugged then looked to address Lily, "You'll get used to his benevolence."

" I already have...It's kind of anodyne after the week I've had."

"See? She likes me too. We are best friends now it's officially."

"Tony, leave her alone," Steve rebuked, glaring at the man that had taken to draping an arm casually over the petite woman's shoulders. Tony only stuck his tongue out at him.

"He's fine," Lily assured, "I'm really not as bad as Fury thinks I am. I've learned to manage my anger. I've been in New York for about a month now, and well...no one's died."

"How do you like it?" Tony asked.

"I don't," she spoke truthfully, "I've never liked New York, there too many people, and the air's bad, but it's cozy I guess...in the sense that I've always liked small places."

"You get used to it. Before you know you'll be a well rounded city girl, hitting all the nightspots, meeting guys, and having adventures," Tony laughed.

"That's not really my scene, sorry Tony. I prefer adventures of the literary nature. I like to call myself a socially-capable-introvert."

"So what do you do for fun."

"I read, I write, I'm currently catching up on movies and T.V. shows." she offered, halfheartedly, knowing Tony Stark would find any of those things exceedingly diverting.

"You've gotta give me more to work with if we're gonna be best friends." Tony urged smiling at the lack of anything fun by his standards. Somehow it only served to make her more endearing.

"Well, I really like food," she offered as a last ditch effort to satisfy him.

"Are you suggesting I buy you lunch?" he asked.

"If we're best friends, then I'm not gonna say no." she agreed, happy that her love for stuffing her face was something he capitalized on.

"Not today,"Natasha spoke up, "You need to get your things in place at the apartment."

"Right, sorry," she looked genuinely upset by this turn of event, and she was. Food was simply sad to miss out on.

"Tomorrow then. Do you have a favorite food?"

"I really love fettuccine alfredo," she offered.

"Italian it is. I'll make reservations and we can gossip. How about noon? I'll send a car for you."

"Okay," she agreed.

"Great you have plans. C'mon Steve we're gonna need your help with the shelves." Natasha spoke up as she stood from her chair. The woman was stoic, however Lily knew that the rush to leave had little to do with Tony Stark and more to do with herself. Clint followed them out and they went to the apartment that the women shared. It was a nice space, especially for housing in New York. It was located at the very top of a building that SHIELD owned and used to quarter agents in the area. The more important you were the higher up you lived. The entirety of the top floor was theirs and the view was something Lily had come to love. Natasha had never given it much thought. It was just a giant window that opened up to a wide patio, that circled the entire building. Before Lily came along she simply had the windows on blackout, a setting where all four window walls were covered with elegant stainless steel shutters. With the girl there she had taken to opening them. Lily, overall, was an easy roommate to have. She usually sat quietly by the windows and read or wrote. Natasha had taken to watching a few movies with her. They spoke every once in a while, about trivial things though. Neither woman wanted to delve into their pasts to forge a closer friendship so they were companionable roommates.

Steve walked into the spacious apartment and found on that the spaces was rather divided. One half of the apartment was rather well put together, with a few books, and a display of weapons and things of the such, the other was a simple mountain if boxes both empty and full. He assumed the mess of boxes belonged to Lily, and upon further inspection he realized the filled boxes had books in them. The sat in front of a massive bookshelf that made up the division between the public area and Lily's bedroom. The bookshelf, was literally the wall, and it made a grand doorway. Neither woman was tall enough to get to the top shelves even with the step ladder. Once the books were all up, and assembled how she liked them, she settled down with her journal in her room.

"How long has she been here with you?" Steve asked Natasha.

"About a month." she answered, shrugging.

"What's she looking like?" he asked.

Natasha understood what he meant. People who go through things like she had were alway damaged, "She sticks to herself, and reads, or writes in that journal of hers. At night though, she has nightmares and she wakes up screaming. Compared to most though...she's doing pretty good."

"You call that pretty good?" Steve asked incredulously.

"Listen, Steve, you are looking after her because you're nice. She's living with me because I've been in the same situation. Trust me when I say she could be much worse, and you know it."

Steve thought to his friend that had been turned into a weapon and realized she was right. The girl seemed to have a good memory of her past and a solid moral code. She had escaped with more than some.

"She's no trouble at all, but she's depressed," Natasha murmured, "SHIELD's therapists and psychologists agree she doesn't need medication. She's grieving, so it's perfectly natural."

"Who died?" Steve asked, concerned that life was continuing to get worse for the young lady.

"She did." Natasha answered, her gaze holding a softness, Steve had never before seen. It disappeared shortly after it appeared and he couldn't shake the idea that Natasha was perhaps just as broken as the girl.


	2. Chapter 2

Night was always varying shades of difficult for Lily. The first challenge was falling asleep. Lately, she took a sleep aid. The pills were strong enough to take down an elephant, but some nights she still had trouble. Tonight was one of those nights. She decided upon reading a book until she fell asleep. It always worked. The stories always served to calm her hyper-alertness. It gave a sense of normalcy to her life, even though it had been flipped upside down. Once the book did its job her next problem was staying asleep. Any little thing would wake her up, even the sound of her own body turning over in bed. Once she was awake, she would then have to start all over again and read until she fell asleep again. If she by some curse/miracle stayed asleep, she suddenly realized that all she wanted was to wake up. For her every slumber held nightmares. Tonight was something special.

She was strapped to a cold metal table, her body bared to the world. Doctors had suspended her eyes open and they were walking around her as if she were a piece at the art museum. Their garbled voices spoke words she could not understand. Her head had been strapped down to the table so she could not see the doctors, only hear their footsteps. She listened to the footsteps, and she stared at the bright white light above her. Part of her hoped she wouldn't live through whatever they were going to do. Death was a welcomed alternative to anything they had planned for her. What's worse is that she didn't even have a vague idea of what they were doing. There was the squeak of wheels as they were pushed forward, sounding just above her head. It moved closer and closer until it eclipsed the light and she was staring up at two thick needles positioned just above her eyes.

"No! NO! LET ME OUT!" she wailed but her pleas fell on deaf ears. She thrashed against her bonds but the movement she gained provided little purchase. The machine above her came to life with a loud whirring sound, and the needles above her eyes descended towards her. At the same time she realized there were other needles positioned around the machine. They all penetrated their designated points of contact at the same time. It was then that she learned what true pain was. The pain was so great she could no longer scream; the breath had been taken away.

This is how she woke, open mouthed and not breathing, with beads of sweat dripping down her face and body. Unfortunately, it was not morning, and all hopes of sleep were explicitly forgotten. Instead she got out of bed and took a shower. The water helped bring her from the dream, from the memory. The young woman could not help the tears that took hold of her. Emotions had little to no limits for her, they consumed her. They gripped tight on her lungs and took away her muscles. She fell to the floor in the shower, crying tears that few know. They were neither tears of joy of sorrow. They were the tears of "I made it" but what profit is it to make it through something, especially when that something has changed you so much you are not permitted to go home, or roam about on your own; when that something has made you a monster. The only thing to do at these times was to hold herself tight, and brave the storm.

Morning was exceedingly better. She walked out of her room at about five AM and began breakfast. She'd made a routine of it. Routine helped, it was her sense of normalcy. In the facility she'd had a very strict routine, one that included hourly abuse, and starvation. A few months in America had rectified the weight loss, but nothing could fix the scars. However, she could cover them. She had an appointment with a tattoo artist at about four. Natasha was going to go with her, since she wasn't trusted to be alone in the world yet. This was not something she resented. In fact, she vehemently agreed with it. She did not trust herself to be around the general populous alone, especially the people of New York City. Natasha joined her for breakfast as she always did. They didn't strike up much conversation, Natasha usually told her what the company expected of her on that particular day and Lily spent the day fulfilling that objective.

"SHIELD wants you talking," Natasha spoke, looking at her phone as she said.

"Like going to a social event?"

"Like speaking about your past." Natasha set down her phone and looked at the young woman in front of her.

"Steve is for the purpose of speaking about family. You are for speaking about Russia."

"Correct. Additionally, tomorrow, you will be in Stark Tower with Bruce and Tony they're going to run some test. Nothing invasive, just an MRI and a few other scans to see what exactly you're capable of so we can teach you how to access and control it."

"Fine. Are we still on for my tattoos."

"Of course." she nodded.

"Alright, that all sounds great, thank you Natasha." she sighed as she began to stand up.

"Hey wait," Natasha called, "Listen, if you want to talk to me about something other than Russia at first that's fine."

"I understand why they chose you. You were in my circumstances once and because of that, you're the only one I want to share this information with. It'd be cruel to put this on a regular person."

"And what about talking to Steve?"

"That won't be necessary, not today. I don't want to talk about life before I was taken. I'll give him some things to read. I trust him." she spoke softly grabbing her plate then Natasha's before rinsing it off and putting it in the dishwasher.

"Do you know what you're getting?" Natasha asked, looking back down at her phone.

"Yeah." she answered before leaving the kitchen. To anyone else her reserved actions would have came off rude, but Natasha understood. She allowed the young woman to walk out of the kitchen and go back to her room.

In Stark Tower, Tony Stark was preparing for his day out with the new addition to the Avengers. Pepper was watching him, slightly amused by his excitement towards the new girl. He understood it well enough though. Sometimes there were people you just clicked with, and from what Tony was telling her this Lily seemed like exactly the type to be best friends with Tony Stark.

"On top of it all Pep, she's cute. Not like you but like...like she could kill you." Tony explained as he got dressed.

"I don't look like I could kill someone."

"You look like you could ruin someone's life with blackmail and make sure they never have a job again," Tony explained, "She looks like she could kill someone and the general public would still drool over her."

"I'm glad you've found her then," Pepper sighed, rolling her eyes.

"You're not jealous are you?" Tony smiled walking out of the closet and into their shared bedroom.

"Jealous of what?" she scoffed.

"Pep, she's a friend. You can come too," he offered.

"I can't, I have meetings to attend. You know that."

"You'll get to meet her soon enough. She's my new assignment from SHIELD," he explained.

"She's the assignment?"

"Yeah, they want Bruce and I to figure out what all she can do."

"They don't even know what she's capable of!"

"Hey, she's a good person. I read all of the information on her last night. Worst case scenario she doesn't talk to any of us."

"Okay, but you just said she looked like she could kill you."

"Natalie Dormer looks like she could kill you and we all still love her."

Pepper glared at him for a moment then let out a long sigh. She shook her head but didn't refute his point. She had also looked through the girl's file and if anything she thought the poor thing needed a healthy dose of fun. The only fun person she could think of was Tony. Everyone else was all business. Perhaps the lunch would be good for the both of him. Tony would gain an understanding of who he was dealing with and Lily would gain a moment away from the hustle and bustle of life as an agent for SHIELD.

"Go with the Zeppelin t-shirt," Pepper advised looking up at him.

"Thanks," he smiled going back into his closet. Pepper rolled her eyes but smiled. Even if he was a hand full he did have a good heart.

"Pep, do these jeans make my butt look big," he asked.

She also remembered that for a genius he was a real idiot sometimes.

At around eleven Lily started getting dressed. She chose something that would be easy to take off when she went to get her tattoos. So a simple navy blue button up and jeans sufficed. Of course she couldn't wear a button up without a tie of some sort so she settled on a bright red bow tie. Make-up was a simple task featuring only red lipstick and winged eyeliner. She combed her hair into a neat high bun and slid on her red heeled oxford. A month in New York and a check from SHIELD had stimulated a shopping spree. It was a well spent one too.

Natasha looked up from the TV as she walked into the living room, "Wow, you know it's amazing how you can go from sleepless bum to pure beauty in like fifteen minutes," she teased. The joke earned a smile from the usually stoic girl.

"Well I don't bother with foundation and all that crap so it saves time." she explained, laughing lightly.

"Is it because you want to stay natural or…"

"Naw, it's just hard as hell to find my skin tone," she chuckled, "I'm in between caramel and roasted almond."

"They should name foundation after food, it would make everyone's life easier."

"I swear it would," she agreed sitting on the couch next to the woman she knew to be a master assassin, "What are you watching?"

"Clint said I should watch Game of Thrones, and well I'm not doing anything."

"Oh may I join you?"

"Go for it," she encouraged. They sat in silence watching the show, until the their doorbell rang. Lily got up and looked at the monitor showing who exactly was requesting entry to their home. It was none other than Tony Stark. She pressed the button next to the monitor and spoke.

"I'll be down momentarily."

"I can't come up?" he questioned smirking at the camera.

"There's no need," she retorted, slipping on her red oxfords. She met him in the lobby after saying a quick goodbye to Natasha. She emerged from the elevator and walked to Tony's side. He looked down at her for a moment with a self satisfied smile. There was nothing quite as satisfying as standing next to someone so extremely smaller than you. She only reached to his chin even with her heels on.

"I can't handle how cute you are," he admitted with a smirk.

"I wish I could say my appearance was a result of my weaponization, that it served as a means to lure or trick prey...but truth is I've always been this beautiful." she shrugged.

"Have I told you how much I like you."

"You could show me by actually taking me to lunch."

His smiled widened, "Well, come on then."

They walked out of the lobby and was greeted by a car that made Lily stop in complete awe.

"Is that a 1957 Porsche 356 Speedster?" she gasped.

"Why, yes it is." he smiled at her and stepped forward to open her door.

"Today is going to be a good day," she announced as she got in.

Their adventure took off with all the speed Tony Stark cared to use. She simply closed her eyes and listened to the sound of the engine, and the heartbeat of the man beside her. Tony glanced at her every now and again, wondering what was going through her head. This information did not escape Lily's knowledge. Everyone wanted something from her today. Everyone wanted story time. What could she say of the things going through her head? She didn't know how much of it was really her own. Tony had a job and that was to figure out what made her so super. SHIELD said it was for the purpose of helping her better control her abilities but Tony didn't even buy that. He planned on helping her and feigning ignorance as to what had rendered her super.

"I'm a nerd." she announced, opening her eyes slowly to look at the billionaire.

"I know, you like to read, and sit quietly."

"I mean, I like The Hobbit, and The Lord of the Rings. When I was like twelve I was a part of the twilight craze. I have thus gotten out of that. Um, I used to be a sucker for sitting around and watching a good movie."

"How about now?"

"I don't know. Captivity changes you...though I'm sure you're aware of that. I think I still might like those things."

"Progress, I like it."

"I love music," she announced. She had not yet ventured into the things that used to give her pleasure. Lately, she lived in the present, afraid that the past would drag back the pain she was striving to evade. However, it seemed like SHIELD wanted her to be ready to jump head first into her past. This was the best way, recounting pleasant harmless things like hobbies.

"What kind of music?" he asked curiously.

"Um...well I listened to a lot of everything, except country. I could never really get into country. The accent just drove me insane. I can tell we have common music taste."

"How do you know?"

"Telepathy. You'll get a better demonstration tomorrow. I liked Led Zeppelin, ACDC, Gun's and Roses...that kind of stuff. Given the age gap between me and the music I wouldn't call myself a super fan but out of the ones that I've listed Zeppelin was my favorite. They made really good music first, and the lyrics had a really good meaning."

"Alright, what else?"

"I listened to a lot of Indie music. I was really fond of pretty music. Arctic Monkeys, Banks, Feist, Florence + The Machine."

"Pep likes Florence + The Machine."

"They are really great."

"Alright so you've got a good taste in music. Did you do any sports?"

"Nope," she laughed a little to herself "I was very against anything sports wise."

"Extracurricular activities."

"I was in choir, and I played guitar." she said in a very matter of fact tone.

"You sing?"

"Mmhm."

"Let's hear it," he said, as the New York traffic finally made him stop. Lily scrunched up her nose, disliking the entire idea. The voice was a very personal thing and even though she knew of her ability to sing, she was skeptical of the ability having lasted through the years of torture. It just seemed as though a skill that was so beautiful would have left a body so war beaten. She wasn't ready to realize they had taken something so dear from her.

"Some other time," she murmured, trying to let on that she had not been disturbed by the request, "I really like performance poetry. I was a part of the speech club my junior year and I did performance poetry. I just really like words and music."

"I have never heard of performance poetry." he admitted, accepting her subject change.

"It's pretty magnificent, and I always had a way of using my voice. I was a very strong spoken person."

"You still are," he assured.

"I'm getting several tattoos, later on today, with Natasha." she offered, "I don't know if that classifies as fun."

"It classifies as interesting. Of what and where? Or can you not tell me," he asked with a flirty smirk. She scoffed but smiled all the same.

"I'm covering up scars. so the entirety of the skin over my spine, and one more on my upper thigh up to my hip."

"That's gonna hurt."

She only laughed at that, "I'm sure a normal person would find it painful."

They spoke more over her tattoos over lunch. Tony helped her figure out exactly what she wanted to cover the scars on her hip. They were inherently different than all the others. The ones on her back were simple dots, from the places where intrusive needles plunged deep into her spine. The one going up her hip was SHIELD's doing in an effort to get a very large tracking device out of her. It was long, and ugly. Granted it was but a slim line that was a few shades lighter than the smooth caramel of her skin tone. She didn't like the reminder of the things that had happened to her. Tony spoke a bit on his own scars, trying to persuade her against covering hers.

"It was shrapnel, from my own weapon," he explained.

"I don't think you understand. Your scars were your realization as to who you wanted to be, yes?" she asked

"Yeah."

"My scars are personal reminders that I can't ever be the person I was before. No matter how hard I try, there will always be those scars, and my abilities. It's not quite the same as your scars. They did not serve to make me stronger, not in the way yours did," she spoke calmly, " If I let them stay, I will be holding on to my anger and pain, and I'm a strong believer that revenge never gets anyone anywhere."

"You sounded like Cap, for a moment," he laughed, "Listen, I'm not gonna stop you from getting your tatts, but I think you gotta remember that you made it through for five years. If that didn't serve you to be stronger, nothing will."

"The time will not be what serves me to be stronger. It will be overcoming the...mental scars that do. I've put some thought into this I really have," she smiled a little, "I'm just glad they didn't ruin my face. Face tattoos are scary."

"You could have gotten a flower or something." he chuckled.

"Because that's so much better," she scoffed, "Yeah Fury never would have approved."

"So besides your tattoos, what are you doing today," Tony asked moving the remainder of his lunch around on his plate. It had been exceptional, he was just full.

"Fury wants me to start recounting my past with Steve and Natasha so there's that, and I think I might bake a cake."

"You bake?"

"Well I really like food, so naturally I'm really interested in its making, additionally, my mom bakes...it makes me feel a little better to do so. Consequently, Natasha's had to put a few more hours into the gym," she smiled ruefully.

"She actually enjoys human food."

"She has little to no self control when it comes to desserts. It's pretty amusing, but we really didn't need to eat all of the food I've made this month. I'm sure she's becoming a little resentful." she recounted playing with her napkin.

"Do you like rooming with her?"

"Yeah, for a master assassin she's pretty nice. She doesn't talk too much, or pressure me to be social, when she's not working we watch movies or read together. It's like a perpetual slumber party without all of the sexy pillow fights."

"Damn, you knew exactly what I was gonna ask."

"Yep," she laughed, "but she's really great, not sure if she knows I think so. We don't talk all that much. I suppose I'm just trying to adapt. This is the first social interaction I've had since I got back. So um...thanks," she spoke awkwardly with an embarrassed smile. Tony smirked at the expression. He doubted she had been much of a social butterfly before her life was turned upside down. Despite that she seemed nice enough, and from what he had learned of her, he could see that she probably had a few quirks that would eventually show. There was one thing that made him ceaselessly curious: She could sing. He was a sucker for talents like that, of course there was another talent that he wanted to know more about.

"You said you write," he brought up.

"Yeah, obsessively. It's calming." she explained.

"Well what about?"

"Any multitude of things if when you take me back home, I will send you a novel I finished not too long ago...if you'd like." she offered.

"I expected you to be a bit harder to get to know."

"Well, I've already judged your character. You have good intentions, so I won't make this hard for you. Additionally, it is helpful for me to know you if you are to be safe when we get in the lab." she rambled, then sighed sadly, falling into a solemn silence. Her head turned away from the man in front of her and towards the big windows on the far side of the restaurant. It was such a nice day out. A apart of her remembered a time in which she would have climbed a tree and read, or wrote. The sun was despicable in her eyes. Every person strolling across the sidewalk seemed to be dancing a dance of vivacity, while she sat on the other side of the glass. Behind the glass was very cold. She would have liked to believe that the restaurant itself was simply cold, but she knew better. Tony had taken off his jacket a few hours and complained about it being warm. It was just her. She was always cold. It was a perpetual pattern of coldness, and sadness and she wanted to fuck up that pattern.

"You done?" she asked turning back to Tony.

"Yeah, ready to go?" he asked.

"Mmhm," she hummed, watching him call for the bill. She worried for a moment that he found her rude. After a moment of listening to his thoughts, she realized that he hadn't thought into her request at all, and that they had been in the restaurant longer than she thought. Being sedentary did not serve her well any more; it was excruciating. Her leg had been subconsciously bouncing throughout the entirety. She took notice to this and tried to stop it, unfortunately after a few seconds she started again. Tony didn't make any comment on her sudden need to leave, to be moving, though it was obvious. Once his credit card came back they left, walking out into the busy sidewalk. If she had time to hope that being outside would make her feel better, it was ultimately defeated. The sun did little to make her feel warm. It only served to prove the restaurant was not the problem.

"Can we just...I want to walk," she asked, looking up to him.

"Yeah come on," he shrugged turning left, down the sidewalk.

"Thanks, I know this isn't your usual method of operation but God I'm just restless you know. I really don't want to settle into _this_!" she hissed gesturing broadly with her hands, "I never sleep, I barely eat, sometimes I just feel like my world...isn't here." she sighed, then replayed her words in head and groaned, " I'm sorry, we were supposed to be having fun."

"Hey, sweetcheeks, don't worry about it. You're a part of the team now. You can go to any of us, and I swear we'll listen."

"Because it's your job," she grumbled, turning her head to look at the people passing by.

"Yep."

"Thanks for the honesty," she said half-heartedly.

"It's our job to look out for one another. Yeah we fight, but each of us would help the other at the drop of a dime."

"Really?" she rose an eyebrow.

"Yeah," he nodded, smirking a bit at her, "besides, you were in captivity for years. It's gotta feel good to have free speech back."

"Damn right," she laughed a little, "I could scream 'fuck' at the top of my lungs if I wanted to and no one would be able to do anything to me for it."

"You could...I dare you to," Tony gave her a childish smile.

"No, that-"

"Right, you're a chicken," he conceded, nodding as if he had just made a valid point.

"Am not!"

"Then say it."

"Fine." she shrugged and looked around her at the crowds of people for a moment before taking a deep breath, "FUCK!" she yelled. Heads turned in her direction, but she continued walking as if nothing had happened. Tony laughed hysterically as he walked beside her. In response to his obvious enjoyment, she smiled a very small but genuine smile.

"That was great."

"It was also very helpful." she realized, "sometimes I just feel wound up too tight, like every cell in my body is rigid. It's nice to let off some steam you know.?"

"Of course."

"Before, I never did anything crazy. I never even went to a decent party! Now, I want to do something absolutely reckless."

"I'm right person to speak to," he smiled.

"Not just reckless, but something other people will never ever do in their entire life...but that can't be right. It's just the trauma talking, and I know if I dig deep enough I can be the girl that I was before...everything."

"No, you can't. You said it yourself, captivity changes you. There's no going back for you my friend. But that doesn't mean there's no hope. You can be a new and improved you."

"New and improved, huh?" she considered, thoughtfully, "I'm gonna call Natasha."

"Um...okay."

"We're cutting close to my tattoo appointment."

"Appointment?"

"Yeah, I don't want just anyone doing my tattoos. I want them to turn out perfect. Anyway I was just gonna have her meet me at the parlor. We're only a few blocks away." she explained, "You don't have to stay through that though. I'm sure you've got junk to do."

"Want a ride to the place," Tony offered, as he looked down at his watch. He did in fact have other obligations to attend to.

"If you don't mind. I'll have Natasha meet us there." she pulled out her phone and called Natasha.

"Yes," the woman answered. Lily found it oddly fitting that Natasha didn't answer her phone with 'hello' like every other person in the world.

"Hey, Nat, I know we're cutting it close to my appointment time. Tony's just gonna take me to the place. Meet us there?"

"I'm already there," she answered.

"Really?"

"You're predictable, " the shrug was almost audible in her voice.

"Well then, alright. See you when we get there."

"Affirmative."

Lily hung up and looked to Tony, "She's already there. Apparently I'm predictable."

"Let's go little lady."


	3. Chapter 3

Lily sat in the window of the apartment as she waited to be retrieved by Tony once again but this time for the purpose of testing. It was no secret that the entire situation put her on edge. The idea of needles and big machines looming towards her was not in the least bit attractive. She had spent all night having nightmares, and after the third time waking she gave up on sleep.

"Lil, what are your nightmares about," Natasha asked as she sat on the window seal.

"Primarily the testing…but there's also the torture…sometimes it's just me, in my cell listening to things go on around me. They gave me these drugs, after they gave me my powers…they made it really hard to think, and they temporarily blinded me. I couldn't think, I couldn't see…I just laid there…time didn't have meaning, just the meal that happened once a day…someone always came in and fed me, they didn't talk, they just fed me. It was the closest thing to kindness I'd intercepted in that hell hole."

"Did they teach you how to use your powers?"

"Yes, vaguely. They would train me to kill things just using my power…it started off with a plant…then a rat, then a dog all the way up until I killed a man. I wouldn't do it at first. They brought the poor guy in who was supposed to be my bait, but I just couldn't do it… listening to him beg for his life…I had begged for my life in the beginning. I begged and cried, but at the end of it all, I knew it wouldn't matter, but this man he still thought there was a humanity in me he could appeal to…and I couldn't kill him. As punishment they put me in this room and played this sound…it felt like my eardrums were going to pop. It was a type of pain I had never experienced before. They brought in a different guy, a man I knew well, unfortunately.

"You see in the beginning there were 36 of us. We all had one man to answer to, he didn't have a name we just referred to him as Master…well, at night, after the labor and the testing Master would appoint different men to different girls and the men would either beat their girl or rape her, whichever they felt necessary…I had the shining honor of always having Master, and he was a sick son of a bitch, a sadist, and a-" her voice stopped midsentence. Natasha who had been staring out the window, looked at the girl's face to see that her eyes were closed and tears were running down her face. Without thinking, Natasha's hand went out and took Lily's hand. Her eyes opened at the touch.

"When he walked into that room, I still didn't want to kill him…but then…he was going to…and I couldn't let him do that to me…not when I had the means to stop it. So I killed him. I did it… and after that it wasn't so hard to do. I can't tell you how many people I've killed, because I don't know. That entire facility was filled with people, both captors and captive. I watched it all burn, and I was glad, I was so happy, and I thought I was free. But no. They had actually been relying on me to cover their tracks, and I was taken to a second facility. You found me a month after they moved me."

"You did what you had to do to keep yourself alive. Self preservation is key-"

"Not when you're a monster. You're better off dead then." the words were short and clipped, they allowed no argument otherwise.

"Why did you agree to join SHEILD then?" Natasha asked.

"Because I want to atone for what I've done, and right now this organization is the best way to do it. I don't want to be a monster anymore," she whispered, "The worst nightmares of all…are things that haven't even happened…they're the prospect that I'll lose who I am completely, and there is nothing you all can do to stop me…it's just me, trying desperately to hold on to my morals."

Natasha nodded and stood up, "You have done extremely well, better than most."

Lily nodded numbly, looking out at the city morning.

"How is your tattoo?" Natasha asked.

"'S fine. It healed quickly. It looks very nice. Thank you for taking me."

"No problem. Tony will be here in a few minutes, you should get on your shoes," Natasha informed as she left the room. Lily got up and put on her shoes. She also took to looking for the journals she wanted to give to Steve instead of actually talking to him about her home.

Tony arrived and Lily mustered up some enthusiasm to see him. After all, it wasn't his fault that he had been assigned to a job that she resented. As she met him in the lobby he gave her a smile that made her realize he was quite attractive. Amongst all of the emotions and the whirlwind of New York City, she really hadn't given him a second thought. Tony Stark was extremely handsome. With this realization she thought of all of the Avengers. They were all exceptionally attractive.

"So is it like a prerequisite requirement that all members of the Avengers initiative be abnormally attractive, because if so I am flattered," Lily joked to break the tension that had built up within her.

"Did you just call me abnormally attractive?" Tony questioned, raising one brow.

"Why, yes I did," she answered, looking up at him, "You all are. Natasha's ridiculously gorgeous, like she's not even fair. Then there's Steve and he's just wow, and Dr. Banner is just so fucking nerdy cute, Barton's got the whole mysterious man thing going for him. I guess I've got that cuteness, but I've always wondered what people mean by cute," she rambled as they walked towards the car.

"You're cute, what's there to question."

"Cute can mean two things. I wanna pinch your cheeks and wrap you in a blanket and cuddle. Or I wanna press you against a wall and make out with you. Two very different feelings, and I have to be prepared for both scenarios."

Tony laughed at the description and shook his head, "I guess you've got a point, kid."

There was a long drawn silence, with an undercurrent of tension to accompany it.

"So, what's happening to me today?" she asked in a quiet voice as they sat in the back seat of a car with a driver.

"Banner wants a blood sample, and I want an MRI and a CAT scan. After that, I'm gonna fit you with a head band that will monitor and localize your brain activity while you use your powers."

"All of my powers?"

"Ideally. Will that be a problem?"

"I… I just don't want anyone to get hurt," she whispered, turning her head to look out the window. Tony looked at the girl who appeared to be only that, a girl. Despite the files saying she was twenty years old, she was so small and her face held a youthful innocence. It all served to make her look young in a timeless sort of way, like a Betty Boop effect.

"How did your tattoo go?" Tony asked, hoping to lighten the mood with the subject change.

"Fine, you can see a bit of it," she answered, sweeping her hair off over her shoulder, and shifting so her back was to Tony, then she lifted up her shirt. Upon her were what looked like dandelion seeds, as his eyes climbed they became small intricately drawn sparrows.

"There's a dandelion lower on my back," she explained, " It comes from a poem…" she murmured as she dropped her shirt.

"It's beautiful, you got a pretty good tattoo artist."

"Yeah, she's quite the artist. You should see the design on my hip. Looks like it's the natural coloring of my skin."

I'm glad you're satisfied with the work."

She nodded resuming her quiet contemplation. Tony let the conversation drop.

They arrived at Stark Tower and headed straight to the lab. Lily changed into a gown that was shorter than she would have liked, but she got to keep her panties on so it was alright. The situation made her glad she had opted for boy shorts. Dr. Banner was the first to receive her.

"Good morning, Lily," he greeted, behind his wall of transparent monitors.

"Good morning," she mumbled, her eyes searching warily over all of the equipment.

"Is everything alright?" he asked.

Lily looked back to him and noticed that he had stepped away from the monitors to look at her. She nodded, he didn't have any mal intent from what she could read from him. Neither man had any intentions of harming her, still the laboratory setting made her anxious.

"You can sit here," Bruce instructed, pointing to a metal table. As she walked up to it, she realized it was taller than originally estimated. She took a nearby chair and used it as a footstool to get up on the table.

"Right, sorry," Bruce apologized, smiling a bit at her process, "I'm just gonna take a few samples of your blood, and a bit of your spinal fluid…Spinal taps are painful and I don't know if that's dangerous."

"I don't feel pain." she spoke in a slightly haunted tone, "Get what you need," she encouraged.

"…A-alright," Bruce agreed, surprised by her admonition. He brought over a tray of syringes and labeled tubes. Lily was grateful that he didn't feel inclined fill the following silence with small talk. It made the situation less unpleasant. At the same time she wished that someone would engage in a helpful conversation with her, so her mind would not go off into dark thoughts. As if to answer her prayers, the sliding doors to the lab opened to reveal the form of Steve Rogers.

"Hey, Steve," she greeted, while Bruce stuck a large needle into her back. Steve looked at the needle and then at the woman in which the needle was going in to with absolute confusion.

"… Um hi. That's a… that doesn't hurt?" he asked.

"I suppose it could if I let it," she allowed, " but I don't."

"Is that one of your powers."

"Yes. I have full control over my body," she answered, "Well almost… my mind can be a bit unruly."

"Guess you can't have it all." He looked around at all of the equipment awkwardly.

"I know you're here to talk about my life before I was taken. I can't imagine what SHIELD could want with that information, but now is as good a time as ever."

"How did you…?"

"Telepathy." she answered shrugging, "I don't do it to be intrusive, it's like a sixth sense. Like how you're always vaguely aware of what your mouth tastes like at any given moment, but it isn't until you devote attention to tasting that you really notice it."

"Well, alright. Um…where do you want to start?"

"Oh I'm not going to talk to you. I have journals that I devoted time to writing over the past few months so I wouldn't have to. They are over on that table," she pointed to a table across the room, with a stack of four journals on them, "It reads a lot like a very boring novel, so ya know…have fun."

" What's keeping you from just talking to me about it…if you don't mind me asking?"

"I find the contents sad, and I don't like to cry in front of people. I've already done it once today and I have a rule about crying in front of more than one person a week."  
"What is it?"

"Don't."

"That's not a very self-forgiving rule. Especially with all that you've been through. You owe yourself a little more generosity."

"I'll take that under consideration," she allowed, lying her head on her folded arms. The silence only lasted or a few seconds. Tony had gone out to prep the machines necessary to get a full body scan of Lily. He picked up a translucent tablet on a far table, looking at previous data collected from the girl. Everything looked normal, no odd mutations in her body, or more specifically on her brain. She looked like a normal human being. It was probably deliberate, so she could slip into high security places without anyone thinking twice about her. Lily was admittedly insignificant looking. She was small, and pretty. No one expects much to be going on with a beautiful lady who's about the size of a hobbit. She would easily get by guards and other obstacles. Given the opportunity she could prove more efficient than even the Black Widow.

"I am," Lily answered Tony's thoughts, "SHIELD sent me out on a mission last month, one that would be risky for Natasha. I did it in two days, without anyone ever knowing I was there." she bragged lightly.

"They put you on a mission without knowing what you are capable of?" Tony asked incredulously.

"It was an initiation test. Like how The Battle of New York was the initiation of the Avengers. They didn't know how that was going to work out. They took the risk and it worked out alright. Director Fury judged my character and he knows I'm not going to go rogue. If any of you get hurt, it will be completely by accident."

Tony looked back to the scans, looking from any deviation from the biological mold of a human, "Banner, I think all of the fun stuff is gonna be on your end. These old scans aren't showing anything out of the ordinary."

"Still…take new ones, just to cover all of our bases," Banner answered slowly as he slowly removed the syringe. As quickly as he could he grabbed gauze to cover the place where the needle penetrated, but there was nothing there.

"I heal very quickly," she supplied.

"I'll say. Sit up for me so I can get the blood," he instructed. She sat up and held out her arm watching Dr. Banner's face as he wiped his intended area with alcohol. Surely he wasn't just a part of this merry band of heroes because he was very smart. That would have been a great sentiment, but she wasn't naïve enough to believe in sentiment anymore.

"May I ask you a question, Dr. Banner?" she asked, tilting her head slightly as she looked at him.

"Shoot," he encouraged, his cool fingers felt out a worthy vein for drawing blood.

"I get that you are genius level smart. Hearing your thoughts is like listening to a science textbook…but if you were just for info, you'd be stationed with all the other scientists… So my question is… when you 'suit up' who are you?" The moment she asked the question, Dr. Banner's thoughts switched from clinical matters to the picture of a big green muscular man, trampling the city of New York.

"Oh…that's ironic…as hell," she observed looking at the doctor with his kind eyes and quiet voice. Dr. Banner's lips quirked up in a small smile.

"Yes, I suppose it is."

"Are you guys talking about the other guy?" Tony perked up, coming to stand just beside Lily.

"We were," Bruce agreed, " She wanted to know my part in the Avengers."

"It's awesome." Tony elaborated looking at the girl, but her eyes stayed trained on the doctor.

"To you maybe, big explosions excite you… but I know that being exposed like he is when…the other guy comes out is absolute hell."

Dr. Banner looked at her in surprise, "How do you-"

"It's the lack of control. We all like to be in control of our own bodies, I didn't have control of mine for five years… My powers can also be influenced by my emotional state."

"What all can you do?" Tony asked.

"Well… I think, just in general I have the ability to manipulate objects at an atomic level."

"What makes you say that?" Tony questioned, intrigued by the possibilities.

"Well it's the way I have to go about thinking to use my powers. If I want to making something not exist… then I look at it, I see what it's made of and I simple think something along the lines of 'No I don't think I want that' then it doesn't exist. If I simply want to change something, like water into wine- which I've done because I'm vain- I look at the water, and what it's made of and decide I don't want it to be made of that any more, then it's not. Changing things is harder than destroying them. I can only change non living things. So Tony I cannot change you into a dinosaur…sorry," she smiled ruefully, "But I could make you a woman, if I really really wanted to."

"Why can you do that but not change me into a dinosaur."

"Because you are still the same species. I just changed one chromosome," she shrugged.

"How does destroying a human work? Where do they go?"

"They don't go any where. I've spent a while thinking about this, and I really do break one of the most solid rules of science…in general. Matter can neither be destroyed or created. I destroy matter. Each cell essentially swallows itself up and the person just stops existing."

Both men stared at her in utter shock.

"I know, it's disturbing, but what's worse is that I cannot do it to myself."

"You tried!" Tony exclaimed.

"Yes, while I was in Russia. I thought if I could make myself and them stop existing then the world would be safe from the new era of war they were trying to bring in. Self preservation is stronger than any other drive. I simply can not do it."

"To even consider something like that for the greater good shows that you belong on this team," Dr. Banner spoke, " and we are happy to have you."

"Thank you," she answered, feeling the sincerity behind his words. He collected the tubes of blood and set them in a rack to keep them safe from falling over.

"Well that's all I need," Dr. Banner announced as he moved over to the different devices in his area, "You can hop down.

"…Can I have a hand?" she asked, looking at the height at which she would have to jump. In theory, should probably be fine to jump down, but just her luck she'd step down wrong and fall, probably bringing down several important things with her.

"Oh, yeah," Bruce smiled a bit, walking over to her. She took his hand and hopped down. Just as she predicted her legs buckled and she fell forward. Bruce grabbed her waist steadying her.

"Are you alright?" He asked, concern taking over his features. He removed his hands slowly, and watched her, as if he expected her to collapse again.

"My legs went to sleep," she smiled bashfully, "For the world's deadliest weapon, I'm anything but graceful."

"Stop flirting you two, it's my turn," Tony rebuked as he walked over. He wore a playful grin on his face as the two frowned at him.

"Oh yes, almost falling on your face is just endlessly sexy," Lily scoffed.

"Who doesn't love a damsel in distress," Tony shrugged, "Banner, I think you'll wanna sit in on the body scan. Biology isn't really my thing."

"Yeah, get everything set up and I'll be in," he answered.

"Come on, li'l bit," Tony called. Lily rolled her eyes at the name but followed him as he began to walk away. She looked around at the tower décor, and found it to be somewhere in between science nerd, and contemporary business. If you looked close enough, you could see certain touches that Tony had put in, like the ostentatious portrait of himself on one of the hallway walls. The doors to another lab slid open, and they were greeted by a voice.

"Hello, Mr. Stark. I see you have a guest."

"Artificial intelligence?" Lily asked looking up at Tony for confirmation.

"Yep. JARVIS, this is Lily Hemlock. Lily, JARVIS," He introduced as he walked in.

"Hello, Ms. Hemlock." the AI greeted.

"Hello, JARVIS," she answered.

"JARVIS, is the equipment set up for a full body scan."

"Yes, sir."

"Good."

Lily inspected the white machine they were walking up to. It was surround by a circle with odd sensors, and buttons on it. There was nothing else in the room, besides a large dark window, that she assumed was for observation. She looked at the machine with apprehension.

"Tony, I-" she turned to talk with the man to find he was gone, "Tony?"

"What's up, kid," he asked and she whirled around to the previously dark window. Now it was alight, and Tony could be seen sitting behind a bunch of monitors, with his feet on the desk.

"Is this really necessary?" She questioned walking over to the window.

"Well, Fury was pretty adamant about us doing this, so yes."

She took in a deep breath, and looked at the table she was obviously supposed to lie. She supposed they couldn't really do any harm if they wanted to, and to Tony's knowledge this wasn't supposed to do any damage at all. The surface of the table was impossibly cold as she sat down on it. With one more deep breath, she laid back on the table.

Banner walked into the observation room and sat beside Tony. He looked over her vitals, being sure they were normal. Her heart rate was a bit elevated, but he took that as nerves. Anyone would be a little apprehensive about going into an odd machine.

"Lily, we're going to start the machine, we need you to stay as still possible," Banner spoke.

"Okay," she called back, staring up at the ceiling. She closed her eyes, and tried to find a happy place. The machine turned on and her eyes popped open, the ring around the machine began its decent down her body. The whirring sound seemed unbelievably loud, like the machine that had given her the powers she now possessed. Just thinking about it, she could feel the sharp edge of the needles finding their vantage points along her spine.

"Her breathing and heart rates are elevated," Bruce spoke aloud, leaning forward to observe the numbers showing themselves across the screen.

"Everything's gonna be alright, calm down," Tony spoke into the microphone.

All the places in which the needles had penetrated came to life with a type of pain that could have killed a normal person. She was unable to scream she had no breath to do so. While the memories of excruciating pain played out, she was trying to remind herself that there were no needles, just a machine that would do a scan.

"Lily, we need you to breathe," Banner instructed, but received no response as her breathing rate steadily increased.

She couldn't do it. She wanted them to turn it off, but as her breath came faster she couldn't articulate what she wanted. Restraints seemed to keep her in place and she couldn't simply get up like she so desperately wanted to. Her only option was lie there, and remember.

"Tony shut down the machine," Bruce instructed.

"It's almost done," Tony protested.

"Shut. It. Down."

Tony sighed and turned it off. The machine slowly returned to its resting position, releasing the woman inside from her trance. She sat up and curled herself into a ball. The pain remained, in her back, behind her eyes, and in her head, like the needles were still buried in the places they once occupied. Hot tears streamed down her face as the thought of being trapped in that facility again took over her entire mind set. Feeling the pain, and the hopelessness once more would be simply unendurable. She held her breath trying to keep herself from falling apart, only to fail and fall into sobs on the table of the machine. For all of her strength, she was still afraid of the people who had taken her, and the situation she had been in. Despite the training she had received from SHIELD and the promise that she would never go back, the mere prospect broke her in a way she couldn't explain if she wanted to. Inside the observation room, Tony stood with the intentions of providing some sort of comfort to the girl, but Bruce caught his sleeve.

"She's not stable," Bruce warned, "Isn't Steve supposed to be helping her assimilate to life here?"

"Yeah," Tony answered.

"Get him in here."

"JARVIS, get Capsicle down here," Tony requested.

Lily sat, keeping just enough control over herself so she wouldn't be a danger to anyone. That was the last thing she wanted. She had already killed so many people. One could argue that they were bad people, but not all of them were, some were captives just like her. What had been their crime? When she watched that first facility burn down she had felt elated, and it wasn't because she had purged the world of their evil but because she had killed the people who had wronged her. In a cruel irony, the woman they sought to punish for not killing killed them all in flames that did not produce smoke. The smoke would have meant an easy death for them but she didn't want that. She wanted them to feel every bit of the scorching burn as they combusted. Every individual cell in their body exploded. The screams were music, at the time, now they haunted her nightmares.

"Lil," a voice cut through her spiral of self loathing, "I was thinking, you and I could grab some pizza and watch some movies. Looks like we've both missed a few in our absence."

"Steve?" she looked up confused by his words.

"Yeah, come on, don't make me watch a movie alone," he was smiling, she noticed. He was smiling as if he wasn't talking to a woman who could lose control and take out the entire city of New York in the process. Her eyes fell upon the other men in the observation room and upon reading their thoughts, she realized that their expressions of concern were only for her, not for the destruction she could bring.

"Tony, tell me something, how long does the body scan take?"

"About thirty seconds."

"How much do you need it?"

"A lot."

She laid down on the table, "Steve, what movies have you got planned?" she asked.

"Uh…" he looked at the other men confused by what was happening. Tony shrugged in response, "Well, Tony told me that Disney is still around so I've missed out on all of those. I thought of just watching them."

"Oh my goodness, she's brilliant," Bruce breathed, "Tony turn it on."

"But she just-"

"She's using Steve as a distraction. Turn on the damned machine," Bruce ordered. Tony did as he was told.

"Thought I'd just go through as many as we can get through in one night. I'm sure you've seen some of 'em so it'll be a nice dose of nostalgia for you. Natasha wanted to join, she proposed we do it at your guys' place. Which sounds good," Steve rambled trying to keep a stream of interesting words flowing. Lily, however, wasn't really listening to his words, but to his voice. The lilt of his tone, and the way Brooklyn clung to some of his vowels. It was slightly endearing, and distinctly American. Who better to remind her she was safely in the United States of America than Captain America? The thirty seconds passed and the scan was completed with only minimal upset. As she sat up, she threw a smile at the three men in the observation room. Tony gave her a thumbs up and she stood, walking towards the exit. They met her outside, where she surprised everyone by hugging Steve. The man tensed for a moment, but returned the embrace.

"I broke my rule," she laughed as she let him go.

"I don't quote Stark often but this one time I'm going to. Some rules are meant to be broken."

She rolled her eyes, "Were you serious about the Disney movie thing, or was that just to calm me down."

"I was serious. I was reading the journals you gave me and you mentioned loving Disney, it reminded me that I still have quite a few movies to catch up on."

"I would honestly love that. Hopefully Nat will join us. Maybe I'll bake a cake…then you can help us eat it so we don't feel guilty after eating an entire cake in one night."

"I wanna come," Tony butted in, "you had me at cake."

"Dr. Banner would you like to join us, I'm sure Barton will weasel his way in," she invited as they began to walk towards the main lab.

"No, thank you. I have work," he smiled.

"I'll save you a piece of cake," she assured, "Wait…are we going back to the lab-"

"Bruce and I are," Tony interrupted, "You deserve a bit of rest after today. You can go get dressed."

"Thanks," she breathed out a sigh of relief and headed towards the room in which she left her clothes. After dressing in her plain tee and jeans she walked back out to see Steve waiting for her.  
"Thank you, back there, for that. Not quite sure why it worked but it did."

"I'm glad it did…I'm taking you home. I hope you don't mind motorcycles."

"Mind them? I love them," she grinned

"What kind of cake this time?" Natasha asked sitting at the breakfast bar. The woman she was speaking to was staring off into space, "Hey… Lil!"

"Huh?" she jumped looking at Natasha as if she'd appeared out of thin air.

"You've been out of it ever since you came back. What's gotten into you?" the red head demanded, scrutinizing her comrade.

"Nothing. Now what kind of cake should I bake?"

"Well, Steve really likes red velvet," Natasha offered, giving a small smile to the woman in the kitchen.

"Alright, red velvet it is," she decided, getting out the needed ingredients for such a cake.

"So it is Steve who's got you all in a daze."

"What?! No!" Lily answered unnecessarily loud.

"You only get that loud when you're lying," she informed with a small smirk.

"I am not lying! Stop making assumptions, Natasha!"

"You like him!"

"What?!"

"Oh come on, you're like a school girl. Do you think that after knowing you for almost two years that I can't read you like a book?"

"Keep it a secret," she pleaded, surrendering her efforts of trying to discourage the clever assassin.

"He's a nice guy. I think it'd be cute…sex might be interesting with the big height difference."

"Oh my God, Nat! Why would you even-!"

"What?!" she laughed.

"Why are you so vulgar? Just keep it between me and you, please," she begged, looking at Natasha with big brown eyes.

"Fine," she agreed, "but you have to cook dinner for a week."

"Deal."

"I think you guys word work out together," Natasha continued.

"Nat, come on. I'm trying to get control of my powers and forget five years in captivity. I don't think I have time to be boy crazy," Lily huffed as she pulled out measuring cups and mixing bowls.

"What's a better distraction from all that than a little romance?"

"I dunno. I'm good. This is really just a new thing for me, and I'm just not really sure how I'm supposed to feel, like this could just be fleeting hero worship."

"What do you mean you don't know how you're supposed to feel?"

"I mean, I was kidnapped at sixteen! And even before then I wasn't too terribly aware of guys. I just did my school work, and prepared for college."

"This is your first love?"

"It's not love. It's a crush," she specified pointing a wooden spoon at Natasha, "And no it's not my first one but I've only had like two in my lifetime and that was in eighth grade and my sophomore year. This whole thing is foreign."  
"Really?"

"Yes! I've never even had a boyfriend, Natasha."

"I guess that seems like you. You still get uncomfortable with sex scenes in movies." Natasha remarked more to herself than to Lily. Lily threw her a glare, but continued her task without a word, "Well I guess this is the perfect chance for you to figure out which stage of infatuation you're in."

"There are phases?!"

"Yes, phase one is just attraction, you like his face, and his body, those kind of things. Phase two, you like his personality, when he talks you feel like your going to throw up…in a good way."

"Who knew you could feel nausea in a good way," Lily mused.

"Phase three, if he asked you to pack up your things and run away with him, you would."

"Well…that was a bit of jump from having butterflies. How about we just have a nice evening as friends and we don't talk about infatuations and we enjoy this cake that I'm making, while we learn about Disney princesses."

"Alright, alright, I just think a bit of romantic inquiry might be good for your assimilation to the world."

"Duly noted." Lily agreed, "Nat, do you think you could go out and get some more cream cheese?"

"Yeah. I swear I've gained ten pounds since I started living with you," she grumbled as she stood from the breakfast bar and got her keys.

"It's only served to make you look more gorgeous," Lily called after her.

Once the cake was finished it was truly a thing of beauty, covered in white chocolate shavings and decorated elegantly with cream cheese icing filigree. Lily looked at it with a sense of accomplishment. The thing was beautiful, and from what she tasted while making it, it was also delicious. Natasha sat back at the breakfast bar with the cake shavings from when Lily had to level the cake.

"When I was younger, my mom baked cakes, and I always begged for the cake shavings," Lily spoke as she watched Natasha enjoy the pieces of cake.

"If your mother's baking skills were half as good as you, I can see why."

"She's better," Lily smiled, "Did SHEILD give her word that I'm alive and well?"

"No. We can't risk her knowing just yet. She'll demand to see you, and we have to wait until you're stable for that kind of thing," Natasha explained, looking up from her laptop to Lily. The girl pouted a bit, thinking of home.

"Okay," Lily eventually agreed, putting a glass cover on the cake and putting it in the fridge, "when is everyone supposed to be over."

"Five-ish. Clint's coming too."

"Of course he is," Lily rolled his eyes, "He's here like every other day when he doesn't have a mission."

"No he isn't. He comes over once every few weeks. Stop being melodramatic," Natasha rolled her eyes, and went back to typing. In the few hours that passed before anyone showed up, Lily contented herself with cleaning the already clean place, then changing into a comfy pair of black yoga pants that made her butt look like a true masterpiece. Natasha watched her with a slight hint of amusement, and a glimmer of hope. This was so different from her usual task of just sitting and writing. She watched as the girl toyed with her hair, pulling it up and then putting it down, then back up again.

"Leave it down, it frames your face nicely." She advised.

Eventually, Lily settled herself with sitting upside down on the couch and reading a book. Before she knew it, it was five and there was a knock on the door. Lily didn't move, too far off into her book to notice the sound.

"Oh don't strain yourself, Lily, I've got it," Natasha sighed as she got up to get the door. At the sound of her name Lily moved her book and sat up so that she could see over the back of the couch. Natasha opened the door to Clint, and Lily fell back on to the couch cushions, uninterested.

"Hey, Barton." Lily called as he entered.

"Hey, Mouse," Clint called back. He had adopted the nickname after a few sessions of training. Whenever she was pinned, or she missed a target, she made this sound similar to a squeak. In addition, she was also very small.

"It smells like cake in here," Clint observed.

"It always smells like cake in here," Natasha reminded, "We've got our own Betty Crocker."

"What'd she cook this time?"

"Red velvet."

"We are all going to have a weight problem by the time she's done with us," Clint grumbled going to the fridge. Upon opening it he saw the cake and it's beauty took him off guard, "Oh my God that looks good! If the super hero thing doesn't work out for you, Mouse, you should open a bakery."

"Eh, I do it for comfort. Having it as a job wouldn't really be the same," She answered, setting aside her book, "But I'm open to request. I'll let you choose the next cake."

"Who's been choosing all the other ones?"

"Who do you think?" Natasha asked.

"That explains a lot, actually," Clint looked around in the fridge and pulled out a soda, "I guess you guys don't drink."

"You say that every time you come here, and every time I remind you that Lily is 20."

"Really? Give the girl a break."

"I'm okay," Lily replied going to stand by Natasha at the bar the separated the living room from the kitchen, "I honestly don't know if I can get drunk. So it's just empty calories."

Clint rolled his eyes and opened the can of soda, "But sodas aren't empty calories."

"Shut up," she grumbled going back venturing back to the couch. On her way there, someone knocked on the door. She opened it to Steve and froze in the doorway. He smiled looking down at her.

"Hi," she spoke finally.

"Hi," he returned.

Her mind slowly caught up to the fact that she was smiling like an idiot, and blocking his way in. Upon realizing this she hastily moved out of the way.

"Come in," she encouraged.

"Thanks, Tony insisted upon getting the pizza. Apparently, he knows some super great place." he shrugged as he entered, "so I have the movies. I figured we could just watch them in chronological order."

"Sounds great." Lily agreed as she shut the door before following him into the living room. Natasha was still at the bar arguing with Clint over something, but the moment Steve was in her sight she gave Lily a pointed look. Lily returned it with a glare that aptly read "You say anything and I will end you." It wasn't long before everyone's favorite billionaire arrived with five boxes of pizza and booze…because what else do you mix with a Disney marathon? As everyone settled on the couch, Natasha all but pushed her into the place beside Steve, which put her right in between Steve and Tony, while Natasha and Clint sat on the smaller side of the sectional sofa.

"Jokes on you, Nat, I've got the warm blanket," Lily taunted, sticking her tongue out at the red head, who in turn only frowned. She sat with a plate of New York Styled pizza as they started up Snow White. The pressure of having one's source of infatuation literally right next to you was a constant thing on Lily's mind, what made it less upsetting was the fact that she was telepathic. He seemed to like her, not in the way she liked him, but it was better than him hating her guts. Tony vetoed the idea of doing things in chronological order, and skipped to The Lion King. Everyone, but Natasha, was in tears at the death of Mufasa.

"Dammit, Tony, do you get some kind of sick thrill out of making me cry," Lily complained as she wiped her tears with her shirt. Tony scoffed, trying to mask the tears that were coming to his eyes.

"I'm gonna go slice the cake," she grumbled, getting up to do so. Natasha got up and joined her, " Swear to God, Natasha if you're here to-"

"I thought you might want some help, but if not I'll go back-"

"I do need help," she smiled bashfully. She placed generous slices of cake on plates, and put one slice in a container for Bruce. She and Natasha entered with two plates each. Natasha gave one plate to Clint and settled back into her spot with her own slice. Lily gave both of her plates away, after tasting so much of the cake while she was baking, she'd had her fill of it. She settled back in her place, to sing Hakuna Matata under her breath.

"Oh. My. God!" Tony exclaimed, "This is delicious! You baked this?!"

"Mmhm," she nodded.

"He's right, Lil, this is really good," Steve agreed. Lily gave him a small smile hoping that her face wasn't giving away the fact that she was blushing.

"Thank you, there's more in the kitchen if you want it… You might have to fight Natasha for it, but she doesn't really need to eat half a cake."

Natasha glared at her, "Hm, you know the old saying, the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Watch out boys, she might be trying to seduce you."

Lily turned very slowly to send a death glare at the Natasha.

"If that's the case, you can have me," Clint relented.

"And me," Tony agreed.

"I always wanted man-servants," she mused dryly, "At least Steve isn't wagering love for cake."

"I dunno, this cake is pretty good," he teased, smiling at her. Lily simply covered her face with her blanket.

"You guys are ridiculous," she groaned.

"You did call us all abnormally attractive. You can't be too opposed to the idea," Tony reminded.

"You are! Did the world's mightiest heroes really need to be as cute as you guys? Tony you're in a suit the whole time, no one even sees your face!"

"I know it's a pity, I've been trying to figure out how to make the mask translucent but until then…" he joked.

"Honestly only Clint and Natasha, have reason to be as beautiful as they are. They use their faces, you two," she pointed to Steve and Tony, "have no excuse and I'm upset."

"Do you use your face?" Tony asked.

"Yes all the time. It's helpful with Director Fury. He finds me cute so I usually get my way."

"Cute in which way?" Tony questioned, giving her a disturbed look.

"Definitely the pinch my cheeks way. Good God, Tony, don't make me vomit," she frowned, "He's neat and all but no."

"What, wouldn't like a night alone with that hunk?"

"Ew. He looks old enough to be my father," she answered, training her eyes back on the movie.

"Cap's ninety."

"Looks, was the key word in my response. And when your not aging does age really even matter."

"Hear that, Cap, she finds you abnormally attractive and she doesn't care that you're ninety," Tony laughed.

"Tony," Steve rebuked, frowning at the man.

"What?" He asked grinning.

Somewhere into Snow White, Lily felt her eyes get heavy. With the help of her blanket and the two men beside her she was very warm, and thanks to the pizza, she was very full. That mixture made it impossible to resist the fatigue that fell over her small body. She pulled her feet up to her chest and rested her chin on her knees and allowed herself to doze off. No one really took notice to the fact she was sleeping, until Steve shifted a bit in his seat, and she shifted too so that her head rested against his chest, for his arm rested on the back of the sofa. He looked down at her to find her fast asleep, lips slightly parted and face entirely untroubled. Instead of shifting her off of him he merely pulled up her blanket up on her shoulders. He continued watching the movie as if all was normal, and while it might not have been normal, it was comfortable. The woman was a space heater at his side, not that he was cold, but there was something nice about a ball of warmth at one's side.

At the end of Snow White, everyone stood and stretched their legs. Tony looked over to see Lily huddled against the super soldier, he rose one eyebrow at the man.

"That is adorable," Tony gushed.

Steve ignored him and put the arm that was not behind her head, under her legs to hold her bridal style, "One of our hostesses is out," Steve announced. Natasha walked over with a smile.

"She's really out; any other time she's a light sleeper," she mused, "Take her to her room, will you?"

Steve walked towards the bookcase doorway that opened to the hall with her room at the end of it.

"She's so small," Clint mused, "who would suspect that she could kill us all with a thought."

"She's a good girl who's been through a lot. I don't think we have to worry about her killing us," Natasha replied looking to where Steve had disappeared with her towards her room.

"They would be a really nice couple."

"No, Tony, the last time you tried to play matchmaker I wound up with three broken ribs," Clint reminded, "You leave them be, and worry about your own relationship."

"Come on, give me dish, Natasha. Is Lil'bit into, Cap."

"My lips are sealed. Now, if you want more cake get it, otherwise, good night. We all have work to do tomorrow," she bid, picking up the plates on the coffee table.

Steve was careful to set Lily very gently on her bed, even so it roused her enough to open her eyes. She peered at him confused before looking around the room.

"I fell asleep?" she asked, grogginess slowing her mental processes.

"Yeah, it's alright."

"I'm a terrible hostess…Oh well, thank you for carrying me to my room, handsome," she mumbled sleepily, falling back in bed and burrowing into her covers. Steve left the room, a little flustered by the pet name. Natasha escorted everyone out and cleaned up a bit before heading to bed.


	4. Chapter 4

The following morning was a surprise to both women. Natasha had to actively wake Lily up, an occurrence that had never happened. Standing in the girl's room she almost just called Tony and told him that she'd demonstrate her powers tomorrow, but everyone had reports due, and as much as she would have loved to let the girl rest, she had to wake her.

"Rise and shine, morning glory. You've got to get up. Tony's on his way."

"Okay," she sighed, stretching in bed.

"Yes, nothing like falling in sleep in your love's arms to keep away nightmares," Natasha teased to which she received a pillow to the back of the head.

"We aren't going to talk about it!" Lily yelled before burying her face in her pillows.

"Fine, but get the hell up. I wasn't kidding when I said Tony was on his way."

"We live in New York, He's not going anywhere fast," she grumbled, but got up anyway and slipped on a nice navy and white, retro sailor pencil dress. She pinned her hair up in an easy retro style before doing her make up. Make up was always easy when she did a retro look. It required natural looking eye shadow, with a sharp winged liner, a bit of blush, then deep red lips. From there she slipped on a pair of matching wedges and headed into the living room to eat something and grab the piece of case she saved for Bruce.

"Getting' all dolled up for Captain America?" Natasha asked.

"To be completely honest, I couldn't commit to pairing two articles of clothing. The best part about dresses is that I don't have to wear pants."

"Or underwear, Natasha joked, earning an eye roll.

"I am wearing underwear. I could show you them if you'd like. They are ridiculously cute."

"Are they the ones you bought at that Vintage Lingerie shop in L.A."

"Yes, I feel like a pin up. Between me and you, my ass looks great in these panties."

"Your ass looks great in that dress, and your waist, what the hell? Why have you been hiding your waist?" She asked stepping over to her.

"Oh my waist has always been like that, it's a problem with my ribs. I have two less false ribs, and two more floaters, so it brings in my waist. And then there's the bust and the hips which have also always been this big."

"Goodness woman," she sighed, "I can't deal with you right now."

"I am endlessly flattered, by that. You remember I'm capable of this when you judge me for spending another Friday night on the couch."

"Whatever, Mouse." she scoffed.

It wasn't long before Tony sent in his driver to retrieve her and she got in the car with him. It was a while before he looked up from his phone to see her. When he did his jaw dropped a little bit.

"Listen, hon, I was joking last night about the having me thing. I've got a girlfriend and-"

"Tony, get over yourself. This is for me and me alone, and even if it wasn't I know about Pepper, there is also Dr. Banner who I could have been trying to impress."

"Are you trying to impress Bruce, because let me just warn you, I don't think that ship's sailing."

"No, I was trying to impress me, and I succeeded. Every time I pass a reflective surface, I wish I wasn't me so I could go gay for me."

"That's my girl. Nothing sexier than confidence."

"When will I get to meet Pepper. I'm curious about the woman who has you committed to monogamy," she tilted her head as she spoke.

"You can meet her today, I don't think she's doing anything important."

"Or maybe she is, and you just weren't paying attention."

"Solid possibility," he agreed, nodding.

They arrived back in the lab to find Bruce in front of six different monitors, working so diligently, he didn't even noticed when they walked in. He was finding interesting things in her spinal fluid, so much so that he hadn't had time to look at the blood samples. Lily set his piece of cake on his personal desk where, it didn't run the risk of ruining anything or being ruined.

"Alright, so I am going to fit you with a bunch of these," Tony explained as he showed her sensors, with adhesive on the bottoms, "They are going to tell me everything I want to know about your body."

"And if you ask I'll tell you the things they weren't made to find out." she winked playfully.

"Do you want me to call Pepper?"

"Yes," she answered, giving him a cheeky grin, "Come on pin the sensors on the pin up."

He placed the sensors on her forehead, temples, and a few on her neck, "Alright, and now for the headband." He put a funny looking band around her head, then grabbed a tablet off the table and looked at the image the sensors were giving him.

"Look at your brain," he smiled, turning the tablet so she could see.

"One sexy brain," she joked, and watched certain places light up with activity, "Oh that is neat."

"Bruce, get over here." Tony called, pulling the doctor out of his reverie. He looked over at the two of them, his gaze lingering on Lily, before he walked over.

"What do you need?" he asked Tony.

"She's about to demonstrate, her powers. I thought you'd want to see this," he answered, as he flicked the images off the tablet and seemingly into the air. They manifested as holographic images around Lily.

"Oh that is awesome," she laughed looking at the images, "I love technology," she watched as the centers of her brain lit up with activity.

"It's like Christmas, but more neurological," Tony agreed, "Alright, read my mind."

"…I'm always reading your mind. I'm constantly aware of your thoughts."

"Okay I'm thinking of a number between one and infinity."

"Nine hundred ninety nine trillion, nine hundred ninety billion, nine hundred ninety nine million, nine hundred ninety nine thousand, nine hundred eighty three. Would it have killed you to choose an easier number?" she asked.

"The spike in brain activity in the frontal lobe is astounding. That much activity hasn't been observed…ever."

"Alright, so the changing water to wine…" Tony trailed off.

"Got a coin?" she asked. Bruce reached in his pocket and gave her a quarter. Before their eyes it change color until it was golden.

"Now you've got a gold coin, worth about… $100," she answered.

"Frontal lobe again," Bruce observed as he received the coin, "Decision making, and analytical thinking."

"We need you to destroy something." Tony requested, "Um here," he threw a piece of metal at her that was occupying space in his area. She made no move to catch it, and it was gone before it hit her.

"This is amazing, it's all within her higher order thinking, as if it really only takes a thought, but at the same time there are peaks of activity in the amygdala, and limbic system, meaning that it's also an emotional response. The destruction, took more of a response from her amygdala. The metal was coming for her face, her body panicked and she destroyed it."

"Your file said something about mind control," Tony started.

"No, that's too dangerous," she protested.

"Why?" Tony asked.

"Well one, it's exhausting for me, and two I could mess up something inside my subjects head."

"Try," he pressed.

"Give me your hand," she requested holding out her hand. He took it and she closed her eyes, taking in the status of every cell in his body, "Oh my god, Tony. Lay off the alcohol, your liver and kidneys are not happy with you. I could lengthen your life by twenty years, but to go inside your head would be too risky, your mind is entirely to important to this world."

"Lengthen my life," he requested..

"This might suck a little," she focused on destroying the toxins in his body, and when she did he yelled out a sound of agony.

"You said it would suck a little!" he yelled as he withdrew his hand.

"But how do you feel now?" she asked rolling her eyes.

"I feel… good…really good. Here try Bruce."

She held her hand out to the doctor and he took it warily. Once he did she closed her eyes, examining his bodies productivity, "Can't do you either. I can't risk getting anywhere near your medulla, without the other guy making an appearance, and I can't remove the other guy, he's the only thing keeping you alive with the amount of gamma radiation in your body. I take him away and your internal organs will shut down. Sorry," she whispered.

"What about Steve, his body is more resilient than ours are." Bruce suggested.

"I'd have to see," she shrugged looking at her brain in the image, "So my resting brain activity is still more than the normal person's."

"Yeah, it's probably because you are always reading our minds. Tell me how does that work? Do we ever have any privacy around you."

"Mmhm, I turn it off, it can get a bit maddening, listening to a bunch of different voices at once. And then just common decency… I also don't want to know everything that goes through your minds. Especially Tony's."

"What?" Tony laughed, "I'm not that bad!"

"Tony, come on. We both know you're a horndog. I'm sure, Bruce knows it too," she rolled her eyes and leaned against a nearby table, "But every now and again you do have really sweet thoughts. For instance, I think Pepper will greatly appreciate the present you put on her desk."

He frowned at her, not really wanting to look like a romantic sap. The present wasn't for any occasion, he just thought she might appreciate the new necklace. It was a simple gesture, nothing sappy about it. It was just jewelry. People bought jewelry for other people all the time.

"Aw your blushing," Lily cooed.

"Shut up," he snapped, turning away from her, "I'm gonna call, Cap, so we can get back to work."

She laughed at his bashfulness, it seemed so contradictory from his usual behavior. She looked back at Bruce who had meandered back over to his work. Curiosity got the better of her and she walked over to watch him work. Part of her was endlessly curious as to what made her the way she is, another part didn't want to know, she didn't want anyone to know. She firmly believed in the saying "Loyalty to country always, loyalty to government when they deserve it," and she was anything but loyal to the government. If they knew what made her the way she was, they'd make soldiers just like her. It was by some divine grace that the formula that made Captain America was lost, and that Tony simply refused mass production of his suits, and Bruce was imperfect and volatile. The U.S. military didn't need one of her. She knew it at sixteen after learning about both World Wars and the Cold War that followed it, there is no such thing as a weapon to end all wars, only a weapon to start a new era of war.

"Bruce," she addressed, torn between saying what is on her mind and keeping it quiet.

"Yes?" he answered, inclining his head towards her, but not looking away from the monitors at his disposal.

"In the event that you find what makes me so special…would….would you do me the immense favor…of being sure I stay special," she asked. He looked up at her when she spoke the words, confusion painting his features for a fraction of a second, then understanding. His response was only to nod, but in his mind she knew he understood the reasoning behind her request. The United States of America didn't need soldiers fortified with her abilities. It was the last thing anyone needed.

"We are just looking to help you. Fury wants you stable, and he wants you in the Avengers initiative. He doesn't want more of you."

"Good… I'm strong willed and tenacious enough to protect the world from itself. I mean have you ever thought how odd it is, how odd humans are. We strive and strive to serve some higher power, a god, a doctrine, hell money. Always servitude…and we call it freedom. Upon gaining my powers I've learned there's no such thing. Freedom is a lie, crafted so we can all sleep at night. At the end of it all, we are all slaves," her eyes grew distant and she stared at the image of her brain before her, "I know freedom, I felt it for just a moment after I received my powers. It's called death…but I won't ever feel it again."

"You're right. Your cerebrospinal fluid shows astounding regenerative capabilities and it is acutely different than the average human's. It has a substance in it, that I don't have a name for, and it's too closely intertwined with your cells for me to discern it properly… but it's nothing from this planet."

"What do you mean?"

"I cross checked its atomic sequence and it doesn't match anything here on Earth… which most likely means, you can't be reproduced."

"Well good," she finished, nodding to herself, "I hope that's the truth."

"Tony, you called?" Steve asked as he entered the lab. Tony looked up from the tablet he was staring at and nodded.

"Let Lil hold your hand." he requested.

"Um…okay," Steve agreed, offering his hand to the young lady. She took it and closed her eyes, taking time to look over every individual cell, while trying not to faint because she was holding his hand. She also had the pleasure of realizing that he found her beautiful, his thoughts were currently wrapped up in her physical appearance.

"Hmm, yeah you were right, Bruce. He's much more durable. He'd be fine," she answered.

"Fine for what?" he questioned.

"Mind control," she answered, smiling as concern took over his features, "Don't worry I'm not gonna make you do anything weird. How about a high five?"

"Wait, why me?"

"You aren't as fragile as they are. Come on don't be scared. I doubled checked to be sure that you wouldn't be in any danger. I wouldn't do it at all if I wasn't 100% sure. It'll just feel like a muscle spasm. Don't fight it, just go with it, it's better for me that way," she explained.

He nodded, still unsure about the whole thing, but a willing subject none the less. Lily focused her attention on the muscle fibers in his right arm, making the contract at the right times and just like that. His hand surged forward and hit hers with a resounding smack. After she stopped, she felt particularly lightheaded, like she hadn't breathed for a very long time. The world seem to pitch a heave for a while, and she found herself pitching and heaving with it, until two strong hands came to rest on her shoulders.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah…. Mind control takes a lot out of me. It probably would have helped if you weren't so muscular," she joked, trying to be still, but the motion of the world around her wasn't making it easy.

"Maybe you should sit down," Steve suggested.

"I agree."

He lead her over to a stool beside one of the lab tables, she laughed a bit at his worried expression, "I'm alright just a little winded is all," she assured, "give me a minute and I'll be fine. I haven't felt this light headed since I ran the mile run in my freshman year."

"They still have you do that?" Steve questioned.

"Yeah, I got my best time that year though. I got done in 9 minutes. Ah the relief I felt when I never had to do that again was beautiful," she smiled at the trivial memory. The room stopped spinning as she sat there and she was able to focus on the man in front of her.

"So do you just hang out in this tower?" she asked curiously.

"Well actually… when you aren't with Natasha, I've been assigned to sorta shadow you."

"So you're my babysitter when I'm not home."

"…A little," he spoke rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment.

"Does that mean you'll be babysitting me tomorrow while Natasha's at that meeting?"

"Yeah, but I thought maybe we can do something?"

"I suppose that is what the young people do on a Friday," she considered, " I dunno man, I'm a bit of a home body. New York stresses me out a little. I'm already small, then there's just a swarm of tall people going in both directions. Every time we go out, Nat has to hold my wrist like I'm a child so I don't get carried off by the crowd."

"I get that, but what if I promised to take you somewhere that you wouldn't have to fight through a crowd."

"I would say yes. Are we leaving New York?"

"Believe it or not there are quiet places in this city."

"I'm gonna go with or not, but I'd like to be wrong," she grinned up at him. He gave her a look of contemplation, and she resisted the urge to just figure out what he was thinking. He looked away from her to the two other men in the lab, whose existence Lily had all but forgotten about.

"Are you guys done with her?" Steve asked.

Tony looked up from the images he was surrounded by before he nodded, "Yeah take off those sensors, would ya?"

Lily pulled the sticky pieces of metal off of her and set them on the table at her side, then she pulled off the head band and slid off the stool. She took a moment to straighten out her dress and hair.

"Looks like I'm all yours, Captain." she smiled, standing just in front of him.

"Follow me," he instructed starting off towards the lab doors. She let him walk a little ahead of her for the sheer purpose of enjoying the view. He had a beautiful backside, and a shoulder to waist ratio that was too beautiful for anyone's good. The man could serve as the 8th world wonders, and a national monument. She had come to the conclusion that she was at least at Phase two of her crush. The butterflies were in full force in her stomach, and she had smiled more in the past five minutes than she had in the past five months. If Natasha saw her now, Lily would never live it down. The world's mightiest weapon giggling and smiling like a school girl over Captain America… but it was Captain America! What woman, besides Natasha, didn't swoon a little bit over his baby blues, and that sweet all-American smile, not to mention those old fashioned manners that seemed to have been forgotten by men in the 21st century. On top of that there was just the beauty of the fact that it looked like he took more than thirty seconds to get dressed this morning. She remembered thinking ill of boys who went to school everyday wearing basketball shorts and some random shirt all of her life. Did no one realize just how hot some slacks and a button up could be?! It made her smile internally to think that she at least still had those aesthetics.

"What are you thinking about?" Steve asked curiously, throwing the woman his all-American smile.

"Just about old pet peeves. I realize I still have them."

"Really, I wouldn't have guessed that," he laughed, "you were making faces, like you were having a conversation with yourself."

"I do that a lot, or so I've been told. Nat'll tell you all about it," she frowned thinking of the times the woman had found her in deep thought.

"I didn't think it was bad. Just seemed like a serious debate was happening."

"Oh nothing too profound is usually going on, trust me on that one," she laughed, not really wanting to delve into her stream of thought. To save her from that conversation, a woman called Steve's name. They both looked up to see a slim strawberry blonde woman in a pencil skirt and a button up, coming towards them. The closer she got, the taller and more beautiful Lily realized she was.

"Do you know where Tony is?" she asked.

"He's in the lab."

"Of course he is," she rolled her eyes, then her eyes shifted down to the woman at Steve's side, "Hello, I don't think we've met."

"We haven't, I'm Lily," she greeted holding out her hand.

"Pepper, you're the one Tony's been so excited about."

"And you're the one Tony's always thinking about, " she replied, smiling as Pepper shook her hand.

"Really?" Pepper asked, surprised by the assertion.

"Yeah, I know more about you than I should," Lily laughed.

"Hopefully nothing too cringe worthy."

"All good things," she assured.

"Well it was nice to meet you, but I really should be going," Pepper excused.

"Nice to meet you too."

Pepper continued down the hall, and Steve and Lily continued their journey.

"Does Tony really think about her often?"

"Every two minutes. He's madly in love with that woman… I suppose opposites do attract after all," she answered, her tone thoughtful. She was stuck on something Pepper had thought upon meeting her. She thought Lily was cute, but in a way that she looked like she could kill a person.

"Pepper thought I was cute, but cute like I could kill a man…I rather like that type of cute," she shared absently. Steve laughed a bit at her admittance, but otherwise didn't comment on it. He lead her through the labyrinthine tower, all the way up to the roof. The view of the city was better than she'd ever seen. Being above it all, made the hustle bustle of city life seem almost beautiful. Watching the sun reflect off of the windows of the tall buildings, and just observing the skyline. If she could spend her whole life up there with only the wind blowing in her ear, she might just be able to be content. It was no secret that underneath the big smiles.

"It's beautiful up here," she breathed staring at it all, "almost like industrialization isn't a bad thing."

"Still an almost," he questioned.

"Yeah, it doesn't beat Natasha's quiet place. If I told you about it she'd murder both of us… but it is very beautiful… but I suppose this is beautiful in its own way. Like the amongst all of the chaos. It's like watching ants move through their daily task, everyone thinks what they're doing is so important," she spoke fondly.

"Everything has its own little way of being beautiful, because everything has its own purpose. This city's purpose is to support all of the people with a mind for business and fast paced living."

"I wanted to be a writer… and live in a hobbit hole in New Zealand," she spoke, smiling fondly at the dream.

"You can still do that," he assured looking at the slight smile playing at her lips, at his words it disappeared and her face became a dead mask.

"I'm afraid to go back to everything. I can't do it…the way I used to. The past few months… I've been writing the journals of the past… I was hoping that by writing it all down I could be the person that had those memories. I could be the person who wrote a novel in a month while juggling classwork and living in a house that was not my own. I tried to write like I used to, but it's not the same and I'm afraid to do the beautiful things I was capable of…because I don't want to try and realize they've taken that from me too. I don't know if I have the heart to deal with that."

"Some things don't go away. After the war… and after waking up to all of this," he gestured widely, "I wasn't sure I could pick up a pencil and draw again. It took a few months, but when I did I found that it felt normal. But at the same time, I had changed. I'm not the exact same person I started out as and that's not a bad thing. Life is supposed to change you, it's suppose to throw things at you that you don't think you can handle so you can look back and say that you were wrong. You made it through five years of captivity and torture… it may seem like you've lost more than you've gained, but trust me when I say you've gained quite a lot."

"What have a gained?" she asked looking to him, with dead eyes.

"Wisdom. You know more than you knew before."

"Ignorance is bliss."

"But you can only live with a blindfold over your eyes for so long. You've got to find a silver lining, because you've got your whole life ahead of you, and that's a long time to be upset."

"So what would you have me do?"

"Try doing the old things… you'll never really know unless you do."

She didn't answer she only looked off and nodded, pretending that some sight off in the east was much more important than anything else her eyes could see. In truth, her eyes were not seeing anything in front of her. They saw things that were, and things that would never be. All of the people who had been assigned to tend to her would die of old age at some point… except two.

"Have they told you, you won't ever have a peaceful death?" she asked, eyes tracing the bright horizon.

"…No one had to tell me. I just assumed that much," he sighed.

"Neither will Natasha… she won't age and die like she should… she'll have to be killed."

"And what about you."

"Nope," her lips popped the "p", "I can't even be killed. Truly immortal…and I'll go on just like this forever and ever and ever. So please tell me Steven Rogers… what is the silver lining in that?" she questioned before turning around and leaving the roof and him. By the time he had the mind to follow her she was gone without a trace.

She wandered New York with no real purpose, just hopping to get lost amongst the people and their tasks. Once upon a time she had a dream of being a wealthy author, and finding a husband, having a child, all normal things… but at the same time she had craved a solo life, as an author of any kind traveling the world and seeing everything the world had to offer. It was a pipe dream, one she knew wasn't likely, but she had the chance now, to just go wherever the road took her. A husband and a child would eventually die and she would be left nursing the wounds that their death would leave her. She was glaring at an eternity alone. Where was the silver lining in all of that? What good would all the things that once brought her comfort be when she had an eternity to get sick of them? As she gave that a thought the sound of music pulled her out of her self pitying reverie. A man who looked like all he had to his name was an old harmonica played out a tune that would have had her believe that life was not so abominable. She stood just in front of him fighting back the tears that came to her eyes.

"Why is it that you play?... If you don't mind me asking, sir," she asked looking down at him where he sat amongst old dirty rags, and city filth.

"I'm alive…and God gave me breath," he answered, as if that fact should have been common knowledge. As if she were the wayward soul who needed help in this situation.

"But why did he give you breath… if all you can use it for is to play that harmonica and breathe in polluted air?" she demanded.

"Well anything sound small when you put it like that. You gotta look at this world and understand that all this… came from nothin'. I may be down on luck but I still got breath and I can still make somethin outta what God gave me. Even if it's just an old tune."

She stared at the man and felt herself crying for one moment she looked up at sky, and stared at it's wide blue expanse. When she looked back down at the man she reached in the pocket of her dress. She pulled out everything but twenty dollars, enough for her to call a cab and get back home, and gave it to the homeless man.

"Maybe this'll give you a little more than lungs and breath."

He looked up at her with wide eyes as he looked at all the money she was offering, "I can't, you-"

"You need it more than I do. I've got enough to get back home. Take it… I wish I had more on me… hopefully this'll help," she encouraged. He took the money from her and smiled.

"Thank you," he spoke with a type of graciousness she had never heard before.

"Thank you. What you said…helped me," she replied, and then continued down the street. She had been given an eternity to do everything or absolutely nothing. That was the silver lining. She could do absolutely everything she ever wanted to do with neither time nor money as an object.

"What do you mean you don't know where she is?!" Natasha yelled over the phone, "She could be anywhere in this city and what if she's lost?! You were supposed to be watching her!"

"I'll find her, Natasha, calm down, please," Steve implored as he walked about the city.

"Why would you even let her out of your sight?! She was obviously upset what if she does something stupid like take a plane somewhere, or, or, go with some weird guy and wind up kidnapped again!"

Steve sighed listening to the woman rant about the endless ways Lily could have gotten herself into trouble. He was honestly surprised she was this upset. While he understood Lily was a SHEILD assignment, Natasha had never been this worried about a job before.

"The sun's going down, and she probably has no idea where she is…"

"Why don't you keep looking for her, and I'll do the same?

"I swear to God, Steve, if she is gone I am going to make your life hell," she growled and the call ended.

Lily found herself at a park sitting on at the edge of a pond, watching the sunset throw hues of orange and pink against the horizon. A small group of ducks had settled themselves at her side and she felt every bit like a Disney princess. The thought brought a song to her mind, and she breathed in slowly, remembering that she did in fact have lungs, and vocal chords, that could make beautiful songs. No one else was close by, no one would hear and think she was some crazy lady singing by the pond. There were only the ducks, and a few lazy insects buzzing. The song Somewhere Over the Rainbow, fell from her lips, an octave lower than the original but no less beautiful. Once the sun disappeared behind the horizon she thought she'd better get back home. She got back at around ten at night to find Clint waiting for her.

"Oh my God! Where were you?!" he demanded.

"I went for a walk," she answered, surprised by the unusual anger she was met with. Clint didn't really get angry, mildly annoyed maybe, but not angry.

"We were worried sick! You can't just go on a walk without telling anyone! Anything could have happened!"

"I wasn't in any danger, I'm a little harder than the average woman to mug, plus I had like twenty bucks on me."

"Natasha told you to keep five hundred on you."

"I did, then I met a homeless man…and well it's a long story," she sighed, "I just needed to be alone. Everyone's always hovering around me, and I never get anytime to myself at all. I can always hear your thoughts and it's just too much sometimes. I just… I wanted to be alone, so I could hear myself think."

Clint sighed and hugged her, "Dammit, Mouse, call next time."

"Okay," she agreed, hugging him back. His phone rang, successfully ending the moment. Clint let her go and answered the called.

"Hello," he answered.

Lily slipped off her shoes, and walked towards her room, listening to Clint's side of the conversation.

"She's here….I didn't call you because I was too busy giving her a lecture…. She just went for a walk… the girl deserves some alone time without you looming over her… Whatever, she's fine everything's fine."

She laughed to herself and opened the door to her room, where she undressed to get in the shower.

Natasha entered the apartment to find Clint and Lily sitting on the couch watching Lord of the Rings. As much as she wanted to yell and make a big deal out of what happened, she understood. Lily needed the time alone, and everything had ended alright, so what was the point?

"Nat, there's brownies on the stove. I'd like it if you joined us… and sorry for today. I didn't mean to make everyone so nervous. You didn't inform Fury did you?" she asked, peeking over the couch.

"Hell no. And as long as those brownies are fudge brownies, I think I can forgive you."

"Well then, I'll consider myself forgiven."

Natasha eventually settled down with them on the sofa. Lily sat with her legs on Clint's lap, and her head resting on Natasha's shoulder.

"Do you think one day Fury'll let me settle down in a hobbit hole in New Zealand?" She asked.

"Maybe if you smile and bat your eyelashes enough," Natasha scoffed.


	5. Chapter 5

Her eyes had trained themselves on a random point on the wall while she ran at top speed on the treadmill. Music played loudly in her ears, drowning out everyone's thoughts but her own. Lily wasn't sure why she felt the need to run at 6:30 in the morning but she was and she had to say it felt good, even if the prep was a bit tedious. She was currently wearing two bras to keep her chest from bouncing too much as she ran. Natasha was somewhere in the vast gym working off the five fudge brownies she'd ate the previous night. Lily focused on keeping her breathing steady, as she maintained the sprint. SHIELD had spent a year training her to be an agent. In hand to hand combat she was on par with Natasha. In fact, Lily was Natasha's preferred sparring partner, because Lily didn't hold back and Natasha didn't feel like she had to.

Lily was still running when Natasha went to leave to attend a meeting. Natasha waved in front of her face to get the woman's attention. Lily pulled off her ear buds, and turned down the speed of the treadmill until she was at a complete stop.

"I've got to leave, Steve's going to meet you down here. Please don't run off on him again."

"It was a one time thing! And you kind of overreacted. I don't think it was necessary for you to bite everyone's head off."

"Anything could have happened!" Natasha argued.

"Not really. Natasha I can take you, in combat alone. If I used my powers no one would stand a chance. I'm beyond safe on my own."

"Whatever. Just don't do it. Stick with Steve. Goodness you'd think you'd be a bit nicer to your crush."

"Natasha, come on! I told you I have more important things to deal with than butterflies!"

"So you're at phase two," she smiled. Lily put back in her music and walked away from the treadmill, going to get the spray bottle and towel to wipe it down. Afterwards, Lily walked to the place in the gym reserved for sparing and going a few rounds with a punching bag. That's where Steve found her. Sweat glistened on her caramel skin, giving a shimmering effect to her body, as her fist collided with the punching bag. The muscles in her arms flexed and relaxed in quick intervals, making her punches faster than a viper's strike. Within all of it, there was a latent elegance and grace. Her movements were fluid, with no discernable beginning or end. It was the first time Steve had seen her without make up, and with her hair just in a simple French braid at the back of her head, and it wasn't a bad look. That coupled with the sports bra and spanx, it all only served to make her more attractive, for the clothes really showcased the female amenities she'd been blessed with. She caught sight of Steve out of the corner of her eyes, and used a hand to steady the punching bag, before taking out her ear buds and turning to look at him.

"Hey, sorry about yesterday. I hope Natasha didn't make your life too horrible," she apologized, dragging a hand across her brow. Steve was infatuated with a bead of sweat that was slowly running down her stomach, "Steve," she called, confused by the delay in answer.

"Yes, oh… it wasn't too bad, I'll live," he answered, blushing at the fact that he'd been caught ogling. Lily was going to look into his mind to see what he had been thinking, but something told her she didn't really want to know.

"Kay… well I've got to head up and take a shower… then we can do whatever you had planned," she concluded, walking past him towards the exit.

After her shower she dressed in a bustier crop top, and high waisted shorts. She didn't quite feel like doing anything special with her hair so she did a little pompadour and tied a nylon scarf in her hair to serve as I head band. When she rejoined Steve she found him looking over her array of books.

"Have you read them all?" he questioned when he noticed her presence.

"Yep, I'm in need of new material," she answered as she slipped on a pair of flats.

"We could go to a bookstore," he offered, looking away from the titles.

"Yeah, that sounds nice."

Their day consisted of walking through New York City, to a bookstore that was a few blocks down from her apartment. She found three new books that interested her, and on the way going back to drop the books off at home, a guitar shop caught her eye.

"Can we go in?" she asked, eyes glued on one particular guitar. It was made of a honey colored wood, with two shimmering birds on the body of the guitar. It was beautiful, and she wanted it.

"Yeah," he agreed immediately, even though she had already started walking towards the shop. She walked straight over to the counter, where a man who looked like he hadn't seen a woman in years stood.

"Hi, I want that guitar," she announced pointing to it, "please."

"You play?"

"Yeah, I play," she answered remembering the summer she had taught herself how to play guitar. The man moved from behind the counter to retrieve the guitar for her.

"She's a real beauty, seems only right that she went off to a fox like you," he grinned.

"…Thanks. Do you sell cases?" Lily asked, trying to divert his pursuit and get him interested in selling her guitar paraphernalia, instead of a one way ticket to his bed.

"Right over there," he pointed, "the ones that you want are on the lowest shelf."

Lily walked over to the place he pointed out and went to find a suitable case without bending over and giving anyone a view of her backside. If she didn't really want this guitar she would have left by now. Steve came to stand beside her, efficiently blocking the man's view of her.

"You need picks?" he asked holding up a pack of guitar picks.

"Yeah. And a capo…it kind of looks like a clamp, or you could just employ the help of that fine gentlemen trying to get an angle on my ass," she grumbled, looking back at the clerk who had left his post and was still staring at her.

"On it," Steve nodded, "Hey, I'm looking for a capo," Steve called, grabbing the man's attention while Lily looked through the cases, most were custom made with pretty designs on them.

"Yeah they're over there," the man pointed vaguely.

"Could you show me?" Steve insisted. The man glanced at him, catching the stern look only Captain America was capable of doing. He sent one last longing look at the girl in his shop, then went over to point out capos.

"You know her?" The man asked.

"Yeah she's a friend," Steve answered shortly.

"Just a friend, huh, so she's available."

"I guess," Steve turned to glare at the man.

"How is she just a friend with an ass like that, man?" He asked.

"Son, she is a lady, not a thing put on this Earth for your amusement. I would suggest you show some respect," Steve reprimanded. If looks could kill that young man's head would have been on a pike. Steve turned and picked out a capo that looked reliable and uncomplicated, and gave it to the man, "Now ring this up."

Lily watched the scene with a slight smile on her lips. She had picked out a case with henna-like designs on it similar to the design on her hip. When Steve turned to look at her, she held up the case with a childlike grin.

"Found one, I think we're good to go." she paid for all of the things with a debit card.

"You come back when you ditch your chaperone. I'll teach you a few things about this guitar." the man who still hadn't learned his lesson flirted.

"And I'll teach you about my butterfly knife," she added, taking her bag with the capo and guitar picks, while Steve took the guitar that was safely in its case. As they left Lily grumbled to herself about disrespectful youth, knowing full well she was no older than he was. In the midst of her ranting, Steve took the bag she held from her, allowing her to gesture wildly with her hands.

"I wonder how much he would like my legs wrapped around him, if they were strangling him to death. I could pop his head like a watermelon between my thighs," she bragged.

"I bet you could, but as disrespectful as he was… that's still murder."

"I'm just saying, it would serve him right… Or I could just make him not exist. I could do that, police never find the body, and he's just a missing person. Without a body I can't be convicted."

"Lil," Steve protested in a stern voice.

"I know, I know, that's still murder. I'm just blowin' off steam, Steve. I'm not going to kill a kid because he's staring at my butt. I'm not that petty. Come on let's drop this stuff off."

It wasn't long before they made it back to the apartment. They hadn't ventured too far. Lily took the things she'd bought to her room, and rejoined Steve in the sitting room.

"Did you want to go anywhere else today?" she asked.

"Not really, you said you were a home body, thought we could hang out here." "That sounds just fine. I've always been this way The most I need is a window to look at the world from, and I'm content," she laughed, "but I guess I never dislike getting out… I just don't want you catering to me. What would you normally do on a Friday?"

"If Tony hasn't planned something then I usually stay in and draw. I know it sounds dull, but…" he trailed off.

"No it really doesn't sound dull… it sounds relaxing. I'm fine with that, Steve, I really am. I've got a few empty sketch pads and some art pencils, I'll fiddle with my guitar and we'll just do what we would normally do on a Friday."

"Really?"

"Yes, I always feel bad about limiting Nat's nights, so I've been heading out with her, but the bar scene isn't really for me, and the guys are too much. This is perfect," she assured going towards her, "You're my savior."

Steve felt his face reddened and he settled himself on the comfy sofa while Lily went through her night stand drawer and pulled out one of many empty sketch books, and a pack of never before used art pencils. She then grabbed her new guitar from her bed, along with the bag from the guitar shop. She walked back in and offered him the pencils and sketch pad.

"I have moments when I think I can draw then I'm reminded I have absolutely no skill," she laughed as she settled on the sofa. She set the guitar case beside her and unlatched it to reveal the beautiful instrument, "but I used to be pretty good at this," she announced. The first few minutes of toying her guitar was just her tuning it with the help of a tuning app.

"When did you learn how to play?" he questioned as he inspected the pencils.

"Um… I was fifteen… and my parents had just split up… well more accurately, my dad left my mom at her lowest point, leaving us pretty much homeless. Luckily one of her friends let us live with her… I had gotten a guitar for Christmas and I never touched it. Well with all of the emotions that come with that kind of a situation, I needed an outlet, and writing wasn't cutting it. There was this online site that had videos that explained how to play, and I just picked it up. There was this peace I found when I was playing that I can't even explain. Like the world didn't even matter, it was just me, and the music. Nothing hurt, and I dunno it helped me cope," she answered as she finished tuning. She let her fingers strum the strings, and she smiled, feeling the old familiarity creep in. The first song that came to mind was Unchained Melody. After a few wrong chords she remembered the chord sequence and she played, singing the love song that Patrick Swayze made important to her. Steve had given up the task of drawing and watched her.

There were some people that you just liked immediately… It was like his initial reaction to Peggy. It was because of her strength and disregard for anyone who thought her incapable of something because of her size or gender that had enamored him with her. Lily had that same strength but in a different way. Sure she was the world's greatest weapon, but she had a mental strength that was awe inspiring. Even when she had her moments of doubt, she still kept her head up, even when she was sure all she had to look forward to was a fist. It was like looking at the carnage of a forest fire, and seeing a tree with charred limbs, that still bears leaves in thet spring.

"Ah you missed out on the fifties, and the sixties… musically it was a great time. Can't say much for anything else. But rock and roll took over pop culture and it was wow," she grinned, "I've always liked learning about musicians in history class. The wars and the disputes are repetitive and sad but music is always alive you know? Did you know that no civilization has ever existed without music? There have been ones without religion, government, language, but never music. It just brings us all together. In the 70's there was this man named Bob Marley, and now kids only admire him because he smoked weed but everyone did back then. No what's truly amazing about him is that he believed that beyond a doubt, music could bring change. He sung about love, and togetherness… Here I'll play you a song everyone should know."

She grabbed her phone off the coffee table to play "Three Little Birds". As the familiar tune played she closed felt a slight smile plaster itself on her face. She remembered summer nights with her mother as they went on their next adventure, playing Bob Marley and forgetting that life was tougher on them than it had any right to be. It was just them and the music… and every little thing was going to be alright… and then it wasn't. Tears collected in her eyes and she moved the guitar off of her lap so she could bring her knees up to her chest. Everything was supposed to be alright, she was supposed to graduate high school and go to college, and make all of her mother's hard work mean something. She was supposed to give back to her mother for all the hard years they'd survived together.

"Lil, don't cry," Steve begged sliding over to grab her in a hug.

"They won't even let me tell her that I'm alright. That I'm alive," she sobbed, "if I could just let her know. It wasn't supposed to end up like this. It was always me and her. When she moved out on her own for the first time she had me, when granny died she had me, when my father left she had me, when her kidneys failed she had me, and then I got kidnapped and there was no one there for her, because all she had was me! Why won't they let me see her?! I'm not going to hurt my own mother! They barely wanted to let me send her money. She hasn't seen me in six years… she probably thinks I'm dead. I was supposed to go to college and get a great career, and make all of her work mean something! I was all she had, and then I wasn't there. I wasn't there," she sobbed out, she leaned into Steve for support as her fight to pull in breath in between sobs got harder.

"She'd be proud of you," he murmured as he pulled her closer against his side, "because you're strong, smart, and haven't let your power go to your head. She raised a very amazing woman. You just have to wait it out, they'll give you clearance," he assured.

"Do you really think so?"

"I know they will."

"And what if she's dead? She was sick when they took me, who knows what that did to her… to lose her child. Steve, what if she's dead?"

"…Do you believe in heaven?" he asked looking down at her form, curled against his side. She nodded not trusting her voice, "Then that's where she is, and she already knows that you're safe and she sees what a beautiful woman you are… and there's no more pain and she's not alone. Either way… she'll know."

As she accepted his words the amount of fear, grief, and worry she had been feeling poured out of her eyes. She had been bottling up emotions for too long so she could get by unscathed. It had all finally come crashing down and she was left crying over a song everyone knew, by Bob Marley. However as she cried all she could hear was "Don't worry, about a thing, because every little thing is gonna be alright." and for once she believed that things might be alright. For the second time, she fell asleep plastered against Steve's chest.

She awakened on the couch with a blanket over her, to the smell of Chinese food. The fact that she had just ugly cried on the man she was crushing on and not only ugly cried, but ugly cried herself to sleep made her want to bury herself alive. If she wasn't the definition of super duper sexy then she didn't know what was. At least he was getting the truth about her. In essence, Lily cried more than most people peed, and she wasn't secretive about it. She remembered the time she spent on the island when she first got out of captivity. It rained all the time there, so much so that she found herself screaming at Natasha "THIS ISLAND IS TOO RAINY, IT'S TOO RAINY. I CAN'T LIVE HERE!" all while she sobbed like a maniac. In the end, Steve's job was to get her talking about the past, and she couldn't do it without shedding a few tears, or rather a few rivers.

"I know you're a wake, Mouse," Clint spoke, "get up, you need to eat."

Lily whined in protest, she wasn't hungry. She just wanted to lie there and pretend that the world didn't exist. Unfortunately, Clint wasn't having any of that.

"Come on," he sighed as he ripped off the blanket, "Yesterday you run off on the man and worry him sick, then tonight you have an emotional break down The man is ninety years old, he's gonna have a heart attack foolin' around with you."

"'S not my fault his job is to learn about the stuff that makes me temperamental." she grumbled, slowly sitting up, "Did he leave?"

"Yeah to go change his shirt, you got make up on it, raccoon eyes," he mocked. Lily's eyes widened and she got up to look in the nearest mirror to find that she had a mixture of eyeliner and mascara around her eyes. She sighed and went to her personal bathroom to get make up remover and wash her face. After she was done, she took it a step further and changed into some comfier clothes. When she returned, Clint gave her a box of vegetable lo mien.

"Is he coming back or did I scare him off with my ugly crying?" she questioned.

" Well his food's still here so I'd say he's coming back. I've gotta say, you've got a funny way of seducing men," Clint laughed.

"Nat told you!" she shrieked. Clint looked up from his food confused by her accusation.

"Um…no that was a joke… Are you trying to seduce Steve?"

"No, I was joking too," she lied lamely.

"No way, you're into Cap. Well I mean it's working the whole emotional woman thing. He's got you on his mind."

"Pfft, it's pity. Not quite what I had in mind, I mean I'm pretty stable. I'm not gonna go on a power trip and try to take over the world, worse case scenario I cry a lot." she shrugged.

"Pity doesn't make a man flustered at the sound of your name."

"Shut up, Clint, don't give me false hope. Where's Nat?"

"She's getting dressed to go out tonight."

"Another BFFs night?"

"Yes, and you are more than welcome to go."

"I'm good. I'd rather not third wheel it. I would rather just sit with Cap and try to convince him I'm not insane."

"No one thinks you're insane, Mouse. After what you've been through, we'd be worried if you weren't crying. You're being open about your feelings and that's a good thing. It means none of this has hardened you."

"You sound like my third psychotherapist," she informed, grabbing a pair of chopsticks from the coffee table and pulling them apart.

"Yeah whatever. So, you bought a guitar today," he prompted, offering a nice subject change.

"Uh huh, I can still play marginally well. I felt good to play."

"That's a nice guitar. Play me something," he requested.

"Can I get a please?" she asked around the food she'd shoved in her mouth.

"Please," he rolled his eyes but smiled as he saw a bit of teriyaki sauce on her chin. He grabbed a napkin and wiped it away, and because he wanted to be extra sure there was no more sauce he proceeded to wipe all over her face, earning a few muffled laughs from the previously forlorn girl. He threw the napkin on the coffee table and grinned at her. She smiled back and set down the box of food in favor of her guitar.

"Um what shall I play… oh oh… my favorite," she began playing the intro to Angeles. She had always preferred the Jensen Ackles version to the original because not only did it sound better but it also included Jensen Ackles. Natasha walked back into the apartment just as the intro ended and Lily was singing. Steve was at her heels, smiling at the sound of the girl playing and finding the peace in music that she talked about. Natasha was absolutely dumbfounded. Natasha didn't even know the girl could sing let alone play guitar. What made this all so much better was that she was great at both. Her voice was smooth, distinctly alto in its warmth, and it went along with the intricate picking of the guitar so well. If it wasn't already decided that Lily Hemlock was too precious for this world, this new found talent surely did it. At the end of the song Lily was startled to hear applause from more than just Clint. Natasha walked around the sofa to sit beside her.

"That was beautiful, Lil. Why didn't you tell me you could sing?" she asked.

"It never came up," she shrugged looking down at her fingers, instead of the woman giving her praise.

"Yeah, Mouse, what the hell? Next karaoke night, it's you and me," Clint announced," we are going to blow Tony away."

"You guys have karaoke nights," she laughed.

"Yes. Hell, between me, you and Nat no one even has a chance."

She knew that Natasha could sing, she often heard her do it in the shower, or while cooking. She had a voice much higher than Lily's but no less beautiful. She looked to Natasha for further information on the prospect of a karaoke night.

"Tony started it to get Bruce out of the lab. We go to this bar, and after a couple of drinks everybody's up there… except Steve," she explained, throwing Steve a look.

"I don't sing, and I can't get drunk. Watching you guys is enough fun," Steve shook his head, remembering the plethora of nights that the team had spent making a fool of themselves on stage. The funniest moments of which included a team member Lily hadn't met, yet.

"Thor's the real life of the party," Steve added.

"Thor?" Lily questioned, "Like Norse god of thunder?"

"Yep," Natasha answered, while Clint and Steve nodded.

"Leave it to you guys to get a god to make a fool of himself in karaoke. You should be ashamed," she laughed to herself as she put her guitar back in her case, before picking back up her food. Natasha smiled remembering the nights where the God had stumbled on to stage, singing too loud and off key. She was almost positive she had permanent hearing damage because of those nights.

"So what was the meeting about?" Lily asked.

"You," Natasha answered as she picked up her box of take out, "Fury's gonna give you clearance to go out on missions. He thinks you're making good progress."

"Does that mean I won't need a babysitter?" she asked curiously.

"Yep, I'd say by the end of the month you'll be a free roaming adult with assignments from SHIELD and all that jazz."

"Awesome, I mean, Captain you are super great and all, but I'd love to be able to walk around the city without everyone having a panic attack."

"I understand," he assured.

"Chances are you'll be in the lab with Tony and Bruce. They need full time supervision. Well it's not so much Bruce as it is Tony," Natasha rationalized.

"I can believe it. He seems like a great guy, but eccentric," Lily smiled fondly, "I suppose Pepper could use a helping hand in keeping him from doing anything too ridiculous."

After Clint and Natasha ate they headed out for their usual Friday night out. Lily didn't really know what they did, but it must have been fun because they did it every Friday. She tried to hang out with the both of them in the beginning, but after an incident in a nightclub that ended with a severely wounded man, she never went again. Besides, she rather enjoyed it when they left. Sure there was always Agent Maria Hill there to babysit her, but the woman was content with allowing Lily to just laze about and read, without need for extensive chatter. More often she would wind up soaking in a bath with a nice book, and candles while Maria contented herself with catching up on paperwork. With that in mind, Steve wasn't a bad babysitter at all. Sure, she couldn't go take a long bath, but it was fun to peek at his drawings while she pretended to read. No actual reading was happening, she'd been on the same page in her book since she opened it. She was to enamored by the look of complete concentration on Steve's face as he sketched what seemed to be a guitar in the making. How a man could be so conventionally attractive and still maintain his own uniqueness was simply baffling. The only thing that kept her from being caught staring was her ability to read his mind and know when he planned to look up. Nothing like superhuman abilities to keep you from looking like an absolute creep. Hours into the drawing she realized he was drawing her with her new guitar, and it wasn't because she read his mind and found out, it was because the woman in the picture looked just like her.

"I'm curious," she began, "where does one learn to draw that well?"

"It's not really that great. It was just what I was good at."

"What do you mean it's not that great?" she demanded, "Steve at some point, modesty just becomes irrelevant, this is that point."

"I could teach you," he offered smiling at her compliment.

"Oh many have tried and all have failed."

"I'm up for the challenge," he tore out a blank page for her and gave her one of the pencils, "We are going to draw a flower."

Steve's instructions were simple, but Lily's skill just wasn't there. The flower Lily drew wasn't terrible, but next to Steve's it looked like a kindergartner's drawing.

"How the hell…" she trailed off then looked back at her own drawing to laugh at the crudely formed thing.

"It's not that bad," he assured, picking up the drawing. She was too caught up in laughter to respond coherently.

"Imagine seeing that flower in a garden," she laughed out, earning a laugh from Steve.

"I've seen worse."

"No you haven't you're just being nice," she shook her head as her laughter calmed down.

"It's a decent flower," he lied.

"Steve," she eyed him skeptically.

"It could use some work."

"It looks like a six year old made it."

"A very talented six year old," he agreed making her laugh again, "yeah it's pretty bad."

"I know. We'll just let you handle the whole drawing frontier," she allowed as she crumpled the drawing, "I'm a lost cause."

"With a little practice-" his sentence ended when she gave him a look of avid disbelief, "So maybe you should stick with writing, that's good too."

She shook her head laughing a bit at the fact that Steve couldn't just say she sucked at drawing. Perhaps he was just too nice for such harsh words. At least her skills mirrored that of a talented kindergartner and not the kid who ate paste in the back of the class. That had to count for something. She got up and threw the drawing away in the kitchen trash can. The night was waning, it had to be close to midnight, and she was getting drowsy. Despite that, she sat on the couch and flipped on the TV to watch whatever was on. She settled on old reruns of The Nanny, and wrapped herself up in a blanket. Steve sat beside her, captured in the show. Lily eyed him, curious if she could get closer to him without seeming too forward. As an experiment she brought her feet up on the couch in a way that made her lean towards him. Her body was close but not quite touching him. The man made no move to get away from her so she ventured a bit farther. As far as crushing on a person goes she was making good progress, at least compared to her two other crushes. She had spent the better part of that time just smiling like an idiot and pretending to be interested in things she wasn't. This was much better, establishing closeness was a very nice start to any relationship. Worse case scenario he got uncomfortable, she read his mind and backed off, then never try anything like this again. She rested her head on his bicep, trying to seem as casual and confident about it as she could. On the inside, however, her heart seemed destined to break through her rib cage, while her stomach seemed full of aggressive winged beasts. He didn't seem to mind her. He noticed the movement, obviously, but his mind showed no distaste for the action. Out of respect for privacy she didn't push too far into the inner workings of his mind… she also didn't push out of fear that she would find that he only saw her as a little sister type figure.

Steve was all too aware of the young woman resting against his arm. His heart had decided now was a splendid time to play the song of its people at full volume. How long had it been since he sat next to a woman and felt this nervous? He tried desperately to pay attention to the sitcom playing on the screen, but there was a beautiful lady against his arm, and not just beautiful, but strong, and intelligent, and funny! How was he supposed to relax with all of this glaring him in the face? She was just so small and fragile looking, but under that there was this strength that kept most people at bay. With all she had been through, he wanted nothing more than to just hide her away from the world, because obviously the universe didn't know how to treat a lady. He wanted this to be a new beginning, with no more pain, and no more fear, but she was a SHIELD agent which meant that pain and fear were inevitable. Lily yawned at his side and he felt the urge to wrap his arm around her. Surely that wouldn't be a sin. It would be more comfortable for both of them. It was just a little gesture. She had already made the leap of leaning on him, that meant that it would surely be okay. Steve shifted gently and brought up his arm to place around her shoulder. Lily sat up a bit misunderstanding his movements for rejection only to feel his arm pull her in close as it rested on her shoulder. The place under his arm was unbelievably warm and comfy. She gave a silent cry of victory at the new position. This was for every girl crushing on a national icon. Lily Hemlock was in the in-zone.

Natasha walked into the apartment in the early hours of the morning to find the TV playing some weird gym equipment infomercial. When she went around to turn it off she found Lily and Steve fast asleep together on the sofa. She stood there absolutely stunned at how adorable they looked. It was like a kitten and Great Dane cuddled up for slumber. She pulled out her phone and snapped a picture before reluctantly waking Steve.

"As cute as this is you are gonna have a sore neck if you don't get up," Natasha spoke as she woke him. Steve took in a light startled breath.

"What time is it?" he asked.

"A quarter after three."

He shifted to stretch, accidentally jostling the woman at his side. She made a sound of protest in between a squeak and a soft whine, before settling closer to her source of warmth. Natasha covered her mouth to keep from laughing.

"She is precious," she breathed out. Steve smiled a bit and carefully picked her up to take her to her room. Like the last time he took her to her room, she woke as he set her in bed.

"I always fall asleep on you," she mumbled, "'s 'cause you're so warm and comfy. G'night Cap'n."

"Good night, Lil," he laughed leaving the room.


	6. Chapter 6

"Tony are you sure this is a good idea," Lily asked, looking at the glass she was holding, "I told you to lay of the alcohol, and I could make one wrong bond and you'll be drinking arsenic."

"Well don't make one wrong bond," he rolled his eyes, "Come on, I even gave you reference."

"Fine," she sighed and turned the glass of water in to the several thousand dollar brand of champagne Tony wanted, "There. Where's Bruce today?" she asked curiously.

Tony picked up the glass, "Believe it or not he takes off days every now and again. He told me to tell you that the cake was delicious. Of course you already know that," he answered before tasting the liquid in the glass. It was exactly the taste he was looking for, "Ah, kid we are going to be best friends. "

"I am not going to aid you in ruining your liver. You know you have a brilliant mind and you are ruining it with alcohol. Did you know that a alcoholic's brain looks similar to the brain of an Alzheimer's patient? You'll get gaps in the gyri of your brain, and-"

"Don't lecture me, you sound like Pep," he groaned, setting the glass down.

"Well, good, it means you've got someone looking out for you. That poor pink little organ inside of your skull, is you. You are a brain. If you ruin your brain, you ruin you. And I like you," she pledged, "and Pepper like likes you, so if you aren't going to cut back on the drinks for yourself, do it for her. Because I know better than anyone else that you are crazy about Pepper so save her the grief."

"God you're a sap," Tony groaned sitting down at the bar and shaking his head. Lily sat beside him looking out at the city from the windows.

"There's nothing wrong with loving someone, Tony. It's okay to admit it," she spoke in a sarcastic tone, " I don't think you're gonna lose your Y chromosome by telling the woman that you love her, and by spoiling her with your time and attention. You might actually enjoy yourself."

"You aren't even old enough to drink, you don't get a say in my love life," he reprimanded.

"I don't know, Stark, she might be on to something," they both turned to see Pepper walking towards them, "If you could spoil me with your time and attention right now I would greatly appreciate it." she smiled leaning against the bar. Tony gave her mischievous grin and looked her over.

"Maybe later on tonight," he offered, and the innuendo wasn't even subtle. Lily pretended to wretch at the display.

"Now's good, I need you to sign off on these papers, all of them. I'll consider that all the time and attention I need," she replied, setting a hefty stack of papers in front of him.

"See what happens when I follow the advice of a minor," he grumbled, throwing a dirty look to Lily, "I thought we decided to go paperless?"  
"You don't look at it unless it's in your face." Pepper shrugged.

"But there's so much!" he complained.

"Well if you did that sort of thing in a timely manner like you're supposed to, you'd be able to have sexy time," Lily pointed out, earning a smile from Pepper.

"She's right Tony, and while you do that, I'm gonna steal her away."

Lily looked at her confused by her words. Pepper seemed like an exceedingly busy woman. Between running Stark industries and keeping up with Tony Stark, she seemed to have her hands too full to be bothered with a new member of the Avengers. Nevertheless, Pepper gestured for Lily to follow her. Lily waved good bye to Tony who was frowning at all the paper Pepper had given him.

"I planned a bit of a spa for the two of us. I know Natasha doesn't put much thought into that kind of thing, but it's nice to be pampered every now and again," she explained as they entered the elevator.

"Thank you. You're right, Nat is more task oriented. Free time makes her antsy. But she's not bad to live with, she keeps me from lazing around for too long."

"Well, I think you deserve a break. I already cleared it with everyone."

The two exited the elevators and walked into the garage, to an awaiting car. The spa was extremely rewarding. Pepper was good at maintaining conversation and silence without making either awkward. They talked about light subjects. Lily's baking, the time Tony had Pepper change his arc reactor, the time Lily walked in on Natasha dancing half naked around the apartment, it was all simple things that brought on laughter and relaxation. It was a nice change from all the heavy talk about things of the past. It was closest to normal Lily had felt… ever. She was just a girl hanging out with a friend.

"So what do you do to get a body like that?" Pepper said in an envious tone.

"Um… Not much, I go to the gym with Natasha and run a lot, also go a few rounds with a punching bag. I also do yoga," she answered.

"Some girls are just born with curves like that, I guess," Pepper smiled.

"I was chubby most of my life, actually… but Pepper don't you even begin to sound envious. You're freaking gorgeous."

Pepper laughed at the sound of exasperation in Lily's voice, "Thank you."

The spa took up most of the day, not that Lily minded, when the personnel was done with her she felt like a new woman, and her skin had a new glow to it. It was like an inner light bulb had been turned on inside of her and it emitted this beautiful radiance that made her somehow more beautiful than she was already. It was as if underneath that skin there wasn't any pain, or sadness, and while a day at the spa hadn't just erased the pain, it allowed it to take the backseat in her life. They walked into the tower to find that Bruce decided to work after all.

"Hey, Bruce," Pepper called as she saw him. Lily pulled herself out of her thoughts to look at the man Pepper had mentioned. She spared a smile for Bruce. He was admittedly startled by the fresh faced girl. He had only ever seen her in make up, and while the make up was fine, her natural face was more than fine too.

"Hello Pepper, Lily. Tony and I were just talking about you, Lily," he addressed, walking over to her with a type of enthusiasm she hadn't seen before.

"Oh?" she questioned.

"Mmhm, I've got a theory, but answer me this, can you change the physical state of matter?"

"Yes, you mean like liquid to solid and vice versa."

"Precisely."

"Yeah I can do that. What's your theory?" she questioned, curiously. Anything that made this man so extremely excited was worth learning about.

"Teleportation," he blurted out. Lily gave him a blank stare waiting for him to elaborate, "You look at the atoms in matter and manipulate them. You manipulate their design, and their motion so what's stopping you from moving them to different places. The scans of your brain showed that all of your powers happen with a thought, so with that being said, you should be able to move something with a thought."

"I'm gathering that you would like me to try that," she concluded.

"Naturally, um try this pen, first," he instructed pulling a pen out of his pocket and setting it on a nearby table. Lily stared at the pen, taking it in in its most basic state. She could sense each quickly vibrating particle and she had to instruct each and every one of them to move. The task proved harder than Bruce had made it seem. The end result was that almost half of the pen wound up on the other side of the table, while the other half lurched over about five seconds later. Ink oozed out slowly and she frowned at it, making the liquid a solid so it wouldn't stain the bright white table.

"Well… She is far from teleporting an entire human," Tony observed, drinking from a glass that surely didn't just have coke in it. Lily checked his blood alcohol level and found it at 0.8%, knowing Tony he probably didn't even feel it.

"Yeah but I can do this," she spoke, and half of the glass found itself a home on a table, while the other half remained in his hand. The liquid poured out of the bottom, soaking Tony's pants.  
"Are you fucking serious?!" Tony yelled out in surprise.

"I just spent the whole day with Pepper and I know beyond a doubt that woman would be absolutely lost without you. Which is saying something because even her mind is labeled and organized. I am not going to let you ruin yourself. Now limit it to… three a day, or I will consistently make the entirety of your alcohol in to water. I will be reverse Jesus all day."

"So… Satan?" Tony asked.

"I guess from your point of view, but really Tony, drinking in a laboratory setting?"

"Sorry, mom," he rolled his eyes, "Now, I'm curious if you're manipulating atoms, does that mean you could split them?"

"I suppose I could, I've never tried it… for obvious reasons, but yes I'm aware that I could do it. Really if it's matter I can do whatever I want with it," she explained, giving him a steady look as a mixture of fear and awe came into his eyes, "Yeah I know. And they gave all of this power to a then…seventeen year old. If I were a more immature person, half of the world could be leveled by now. Lucky for us, I've always been mature for my age. My teachers used to say I was a forty year old on the inside."

"The level of destruction you're capable of…" Banner trailed off looking at her. Lily sighed and looked over to a plant that had long since died. Its wilted corpse lie in the flower pot, unattended. She went over and stared at it.

"Ya know when SHEILD first found me they put me on this island far away from civilization. Natasha was my mentor, and there were a few other agents there to assist me. For the first… three months I was so damn angry that anything set me off. Most often the rain… it always seemed to rain there, and it just seemed like the weather was mocking me. It sounds ridiculous now but I would throw these… tantrums about everything I'd been through and the island would get torn to bits. One particular time Nat was too close. She was trying to calm me down but it didn't work and when the tree beside her exploded it killed her. In that moment I wanted so badly for that not to be the way she ended. I didn't want to be the reason that she died, especially when she was just trying to help me. So I tried to restart her, ya know make the cells in her body come back to life. I can't look at living beings as just atoms for some reason, I guess it's because they're alive, and the smallest living unit is the cell. But anyway, I just willed them to all fix her and get back to their jobs. It took a few minutes because she was so bad off, but it worked," she touched the plant and watched it spring to life.

"You brought Natasha back to life?" Banner questioned, and she nodded slowly.

"I'm not just capable of destruction, I'm capable of creation too… and I can't be angry at that," she concluded, looking on at the flower, "Natasha's my reminder that even though I was made for destruction and war, I can bring life and… well I made a good friend."

"That's… that's amazing," Bruce breathed.

She handed the potted plant to Bruce and smiled, "There's hope for good in all of us. Despite what we were created to do. That is what you guys were supposed to learn today," her voice was very quiet, "but Dr. Banner people do have to die, and that's our struggle, letting the innocent die because that's the way of nature. There's nothing natural about my powers. I won't be advertised as a healer," she spoke to him, looking him deep in his eyes and willing him to understand what she was saying. In her story about healing, Bruce's mind had gone off into all of the medical miracles she could make, the people she could save. He frowned at her words as he understood them.

"The people you can save-"

"Bruce, I know that saving people is your atonement for the innocents the other guy has killed," she interrupted, "I know the grief you carry because of that, but that is your cross you have to bear. I was engineered to destroy people, I destroyed… god knows how many people under their orders, my atonement is to work here and destroy bad guys. Death is not the terrible fate we think it is, it is just unknown. It is only the way death is achieved that can be admittedly horrible. You have to respect the fact that I am still a person, and I won't be a tool."

Her words followed Bruce to bed. Saving people did serve as a type of payment for the innocents killed because of the other guy. However, the practice of medicine and biomedical science was calming. If Lily couldn't serve to save people, then perhaps she could be served. Anyone with eyes, ears, and a properly functioning brain could see the sadness brewing behind the soft girly outside of her appearance. Perhaps he could save her, keep her from any rash, emotionally based decisions, with the days to come, she would most definitely need it.

In the morning Natasha woke to the soft solemn tune of a guitar. It was nearly five in the morning and Lily was already up, meaning the girl had a nightmare. Lily wasn't a naturally early riser, she preferred to sleep until at least nine. The woman pulled herself out of bed and took her morning shower before padding out in a pair of jean shorts and a tee shirt. She gave Lily a once over as she found the girl in view, she didn't look disturbed, just sad. Natasha joined Lily on the sofa and listened to her play out a nameless tune.

"Nightmare?" Natasha asked.

"I dreamt that I got to see my mom," she whispered softly, "and then… I killed her by accident, and I couldn't bring her back."

Natasha watched as tears perched precariously on Lily's waterline. If she so much as blinked the water would overflow and spill down her cheeks. It was a legitimate fear, Natasha decided. While she had never had a mother, per say, she could understand the fear of oneself. How devastating would it be to kill the one you love, simply by accident.

"You are doing very well, Lily, I can't imagine you hurting anyone let alone your mother," Natasha comforted, "I think you're just anxious about her."

"I have reason to be. You all won't let me see her," she grumbled, setting her guitar in its case.

"Lil, come on, you know we are doing it to keep you and your mother safe. There could be eyes on your old home. You know we haven't found all of the agency in Russia that made you. They could be waiting on you to visit, and you would hate to put your mother in any danger, right?"

"Yeah," she sighed and stood up, walking slowly back down the hall to her bedroom. She curled back up in bed and let out the tears that had been threatening to spill out of her eyes. Natasha let out a soft sigh, looking at the doorway in which Lily had disappeared. Lily had been progressing so well, lately. Unfortunately, it looked like she was up to old habits. Natasha knew that the girl would refuse food, and any activity for who knows how long. The longest she had gone behaving that way was three months, and the only thing that broke up her long spells of lethargic depression, were destructive outburst in which she was wildly unpredictable. Natasha knew better than to bother her on the first day, sometimes all Lily needed was a day and then she could join society once more. One day turned into three, then days turned into weeks, with half eaten meals, and wordless interactions. Two weeks in Natasha couldn't let her be any longer. The likelihood of one of her destructive outbursts was too strong. She went to the one person she thought could pull the girl out of her depression.

"Steve, she hasn't eaten more than a fistful of food every other day, for two weeks. She's already lost weight from it. Not to mention the nightmares! She wakes up every night screaming and crying, I can't do it anymore. Maybe you can get her out of the apartment, get her smiling again," Natasha theorized to Steve as they sat in his apartment. He was only a floor down from them, and he was alone in his apartment.

"What makes you think I can help?" Steve questioned, frowning at her description of Lily's behavior.

"Because the only time she's had a good night's sleep are the times she fell asleep next to you… and she's got a bit of a soft spot for you, so she's less likely to turn you down."

"Soft spot?" he had no idea what that was supposed to mean.

"Just go up and invite her out somewhere, okay. I'm afraid if we don't break this depression soon she's bound for a breakdown, and New York is too delicate for one of those, trust me."

"Where am I even supposed to take her?" Steve sighed letting his head lull back on his couch.

"I don't know. You are a smart man, figure it out. If she breaks New York, Fury is going to confine her to that island again, and I don't want that for her," Natasha sighed out flopping down on the couch beside him, "she really likes Italian food… and cheese fries, the girl really loves cheese fries. I can't even explain it. I watched her binge eat boxes upon boxes one time. Where they go? Nobody knows… but we've gotta try something. Tony invited her out and she refused, Clint offered to take her out to Chicago to see some aquarium, that was a nope, Banner said something about bioluminescent flowers, nope, Pepper even made an offer. We're down to you Steve, and I know you've been busy with SHIELD lately but come on."

Steve frowned for a while. He wanted to go out with Lily, he really did, but the idea of rejection made him a bit apprehensive. Sure he was assigned to help her assimilate, but self preservation was a very strong instinct. All he could imagine were different variations of a harsh let down, and never being able to talk to her again. What else was there to do though? He couldn't let her sit alone, and sad in her apartment, on the brink of some kind of emotional break down. That would be cruel, and he'd hardly be worth her time then. What good was he in her life if he wasn't there when she needed him.

"Okay," he agreed, " I have an idea."

Lily lie on the floor in the apartment in a state in between consciousness and unconsciousness. She named the state "absolute zen". It was a place where nothing hurt, and she felt absolutely at peace, letting her mind play out peaceful dreams. This was the best depression had to offer her right now, and she happily took it. It was better than staring out at all the people going about life as if they had never seen a cloudy day in their lives. It was all so quaint, and it was much easier to lie on the floor, in boy shorts and a t-shirt made of the softest cotton she had ever felt. Pants had not been a part of her life for two weeks now and it only served to make her feel lighter. In her intense state of relaxation she didn't notice the door open. Steve and Natasha walked into the apartment to find her sprawled out on the floor, shirt hiked up and revealing the smooth skin of her stomach.

"Lil, are you alright?" Steve asked, concern painting his tone as he looked at the girl who seemed to have fainted in the middle of the floor. Lily sighed quietly opening her eyes to look at the ceiling.

"She's fine. I think the position helps her back or something," Natasha explained.

"No it doesn't. I'm meditating, it keeps me calm," she argued from her place on the floor, "so there is no threat of a rampage, Natasha. If you just talked to me-"

"You won't speak two words to me!" Natasha yelled all of a sudden, "You are acting like a child! Things don't go your way so you pout about it! Well grow up, things don't always go the way you wish they would!"

"I know," Lily replied quietly, "do you feel better, now that you've yelled?"

Natasha didn't answer, she instead glared at the woman on the floor for a long time before she noticed the tears rolling down the young woman's face. The tears immediately made Natasha feel cruel, and unjustified in her anger. How could she be angry because Lily was depressed, as if the young woman chose to feel the way that she did. Natasha watched as Lily tried to compose herself. She watched the woman on the floor take in deep breaths and clench her jaw to keep the sobs from escaping the cage of her chest.

"I'm sorry, that my inability to feel happy in my situation makes your job harder. I'm trying to cope," she whispered out as her grief took over. The tumultuous emotion wouldn't allow her to say any more words. There was something about crying on the floor in front of a woman Lily thought to be her closest friend, and a man that she was hopelessly infatuated that was just too much for her to handle. Grief was one thing to deal with, and it was a burden on its own, but couple it with crippling humiliation and it was unbearable. She hadn't felt anything like this since she left Russia. The memory of such times were too much, and Lily jetted off to her room and locked the door. Natasha was supposed to be her friend; why the hell would she bring Steve up then criticize her sadness. What was that about? She threw herself on her bed and huddled under the covers, as if she were a child hiding from the monsters in the closet. Unfortunately she wasn't a child, and the monsters she hid from were not in the closet. They were in her mind, pulling thoughts of inadequacy to the forefront of her attention. Natasha and Steve were heroes, not counselors. Why should they have to deal with some traumatized girl with the power to ruin New York? Why did SHIELD give them the job when there were probably more important things to do? If she could just express to them without receiving some kind of lecture that she didn't mean to feel this way, things might be better. She didn't mean to burden them with her grief and she was just as tired of crying as they were of seeing her cry. However, she couldn't just say that because they wouldn't just nod. They would go on about how she was a part of the team and it was more than just their job to figure her out. She didn't believe any of that for one second. People said things all the time, and they rarely say what they mean. Her father had told her he loved her thousands of times, only to leave her and her mom homeless when she was just about to turn sixteen. People lie. People are disappointing. These were truths that she wished she never had to learn, but she had known them for so long, long enough to set a wisdom, and a fear deep inside her brain. Hope gives people the power to make you hurt, so don't ever trust anyone enough to invest your hope, and never become so dependent on anyone that you can't leave.

"Lil," the voice was accompanied by a knock on the door. Despite her emotional state, her heart still did a little flip at the sound of Steve's voice.

"What?" she whined, lifting her face from her pillow so she could speak.

"Please let me in," he implored, something in his voice made her want to obey.

"No, I can't." She called back, "I'm crying and I don't like an audience."

"Then talk to me, Lil, will you do that?"

"Why? You weren't made to babysit broken people."

"Hey, I enlisted to help people."

"Oh god that whole fix the broken woman cliché is played out. I don't want to be disaster and pretty enough to warrant your attention! I wanted to be charming and funny, and intelligent and I wanted us to be friends because you liked me, not because you pity me! But I'm too damned damaged to pull that off, I just fucked it all up with my inability to feel like a normal person."

"You've been through a lot, no one is taking pity-"

"I have had trouble being happy way before I was abducted! Even when I wasn't a monster I still wasn't normal! Nobody wants sexy disasters! Everyone thinks they do but they don't! I'm sorry that you've got to deal with me! I just… I guess I was made to be alone," she grumbled miserably, dropping her head onto the pillow. Steve looked at the dark wood door and stared at it in confusion.

"You aren't a disaster, you're just having a hard time… what does normal even mean? What does any of that even mean?" he heard her whine unintelligibly, "I didn't catch that."

"I… I like you!," she sobbed, "I really, really like you, but you don't need Debbie Downer as a date, so just leave me here to rot!"

Steve stared at the door with even more confusion. He wasn't sure what he'd expected her to say, but it most definitely had not been that. Even so, her words set with him the wrong way. She was the opposite of a downer, she was inspirational, she was funny, and kind of awkward cute. Even when she cried. The idea that she was ruining any sort of mood had not crossed his mind. Most of all, he was appalled by the way she simply assumed he was uninterested.

"What… what makes you think that I don't -uh -want you… want to date you?" he stammered brilliantly.

"Who would?! Please, just go, it's okay I don't blame you!"

"Lily Hemlock, if you think for one moment that I am going to leave you alone to cry in that room you are extremely mistaken! Yes there is nothing normal about you, and sure you might cry a bit more than the average person, but since when does anyone just shoot for average. No you're not average, or normal, or ordinary because there are better things to be then that."

His assertion was met with silence. He sighed and hit his head lightly on the door, "Trust me on this one, Lil, your one of the best girls I've ever met… and I would be absolutely honored if… if- you maybe- had dinner with me… tonight. I know you like cheese fries and know a place that sells the best cheese fries you will ever have."

More silence came from the room, and he sighed heavily, wondering what the hell he could say to get her out of that room. Apparently, admitting his feelings was not enough. Just as he was going to tell her he'd be in the living room if she changed her mind he heard her voice much closer and clearer than before.

"Like a… date?"

"If that doesn't make you uncomfortable. If it does that's fine, it can be just a friend thing too. I'm sure Natasha's hungry," he rambled.

"No, no, I like the date thing," she answered immediately, "but why?"

"Because… I uh I like you too."

The door suddenly wrenched open, throwing Steve off balance for a moment. Lily stared at him with wide eyes as she tried to comprehend the words she thought she heard behind the door. She took into account that Steve was bright red, a rather adorable hue for him.

"What?" she questioned.

Steve cleared his throat, forcing himself to look her straight in the eyes as he spoke, "I like you too, Lily."

"You aren't just saying that to get me out of this room right? Because I really can't take people fucking with my emotions and if-"

"I really mean it… aren't you telepathic shouldn't you already know?" he questioned curiously.

"I like to give people their privacy… but I can tell you believe what you're saying," she spoke softly looking down at her feet, then she noticed her bare legs, "I do not have any pants on." she spoke aloud looking up at him. Steve became impossibly more red.

"No you do not." he agreed. She slammed the door closed and leaned against it, utter mortification spilling through her system.

"So are you-"

"Yes, I would love some cheese fries right now. Just gimme a minute to look like a normal human being." she called throwing herself into action around her room.


	7. Chapter 7

"Okay let me explain why I love cheese fries so much," she laughed as they walked from the restaurant where Steve had the pleasure of watching Lily tackle more cheese fries than he had ever seen in his life.

"Oh please do," he laughed.

"Well okay, listen they make everything better. I mean sure they don't make things all sunshine and rainbows, but they certainly can't make a day any worse. I'm a firm believer of the phrase fries before guys," she teased, cracking him a rueful smile.

"Is that right? I'm happy to know that in a dire situation you'll choose fries over me," he scoffed giving her a playful frown.

"Just don't ever get in that situation and we won't have any problems," she warned, laughing at his chagrined expression, "okay, I might make an exception on your behalf."

"Well thank you," he shook his head, "at least now I know how to make you happy, now. It's as simple as cheese fries and ice cream."

"And good company," she added, "speaking of which… where are we going with all of this. I like you, you like me…?" she trailed looking at her fingers as she examined her carefully manicured nails. Steve considered her question as he fished the keys to Lily's car out of his pocket. The car was a blue Shelby Cobra with white racing stripes. It was a small indulgence Lily had allowed herself when she first moved to New York.

"Well, what if this was our first date?"

"Dates usually happen at night time," she smiled, giving him a hard time.

"Well, I guess I'll just have to keep you until the sun goes down, won't I?" he smiled opening her door for her. She murmured her thank you, then looked down at the skirt of the dress she wore, trying to focus on the pretty cherry blossoms that painted the fabric.

"Where to next?" she asked curiously.

"That's a surprise."

They wound up on a beach. At first they walked the boardwalk, looking at the merchandise of numerous vendors. They spoke a little on light subjects, and fond memories. They were interrupted once by a small child.

"Cap'n 'Merica!" the little girl squealed as she wiggled away from her parents and ran straight for the hero she had spotted. Lily couldn't help but to smile at the little girl as she ran over in her bright yellow sundress. Steve stopped walking as she grabbed on to his leg. He looked down with a small smile and laughed.

"Hi, what's your name?" he asked.

"Bond, Sophie Alyssa Bond," she grinned up at him, still holding his leg in a vice grip.

"Where are your parents, Ms. Sophie Alyssa Bond," he asked, picking her up so she could point out her family. They really were not hard to spot. They were the two parents about to have a heart attack looking for her. Lily smiled at that, watching the girl pick them out in the crowd.

"Let's get you back to them, they seem worried."

"Who is she?" Sophie asked, pointing a finger down at Lily.  
"Her name's Lily," he answered as he continued through the crowd.

"Is she your wife?" Sophie asked.

"No," he smiled, "My date, for now."  
"But then you're gonna marry her?"

"I don't know."

"Do it, she's pretty," the little girl declared as Steve made it to her parents. Lily followed beside them, laughing quietly at the scene. He returned her to her parents and signed her Captain America shield backpack, then said goodbye to little Sophie Alyssa Bond.

"Well that was incredibly adorable," Lily laughed, "Does that happen often?"

"More often than you'd think. It's always the kids that recognize me," he laughed, "I can always hear them from far away."

"Precious little creatures," she spoke fondly.

Towards the end of the day, when the sun began to go back under the horizon, they walked the beach. Lily held her shoes in her hand as she did so, choosing to walk just at the water's edge. The view was absolutely breathtaking, mixed with the person who was currently holding her hand. The entire thing felt nice, easy. Sure there was still a bit of the sadness she had felt that morning lingering on the outskirts of her mind, but this outing had helped.

"I'm not sure why I get the way I do," she sighed, "but if you're willing to be patient, I promise I'm not that bad."

"I don't think you're bad at all."

"Yeah, but it's frustrating. Sometimes I can handle things just fine. I can get past it and move on without being too upset. Other times I can just drop a glass of water and my entire world just crumbles. Nat… she didn't mean what she said, not exactly anyway. She just wants me to stop getting hurt about the same thing. She doesn't quite understand the allegiance a child has to their mother."

"I get it," he nodded, "especially when all she had was you. I understand that it's difficult to be so close and so far at the same time."

"I just don't know if SHIELD is doing it for my own good. My mother is really the only thing they can hold over my head and make me do stuff. The people above Fury are afraid of me, and they won't let me go see my mom because they think I'll just disappear after I have what I want."

"Couldn't you just disappear now?"

"Yeah I could. It wouldn't be hard to get the information I want, and just leave. SHIELD could never recapture me if I didn't want them to. I don't think the council understands that concept, though. They like to believe that they've got everyone in a row like pieces on a chessboard. I'm not the only one who could just walk off the board at anytime though. Dr. Banner could too. He doesn't really have any attachments they could kill off, and they can't kill him, they just trust that he won't. I wonder why they don't fear him."

"I couldn't tell ya. But Bruce is pretty happy working with Tony, I think they know he doesn't have anything to gain from leaving. You on the other hand, you don't gain much from being a long term agent, so you also don't lose much from leaving."

"I'd lose you, and Natasha. I just wish Fury would let me plead my case. No, I won't be the perfect weapon, or soldier because I never wanted any of that. Even when I was younger I knew the US government was shady, and that life as soldier just wasn't for me. I have too many questions, and I'm not a tool and that's what the council sees me as. I just I dunno… I guess maybe I don't think I belong here."

"Why?"

"I don't follow orders well, or rather…I don't like not having a choice."

"Tony feels the same way, and when you are extremely… valuable you get to show out. It pains me to say this, but you might wanna act a bit like him, it might help."

"Nah, I'm not really into alcohol, and parties, or multiple partners," she laughed, thinking about the man that she could only label as eccentric.

"Not what I meant, but good. I mean, if bending some of the rules makes things easier for you then do it, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, and I wouldn't advise you to do something they have explicitly forbidden. Might be more trouble than it's worth then."

"So I shouldn't by the first ticket Missouri?" she sighed, understanding the true meaning behind his words.

"I would not advise it. Just start with little things, if it makes you happy do it," he said earnestly.

"Well we'll have to do this more often, it makes me happy," she grinned.

"Me too." he agreed catching that she was done talking on the subject. He wasn't really sure if he had helped her feel better about her problem. Steve imagined it was all very difficult and he thought well of SHIELD but he had to admit that forbidding her to see her mother for the purpose of leverage would not be beneath them at all. Either way, Lily seemed to allow the thought to slip from her mind as she wandered further into the water and proceeded to jump over the waves. It was oddly endearing to see her doing such a childish thing, and to find her taking actual happiness out of the action. Simple things were too often over looked in the glamour of this world. Sometimes all you really needed was good company, and good surroundings. He stood off and watched as she hopped over the waves, and collected seashells. The dilemma with Lily was the simple fact that she had nothing that really kept her here. SHIELD had no real control so they overcompensated by placing ridiculous rules on her just to see if she would comply, and she had been complying. Natasha had informed both of them that they were loosening their reins on her. It was obviously in an attempt to keep her happy and hopeful that one day she would be able to see her mother. It was unfair to both Lily's mother and Lily, the least they could do is allow her to maintain phone calls, or emails, something. Internally, Steve decided he'd talk to Fury when he got the chance.

Lily stopped her game of jumping over waves as she found a conch on the shore. It was rather large, and surprisingly uninhabited. She pressed the shell to her ear, remembering the wonder she had felt when she was younger at "hearing the ocean". The sound of air whispering through the shell was oddly relaxing. She missed the wonder she had once held for the world, it really was beautiful. The sun was making its final bow before disappearing for the night. The sound of approaching footsteps tore her eyes from the sight of the sun to see Steve walking slowly towards her. For a moment she was thrown off by how devastatingly beautiful the light of the sunset made him. The hues of warm orange made him seem utterly ethereal, as if the light was simply in love with his skin, and instead of bouncing off of him it sought to hold him in its warm embrace.

"Is this officially our first date, yet?" he question as he stood barefoot, with his pants rolled up, beside her in the water.

"Yeah, and a very nice one. I feel a bit better now thank you," she smiled softly at him as he watched her facial expression change from a serene smile to something much wiser than her body. It lasted only for a moment, like she had just made some great discovery or decision within herself. Before he could really decide what exactly the change was she turned to face him with her serene smile back in place.

"Come on, before my replacement mother starts worrying," she joked. Steve returned her words with a look of confusion, "I mean Natasha," she supplied.

He nodded and laughed a little at that. Steve never thought anyone would refer to Natasha as the mothering type, but when it came to Lily, he supposed it was true. He agreed to her wishes and they went back to the car. They drove with the top down, and Lily rested her head back against the seat and felt the wind caress her face as they drove. They didn't speak, letting the tunes of the radio fill in the silence. Lily had a Led Zeppelin tape in the radio and The Rain Song played, adding a lazy sort of haze to the night. It was all so very peaceful, uniquely peaceful. The serenity she felt at Steve's side was not like that which she found in absolute zen. She wasn't detached and numb, no she could still feel the butterflies battering against her stomach and the blush hiding behind the rich caramel of her skin, yet the feelings were not nerve wracking. He knew how she felt and the feeling was mutual. There was no reason to worry anymore, she had made her touchdown on the feelings frontier. She felt like she needed to do a speech, for every girl crushing on a famous person. Instead she just basked in the warmth of the summer night and lived in her present contentment, knowing moments like this were rare. Tomorrow she could be back on the floor trying not to feel any of the bad things that plagued her life. After more than a year of fighting threw five years worth of trauma she knew she was resilient, and with that knowledge she spoke to Steve.

"Steve, will you do me a favor?" she asked opening her eyes, and letting her head lull lazily to her left.

"Hm?" he questioned glancing at her.

"Don't let me tell you I'm fine, or pretty okay. Don't let me lie to myself… there's this poem… fine is the suckiest word. It is the opposite of here. Here is the last place on the map, here is where you learn laughter can go extinct and come back… that's the quote. I want to be here," she said slowly.

"I can do that," he nodded.

"Thanks," she murmured and went back to listening to the music and feeling content.

Steve walked Lily up to her apartment, a companionable silence reigning over their shared space. Lily fiddled with the conch she had taken from the beach, wondering why she had taken it. She had no real use for the thing, just another knick knack to clutter the surface of her vanity or her dresser, but not a meaningless knick knack. It would serve as a reminder for their first date. Though, she really didn't need a reminder. As they stepped out of the elevator and walked through the little foyer to the big dark double doors to her apartment, Lily decided a better use for the conch other than letting it collect dust on her vanity.

"Thanks for walking me up here," she smiled looking up at Steve. His eyes momentarily wrecked her train of thought. She could almost see her thoughts crash into a brick wall of "Sweet Jesus he's gorgeous". Steve watched her face go absolutely blank for one instant, as if a switch inside her had just been flipped. It only happened for a moment before she cleared her throat and held out the conch to him.

"Think of it as a token of my affection… and a memento of our first date," she offered. He took the perfect pink shell from her and as he did she reached up on the tops of her toes and kissed his cheek. Lily hurried into her shared apartment, before she could do anything stupid, like full on make out with him. She somehow didn't think he'd take that too well. Steve stood perfectly still outside the door with one hand pressed to his cheek, still feeling the warmth from her lips there. Once composed he smiled a bit and turned to go back to the elevator.

Inside Lily watched him from the monitor by the door, smiling to herself at his reaction. Little did she know she was also being watched.

"Well, look like love's in the air," Natasha mused. Lily looked at the woman to find her not alone. Clint stood beside Natasha maintaining an amused smirk.

"Shut up, both of you!" Lily chastised.

"I didn't even say anything!" Clint laughed, following as Lily quickly hurried towards her room.

"You were thinking it!" she yelled, "Don't make this weird, you guys!" she pleaded, turning around to look at them, "And keep this amongst us."

"Oh come on, Mouse!" Clint whined, "I have to get my money from Tony."

Lily sent him a hard glare, "You placed bet! You are unbelievable!"

"Don't be mad," he pleaded, and she turned on her heel changing her destination from her room to the couch. She knew better than to try and hide from Clint. He would pick the lock or come into her room through the vent. He was just one of those people who couldn't drop a subject until it was dealt with. She figured she might as well get comfortable.

"What was the bet?" she asked curiously as Natasha and Clint sat on the sofa with her.

"I bet that you and Steve would start dating without Tony's help."

"Nat please don't tell me you set this up."

"Nope, I didn't know about the bet until just now," Natasha answered, glaring holes into the side of Clint's head.

"Great, well Clint, you will have none of my baked goods for a week. Do you understand me, mister?"

"That's unfair."

"So was betting on my personal life."

"Alright fine, so what did you guys do?" he asked, looking every bit like a giddy teenager about to get the latest dish.

Lily rolled her eyes, but delved into the details of the day, speaking of all of it with a quiet type of excitement. It was like the things that had happened were already eons away, and she was but a wise creature retelling the story. It was odd, but still endearing, as the two listened to her talk, and laugh at moments in which she had been less than the perfect date. Clint found that in her musings about Steve and how utterly perfect she thought him to be, that she sounded just like any love sick twenty year old. She wasn't the world's most dangerous weapon, or a new superhero. She was just a girl who had found puppy love, and it was absolutely adorable. Lily hugged one of the decorative pillows to her chest and held it tighter anytime she spoke of something particularly embarrassing or otherwise emotionally overwhelming. Steve seemed like a good change for the newest Avenger.


	8. Chapter 8

Months passed and life was simple, and it was good. Sure there were days when Lily cried about the things she had been through, or because she simply missed her mother. Those days, however, were few. For six months her only work was with Bruce and Tony in the lab, working on her ability to teleport things, and keeping the two from any harm. There was one particularly heart clenching moment in which an innocent lab accident involving a highly corrosive acid almost spell certain disaster. The acid had reacted badly in one of Dr. Banner's experiments, exploding in the test tube and sending shards of glass every where. Lily had been closest to Tony and destroyed the shards coming for the both of them. Unfortunately, she wasn't quick enough to spare Bruce from his injuries. Upon injury the other guy made his appearance.

"Bruce! Hey, no, you are going to be alright!" she called, moving to hurry to his side, but Tony grabbed her wrist.

"You have to get out of here! I've got this!" he informed.

"I am not going to let you ruin New York fighting him," she shook Tony off and looked back to Bruce as he leaned against the table, skin becoming more green than its normal tan, and the seams of his shirt starting to rip. Lily strode surely over to him, all the while observing the electrical impulses surging through his neurons. Once she realized how simple he would be to stop, she simply walked around the desk and gripped the back of his neck. She needed to be as close to spinal cord as possible to get the desired affect with him so far gone. With her hand there she simply spoke a simple command.

"Calm down, Bruce," at her words he fell limp in her arms. She huffed out a quick breath at the sudden weight and readjusted him in her arms.

"Not exactly what I had in mind," she spoke looking up to see Tony in his suit.

"Well I'll be damned," Tony spoke as he watched her slowly lower Bruce to the floor, "You knocked him out."

"No I didn't," she smiled, looking at Bruce as he smiled up at her, "I think our doctor is a little stoned."

Bruce brought up a single finger and poked her nose, as if to prove her theory.

With yet another ability revealed, Lily was almost a must anytime Bruce was in the lab. Director Fury was out on some type of mission, Agent Maria was more than happy with having someone to keep the Hulk from demolishing New York. Lord knows the city had been through enough. Bruce felt more at ease knowing that she could make him calm down if she needed to, and Tony was obsessed with the prospect of getting high without using drugs. Though Lily only had need to use that ability on him once. He had found himself in the middle of a panic attack one day while he was working on Iron Man stuff. Pepper had found herself more than a little confused when she saw Lily dragging Tony's giggling body to his room.

Six months of smooth sailing meant several more dates with Captain America and still nothing more than a few kisses on the cheek and public hand holding had transpired. While neither Lily nor Steve minded the simple innocence of their relationship, the rest of the team was frustrated for them.

"They're like children!" Tony exclaimed.

"You will leave them alone," Natasha rebuked, "Lil is just a little hesitant on the whole intimacy subject, and can you blame her. Steve's fine with what they have, Lil's fine with it so we leave them be."

"But it has been six months!" Tony enunciated, "They haven't even kissed."

"Not all people live on sex like you do," Natasha rolled her eyes.

"Okay listen, Nat, it's not that I agree with Tony, but," Clint began," Steve is still a guy."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Natasha demanded.

"Men have urges…" Clint tried to explain and she shot him a death glare.

"Do I need to remind you that the closest Lily has gotten to a male that found her attractive was seven years ago, and that male raped her almost every night for five years. If you bring your dumb ass idea that men cannot exist without sex to her I will personally snap both of your necks. Steve is a good guy, and if anyone is going to redeem your gender in her eyes it's gonna be him. So shut the hell up and mind your own business," she growled at them. Both men were immediately contrite. It wasn't so much that they had forgotten what she'd been through, it was just that she never showed any signs of being bothered by it. They couldn't fathom that deep, deep, deep, inside there was a piece of her, a relatively small piece, that screamed anytime someone touched her without her knowing before hand. That piece was buried deep and easily stifled but it still had its place in her psyche. While Clint and Tony never saw that fear Steve sometimes did. Kisses on the cheek or hand were simple, she expected them, she could read them before they happened and even when she didn't it was only a simple friendly gestured. He had tried initiating a kiss after their fourth date. He moved in close as she looked up at him in front of her door. In the moments before landing a kiss he looked over every feature on her face and he watched her expression change from playfully curious, to utter terror as she stepped away from him.

"No, no don't… don't do that," the words tumbled from her lips quickly as she pressed herself against the door. Steve took an automatic step back holding up his hands in surrender, to show he meant her know harm.

"Sorry. I just thought… I don't know what I thought. I wasn't thinking-" he stammered, hoping he hadn't ruined everything with being too rash.

"God, no don't be sorry. I made this awkward. Can we just… not yet okay? Is that okay? I'm not… I'm not," she didn't know how to finish that sentence. She wasn't what? Whole? Ready? Okay? All of those words were right but how to make him see.

"No I get it," he stepped away from her to hide from the embarrassment of rejection. She read that she had hurt him on his face and in his mind. She caught his hand before he could leave.

"No, you don't and I don't expect you to. I'm just not done healing," she brought his hand up to her face and rested her cheek in his palm, "I do like you, I like you a lot. Don't ever doubt that, it's easier for me to give you my heart, than it is my body… I hope you can understand that," she peered up at him with eyes like onyx, pleading with him to understand, "I trust you I do, but physical stuff is hard for me, but emotionally, I'm all yours," she promised turning her face so she could kiss his palm.

Steve understood her. In that one small moment outside of her apartment he understood that her body was much more precious than her heart to her. She had always owned her heart. No one had taken it and smashed it to pieces, or done anything with it that she didn't wish to be done. Lily was only just regaining control of her body, of course she was more reluctant to let people touch it. She was still trying to convince herself that it belonged to her. What sense would it make to go give it away? With their lines of communication intact Steve was okay with holding off on a kiss for as long as it took her to decide she was ready. Until then, seeing her smile, and hearing her laugh were good enough.

That's just how things were for six months, everything was simple. Nothing new hurt anyone, because nothing new really happened. Until an emergency meeting was called. Lily sat in between Steve and Natasha, playing with an origami fortune teller, while they waited for Director Fury to arrive.

"Funny how he's always the last person to these things," Tony complained.

"He does it for looks. It's the same reason why you're always late to your own parties."

"That was one time and you won't let me lie it down."

"I was left with the son of one of your investors!" she through back incredulously, "I got to listen to him tell me about how I had a million dollar mouth!"

"Okay yes, that was horrible, but the look on his face when you broke his arm was hilarious," Tony laughed.

"This is why people are afraid to let you take me places. You are a poor partner."

"Stick with your boyfriend then, I'm sure you have tons of fun with that old man," Tony spoke dryly, kicking his feet up on the table.

"I do, thank you very much. He has never thrown up on my shoes WHILE I WAS WEARING THEM!"

"One time!" Tony yelled back.

"Alright you two, that's enough," Natasha called.

"She's right, Fury's coming, I can hear Darth Vader's theme song already."

Tony burst out in laughter. Lily began humming the tune, just as Fury walked in. The entire team was holding in laughter as he stood before them. The man glared them down, effectively killing any bit of merriment that might have lived in the room. Lily watched warily as another man walked into the room with him. The man was tall and muscular with long blonde hair. He kind of looked like he'd just got done LARPing at a Renaissance fair. She watched the man take a seat in the chair that was empty the last time there was a team meeting.

"Who wants to end the world now?" Tony asked breaking the ice.

"No one is," Fury answered, "but we do have a dilemma. Thor would you like to explain to the team the dilemma your father has put us in," it was easy to tell that Fury was cross, beyond cross, seething.

"My brother Loki-" at the name a collective sigh swept through the room. Lily looked around at everyone confused by their reaction, "He was posing as the All Father, and caused much turmoil in the nine realms. Upon learning of his guise my father has been restored to his throne. Now there is the question of what to do with the traitor Loki."

"Kill him, and be done with it. What has any of this got to do with us?" Tony demanded.

"My mother's dying wish was for Loki to live. My Father will not go back on his promise to her. He knows that Loki owes a great debt to this planet, and he has decided upon sending him here."

"Why?" Natasha, demanded. Lily jumped at the suddenness of the woman's voice, and its severity.

"Because we know not any other punishment. He can not be stripped of his magic, not without killing him, but he has been weakened. He poses little threat-"

"We can't be expected to let him come to Earth, after all he did," Steve spoke. Lily looked over at him, confused by the resolute sound of his voice. She looked him over and noticed that his hands were in fists in his lap. Lily's eyes searched over everyone in the room, until her eyes fell on Tony. His head was resting against his fists on the table. She recognized the rhythm of his breathing as one of the exercises he used to keep panic attacks at bay. With this knowledge she stood, and went over to his side, pressing a gentle hand to the back of his neck, and feeling him relax.

"This is Loki's last chance of redemption, I am asking for your help, my friends," Thor finished, looking each of the people in the room in the eyes, until he came to a new face, "I do not believe we have met. I am Thor," he greeted. Something told her that under any other circumstance he might have been more jovial.

"I'm Lily," she replied, looking at him with wide eyes, "Whatever your brother has done… they don't want to help him… but you said redemption."

"Thor. There is one person on this planet that I trust to keep your brother in line," Director Fury began, "And that's her."

"This is the weapon you spoke of?" Thor asked incredulously.

"I wish you wouldn't refer to me as that. I'm not a blunt object. I'm a person," she grumbled.

"If she accepts this mission, then you've got a place for your brother to go," Fury finished. All eyes were suddenly on Lily, awaiting her answer. She looked around at the faces of her friends then to Thor, whose eyes seemed to pleading with her.

"… May I have your hand?" she asked softly walking around Fury so she stood in front of Thor. If she seemed small to Thor when she was across the wide table, then she was tiny now, peering up at him with her big doe eyes.

"I can learn anything I want to know from a person just from a touch," she explained, "since your brother is not here, I will have to learn about him through you." Lily held out her hand for him to take. He placed his hand in her hesitantly. The moment she did, she got flashes of memories about the man, Loki, his childhood, his crime, and how much his brother loved him.

"I see," she whispered, letting his hand go, "and I can understand why all of you are reluctant to have me do this," she spoke slowly looking at everyone, pausing on Steve. He was simply staring at her with a look of worry so deep she thought it would age him.

"I'll do it. I'll look after him," she agreed, turning her head to look at Fury, "someone has to do it, and it's better to keep tabs on him than to let him just roam the cosmos. It leaves room for scheming. Dark things live in dark places, it's how he got the army before… we have to keep him in the light if we want peace."

"Spoken like a true agent, Ms. Hemlock. You'll be relocated-"

"Wait, Director, may I be relocated with her," Natasha asked.

"Both you and Rogers with accompany her," Fury agreed.

"I want to go too," Tony spoke up, raising his head to look at Lily.

"I've only arranged for-"

"We should all go. Lily is still assimilating, and the testing concerning her abilities isn't done yet," Banner rationalized, "Tony and I have been working with her everyday now and we believe we're close to a break through."

"Fine. You are all being located to a facility in Illinois. Lily, you will be responsible for anything that happens regarding Loki. Depending on how you handle this situation determines how much you can be trusted as an agent of SHIELD." his words were easy for her to translate. If she messed up, she would never be permitted to see her mother.

"Yes, sir," she whispered, not trusting her voice to sustain any volume louder than that.

"Good. Everyone be ready tomorrow by 6 AM at headquarters. I won't wait for you." Director Fury left the room leaving everyone in the room to stare at Lily.

"I can handle myself. I know the last run in with him ended badly… but not to sound arrogant but you didn't have me."

"You do sound arrogant," Natasha spoke, "but you are right when you say that we can't just let him roam around. We have to keep an eye on him."

"It is good that we are all going. I do not believe young lady would stand a chance against Loki. With all respect to you my lady, I have seen the greatest warriors fall to his tricks."

"With all respect to you, you don't know me in the slightest. You underestimate me because I am small. Atoms are small… and then you split one and…boom. I was created to be the most deadly thing on Earth, and I am. I could end you right now if I wanted to without even touching you. That's not a threat though, it's just a statement of fact. I could but I won't. I'm not a killer, but I have killed. Trust me when I say it is Loki who doesn't stand a chance," Lily turned and left the conference room. Steve followed her immediately.

"Lil!" he called, catching up to her fast paced steps, "Whatever you're trying to prove-"

"This is what I have to do to see my mother. If I screw up I will never be permitted to see her. This is my chance Steve," she spoke to him in a hushed voice, "I don't get to be scared right now. I have to do this."

"Lily… I …" He began, "I'm with you," he sighed.

"That's not what you were going to say. What were you going to say?"

"Don't worry about it. I just… I know how much you want to see your mom."

"Yes. So I have to do this," she resolved.

In the morning, she and Natasha were the first on the jet. Natasha was telling her everything she knew about Loki. Lily listened carefully, learning everything she possibly could about her adversary. It was what Natasha taught her to do. Never go in blind if you can help it.

"Don't try to prove yourself to him, you'll play into his hand. You're small-"

"Use it to my advantage. He'll underestimate me. Underestimation is good, it makes my job easier," Lily finished, nodding to herself, "I can do this."

"I know you can. You're the only person I've ever seen take down fifty agents while unarmed and simply in hand to hand combat. Tony and Bruce have helped you with your powers, and I hope Steve and I have helped you… feel better. But you have to listen to me closely. You can not show any real emotion around Loki. He will use it against you. Do you understand me, Lily?" Natasha demanded in a severe tone, "If you have to be absolutely vacant, do it. That's how we survive, remember? We take it all…"

"And we let it fuel us. We don't show our hand to our enemy. Emotions have no place on the battle field, only logic."

"When you are around him you find that switch and you shut. It. Off. I don't care who's in there with you. I don't care if Steve is there, I don't care if I'm there. You turn it off, all of it. If he knows you care about us then he'll try to use us against you. Remember who your real friends are, who has helped you for the past seven months… or I guess in my case two years. I will have your back if you need it, all you have to do is give me the signal. I'm your partner."

"You'll go in with me?" Lily asked looking up at her.

"Of course I will. Steve won't though, and it's for the best."

"So it's just like the mission in Moscow."

"You and I remember Moscow very differently. I remember you pretending to be drunk off your ass to get into the target's room."

"It worked!" she defended, cracking a small smile at the memory.

"You left your weapon at the bar," Natasha laughed, "and when I got to the room, the guy was naked and handcuffed to the bed, trying to sweet talk you in Russian."

Both women erupted into a fit of laughter thinking of their first mission together. Natasha looked at her with a fond smile before grabbing her in a tight hug, "I understand you're doing this for your mom, and you are going to kick ass at this mission. It's only six months, just enough to strike fear of you into his heart, then I am going to make sure you are on the first plane to Missouri, even if I have to break a few rules to get you there."

"Thank you, Natasha. It's nice to have someone who believes I can do this," she murmured.

"Yeah well no one else has seen you pissed off. I know personally that you can be a holy terror. They just see you as sweet little Lily… they just want to protect you. Now's your chance to show them you're your own hero."

"What if… what if when Steve sees… what if he doesn't want me?" she whispered looking up at Natasha.

"That is a possibility, and you should be prepared for it. People are afraid of what they can't contain, what they don't know, but Lily I know you and I am afraid, but fear can be overridden with trust. You will always have your powers, they are a part of who you are now. Anyone who cannot handle you does not deserve you. Steve is a great guy but we both know he's still naïve. If he cannot handle you, then you wait for someone who can. You were made for destruction, and chaos, yes, but you are so much more."

"I know. You remind me of that, Nat. Okay, chick flick moment over, I hear Steve coming and I think he's escorting our personal diva." They watched as Steve, Tony and Bruce boarded the jet. Tony looked vaguely hung over, Bruce looked nervous, and Steve just seemed worried. None of them were expecting to see the two women on board laughing. Steve took a seat across from them, looking confused and almost offended. This was serious. Lily was about to meet a psychotic egomaniac and they were laughing.

"What the hell are they laughing at now?" Clint asked as he joined the party.

"I don't know, but it's freaking me out," Tony grumbled, "Lily, honey, could you give me something to relax?"

"Tony, baby, I could punch you really hard," she threw back, "Pepper made me promise to keep an eye on your drinking, and your cholesterol. You are aging, you have to take care of your body, you only get the one."

"Clint and Bruce are aging and you don't yell at them," he pointed out like a petulant child.

"Well Clint and Bruce don't have a drinking problem and their girlfriends didn't ask me to look out for them. So shut up and drink this glass of wine because it's good for your blood pressure." she said as she poured water into a glass and turned it into wine.

"You are such a pain in the ass, and I love you," Tony smiled at her, taking the glass.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll remind you to call Pepper when we land."

"I'm sorry, but I didn't get an 'I love you too' I'm feeling a little upset and vulnerable right now," Tony complained.

"I love you too, Tony," she sighed, smiling at his antics.

"And a kiss on the cheek for my pain and suffering."

"I'll blow you one, you'll have to catch it," she allowed, and blew him a kiss. Tony put up his hand and pretended to catch it in his fist. He pressed his fist to his lips as he stared Lily right in the eyes giving her a little wink.

"Tastes like cherry."

"Name of the lipstick is cherry pie," she smiled showing off her perfect white smile, before playfully snarling and biting at the air. Their antics pulled a laugh out of almost everyone.

"Are you two done?" Steve snapped. Lily looked to him, startled by his sour mood. He wasn't usually so cross.

"We're just having a bit of fun Steve," she said softly, "didn't mean to upset your delicate sensibilities. I just never took you for the territorial type," she was still being playful, speaking in a voice that belonged in the old Noire films.

"You are about to go on a mission, Lily. Maybe you should act like it," he suggested, giving her a measured look. She glared back, her fun playful expression changing in an instant to something extremely dangerous.

"Steve, I don't know what has gotten into you but let me correct it. We may be dating, but do not think for one second that that gives you any power over me. I'm on a mission, I don't have time for children's games." her voice was cold, measured, and unbelievable sure as she glared at him, "Now I'm going to enjoy this flight, and time with my friends. You can give yourself wrinkles."

She turned her gaze back to Tony who set on the other side of the jet, looking like he'd just seen Jesus. It was like a flip had been switched and she was joking with him again, like she wasn't just chastising Steve. The last members of the team boarded and the jet was set for take off.

"Have they given you a cool spy name yet?" Clint asked.

"No, they wanted to name me Fox for a while, but I think that was just some horny agent trying to get his fix. I vetoed that one."

"Well come on, I think we can think of one," Clint said, "about Agent Black Mamba?"

"Not bad," she shrugged.

Names were thrown across the jet, some utterly ridiculous, some down right shameful and then Bruce spoke.

"Angel."

"That's ironic," she snorted, waiting for someone to say another name, but everyone was considering that name: Angel.

"Angel's are warriors of god with the mission to protect humanity. Isn't that your mission?" Director Fury asked.

" Angels are unfeeling and-"

"When you're on a mission, that's exactly what you are," Natasha spoke up, "I like it. Call in the Angel, that phrase has a nice ring to it."

"Yeah, you know shit's about to go down," Tony agreed, " You've got an army, well we've got an angel. Do you know how bad ass that sounds."

"Angel it is then."

"No, no, no," Tony interjected, "You are The Angel."

"Okay but what if Fury was Charlie, and I could be Charlie's Angel." she proposed, coaxing a laugh from just about everyone, and a faint scoff from Fury. It was the closest that man got to laughing really. It was decided, she was The Angel. She had to admit it was pretty epic sounding. So there it was, Captain America, The Black Widow, Iron Man, The Hulk, Hawkeye, Thor, Director Fury, and The Angel, the world's mightiest heroes to contain a god of mischief. The flight to Illinois wasn't terribly long, and they landed on the private strip within four hours. Lily followed closely behind Director Fury with Natasha at her side.  
"Tony and Bruce put in a few touches to your uniform. You can thank Tony for the extreme durability, and easy flexibility, and Bruce kept it modest… he thought you'd like something a little… retro," Natasha explained as she pulled out the body suit. Lily put on the suit and found it to be unbelievably comfortable.

"I feel like a greaser babe," she laughed, looking in the mirror.

"I picked out the shoes," Natasha admitted, pulling out a box and opening it. They were kick ass, lace up knee highs that looked every bit as old fashion bad ass as the rest of the outfit.

"I feel like I could take down an entire army." she murmured looking at herself in the mirror.

"Good. Here's your belt, thigh holster and weapons," she pointed over to a wall with everything hanging on it, "I'm gonna go suit up."

When the time came for Lily to meet Loki everyone had taken up there positions. Natasha and Lily waited outside the bolted steel doors, while the rest of the team sat in a room where the security feed was playing on multiple monitors. Lily took in a deep breath, remembering every bit of training that had been drilled in to her. Then she turned off the emotional part of her brain, including the amygdala. She would not feel fear, or pain, or sadness while she was in the room with Loki. She would be cold, only aware of her mission, she would be just like an angel. The doors slid open with a hiss, and she and Natasha strode in with perfect synchronization. Each of their eyes set on the man encased in chains and a muzzle behind a force field of energy that he could not cross. Lily observed him carefully, taking in the capability of each fiber of muscle he possessed. His eyes followed her too, as if he was doing the same. His long black hair was in disarray, and he knelt in his confines for the chains were fastened far apart and they were not long enough to permit him to stand. She understood this to be a cruel irony for his wish that mankind would kneel to him.

"Take down the force field," Natasha ordered as she stopped beside the security personnel stationed beside the computers that kept Loki in his binds. Lily continued onto the metal grating that surrounded him in one big circle. There were many paths that lead to his platform in the middle of the vast room. They were controlled by several computers about the room and with a push of the button by the door, they would all detach and let go of the platform sending them falling into the abyss below, a threat for his cooperation. Lily came to stand right in front of him, before bending gracefully so that she sat Indian-style.

"I am going to take off your muzzle, but if you bite me it will be the last thing you do," she spoke in a sure voice. The audience watching on the monitors were taken aback by her cold tone. It was so unfamiliar, so unlike the Lily they knew. There was no compassion, or caring in her voice, there wasn't even anger or venom. Her voice was a simple sound, that was absolutely sure of itself, not needing to work to be intimidating, or terrifying. Loki registered this immediately, realizing this was no normal human. In all of his run-ins with the species he had recognized their need to feel in control of a situation that brought them fear. They often yelled, or growled in order to make themselves seem much more powerful than they were. This woman, though small, in front of him did no such thing. Her voice was unmarred by malice, it was simple, as if she were simply informing him of a law of nature. With that understanding in place, she undid the intricate lock work of the muzzle.

"I am someone they call The Angel," she spoke to him, "If you behave yourself you might someday learn my actual name."

"The Angel? Are you here to redeem me, angel?" he grinned looking at the woman in front of him with pure malicious delight. He had found a new adversary.

"Yes," she answered, "and it can happen one of two ways, through the cleansings of heaven, or the fires of hell. The choice is yours, the choice will always be yours. You may choose emotional or physical pain, either way you will hurt."  
"What is it that you think you know of pain, girl?! You are but a miniscule speck of dust in the cosmos. You are but an insect on this slum of a planet you call home!"

"You are angry," she allowed, "but you will not disrespect me. I'm going to excuse your words because you are not aware of my rules, yet. Rule number one: To gain respect you must give it. If you disrespect me you will feel pain."

"There is nothing you or anyone here could do to me that could match the pain that I know, you ignorant whore."

Her head tilted at his words, and he glared at her with a vicious smile. He waited for some flicker of outrage or emotion to cross her face. It never did, instead, she looked at him like he was but a specimen in a petri dish, then her eyes tightened infinitesimally. She spoke one word to him in the wake of his insults.

"Pain," her voice rang out like a bell.

Loki thought he knew pain. In truth, he knew nothing. His screams filled the room, piercing through the head of every one who could hear it. The room of spectators far away from the holding cell watched as the as Loki writhed in his chains, trying to escape the pain that held him in it's cold grips. It was like pressing an ice cube to the skin, only amplified beyond numerical compare. It ached in a way that sent chills through the body. Her friends watched the brutal punishment in absolute awe. There was a fear, for her capabilities, but also an amazement. With one word she had sent the haughty villain into convulsions. Soon his screams cut off for he had no more breath to supply the sound, and he knelt in front of her, open mouthed and suffocating in his agony. She lifted her head from its tilted position and began counting to five before she stroked a gentle hand across his face saying one more word.

"Relief."

He took in a breath, staring at her with blood shot eyes, his face impossibly pale, as if he had just seen the reincarnation of evil. Lily remained in front of him, unshaken by his pain, if anything she seemed a little amused. There was a certain satisfaction in easy punishment. Disobedience was rewarded with pain, obedience with pleasure.

"I do not wish to continually bring you pain. I am capable of bringing pleasure also…don't be perverse," she rebuked as she read his mind, "I am not going to give you any sexual pleasure."

Lily brought up a graceful hand, and he shifted away from her hand for a moment. She gave him a soft smile, as if she were trying to appear less threatening.

"Pleasure," she spoke softly, caressing his face gently, and with her touch everything seemed warm and welcoming, as if there was no pain in the world, as if everything was light and weightless, there was no pain to fear, no anger or hatred. Loki's eyes closed and he leaned into her hand without thinking about it. A content sigh left his throat and her smile widened.  
"See? I am a rational person. And like any rational creature I have rules. You will respect me, I am not asking you to worship the ground I walk on. I am just asking that you refrain from insulting me. You will do as I ask. I won't ask you to do anything… out of your abilities, or anything uncivil. Like I said, I don't want to hurt you, or make you feel like anything less than an intelligent being. You will not try to escape. No planning, no schemes, nothing. I will know, believe that. Lastly, you will not lie to me. I will know, Loki. Any infringement upon these rules will result in pain."

"Why won't you just kill me? If I have disgraced the universe so, why not let it have my blood as recompense?!" he demanded, tears coming to his eyes. She could see past the tears though. She could see they were lies.

"You will not lie to me, or pain will come to you," she reminded, and his face became immediately contrite, "Thor will not kill you because of his mother. I will not kill you because you are not deserving of peace."

"I am not worthy, not even of death?" he laughed, "I must truly be impure to you… but what of you, dear angel, are you worthy?" he asked smiling at her once more. She returned his smile and shook her head.

"No, you could try, but you wouldn't kill me, and then the pain would come back."

Each time she said the word "pain" he could feel the agony playing at the back of his head. It was all psychological, she wasn't actively using her power anymore. His mind had just accepted the feeling associated with that word.

"I don't want to hurt you, Loki. Speak to me, cleanse yourself of your own agony, and you will go free." she promised, "do not make me draw it out of you. There is a pain in you that I have not caused. It has festered for eons. Give me your story, make me want to heal you."

"If you are so powerful and knowledgeable, angel, why do you serve such lowly scavengers such as that on Earth?" he questioned in a low voice filled with a violence that made the normal humans who heard it shudder. Lily went on unbothered by his tone.

"If you are so above everyone, why do you still seek to prove your worth? Is it so important to you that some tells you that you have done well?" she questioned as if she were truly curious, "I will tell you it. If you do well, I will inform you that you have done so, if it makes you feel better."

"I am not a dog, I do not need gratification, and I do not need you," he growled, glaring at her with a type of hate the would melt the heart of a lesser person.

"Then what is it that you need?"

All of the wicked light left Loki's face. He had expected pain to follow his words. He had endeavored to strike a nerve in her by refusing her help. Most beings would find him ungrateful and seek to make him pay for his arrogance but this being in front of him was unwavering, steadfast. There was nothing for him to play on, to manipulate. She had seen through his tears the moment he shed them, and any attempt to make her lose control was less the fruitful. The Angel, was unmoved by his act of showing out.

"Loki, you should not try to manipulate me. It won't work, you will fail," she informed in a voice that was deceptively tender. Loki almost believed in its validity, but it was her eyes that showed her true feelings. They were blank, just black holes among the whites of her eyes.

"Now, we are moving you from this place to a room of your own. I thought you might appreciate that. You should not wander alone, there is no place for you to go," she informed as she began to stand. He looked absolutely appalled by the idea as if she had suggested that he lick the bottom of her boot, "Would you prefer to stay here, kneeling before me?" she asked curiously.

"No, but what is this place you are taking me. Is it a chamber in which to torture me, to make me break under your hand," he spoke the words to make them sound mocking, but Lily looked inside of him and found that he really wanted to know. There was a fear and a dread inside of him that touched at her vacant emotional brain, sending a slight spark to its center. She did not acknowledge the feeling the stirred inside her, nor did it register on her face.

"If I were going to torture you I wouldn't need a chamber, or tools to do so. I am taking you to a place with all the amenities one would need to live comfortably. I can see that being banished to Earth is punishment enough for you. There's no need to be cruel and make you live in undesirable conditions."

Loki looked up at her, trying to read any falsehood in her words, but he found none. The words she spoke were her truth.

"Release him," Natasha spoke to the guards. They pressed in a few codes to the computers and a slight hiss filled the air as the specially fortified locks came undone, then a clash as Loki's chains fell away. He stood slowly, stretching out his limbs. The position he had been held in was not especially forgiving, and his joints ached from the strain. Standing in front of the girl now made her seem even more insignificant than before. She was simply so small, like a child compared to him, for he stood a whole foot taller. Lily heard all of this flow through his mind as she gazed up at him steadily, wondering what he would do with his bold thoughts. As they stood staring at one another she found that he was waiting for her to lead him to the room she spoke of. Loki had dismissed all thoughts of her inferior stature and she nodded once to him and turned to lead him out of the cell.

Natasha kept her eyes on him as Lily walked towards her, to the exit. Loki threw her a smile as he passed her.

"Hello Natasha," he greeted. She only glared back, resisting the urge to punch him square in the mouth. Natasha followed behind them drawing her weapon in case Loki tried anything. She understood that Lily could incapacitate him with a thought, the gun really just made her feel better.

"She is powerful," Thor spoke in the room where the other team members sat, watching the interaction unfold.

"More powerful than we thought," Bruce muttered.

"No, we knew," Tony sighed, "but she was too nice for us to ever think…" he didn't want to finish his sentence. Tony knew she possessed the ability to kill any of them with only a thought, but he also knew she never would because she was much too nice. This other side of her ended that illusion. If she wanted to kill them she could, with only a thought.

"That's…not the Lily I know," Steve choked out, watching the monitor as she strolled about the halls. Even her walk was different. The light bouncy steps that she usually walked in, were replaced by sure solid steps of a soldier.

"She can control all aspects of herself. She must have shut down her emotional brain, mostly parts of the diencephalon, so she could perform this task," Banner explained, "I think you should be there for her when she turns it back on. It's bound to get to her, being closed off like this."

"And what if she doesn't turn it back on?" Tony asked, glaring at the doctor as he spoke, "what if she decides she doesn't want to feel the emotions."

"I don't think she'll do that… I don't think Natasha will allow it either."

"If that girl decides she wants to stay in full Rambo mode there ain't nothing anyone can do about that, not even Natasha."

"No, there's something Lily said about Natasha a while back," Bruce shook his, "She said she was a reminder that there is good in her… I think she'll turn it back on," he concluded in a sure voice, "Plus, if she wanted to be completely unfeeling she would have been from day one. She's just doing this because it's the only way to get the job done, but I don't know why her job is so important to her. I can't imagine her wanting to please SHIELD enough…"

"If she pleases SHIELD, she thinks they'll give her clearance to see her mother," Steve supplied, staring at the monitor with an unreadable expression. All was quiet for a very long time until Bruce breathed one utterance.

"Oh."

The only one talking on the walk to Loki's chambers was Loki. Any other time, his reluctance to shut his mouth would have annoyed Lily. She only found it mildly intriguing now, as she listened to the way his words clashed with his inner thoughts. On the outside he was mocking, and uncaring, but deep inside there was fear and dread. He didn't know what they had planned for him on Earth, but in light of his crimes, it couldn't be good. Somehow within his mocking jests Lily notice another emotion: desire.

"Loki, you will come to see me as a friend or a… monster. Either way, I don't think you will ever get a chance to act upon your desire. I would suggest you put it aside," she warned, cutting him off in the middle of another boastful sentence.

"You are truly a telepath," he spoke with a type of latent carnality that made Lily's hair stand on in, "I can't help what I think can I."

"I will bring you pain, immense pain, more intense than before. I can tolerate your mental vulgarities, but should you even attempt your pursuit I will be sure that you will be the one who can't walk correctly for several months," she threatened in a hard voice.

Loki grinned, having recognized her tone change. A bit of her indifference melted away and the cold, raw threat in her words brought shivers to his spine. This woman was absolutely delectable, she'd make a fine asset.

"You wouldn't be able to contain me. I would quickly end your life. Don't think I can be contained."

"Then what is it that you are now. You are trapped with SHIELD, you are trapped in this facility just like me. Humans seem to have you bound very well. What is it they hold above you? Your life, your love."

"Sentimentality is for children. I'm here because I want to be."

"You cannot lie to the God of Lies, dove. You do not wish to be here. What keeps you?"

Lily stopped at a door and pressed her hand to the handprint scanner as the door opened she entered the room first, "This room has cameras, unfortunately. SHIELD doesn't trust you very much. They like to keep an eye on people like you. I'm sure you'll understand. I hope you find yourself at home. I will come with your meals, and if you have any requests, you will ask me. Mostly because no one else will do it," she informed offering him another kind smile that did not meet her eyes. He looked on at her in confusion, once more, "I don't intend to be unpleasant to you. I wasn't here when you attacked so I can't really be too upset with you, and if it's any consolation… I've watched humans do much worse. In light of what I've seen… you're just a rebellious child, looking for a way to get some attention. I'll give you attention if you'd like."

He scoffed, jerking his chin up arrogantly. Lily only shook her head at him but took his hand in both of her own. At first he only felt the cool skin of her hands, tracing over his own. It was oddly soothing, suspending his immediate reaction to jerk away.

"You've done marginally well today. Here's a parting gift," she murmured, stepping closer to him, "pleasure."

A slow sigh fell from his lips as they slowly parted. All he could do was revel in the intense serenity that enveloped his body. The aches of muscle pain no longer had any effect on him, and he listened to her soft voice as she encouraged him to go to bed and get the sleep that he had been denied over the few days he had been on Earth. Lily and Natasha left the room and walked quietly in synchronization. When they were far away from Loki's room, and nearly to the conference room in which the rest of the team sat in, Natasha grabbed Lily's hand.

"Come on, it's time to turn it back on, Mouse."

Lily nodded slowly, a look of intense concentration monopolizing her once smooth features. Watching her come back to herself was like watching a light flick on. The way she held herself was entirely different. Her weight shifted into her hips, and her posture relaxed a bit more. Natasha gave her smile and wrapped an arm around Lily's shoulder.

"You did great. I think you've set yourself up for an easy job, Ms. Hemlock," Natasha grinned, hugging her close as they walked the rest of the way.

"I wouldn't say that… suppressing my emotions is so tiring. I just wanna curl up and take a nap."

"Well you can take a nice long nap, after you have a talk with everyone."

"God, I hope they don't freak out like Clint did the first time he saw me on a mission."

"Clint can be a little dramatic."

"He was legitimately afraid of me for two weeks. Until I saved his ass in Birmingham. Who just brings twelve arrows to a thing like that? It was fucking ridiculous. THEN he shut off his hearing aid."

"He used to do that to me. I learned how to sign so he can't escape it."

"He shuts his eyes."

"Then I hit him."

Both women laughed until they were at the doors of the conference room. Lily took a deep breath and looked to Natasha.

"What do you think I should expect?"

"Tony's gonna be a little pissed, he'll get over it the quickest though, Bruce will be a little wary, but curious, nothing to really worry about once you fully express how your emotions work. Steve… Steve's gonna be hard, he's gonna be a little upset, and feel a bit betrayed but everything will be okay. Thor… he'll probably pat you on the back and call you worthy warrior. He is the least of your worries to be absolutely honest."

"Is Clint in there?"

"No, Fury had him doing something."

"Great, so no charming comic relief."

"I'm good at slap-stick if you want me to punch 'em around a little," she offered, stimulating another round of laughter as they entered the conference room. The awaiting team looked at the two women as if they were unsightly aliens from outer space. With this undeniable tension in the room, their laughter fell away quickly. Lily played with her hands nervously as she fully entered the room.

Thor was the first among them to speak, "I underestimated you upon our first meeting. You are a most capable enchantress."

She gave him a small rueful smile, "It's not magic, just superior thought. There are no spells, or potions. Just science junk."

"Where I come from, science and magic are one," he answered, "and it would seem there is no better person to match Loki than you."

"Um… thank you… I wanted to know, Thor, what exactly am I doing with him," she asked as she took a seat beside him, "Am I helping him realize his mistakes and regret them? Or am I trying to crush him with the weight of his transgressions?"

"You said you would redeem him. I would like to see my brother once again."

"We… we are gonna have to have a serious chat about that," she sighed heavily, "because that is your brother, believe it or not."

"I know you want to just focus on work, but I'm having a hard time understanding what exactly happened out there," Steve demanded.

"I know you are, but I don't know what you want me to say. That was me out there, and yes I guess I could be like that all the time but I don't want to, and no I can't fake emotions. Those are the answers to all the questions you have that I will answer in… public. The others… I'll answer in private," she spoke very softly, looking down at her legs through the glass table. Steve stood up and walked out of the room. Lily looked up and watched him leave. For some odd reason, it didn't effect her the way she thought it would; it hurt much worse than she anticipated. Tony cleared his throat to get her attention and attempt to clear the awkward air.

"So uh, do you just turn it off and everything you feel is nothing. You could kill us all-"

"No. I could never," she gasped, just thinking about such a scenario put her heart in sudden frenzy, "I told you when we first started that my mind was unruly. Yes, I can suppress my emotions and just think with my logical brain, but my logical brain takes into the account the pain my actions will cause me later. My entire psyche shies away from something that would bring me as much pain as hurting my friends. You don't have to be afraid of me. I'd die before I hurt any of you. The past few months have been great, you guys have been so good to me and I… I don't want that to change, ever. This is just how this particular job has to be done. We all know Loki's good at manipulating emotion. If I don't have them then there's nothing to manipulate, and I can keep everyone safe. Do you understand now?"

Tony nodded slowly, "Sorry, kid. That was just..."

"Surprising I know. And there was no way for me to prepare you for that. We're still BFFs though, right?"

"Of course," he agreed giving her a smile.

"Good, and Bruce you have a better understanding too now right?"

"Yes," Bruce answered.

"Well then… I guess I'll just have to talk to Steve tonight, because he sure as hell doesn't want to talk to me now."

"Give him some time," Natasha encouraged.

"Right, well…um Thor, I don't know if you wanna have this talk in private or not, but I do believe everyone here deserves to understand Loki a bit better."

"Go on," Thor permitted in a grave voice.

Lily met his gaze with a look of utter sadness, "What he is now… is nothing but you and your father's creation. I'm not saying it's your fault, because believe me when I say he made some fucked up choices, but that monster was bred by you and Odin."

"You disgrace-!" Thor stood, outraged by the accusation, but Lily only rose a hand to silence him.

"I didn't mean to offend you, but just picture this for a minute. You are five, and your father is telling you stories about valiant kings and the glories of kingship. At night he tells you about these horrible monsters called frost giants and in every story the valiant warrior slays the monsters and they get fame and fortune. You learn that the warrior is the hero, and all the jotuns are barbaric monsters that only do evil and deserve death. You grow up, and you have an older brother who is the poster child of strength, bravery, and brawn, but to be honest he is arrogant, unwise and unfit for the throne, yet because he is older he will have it. First dream to be crushed, you will never rule. You know that the only way to gain your father's approval is to rule. Now you could venture to please your father in a different way, or abandon the idea entirely, but your big brother has been the favorite all your life, the only sure fire way to get the love you've been craving is to discredit your big brother. So ya do, and it works out great, only because your brother was truly unfit for the throne at the time. Then you learn that you are adopted, and if that wasn't enough you are not even the same species as your parents, and if that wasn't enough you are the species that you have been taught to fear and hate your whole life. What the hell are you supposed to think of yourself? How can you love yourself when you have been conditioned to believe that frost giants only do evil, and are only meant to be killed. Now, you could try and prove him wrong, devote your services to good, allow your father to fulfill the destiny he's planned, regardless to your own happiness. You could do all of this if you were an emotionless robot, but you are not. So you hurt, and the pain becomes you, you resent everyone and everything, and you look out for you, and you take what you deserve at the expense of those who hurt you. Sure normal people just raise moderate hell for their parents, and their brother, but this is the God of Mischief we're talking about people. What the hell did you guys expect but this? When everything you knew is a lie… how are you supposed to live by the truth? You want me to redeem Loki, fine, he deserves that much, but your brother has never gone anywhere. He is exactly what your family made of him," she spoke firmly, glaring up at Thor. He looked as though a great weight had been added to his heart as he sat back in his seat. Thor stared at the woman who had just laid the most burdensome truth on him that he had felt since the one time he had not been able to wield mjolnirr. To know that you are the cause of pain for someone you truly love is an agony unimaginable. There was nothing he could say back to her words.

"He can't go back to Asgard ever… can he?" Lily asked softly, lifting her hand to wipe a stray tear from her cheek. Thor shook his head. Loki had been banished for the rest of his life, there was no coming back, even after his redemption, "Your mother… Frigga, she showed him love, and she is the reason he can be redeemed. If I am going to work with him, I need you all to be tolerant."

Tony flexed his jaw at her words, "He killed Coulson! How the hell am I supposed to be tolerant?!"

"Then don't seek Loki out. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. That also goes for actions, Tony. You stay away if you can't handle your emotions."

The room was quiet, each Avenger contemplating their resentment. Loki was on everyone's shit list, except Lily's. She knew of his transgressions, and yes she was outraged by them, and yes he disgusted her, however she understood him. Loki did have choices in his life, and he often chose wrong, but he could have been stopped early on. Some of his problems were just in his nature, others were simply because he was taught wrong. He was still young, relative to his lifespan. He could change for the better, with a lot of persuasion, and tough love.

"Lily, I know you want to help people, but Loki…he's dangerous," Natasha began, picking her words carefully as not to make Lily believe she thought her weak or unexperienced, but only to caution against getting her hopes up for the God of Mischief.

"I know. Trust me, I know, but also know his anger. I understand it, and I've felt it. When you feel like you have no choice you tend to make irrational ones just for the hell of it. I'm not saying he's some misunderstood baby, 'cause he's one messed up bag of crazy, but I think with a little love and elbow grease I can at least take away his mal-intent. Maybe make him like Earth, I mean the planet not really the people. I find it really hard to like the people to be honest with everyone. Don't get me wrong I love you guys to pieces, but humans are some fucked up little primates."

Natasha let out a humorless laugh, "Lil, if you pull this off I swear I will fight to get you a paid vacation with your mother."


	9. Chapter 9

Lily sat across from Loki at the dining room table of his room simply watching him as he pushed at his food with a spoon. Even she had to admit it didn't look appetizing, and it was taking everything in her power not to get up and start baking something better for him. To be honest she didn't even think the chefs tried and it was chipping away at her patience a bit. Granted, it most definitely could have been worse, but really? She wasn't even sure what kind of soup it was. As she stared at the unidentifiable, green goop and vegetables her resolve to just cook something became more solid. She wanted trust, and for him to like him, what better way was there to do that than a proper meal.

"Do you want that?" she asked, just to be kind. He shook his head and pushed away the bowl. For a moment he thought about throwing it, but something told him his hostess wouldn't take too kindly to that, and he had learned from his earlier encounter that making her upset didn't work and it wasn't in his best interest. For now, he would play nice.

"Yeah, I didn't think so," she sighed, "I honestly don't even know what that is. That is the last time I ever ask the chefs for anything," she took the bowl, and poured the odd concoction down the sink in the kitchen crinkling her nose at it. Loki watched her form from his place at the table. He had not known her for very long but she seemed different. There was still little light behind her coal eyes, as if she were not there mentally, but her demeanor was different. She was much more… relaxed he decided. Loki was not stupid, he did not believe for one second that it would be a good idea to test her.

"It wouldn't," she confirmed, " I really don't want to hurt you. We're both a bit over hurting things for fun aren't we?" she asked turning around to look at him. He simply rose an eyebrow, wondering what she meant by "we".

"You don't think I've killed anyone?" she smiled, the expression was vaguely unsettling. Perhaps it was a primal reaction to the amount of teeth she was showing, "I've killed quite a few, some of them deserved it, others didn't."

"So they were worthy of death?" he asked, the mocking edge in his voice was not unheard, Lily just ignored it.

"They were worthy of murder. I burned them alive in a smokeless fire and made certain that they would feel every bit of pain that would come to them. The others who died were collateral damage."  
"Was it not satisfying, then?"

"Yes and no. I'm still left with the scars they gave me, but they can't hurt anyone else… Not satisfying but not completely unsatisfying either."

"Who were they?"

"Ambitious humans," she answered, shrugging, "You haven't killed the people that really matter, though, why?" she asked curiously, as she turned and began looking through cabinets. All of the cabinets and drawers were empty, as was the refrigerator.

"Who are the people who really matter?"

"Thor and your father. You could have killed them. It really wouldn't even be hard. You know that I know you do. So what's stopping you?"

He was silent at her question, and she turned to look at him curiously. Loki's eyes were on the marble table in front of him, as if not meeting her gaze would keep her from entering his mind.

"I do have a rule about answering me," she reminded. He looked up at her quickly, registering the mild threat.

"It won't be satisfying," he shrugged.

"I'm glad you realize that," Lily mused, " You won't be happy until you let go."

"Let go?"

"Of the pain. My abilities allow me to know anything I want to know about you from a simple touch. I know how they lied to you, and I understand how you think. You've given up, you allowed yourself to be caught. It's not a part of some master scheme. Of course, you would like to leave now, but it's too late."

"Is it, girl?" he challenged, glaring at her.

"Yeah, if you wanted to leave, you should have done it before I got here."

Loki agreed with that, her power to incapacitate him with a word was troubling, besides his own power was weakened so much so that he couldn't even conjure a simple illusion of himself. Escaping wasn't really an option any more, he could only cooperate and wait for someone to make a mistake.

"I guess that is an option. Or you could just sit tight, and we could be friends, and when I think you're ready I could get you out of here. That plan keeps you from being a wanted man. You could eventually achieve some sort of happiness here on Earth."

"We could be friends?" he laughed, "I hardly expected such absurd sentimentality from you."

"You don't know me. You don't know what kind of absurd sentiment I'm capable of," she reminded with a catty smiled, "Anyway, enough morbid talk. I know you aren't quite familiar with food on Earth so you have no idea what you like. How about I just make my favorite and we'll have dinner together?"

Loki only stared at her with a look of utter suspicion. She rolled her eyes at his distrust , but noted the vague interest in the back of his mind: He was, in fact, hungry.

"Alright, well, I'm gonna grab some things from the kitchen and be back here in a bit."

He only nodded in response, keeping his gaze away from hers once more. She shrugged and left the room, heading straight for the kitchen. She hadn't turned back on her emotional brain for obvious reasons, she was going right back to deal with Loki. Lily wasn't off the job, yet. Her shift lasted until after 7pm when dinner was over and Loki would be left to rest. With this in mind, it couldn't have been a worse time for Steve to find her in the kitchen filling a bag she found with various ingredients.

"Hey, Lil, do you have a minute?" he asked, leaning against a counter.

"No, I don't. I'm still on duty," she spoke in a voice that grated oddly against his ear drums. It was the exact opposite of everything Lily was. This was the girl who cried during movies she'd seen a hundred times, and yet her voice held no emotion.

"Well when your… off duty?" he asked slowly, suddenly not wanting to be in her presence any longer. She read this and a sharp strike of sadness struck through her being.

"You, you don't want to be around me," her voice was robotic as she observed the thought, "I haven't caused you any harm. I haven't done anything to you, but you're treating me like a monster… Do you really want to talk to me later?"

"I do. I want to talk to the real you."

"This is the real me. This is the logical me, this is the me that's efficient and unstoppable. If this scares you then I scare you. Do. You. Want. To. Talk. To. Me?" she had stopped filling the bag with ingredients and simply stared straight ahead at the cabinets. Her hands were curled into little fists at her sides, as a hint of anger touched her blood stream.

"Yes," he assured, staring her in her eyes.

"Fine. I am sharing lodgings with Natasha. You find her you'll find me. I'm going to go cook a suitable dinner for Loki, since the kitchen chefs are assholes." she informed lightly, gathering the bag and leaving the kitchen.

Dinner with Loki was a breeze. She allowed him to watch her cook, just so he could be reassured the she didn't plan on poisoning him. They didn't speak. Loki didn't want to, and Lily didn't care to force him. It was good enough that he was cooperating with the terms of his imprisonment, and she didn't have to lock him back in his holding cell. Lily made fettuccine Alfredo with mushrooms, black olives, baby spinach, chicken (for Loki), and shrimp. The meal was marginally better than what the chefs had prepared, and she made a bit of white wine for Loki to accompany it. She offered dessert but he denied, thanking her for her kindness, and excusing himself to get to sleep. Everything was simple, quiet, respectable. She took the dishes back to the kitchen, and headed to her own room. Natasha was there sitting on the couch and typing on her laptop. The very moment Lily crossed the threshold, anxiety stole her breath away. Steve was coming to talk. What about? She had a good idea.

"Nat, I think he's gonna break up with me," she reported in a hollow haunted voice that tore all of Natasha's attention away from her work.

"No, he's not. Steve is naïve, but he isn't stupid."

"He's afraid of me!" she yelled, then covered her mouth, as if some dreaded blasphemy had passed her lips.

"Maybe, but he's Captain America if he ran away from everything that made him afraid then he'd be a shit hero," Natasha assured. Lily nodded stiffly, giving up the idea of trying to talk to Natasha. The woman was too set on trying to make Lily feel better to be any help. Yes, Steve was Captain America, and yes he was brave, but she was an adversary in which he had no hope in beating if it came to that. Everyone was just relying on the goodness in her heart to save them, Steve more so than anyone else. To see her cold, and unfeeling corrupted that trust, but the truth was, it was all a façade. Lily still felt everything, she felt it all, but she was able to logically stow away her emotional reactions, but not forever. Her mind was unruly, there was no way she could smother it forever. In an attempt to calm herself she went to the kitchen and started pulling out the ingredients to bake cupcakes. Natasha watched her from the couch, with a wary gaze. Any other time Lily decided to bake she'd ask for a request maybe turn on some music. This was different. This was much different. Her actions seemed almost desperate. Natasha had an easy name for her actions: Lily was stress baking. She had done it a lot on the island, back then her creations weren't nearly as good as they are now, but practice makes perfect. Natasha closed down her computer, and left their quarters in search of Steve Rogers. It wasn't long before she found him. He was walking towards her down the hall, and she stopped right in front him, making him halt too.

"What the hell did you say to her?" she demanded, glaring up at him.

"I told her I wanted to talk to her when she was off duty," he answered quickly, wanting very badly for the red headed woman to stop looking at him as if she was going to skin him alive.

"What do you want to talk to her about?"

"Personal stuff."

"Like. What?" she growled through clenched teeth, stepping closer to him.

"Why?"

"Because she's upset?!" she yelled suddenly, "she's anxious! She's baking! Not just baking, but silently baking! No humming, no smiling, no nothing!"

"Are you sure she's herself?" Steve asked, taking a step away from the unbridled fury of Natasha Romanov. His words had a slight arrogance to them, that struck a chord on Natasha's nerves. She laughed out a vicious sound, her face tilting into a wicked smirk.

"What?" he asked, eyes widening in fear of the unknown. Natasha had never laughed like that and he didn't like it.

"You listen to me Steve Rogers. I like you, you're my friend, and let me tell you friend to friend that Lily Hemlock is the best damn girl on the face of this god forsaken blue marble. You don't get to be afraid of her after everything she's been through. You don't get to be surprised that she isn't just some tough uncomplicated lady you can sweep off her feet. You don't get to pick and choose in what way she's damaged. She spent five years in the worse kind of hell imaginable, and she still believes in heaven, that is strength Steve. That is indestructible strength. So if you think for one minute, that she is some kind of monster because she has to turn off her emotions to do her job then you are not only naïve but dumb. She is still the same girl who cries because it's too sunny, sometimes. It's because she's that girl that she has to turn it all off. Do you want to pick up the mess Loki would make of her if she didn't. The nightmares, the tears, the spiraling depression, do you want to see her like that?" she demanded, glaring at him with a wild expression.

"Of course not," he answered immediately.

"Then you get your head out of your own ass, and realize this is her mission, and she doesn't have time to play children's games with you. If she messes this up, the council will never approve her to see her mother, and you know what that means to her. Let the girl do her god damn job, and you do yours."

"And what's that?"

"Keeping her happy," Natasha answered shortly, before continuing down the hall in the opposite direction of the room she and Lily shared. Steve watched her go, feeling a strange mix of emotion pull at his stomach.

Lily carefully iced her cupcakes, with the symbol of each member of the Avengers, for Fury she made an eye patch, Thor mjolnirr, Tony his arc reactor, Clint an arrow, Natasha a red angular hour glass, Bruce a green fist, and Steve his shield. She was working on the star on Steve's shield when there was a knock on the door. With a thought she knew exactly who it was. Her heart picked up to beat double its usual rate. She set aside the icing bag and wiped her hands off on a towel as she went to the door. Lily opened the door and peered up at Steve without saying a word.

Steve stared back down at her, feeling his heart squeeze as he noticed the different colored icing smeared on her face, surely from accidentally wiping the back of her hand across her face. There was also a bit of flour in her hair, and the mess of her apron. Then, there was the raw fear in her dark eyes as she peered up at him wordlessly. More than anything he wanted to take her in his arms, tell her she had no reason to be afraid or upset, that nothing even mattered anymore, but he was not a man that liked to lie, and she was not a woman that could be lied to. Everything was not okay.

"You don't want me anymore do you?" she predicted in a small voice. Emotion had stolen away her ability to think straight, and all she wanted to do was run away and hide in a dark hole somewhere. How could she have been so hopelessly stupid to think that anyone could truly see past the monster she had been turned into? She should have known better. It wasn't even fair to a guy like Steve to have to not only tolerate a monster, but a monster who cried every other day.

"I do," he spoke the word incredulously, "of course I do. How could you even-"

"No! You don't want me! I'm scary, and I'm emotional, and I'm not good for you. I'm not good for anyone. I'm dangerous! I was made to destroy things! That's what I was made to do, Steve! And you're right! It's not natural for me to suppress my emotions! But I can't make it through this any other way! You wanted to be a soldier! You wanted to be strong so you could fight! I never wanted any of this! I knew I could never be a soldier! I feel too much! I can't hurt people, not while I'm still feeling, Steve! They taught me to turn it off, so I could do my job! People are fleeting and there's just the mission! And Nat knows me, she knows I can't do it, I wasn't born for this! I'm not strong like her! So I've gotta turn it off so it doesn't eat me alive, so I can be her partner and watch her back! Steve, there is no other life for me! I don't have the choice to leave this agency. They would hunt me down, and I would never be able to be happy! You, you make me happy, and I don't wanna lose you. They made me like this, and I don't wanna lose you!" She sobbed slowly curling into herself so she could cross her arms over her stomach, "I'm sorry that I'm not normal, and if it's better for you then…"

Steve sighed, feeling immediately terrible for ever questioning her character. He took her in his arms, and lifted her so he cradled her like a baby, speaking soothing words to her as he kicked the door closed and traveled to the couch. They sat for a while as she fought to get herself under control. Part of him understood the potential danger of her hysterical state, but most of him just hated to see her upset. It broke his heart in an indescribable way, especially when he was the cause.

"You scare me, but only because I'm scared for you, not of you. This can't be good for you," he explained once she'd quieted.

"…My o-only other ch-choice is to runaway, th-then I'd never s-see any of you a-gain. I don't wa-ant that," she answered, her hitched breathing marring her words.

"I know," he murmured.

"I c-can't leave. 'C-cause… I th-think, I l-love you," she whispered softly, "'s kay if… if you don' say it.- it back. I- I just wa-wanted you to know."

"Silly girl, how could I not love you back, as beautiful as you are, inside and out?"

"You promise?" she asked in a mousy little voice as she wiped her face on her apron, cleaning it of all mucus and tears.

"Of course. Have I ever lied to you?" he smiled. She shook her head then rested it under his chin. Eventually she dozed off, curled up in his lap. Fits of crying always took so much energy out of her, it was no wonder that she always went to sleep right after. He carried her to her bed and like always she woke as he tried to tuck her into bed. Except, instead of murmuring some kind of apology and thanks she sat up.

"Go to sleep, you're tired," Steve encouraged.

She shook her head indignantly, "I… I think," she struggled with her words and let out a frustrated sigh. Without speaking she took his face in her hands and kissed his lips softly, slowly, deliberately. The kiss was short, and chaste, and as she pulled back she gave him a shy smile, before utter embarrassment took over and she lie back down, pulling the covers over her head.

"Good night," she squeaked.

"Good Night," Steve returned quietly, leaving her room. Natasha sat in the front room with a cupcake waiting for him.

"You look as red as the Soviet flag," she observed around a bite of cake, "guess you two made up or whatever."

"Uh… yeah," he answered blushing a shade darker.

"Good, I'd hate to have to shoot you in the knees," she mused before turning around and heading towards her own room, "Good night, Steve."

"Good night, Natasha," he returned, a beat late as he was still trying to decipher whether or not she had been joking about shooting him in the knees.

Lily woke to the sound of someone talking loudly in the other room. She sat up looking around her room. No light filtered in from outside, for there were no windows; there was just the light from the projector on her night stand table that put the universe on her ceiling. It was a gift from Tony that she had absolutely fallen in love with. For a moment she watched the stars swirl slowly in constant rotation with the universe before a few words caught her ear.

"She's tired leave her be Tony," Natasha ordered.

"Her first shift starts soon, and I need her in the lab."

"She still has two more hours, and since when are you even awake this early?" Natasha threw back.

"I wish to speak to the lady as well," Thor added.

"I was here first, Leonidas." Tony reminded.

Lily rolled out of bed and stumbled around her room. In the middle of the night she had gotten undressed in an attempt to get comfortable. She went through her bag and pulled out one of Steve's shirts she had accidentally stolen when some wine spilled on her own shirt. The shirt was just big enough to hide the fact that she wasn't wearing a bra, and it made shorts optional. Of course she put some on, but they were hidden under the soft white fabric. At last, she treaded slowly out of her room, squinting at the bright lights.

"What do you guys want?" she croaked in her sleep laden voice. All eyes turned to the sleepy looking woman in the doorway. The shirt hung slightly off her shoulder and she had the cutest bedhead the world had ever seen.

"Well good morning to you too, Sleeping Beauty. Is Cap in there too?" Tony questioned with a sly smirk. Lily rolled her eyes and headed over to the couch to curl up and get some semblance of sleep.

"No, but you can check if you'd like," she offered just as a yawn took hold of her.

"Late night?"

"Not really. I'm just an old woman."

"So no bow-chicka-wow-wow?"

"Tony," Natasha cautioned.

"Nope, just some ugly crying and a mended relationship."

"Well, that's no fun. Luckily you have me."

"And you have a girlfriend," she reminded though she knew exactly what he meant.

"Don't be a pervert," he rebuked, earning a snort from Lily, "I've got an idea for you and I think you might like it."

"You haven't slept so it must be good," she spoke as she rested her face on a pillow and curled her body into the fetal position around it.

"It is."

"Mmk. I'm gonna do my first shift with Loki and I'll be right with you."

"No, come now."  
"Nah, I need a shower. Thor, what do you need from me?"

Thor went around the couch to look at the small woman who had tucked her legs into the big shirt. In her current position she looked like a turtle.

"I wanted to join you in seeing my brother."

"Nah, that's not a good idea. He doesn't really want to see you."

"How do you know this, young enchantress?" he questioned sitting beside her on the couch with her.

"Well, I'm a telepath, and when I say your name he internally cringes,: she explained, "Give it a few months, Thor. He is a resentful man… but you could help me, by telling me some things that Loki enjoys," she offered, partially uncurling her body to look up at him. Thor's face took on a thoughtful expression, as if remembering the things that brought his brother comfort was very hard.

"When we were younger, he would spend all of his time in the palace library."

"Books. I can manage that," she nodded, "I was hoping you wouldn't say copious amounts of women. That would have been a bit tricky," she laughed loudly.

"Contrary to popular belief, Loki didn't entertain very many maidens. Much less than myself, admittedly."

"Well I guess that counts for something, At least he's not damaged, and a man whore. Not that it really matters by this point."

"He also enjoyed sitting in the garden, I was never quite sure what he did, but I often saw him just sitting there," he offered.

"I can also manage that, thanks Thor. I'll tell you when I think it's a good time to see him. Oh, Nat, did you happen to put up those cupcakes?"

"Yes, I did," she answered.

"Feel more than welcome to get a cupcake, you'll know which one is yours."

It was quite a while before Lily coaxed herself off the couch, and got in the shower. Showers were always nice places for thought. She stood in the water, and her hand went to touch her lips, remembering the faint moment in which they had touched another pair on their own accord. Lily had consciously chosen to kiss him. There was no volley of emotion, or one whirlwind moment that brushed aside her higher order thinking. It was her, and her decisions based off of her own desires. Free will, it was free will to do with her body what she will. A smile pulled at the corners of her mouth as she thought of the new found liberation in the simple action. It was technically her first kiss. The only kiss she had wanted. Nothing else to do with desires of the flesh had her consent, but that little kiss was all her. It felt different than she thought it would. She expected to feel somehow less clean, it's how she had always felt before, like something had been stolen from her. All she could feel as she remembered the soft, innocent kiss was a soft warm radiance, and she had to admit… she liked it a lot. She emerged from the bathroom in a bath robe to see Clint lounging on the couch eating the cupcake she'd made for him.

"Hey, Clint," she greeted.

"You're cutting it kind of close to your first shift aren't you?" he asked after a swift glance at his watch.

"Well I'm not putting on make up… or drying my hair… he's not ready to talk to me yet, so I'll just be having breakfast with him then heading to the lab."

"Yeah, Tony said something about a break through when I saw him. He seemed excited."

"Last time Tony was excited I wound up trapped in one of his suits. I'm not eager to figure out what has him jumping for joy this time," she admitted.

"Understandable. Fury wants you in his office when you get the chance."

"Kay, guess I'll bring his cupcake as a peace offering," she mumbled continuing her trek across the living room area to her room. She pulled herself together for the day and acquired everything she needed for her visit with Loki. When she was just outside of his door, she pushed all of her emotions into a well sealed box, before pressing her palm against the scanner and entering. With a quick thought she realized the object of her mission was still asleep. It was understandable, given that it was only 7a.m. Loki seemed like more of the night owl type of person, as opposed to an early bird. Thor however seemed bright eyed and bushy tailed at 6 a.m. The two really seemed like polar opposites. It was funny to know that at one point they had gotten along like normal siblings. Getting into mischief together, and wrestling like rambunctious puppies were the norm. She had observed this from Thor's memories. It was only natural that they wouldn't get along all the time. Thor could be loud and boisterous, while in all of Thor's memories Loki had been more quiet and reserved, preferring to stay inside and entertain himself quietly than run about the palace with Thor. With that preference it was only right that Loki had formed a better bond with his adoptive mother, and Thor with his father.

Lily found her usual comfort in the kitchen, though her mind was always aware of Loki, never letting her guard down. As much as she wanted to be a friend to him, she knew better than to jump in with her plan, and be the loving person she naturally was. Loki was in the phase of tough love, so just the basics of caring could be permitted: making sure he was comfortable, and fed. There would be no extra baked goods or movie nights, just the bare minimum: meals, and talking.

Breakfast was almost done by the time Loki decided it was a suitable time to awaken from the distressed inert state he frequently named sleep. From his room he could hear what sounded like someone cooking in the kitchen. Suspicion and curiosity pushed him from the bed. He stepped out into the living room area to see a familiar form at the stove in the kitchen. Her hair was obviously wet and it was pulled up in a big clip. She looked oddly domestic, and vulnerable. It seemed all to easy to creep up behind her and subdue the small, seemingly harmless woman. If he kept her mouth covered then she could not use her power to stop his attack… but what to do after he had subdued her. He did not know of a way out of this facility, so he would just be wandering… there was always torture to aid his escape. No, it was too early for such plans. It would be unwise to go out blind.

"Loki, staring is rude," she chided lightly, her back still turned to him.

"I didn't expect to see you so early," he responded, walking through the living room to the kitchen. The smells filling the small room were absolutely mouth watering, and curiosity had gotten the better of his scheming thoughts.

"I did say I would have every meal with you, and since we established that the facility chefs suck, here I am," she explained briefly glancing back at him. Somewhere deep inside of her she was surprised to find that he wasn't wearing a shirt. The reaction was so deep that it, thankfully didn't make it on to her face. It was saved to think about later.

"You are going to cook for me every day?" he questioned, leaning against the breakfast bar that separated the kitchen from the living/dining room.

"Well, I'll at least bring you food," she answered, "Even I tire of cooking, though the task brings me comfort if you must know."

"Servants did such things for me in the palace," he taunted.

"I really hope that wasn't an insult, because I will very eagerly eat the entirety of what I've cooked and just ask the chefs to continue making your meals," Lily spoke pleasantly, turning to pull the waffles out of the waffle irons.

"It was only a fact," he smirked, "I know it is not so here."

"Not unless you're filthy rich."

"Cooking is strangely intimate on this planet."

"Eating is intimate, because the vast majority of people like food… and I suppose from a primal stand point when one is eating they are vulnerable to attacks, however in today's society food is almost synonymous to caring for a person."

"Are you saying you care for me?" he scoffed.

"Enough not to let you eat something even I wouldn't."

"Should I be flattered?"

"Considering I care for just about everyone that much? No," she shook her head as she began assembling his food on a plate, "I see no reason to be cruel to you. So, I will treat you like any other person."

"Oh have I started off fresh with you. All of my crimes are nothing? How generous of you, Angel."

"It is very generous. My superiors want you to be compliant and they don't care how I do it. I figured you'd like to maintain your dignity in the process," her voice hardened into an untouchable calm that Loki found soul vexing. She showed no weakness in mind, no hole in which he could worm his way into and plant a deadly seed. This woman was a stone wall. She turned with a plate of food that smelled appetizing enough.

"My personal favorite breakfast: blueberry waffles, scrambled eggs with baby spinach and cheese, and fresh fruit," she announced setting the food in front of him before grabbing a glass and filling it with juice, "With orange juice."

"Your dish last night, it was delectable," he complimented, finding that she was most responsive to him when he played nice.

"Well thank you. I brought you something for today," she announced, watching him look at her with vague interest. She went over to a far corner and picked up a box, hefting it up on the counter beside Loki, "A little birdie told me that you had a love for books, it would seem we have a thing in common."

"Your birds speak?" he asked, confused by her words, "Where are these birds and how do they know-"

She put up a hand to stop his words, "Figure of speech," she explained, a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth, "I'm letting you borrow a few of my books, I've read them already, but I'm still attached so please be nice to them."

He looked through the sizable box of books, internally grateful for the material. The days had been so boring that he feared the lack of mental stimulus might kill him, "Thank you," he murmured softly.

"No problem." she set her plate of food on the counter that Loki sat at and proceeded to eat while thinking over what she wanted to talk about. It would seem that since it was early it might be nice to just talk about light subjects.

"So tell me, Loki, what is your world like?"

"It is more beautiful than you could imagine," he responded.

"How so? Come on, I'm the only person you get to talk to, you might as well talk."

"Why do you want to know?" he scrutinized her face, trying to ascertain where exactly her question was leading. He found nothing, of course. She was all empty coal eyes, and friendly smiles.

"Polite curiosity about an alien realm," she shrugged, "It is something I could never imagine correctly."

"Well, Asgard is the most developed in all nine realms," he dived into detail, painting a world so beautiful that Lily could not imagine it. She tried to draw comparisons to the things he described to that which we have on Earth, but it seemed ill-fitting and bland. Lily felt like a child being told a story, and sometimes she asked questions or told stories of her own so he could eat. However she found his words much more fascinating. He described small adventures he had gone on when he was younger, and bits of mischief he had executed. One particular story succeeded in breaking through her particularly vacant exterior. Loki spoke of a time in which he had tricked Thor by convincing a group of women to act like they did not recognize the young prince. Lily had laughed at Loki's recounting of Thor's reactions to each of the women's staged ignorance. In that moment, Loki observed a spark of life in the dark depths of her eyes.

"You liked it there," she assumed. He nodded in response, pushing around the remnants of his food, "I can see the allure of ruling a place like that… but then again, I can't imagine you'd have very much time to enjoy the land though. Have you ever thought about the fact that ruling kinda sucks."

"I suppose you'd think so." he answered.

"I'm just saying, crushed dreams aside, you have to find the silver lining."

"What do you know of… crushed dreams?"

"Well, I wanted to be a writer, live far away from society, with a cat, five jelly fish, and perhaps a spouse. The spouse was always totally optional, but now I can't have any of that. I'm a weapon of mass destruction, so I'm just as trapped as you are," she sighed.

"You could annihilate-"

"I could. But I'm really don't want to. Eventually you get tired of it, don't you? It didn't take me long to tire of the whole all powerful being idea. In the end, everyone's afraid of you and you don't have anyone to love or be loved by. So what's the point?"

"I used to know," he admitted solemnly, "Conquest, glory, maybe. Some small bit of remembrance, but in the end…"

"In the end there is only yourself. You'll have to find happiness." she finished, "that's my conquest, for now. To get you happy, and out of here. I've got six months to do it. Six months to make you a changed man, then we will set you up with a house away from all the ridiculous humans," she smiled taking his empty plate to the sink, "Thank you for sharing your stories. I hope you'll continue to work willingly with me."

Her smile was absolutely radiant as she looked over her shoulder at him. It threw him off of his normal indifference. It was hard to look at, and hard to look away from, like she was in fact an angel from Vanhalla, come to guide him to a greater path. As she turned back to her task he realized the thought was absolutely ridiculous, but it did not stop it from being a valid comparison to the young lady. He continued that train of thought long after she'd left. Escape seemed like the only option, but what if there was another chance. What if he played along with her plans, and received his clearance to leave. He would then have one less enemy in the world, and perhaps he would have gained the companionship of this world's most deadly weapon. It was another good idea, among many risky ones.

"You are going to do what now?" Lily questioned Tony at the end of his big science filled speech to her.

"I'm gonna make angel wings for you, that will act as just another limb," he concluded.

"That science exists… and it's not being used for prosthetic limbs?" she questioned.

"It's in testing," Bruce explained from his place on a stool at the end of the lab table, "Before you came I was working on it, but the spinal cord is so delicate."

"I don't know how good of an idea it is to mess with my central nervous system. It could spell disaster."

"You could fly. You could be an actual angel!" Tony gushed, "Take that in for a moment, actual wings!"

"We assume that your ability to control your body would help with the bonding," Bruce filled in.

"Body modification," she nodded, "okay so enlighten me on the purpose," she asked tilting her head curiously. Tony gave her a look of offended bafflement.

"I am talking about flying and you want to question it." Tony asked, sounding genuinely offended.

"You said that body modification was possible but hard to reverse. The wings would be removable, allowing you to fly into combat zones completely undetected. Unlike Falcon's wings they would not show up on any radar system. You would just be perceived as a life form." Bruce added the information Lily was looking for, with an eye roll at Tony's expense.

"Not to mention it's bad ass." Tony continued.

"Alright guys, fuck me up," she sighed.

"Yeeeeah!" Tony cheered, "Get on over here hot stuff!" he beckoned. She came to stand in the middle of a cluster of sensors and other weird gadgets that moved around her in a manner that was less than absolutely comfortable. Bruce was always diligent in telling her exactly what was happening.

"We're just acquiring needed data from your body. Exact measures, spine curvature. In a bit we'll need you to undress, but I'll kick Tony out," he assured. She nodded, as much as she liked Tony, he wasn't a doctor therefore he never needed to see her naked. Bruce never seemed extremely effected about her nudity, and he certainly never leered at her. He was easier to be around, she felt secure and comfortable in his presence.

"I don't see why I have to be kicked out," Tony complained, "I'm familiar with the female anatomy."

"Oh yes, I saw that in your head the one time I wore cleavage around you. I know you can't help your thoughts, so I'm just not gonna put the both of us in an awkward situation."

"I got you, toots, but I'm curious about your second tattoo," he admitted.

"Well I don't think you'll ever see the whole of it. The scar was pretty big, and kinda on my butt…like side butt. Bruce c'mon help me out."

"You wouldn't see all of it unless you saw her in a thong," Bruce sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"So Bruce and Cap are the only two who've seen it."

"Correction, Bruce and Nat are the only ones who have seen it."

"Whoa, what?!" Tony exclaimed, nearly falling out of the stool he had been precariously tipping backwards.

"She came home early and I don't like pants," Lily shrugged, "It was cool we had a pants off dance off."

"Is it just me or am I detected some weird vibes between you and Natasha."

Lily shrugged, holding still as Bruce placed a few sensors at the back of her neck, "She's an attractive woman. Definite woman crush, not to mention she doesn't talk through movies."

"I think the world could learn a lot from my commentary," Tony defended, pulling a bag of popcorn from god knows where.

"The world could also miss important details from the movie. Nat doesn't give me that problem, she also doesn't give me gym memberships for Christmas. I am still not sure if Pepper was throwing shade on that one."

"She really wasn't. I promise she likes you," Tony sighed, "but you've gained weight."

"Captain's tryin' to fatten me up. I think he likes 'em chubby," she snickered.

"Actually, according to the idea of beauty in his time period… it's a possibility," Bruce put in thoughtfully. He frowned to himself, wondering why the hell he had even contributed to their conversation.

"I am so okay with that. I like my little food baby. It reminds me of me in high school," she smiled.

"I bet you were a heartbreaker," Tony grinned, "Little thing like you walking down the school halls? I'd pursue it."

"This is why you get kicked out when I get naked," she remarked, "but alas, you are wrong. Steve is my first ever boyfriend. I was more of a book thumper, I probably would have put homework before my boyfriend."

"Good," Bruce murmured, making Lily smile.

"Oh come on! That's no fun!"

"I was also intimidating… I've always been a no bull shit type of person, and I knew I was beautiful so petty compliments didn't suit me, and I wanted to wait until at least college for sex, and lord knows the average teenage boy was not trying to make a strong emotional bond. So I simply did what I was good at, and that was school."

"Oh my God, you were a teacher's pet weren't you."

"Yes I was," she grinned, "my teacher's loved me. Which meant I was on my way to a full ride in college, and the life I always wanted," she gave a small wistful smile, "but I guess this life isn't too bad. I got a smokin' hot boyfriend, a gorgeous room mate, and a very nerdy attractive doctor who sees me naked every once in a while."

Bruce scoffed, but blushed all the same at her compliment.

"What about me?"

"And everyone's favorite billionaire nerd to make sure I have fun," she added, "I think everything turned out pretty well. Even if comparatively I'm just a cute dork with a nice rack."

"Oh come on, give yourself more credit!" Tony complained, " You are our pin up doll."

"I will accept that."

"Alright… I think that's everything we can do with you clothed. I need an exact measurement of your spine and the spinal cord projections, so you'll have to disrobe. Tony, I'll tell you when she's done." he continued in his soft methodical voice. It was obvious that he was in full blown doctor mode. Tony sighed and got up making a bee line for the door. Tony stepped out and was lucky enough to find Steve going down the hall.

"Capsicle," he called, falling into step beside the man. Steve let out a low barely audible groan.

"What, Stark?"

"Hey, no need to be abrasive. So did you two talk it out or what?" Tony pressed.

"We're fine, she's fine, everything's fine."

"You've gotta give me details. How am I suppose to know how fine it is?"

"It's really none of your business."

"She's a part of the team. If you guys are fighting I think it matters to the rest of us."

"I said we're fine," Steve tried speeding up his stride, in hopes of losing the billionaire, but Tony managed to keep pace with him.

"So you told her?" Tony asked.

"No," he sighed.

"You have to tell her. Sooner is better than later, ya don't wanna wait until it's too late. What the hell is the hold up?"

"I… she got worried we were breaking up, and she got a bit upset. I didn't think it was a good time."

"You're not breaking up are you?"

"No!"

"Just checking, so what's stopping you?"

"She kissed me… and I don't think it's important anymore."

"Of course its still important! It's even more important," Tony looked up at the ceiling in absolute disbelief. Then, his mind caught up to what Steve had said, "Oh my God, wait. You guys kissed?! What was it like? Did you slip tongue like I told you to?"

"What?! No! I'm not talking to you about this anymore, just butt out, Stark," Steve ordered firmly, stopping his fast trek. Tony stumbled to a stop, and Steve gave him a measured glare, "Or I'll tell Natasha," he warned, before continuing his journey to where ever he was headed.

"I'm not afraid of her!" Tony yelled after him.

"Not afraid of whom?" Natasha questioned as she walked up just behind him. Tony let out a less than masculine shriek at her sudden voice, whirling around to look at her. Natasha only rose an eyebrow.

"Ah," he cleared his throat, "Nothing." he rubbed the back of his neck and shot her a weak smile. She shrugged and continued the same way as Steve down the hall.

"You know human culture is so weird about nudity. The fact that the normal person can't see another normal person in the nude and think nothing sexual about it is ridiculous. So odd, and frustrating! I hate clothing, sometimes! Sometimes, I just wanna lounge around without all that extra fabric! But I can't because it's 'weird'" she air quoted.

"Mmhm, slight pinch," he warned as he set up the device against her neck, "I just think our bodies are so intimate because they are a physical representation of us, and it's the only true one we really get. So it's personal, and sacred."  
"I can understand that, I suppose. My body is newly mine, and I like to appreciate in my own way, but I'm not really keen on letting other people appreciate it. I only just kissed Steve," she admitted..

"And how'd you feel about that?"

"Surprisingly okay," she grinned, listening to the sound of the device click into place, "it was a very new, very nice experience."

"I'm glad. I was hoping that this relationship would be healthy for you."

"I think it is. He is very patient with me, especially when I jump to the wrong conclusions and I have an emotional breakdown because I think I've screwed everything up, and that he's leaving… I mean it's not because he's made me co-dependent… it's just that… well if he can love what I am now… maybe I can too. I love me, but I haven't quite accepted being a monster yet."

"Well, for starters, stop calling yourself a monster. That might help a bit. There's a reason I suggested Angel for your name. Angels are supposed to be a being only focused on their mission, they are fierce all powerful, and wrathful, but when called upon in prayer they can grant the most beautiful miracles."

"Thank you," she murmured, as he fit another piece of the sensor between her shoulder blades.

"No problem."

Once all the data was compiled Lily headed to go see Fury. Fury never really wanted to talk to her unless it was important. To be honest, the man scared the crap out of her, not for any logical reason, he just did. She knocked on his office door with his cupcake in a little container in her hand. Everybody liked baked goods, right? Even a surly bad ass, father of spies.

"Come in," his voice barked and she took a deep breath before entering. In one infinitesimal moment she went through everything she'd done wrong in her life, and she prepared herself to explain each occurrence. Then she read his mind and realized all he wanted was to talk over the plan with Loki. That was an easier topic than trying to explain what happened to Tony's microwave last month. She stood before his desk, waiting for him to turn his attention to her, as his eyes searched over the computer monitor in front of him. When at last he turned his gaze to her she almost wished he had just kept looking at the computer.

"What the hell are you holding?" Director Fury questioned.

"I uh, I made you a cupcake. I dunno if you even like cupcakes…oh you do. Okay well here's the cupcake. There's an eye patch on you to signify you… not a pirate, but I'm sure you knew that. May I sit down and shut up," she asked. Fury looked at her with an expression that was somewhere in between amused and annoyed.

"Please," he allowed.

She sat in the chair in front of his desk. After a moment of deliberation she set the cupcake on his desk, and folded her hands in her lap. Director Fury just glared at her, making the woman feel like at any moment he was going to punch her in the face.

"What's your plan for our prisoner?"

"Therapy, mostly. I want to get down to the route of his problems and sorta make him give up his idea of ruling, and his malice towards his family. Then I want to make him content with staying on Earth for the rest of his life."

"Earth is his exile, not his rehab center."

"Yeah, and being banished from your home into a strange planet is punishment enough. I don't think he really needs the extra cruelty. It would be counter productive, not to mention he would be a very nice asset to SHIELD and you know it. So I make him care about Earth, make him wanna protect it, and then we let him into a place of his choice and we monitor him loosely."

"And you plan to do all this just by talking to him?" Fury questioned skeptically.

"Um no, first stage is talking, yes. I would like to establish a mutual respect if not friendship with him so we can move into stage two without any upset."

"And what's stage two."

"Um, well it's a bit… um painful. I want him to relive his crimes… but not from a perspective at which he is on top. I'm gonna take him down to our level. So teaching him empathy."

"And how are you gonna do this."

"With my abilities, of course. Illusions mostly, but some of it will be real. I'll need Thor's help."

"What's the next stage."

"The next and final stage features a sort of relearning, or rebuilding of Loki. There are some parts of him that are just his nature, but other parts… are things he was taught. So stage two will break him down, and stage three will build him up. Each stage will take two months. No more than that, especially if he continues to be cooperative with me," she finished meeting his gaze steadily as she finished her game plan. Director Fury only glared back at her, as if he were reading some kind fine print written on her face. He shifted in his chair slightly and tilted his head curiously.

"And what if he is not cooperative?"

Lily cleared her throat and wrung her hands lightly, "Well… Director Fury, I will then have to make him cooperative. The stages all have two ways of happening… one way will lead to his happiness, and his compliance… the other would leave him miserable… but still compliant. Stage One: is get information. He can give it over willingly, or I could draw it out of him, in a very painful process. Stage Two: Break him. He can journey with me through his mishaps and learn from his mistakes, or I can beat him to a pulp… essentially. Stage three: Rebuild him. I could show him the joys in life on Earth, and the things that make us worthy of living, and the things that make him worthy of living among us… or I can physically rebuild him. Wipe what I don't want him to have out of his memory… and literally rebuild his mind. He would be compliant, he would be a ready soldier… but he would be absolutely miserable, and living a fate worse than death," she whispered looking down at her hands.

"And what decides which method you use for each stage?"

"He does. He will always have a choice in how I treat him."

"So what? You give him his options and he chooses?" Fury laughed a humorless sound.

"Essentially. He can choose pain or pleasure. He follows the rules I have in place and he will never feel the pain I can give him again… but if he breaks them… then…" she shrugged, "I think it's a fair system."

"More fair than he deserves," Fury assented, "but it's a good plan. A bit soft hearted, but you have to be."

She nodded understanding what he meant. Lily had an image to keep up, and it was the image that she was capable of empathy, and love, and caring, which was all true, but she had to be sure everyone knew it. It kept people from fearing her, and soon it would keep the general public from fearing her.

"On that note, I know that you have been entertaining romantic affiliations with Rodgers," Fury informed. For a second her heart dropped into her stomach. She had never given a thought that SHIELD might have a problem with "office romances".

"It's good for your image, and not hurting his. Carry on," he permitted, "Not that you really needed the permission, did you," he smirked. Lily ducked her head in embarrassment, not really sure how to respond, "The council has decided they want to meet you, along with the president of the United States."

She looked up at him," Why?"

"He's the Commander and Chief, and for the most part the council decides when to consult our division…"

"It's because I'm their shiny, new weapon," she grumbled, "they wanna take me out to see what I can do."

"Stark, and Natasha will go with you."

"When?"

" In a few months. I will update you on an exact date," he informed.

"Alright," she sighed.

"You're dismissed, Ms. Hemlock."

She nodded and stood, leaving his office and walking semi-blindly through the halls back to her room. Tears had begun to collect in her eyes, making everything just abstract splashes of color. They weren't necessarily from sadness, there was a bit of anger pulsing behind the tears. More than anything she wished there was a room like on an island that she could go to pieces in, without anyone getting hurt. No matter how much she tried she was still just a weapon, just an empty vessel with a power that everyone wanted to use. That was what she was known as in the government system, just the weapon. Not Lily, not even The Angel, just the weapon recovered in Russia. She was at her door when her name was called.

"Lil, are you alright," Steve asked, walking towards her small form. She huffed out a sound similar to a laugh, and a sardonic smile fit her face. A shaky hand raked through her hair, stopping at the clip that was barely holding all of her hair up.

"Um… that is a really good question," she sniffed, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, "and I will get back to you when I have an answer."  
"Is there something I can do, or…"

She bit her lip and looked up at the ceiling, "Um…maybe. I'm a little," she pinched to fingers together and held them up to him, "A little pissed. Just a smidge. Anger, is an odd emotion for me."

Steve took a tentative step forward, not quite sure what he was going to do, but knowing he had to do something. She looked back to him with a calculating glance, and took a few slow strides towards him, before simply taking him into her arms. Her head rested just at the middle of his chest. He smiled a bit and hugged her back.

"What's the matter?" he questioned.

She simply groaned and hit her forehead on his chest a few times.

"Yeah, that seems pretty bad," he sympathized, smiling even wider, "You need some cheese fries in your life?"

"I love it when you talk dirty to me," she sighed, "Let's just stay like this a little longer."

"That's fine," he kissed the top of her head, and allowed her to hug him until the tinge of anger faded away and she was just left with a resigned sadness. Sadness was familiar, and easy to handle. That, too, would pass eventually. It was easy to put it aside with someone so special to her heart right there beside her.

"We should watch Jurassic Park tonight."

"If you want," he agreed.

"Nothing better than watching dinosaurs eat people," she informed looking up at him with a slight smile.

"Feeling better?" he asked.

"Mmhm, just had to hug it out. It helps that your super soldier ribs don't break easily… a normal person might be in immense pain right now."

"Breathing is a little difficult," he admitted, eyes flickering momentarily to her lips, that for some reason seemed extremely inviting. Unlike most days they were not painted with any color or gloss, just her normal plump lips that formed a perpetual pout on her face.

"You can kiss me if you'd like," she permitted, lips tilting up in a slight smile, "It all depends on how you feel about public displays of affection."

"Hmm," he hummed as if he were really considering the idea at hand, "That raises quite a few important questions doesn't it."

"Mmhm," she grinned.

"Because this," he bent and pressed a kiss peck to her cheek, "is barely anything. Completely appropriate for public, right?"

"Of course, completely," she laughed, "Like kissing your sister."

He snorted, "Sure, and this," he pressed a kiss to her lips quickly, leaving Lily stretching up to keep his mouth on hers, when he moved away she frowned at him, "A little more intimate, still good for public."

"Very good for public, like an awkward middle school kiss," she teased, still glowering.

"But this," he brought a hand up to cradle her face, the other sliding down to pull her closer by her waist. She looked up at him with somehow darker eyes than normal, as he lowered to her height. Her breath spiked, and the tingling sensation in her stomach had kicked up a few more notches than usual.

"I don't know. How are we feeling about this?" he asked just before his lips could touch hers. Lily let out a soft impatient whine.

"I'm feeling like you should shut the hell up and kiss me," she growled at him.

"Potty mouth, we have got to clean up your language," he tsked and Lily just threw her arms around his neck and pulled him down to kiss him. Steve smiled a bit into the kiss, holding her close through out it, even testing a few boundaries.

"I can't believe the rest of the team thinks you're an innocent baby. You slipped tongue," she laughed as they separated.

"What's the phrase you use with Tony all the time?"

"Kawaii in the streets senpai in the sheets?" she laughed.

"What else can I say, sweet heart?"

"You are more of a dork than I am, but I was serious about Jurassic Park… and cheese fries. At the same time. After my last shift, okay?"

"That's fine. I'll have your cheese fries waiting for you."

"Oh," she swooned into his arms, "You really know how to get a girl all hot and bothered, Captain."

"Meet me in my room, in your pajamas, we'll build a fort."

"I swear you're everything I ever wanted in a man. Where's your room?"

"I'm literally right beside you," he laughed, pointing to the door down from hers.

"HA, I guess your my neighbor Mr. Rodgers," she cackled. Steve looked on at her, confused as to why she found the fact so amusing, "Just a childhood thing. There was this guy named Mr. Rodgers and he had a TV show, and it was pretty great. I'll show you some time."

It wasn't long before Lily found herself in Loki's room once more, surrounded by her usual untouchable calm as she made a simple lunch. However, though her exterior seemed vacant, and cold, her mind was considering how best to approach the basis of the discussion she wanted to have over lunch. Light hearted tales were all fine and well, but it is the hardships that really make us who we are. Human nature was familiar, and easy to manipulate, but Loki was not human. However, the inner workings of his mind were very similar. There was a distinct difference in his thought process. She could not decide if it was simply a thing specific to Loki, or if it was an Asgardian custom, or a jotunn predisposition. There was the hunger for valor and glory. Humans like to win, but the normal human has a limit to the things they will do to win. Loki had no limit. It would be the first thing she would have to rob him of if he were to be happy on Earth. She decided that she would have to challenge him physically, best him in all things he thought himself proficient in. Lying, was already under way. As far as Loki could see, there was no other side to Lily, or rather The Angel. He presumed that what he saw was all there was to her. The Angel herself was a lie. What else he found himself proficient in would be revealed soon.

"What are you reading?" she asked as she set his lunch on the coffee table in front of him, and sitting in an arm chair.

"Could you not simply read my mind?" he mocked in a simple removed tone.

"I was trying to be polite by asking."

"I am reading Wuthering Heights."

"Really?" she questioned, genuinely surprised by the choice She had expected him to go for the books with wars, and gallantry. The Lord of the Rings being the best example of such traits. She might have also expected him to go for mystery, and intrigue, a story with an intelligent, and arrogant protagonist like The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. She had not expected a dark and masochistic love story such as Wuthering Heights.

"Yes."

"It is my favorite classic romance novel. We will have to discuss when you have finished it," she announced, " I would ask you to put aside the book for now, though."

He set the book face down, on the table, beside the plate of food. He lie on the couch on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Lily studied him for a moment before taking in a deep breath. Civil protest, it was what he was doing. It was the only wise form of protest to meet her lack of cruelty.

"Loki, I would advise you to stay cooperative."

"Why do you advise?" he asked curiously, angling his head to look up at her, "If I were a being as powerful, and as unchecked as you, I would not idly advise."

"What would you do, then?"

"I would demand."

"And if someone were to refuse."

"I would crush them," he spoke the answer so simply, as if there was nothing wrong with his logic, as if it was the natural order of things.

"Hmm," she hummed in response, "Why do you think that is the way things should be done?"

"Free will is an illusion. None of us really have a choice in this world. You are either a ruler or you are ruled."

"Ah, I agree, but the governors are ruled by the governed often times. People are ruled by their morality, their desires, their memories. Free will is an illusion only because we have inhibitions, and those who do not have inhibitions do not go unchecked. We are limited by social structure."

"Exactly," he agreed sitting up to look at her with an excited glint in his eyes, " Once we understand this then we are free."

"No," she shook her head, "to be free… we would need chaos. Ruling chaos is impossible so you'd be a big savage among other smaller savages. Free but unhappy. All beings need purpose. Our purpose is to serve some higher power. The type of person you are dictates the type of higher power you serve."

"What is your higher power then, Angel?" he looked on at her with a dry curiosity.

"I don't know yet," she admitted lightly, "I cannot say. It is only through self actualization that we know what we serve. Tell me, Loki, what is your higher power?"

"I do not serve any higher power, there is no higher power any higher than me."

"Well I beg to differ. If we are going to be arrogant here, we could argue that I am a higher power in comparison to you, in fact, there are a lot of powers higher than you, but if in saying that you meant to say that you serve yourself, then I must ask you why?"

"I do not understand."

"If you serve yourself you cannot become any better than yourself. So why limit yourself to you?"

"Because I will not accept servitude. I am a prince. It is my birth right to be king."

"Eh," she frowned, "debatable. You would be an absolutely terrible king. What fortune can cruelty bring to your people? What fortune can vanity, greed, and pride serve? If you are a king who serves himself you are a king that is not worth his salt. Is it not the job of a king to serve his people? It's not all pretty thrones and gold, if you want respect you must earn it. If you want glory, you must fight in earnest to get it. No person of noble thought, praises a snake for swindling his way to victory."

"What do you know of ruling?" his words were filled with indignation, as he crossed his arms over his chest like the petulant child he, in essence, was."

"I don't need to know much of ruling, I need to know about people," she corrected, "People want a king they can stand behind and be proud of. Some one of kind heart… I would have you read the Lord of the Rings after Wuthering Heights. It will tell you of a good king, I believe." She stood.

"That is all?" he questioned, dumbfounded by the short lived conversation.

"Yes. I will drop off your dinner. I have other obligations and will not be able to stay. I have learned much today. Thank you."

"What have you learned?" He demanded, turning around so his eyes could follow her as she left. She only threw him a parting smile, before pressing her hand to the keypad and letting herself out. She briefly checked back in with Tony and Bruce to ensure that they had not blown themselves up, or managed to cause any other such tragedy. The two of them were fine, spouting out words she had never even heard of until she came into contact with them. She took a seat in a stool in the lab, listening to the speak and watching them work. The amount of intelligence the two of them held was absolutely astounding, a reason she loved their company. There was always so much to learn. At slow times in the lab back at the tower, Lily would ask Bruce or Tony to explain some of the things they talked about. She loved to listen to Bruce, for when he spoke about biological science there was an excitement in his voice that made her smile. For the most part, Bruce was a soft spoken man and seeing him light up at the thought of pathological studies, or stem cell research was nice. Tony was even better to learn from, even though she was less interested in the science that made him excited. Either way, he was good at explaining things. His analogies, though sometimes lewd, were effective.

"So this is where the both of you really come together, huh?" she questioned as she spun on her stool slowly.

"Hmm?" Bruce questioned, looking her way.

"Biological Engineering," she supplied, " where your fields overlap."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Tony nodded, as he played around with a holographic image of a pair of wings.

"So, how are you guys gonna get these wings functioning with my spinal cord, without actually tampering with my spinal cord?"

"Good question," Bruce complimented, "there will be connection points… like sensors that will go into your skin. You will have to accept them with your spinal projections. It'll be adding a new muscle."

"Oh, okay. So this won't be in use for normal soldiers," she nodded.

"No, this would likely kill a normal person," Bruce informed, " This only works because you have such control over your body, and the ability not to feel pain. Not to mention your strength."

"It's gonna be heavy?"

"Tony disagrees but-"

"They won't be heavy," Tony contradicted in an annoyed voice, "have a little faith. How the hell is she gonna fly if the wings are too heavy. I've got an idea."

"Oh?" Lily questioned.

"Uh huh. You are gonna make the material."

"Um… I am?"

"Yes you are, little lady. Something light, and durable that you can manipulate."

"I'm making my own feathers?"

"Yeah. Don't tell me how you make it."

In that moment she understood. These were for her, and her only. They were making as many excuses as possible to keep these wings off the battlefield. If these wings only work because she was abnormal then the government couldn't hope to mass produce them. It would only serve to make her mobile, so she could help more people.

"I'll get right on it, then," she smiled slightly, "gimme something to manipulate."

She sat in the lab for a long time playing with a cube of what was once cobalt, taking away certain traits and adding others. Until it was time for her to bring dinner for Loki, then head to Steve's room. Before going over to watch Jurassic Park with him, she changed into some dinosaur feet-in pajamas. Steve opened the door to her small form cradling bags of microwavable popcorn and hot cocoa. The sight alone would have been enough to reduce him to a goofy smile, and the need to simply grab her in a hug and never let go. Knowing that this adorable creature in front of him was his girlfriend of six months, only made the urge to pull her in close and hug her more unbearable.

"Fun fact, the human urge to hug cute things actually comes from a place in the brain responsible for aggression. You don't know what to do about the cute thing, so you want to smash it so it won't be cute anymore. Thankfully other parts of your brain over rule that initial thought so you just hug," she explained as she walked in, heading to the kitchen in his room. He laughed a little at the odd little fact.

"Thank you. That was, indeed a fun fact," he agreed, taking her into a hug. She laughed a little and hugged him back. The hug was a bit long, longer than she deemed absolutely necessary.

"Uh, Steve."

"Sh, I'm deciding whether or not I want you to stop being cute."

"Well, there's hot chocolate in it for you if you allow me to continue,' she offered, stifling the laughter that threatened to bubble up.

"Sold," he let her go, and moved back the plush, scaled hood of her dinosaur pajamas so he could kiss her forehead.

There was something oddly magical about eating a bunch of food that doesn't go together, in a well made fort, wearing pajamas, while watching idiots get eaten by prehistoric beasts with your beloved that really just sets up a good night. Lily happily ate her cheese fries, while Steve took over the bowl of popcorn. There were moments in which Lily recited the lines perfectly, even the "lines" of the dinosaurs, also adding in a few snarky comments for Steve's benefit.

"I'm sorry but if you fall down, and we are running away from dinosaurs I don't know if I am going to go back for you," she announced.

"Well, thanks. You know, I'm starting to get the feeling that I should just never be in peril. You might choose a cheap fried food over me, or just leave me to die."

"That is not true! Some cheese fries are very expensive!" She contradicted, failing to hold back her giggles. He rolled his eyes at her and kept up a staged frown, "Aw, I would punch a T-Rex in the face for you, babe," she proclaimed leaning over to press a soft kiss to his lips.

"What about a velociraptor?"

"I would become their alpha, and save you while gaining raptor buddies. Chris Pratt did it, I don't see why I can't."

"What?"

"Oh yeah, I went to see the new movie with Tony while you were out kicking butt with Nat. It was pretty awesome. And after you've watched the other two movies, I'll go watch it again with you."

"They tried it again? Why would they try it again? So many people died!"

"Money. It's the American way. So a few thousand people die, a few billion dollars are worth more than their lives."

"That's not true."

"We don't agree on politics, we shouldn't talk about them," she reminded, "Loyalty to country always, loyalty to government sometimes."

"You're not an anarchist are you?"

"Is it a deal breaker if I say yes?"

"We will never speak about politics again," he answered.

"Well I'm not an anarchist, and I do believe that democracy and capitalism are the best systems we have yet to find, only because they cater to human nature, but human nature can be kind of sucky."

"I agree."

"Yet, you still think the U. S. of A is the best country on this planet."

"What's your opinion?"

"New Zealand."

"That's only because of The Lord of the Rings!"

"No! They are freer than us, and their land is prettier and less populated!" she argued.

"What happened to loyalty to country?!"

"I'm just sayin, New Zealand is awesome looking." She smiled leaning in close to him, " but I do have a favorite thing about America," she admitted, "and no other country has it."

"Yeah, what's that?"

"Captain America."  
"You are trying to make up for making America second best, and I won't stand for it," he smiled, "on top of that you said you wouldn't save me from dinosaurs. I would save you. I would do everything I could to save you."

"Aw, I'm sorry. Come here," she opened her arms to him, "Come on, I'm sorry."

"No, I don't want your hugs," he denied laughing at her relentless pursuit. She continued forward on her knees, moving across the distance of the fort. Moved back laughing as she then pretended to be a T-Rex.

"I just want a hug."

"Oh my goodness, what am I going to do with you?!" he exulted, as she caught him in big hug.

"Resistance is futile. You will submit to my affections," she murmured into his neck, kissing there once before she looked up at him with a cheeky grin, "C'mon, get some dino sugar."

"And Tony calls me lame." he rolled his eyes, allowing her to kiss him softly.

"Tony's never seen me in dino jammies, with no make up on trying to kiss him."

"Good." he kissed her, looking down at her face, illuminated by the dim light of the flashlight they had inside of the fort.

"Tony seems more responsive to lingerie. It's how Pepper gets him to do what she wants."

"I like your dinosaur pajamas."

"I know you do. Dorky is the new sexy, didn't you know?"

"I could believe it. C'mon tiny T-Rex, let's clean up."

"Can't, arms too small," she shrunk her hands into the sleeves and proceeded to flap the access fabric around as if to emphasize their false shortness. In the process, she inadvertently smacked Steve in the face with the sleeve.

"Little arms, uncontrollable you see?"

"What am I gonna do with you?" he murmured fondly.


	10. Chapter 10

The smell of cheap Russian liquor assaulted her nose as the door to her cell slammed shut. The fluorescents over head hummed, filling in the following silence. She stared up at him with a deep sense of dread in the pit of her stomach. There was no fight in her, it had been subdued with a narcotic she had no name for. It signaled the imminent visit from the man sauntering slowly towards her.

"Subject 159," he addressed in his thick accent.

"Master," she croaked, the name falling from her chapped busted lips like the last leaf of autumn. Every cell in her body was bracing for the coldest winter to come with his touch. He held his hand out to her, and a new dread filled her limbs, making them feel like sand bags. She had hoped that he'd just hit her and be done. He took her hand and heaved her up, his hand snaking around her waist. The smell intensified, gagging her, but she didn't dare make a sound. Her eyes watered from the intensity of the stench, or the dread, she wasn't sure. Either way, she did not allow the tears to fall, as she glared down at the hairs on his chest. He wore only an open shirt.

"Look at me, little doll," he crooned, lifting her chin so she had no choice but to stare up at his face. He was much older than she, with a tattoo of a snowflake on his cheek. To this day, she hated the snow. He smashed his mouth down on hers and pulled at the meager clothing covering her slight form. In these moments she retreated into herself, became vacant, and robotic. Making the appropriate sounds and movements to end the hell she was being put through. He bit at her flesh, and his nails scratched her skin, but the pain was nothing compared to other things. Her head smacked the concrete walls harder than really healthy. Eventually, he finished, leaving behind the bitter stench of alcohol. She sat, naked on the concrete floor, and every emotion buried deep gushed forward and she screamed.

Lily jolted up in bed screaming a short sound before it was cut off by a distinctive nausea. She scrambled out of bed and burst through her door, running across the front room to the bathroom, where she fell over the toilet, to throw up every last bit of the food she had eaten. Cheese fries were a lot less appetizing the second time around. The sound of her heaving woke Natasha and she ventured into the bathroom to hold back Lily's hair. She spoke words of comfort to the woman, trying to help ease whatever pain she was in. The smell was still in Lily's nose, the smell of cheap alcohol. It seemed to leak from her pores and invade her senses. Once she was sure she was done vomiting, she heaved herself up to the sink, and grabbed mouthwash from the medicine cabinet. The taste of him clung to her tongue.

"Honey, you wanna dilute that," Natasha advised.

"I can smell him," Lily choked out, as sobs ripped through her raw throat, making it sound hoarse, and broken.

"I'll make you a bath," Natasha nodded, turning around to walk to the bath tub. It was a spa, with jets and all of the cool accessories a girl could hope for. Natasha knew none of that mattered right now.

Lily rinsed out her mouth with concentrated mouth wash, not Listerine, or Colgate, this stuff was no joke. After the third rinse, her mouth begun to peel, and it sung with a pain she paid no mind to. After the rinse, she brushed her teeth until her mouth tasted of her own blood. Natasha came back around the corner to see Lily spit crimson into the sink.

"Whoa! Hey!" she yelled, hurrying to grab the toothbrush, Lily fought with her crying out unintelligible words, "Dammit! Stop it!" Natasha snatched away the toothbrush and threw it on the sink, "Rinse your mouth!"

Lily followed her instructions, using the cup that had once held mouthwash. After her mouth was clean, and she tasted only iron, she turned and fell into Natasha's arms.

"I know, c'mon, let's get you in the bath," Natasha murmured, pulling the smaller woman along until they got to the big spa. The water looked like a melted galaxy, and smelled like the sweetest garden. A half of a dozen bath bombs made this possible. Natasha helped the semi hysterical woman into the bath, helping her undress first, then offering her a hand in to the high waters.

"I know, hon. It's hot," she warned. Lily stepped in without speaking, only sniffling every now and again as her breath hitched. Natasha sat on the side with her feet in the water, " sh, sh, sh, I know, you're scared, and that it hurts, everything hurts, and it's just like your back in that hell hole, but I promise you are safe," she cooed. Lily sat so she could rest between Natasha's legs.

"D-does it ever stop?" she asked.

"… yeah, you get stronger. And then nothing can touch you, nothing can hurt you," she promised grabbing the sprayer from its place on the wall, "c'mon let me wash your hair."

As she began the process of washing the young woman's long locks she sung a soft Russian lullaby( mp3/berceuse_ 3) that used to help Lily sleep when she first was saved from the facility. The song now made her rest her head on Natasha's thigh and hum along quietly.

Sleep did not return to either woman. Lily silently sat on the couch, staring at the city portrayed on the fake windows in front of her. It was just a screen, and soon she grabbed the remote and changed it to show a green forest. It was more calming than the icy city Chicago was this time of year. Natasha had gone to talk to Steve. She didn't want Lily to be alone while she went to tell Fury that Lily needed the day off. She banged on his door impatiently, rousing the man from his slumber. His clumsy steps could easily be heard on the other side of the door. He wrenched the door open, revealing his tired face and his bedhead.

"Lily needs you," Natasha spoke shortly, " go take my place so I can get her the day off. "

"What happened?" He asked, concern taking over his features.

"The nightmares are back," she sighed, running a hand over her tired face. It was without make up, and the shadows under her eyes were unmistakable, " she woke me up at like three, vomiting in the bathroom. It's bad this time, Steve, I mean island bad."

"Island bad?" he questioned in disbelief.

"Back then, she would take these boiling hot baths and sit in them for hours. She wouldn't eat, she wouldn't drink, she wouldn't talk, she would just sit! I don't want that for her again! What they did to her it-" Natasha cut off unable to find a word terrible enough to describe the trauma Lily had gone through, "she needs someone to keep close to her. I've been holding her since about dawn, but she's in no shape to talk to Loki. The last thing anyone needs is for him to use her trauma against her."

"I got it. I'll go right over."

"Come on, I'll have to let you in."

She let him into their shared room, and walked him in, " Lily, Steve's gonna sit with you, while I go talk to Fury."

"Okay," Lily murmured back, her voice was still hoarse, but at least she was talking. Steve took the place beside her, unsure if he would be allowed to touch her or talk to her. There were times when she did not want him to do either, and they usually came after nights in which she'd had a terrible nightmare. Those days she stayed with Natasha mostly, speaking quiet words, and seemingly hiding from the world under her friend's embrace. To his surprise, she closed the small distance between them that the couch allotted. Automatically, he lifted his arm to rest it over her shoulder. She nuzzled in close so that her cheek rested on his chest. The shirt she wore he recognized as one of his own, and it fell off her shoulder, and swallowed the rest of her small form. They sat silently for a while. Lily took in deep breaths, staring at the forest scene displayed before her on the window-like screen.

"You smell nice," she murmured.

"So do you," he complimented, stunned by the fact she was talking to him.

"Really?"

"Like a nice garden… one that isn't fertilized with manure."

Lily let out a short laugh, "Thanks."

"No problem. So is it a new perfume? Body wash?"

"Bath bomb, and maybe the body wash too."

"What's a bath bomb, and why does it sound so violent?"

"Pfft. A bath bomb is simply something you put in your bathwater to make it look cool, smell nice, and do good stuff for your skin. It's named a bomb because it fizzles a bit in the water."

"Bombs don't fizzle."

"It's a relative term, Captain," she rolled her eyes at him, but a small smile settled on her lips. It disappeared quickly but it was nice that she smiled at all. Steve wordlessly held her closer, and she stared off, deep in thought. Would there ever be a time when she would forget the five years of hell that seemed so prevalent now? She couldn't even imagine what that would be like. What would a week without debilitating nightmares feel like? What would it be like to share herself with others without countless doubts coming to sneak up on her? It all seemed like an irrevocable part of her. Still, she looked at the screen portraying a beautiful forest, and she only had one complaint.

"I miss the sun," she sighed, turning her face so she could obscure her vision against his chest, "I miss a lot of things," she spoke quietly, "I want you to know… that I know that you wouldn't hurt me. None of this is your fault, and when I have trouble letting you touch me it's not because I'm afraid of you. It's just… a lot sometimes."

"Does it help to talk about it?"

"It helps to explain myself. It helps to be understood. You see, they kept me in the that facility after I had my power by playing mind games. They had me convinced that all I was good for was killing, and serving them in whatever way they needed me to. If you can't read between the lines, they meant that I was a weapon and a whore, that's it. It took so long on that island to undo all of that. Clint and Natasha worked so hard on me. They were patient and they helped me unlearn the majority of it but still I know what I'm capable of. I know that if I wanted to I could use my body to open up so many locked doors, and I could bring this world to it's knees. Logically, I know that I could. But just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. What would I even do with the whole world?!" she threw her arms in the air and let them fall down heavily, "but after I let go of that way of thinking it lead to this," she gestured wildly, " A broken cry baby, and sometimes I'm okay. But right now I am not okay! I want nothing more than to hide under Natasha and pretend that people with Y chromosomes don't even exist. But I don't want you to feel bad because I'm… I'm fucked up."

"I'm not really any help, am I?" he asked softly trying to hide the tenor of hurt from his voice.

She looked up at him with watery eyes and bit her lip before sighing, "Emotionally, you're doing wonders. You're making me laugh which is a miracle but physically… I want to run from you. And I'm trying to remind myself your okay, and you won't hurt me, and things are different now, but I just… I don't trust you the way I trust Clint and Natasha, and I am so sorry, but you don't know. If you knew, you wouldn't be here, you wouldn't want me." she brought herself away from him and grabbed one of the couch pillows to cry into.

"I can try to find, Barton, if you want?" Steve offered, wondering if he should touch her, or just let her be for the moment.

"Please. I'm so sorry, Steve. I really am, I'm working to be better."

"It's okay. I'll give him a call… and for the record , I'll want you no matter what."

"You don't know that," she sighed, moving away from him so she could huddle on the far corner of the couch. It wasn't his place to be upset with her because she was still afraid. It would be selfish, and uncalled for… and yet, he felt upset by the entire situation. He could be patient and understanding, yet she wouldn't let him in about everything in Russia.

"You don't need to know," she spoke to him, from across the couch, "You still believe in humanity…It would be cruel."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"If I asked you, would you sit down and tell me all about the war, any war you've been in?" she demanded impatiently, "Would you tell me about everyone you killed, and everyone you watched die?"

"…No."

"Because you don't want to relive it and I don't need to know."

"You wanna know about it all?"

"Not really, no." she shook her head, "Just call Clint. I tried to do this and humor Natasha but it's not working… it's not working." she murmured, and Steve couldn't help but to here a double meaning in her words. He pulled out his phone and called Clint, apparently interrupting his people watching in the rafters. It wasn't long before there was a knock on the door making Lily jump lightly, pulling her out of her thoughtless reverie. Steve got the door and let Clint in, deciding it was best to just leave. Lily watched him go, a blank look on her face. As he disappeared behind the door she let out a long breath.

"He's mad at me," she announced as Clint came to sit by her.

"He's just frustrated."

"Hm, well I'm sorry my trauma is such a burden on him," she said in a snarky tone, letting her upper body fall heavily on the pillow beside her.

"Don't be that way, Mouse."

"Maybe this was just stupid. Maybe I'm supposed to be alone," she rationalized.

"No one's supposed to be alone."

"What there's someone out there for everyone? Love is just a chemical reaction. I wasn't made to be loved," she grumbled.

"Bull, more than just Rodgers loves you, you know? Nat loves you, that woman would go to the ends of the Earth for you."

"It's because I'm a kindred soul."

"Maybe, but what about me then?" He asked.

"What about you?"

"I care about you, Mouse," he spoke softy.

"Because you owe me a life debt."

"No, because you are a good person, and you worked just as hard as we did on that island, and you never gave up on yourself. You never wanted any of this, I know, but now you have it, and you have got to find the good in that."

Lily considered that quietly for a few minutes. They were both silent, just watching the forest on the screen across the room. He was right. In her mind she made a list of the good: She had Clint, he acted as an older brother and he was good for going on adventures with. She had Natasha, she ensured Lily was never alone in the after math of her trauma, she was a kindred soul. She had Tony, a bit rough around the edges, and if she filtered out the cocky exterior there was just a caring nerd of a man with a great sense of humor. Bruce was someone who understood what it felt like to be dangerous and out of control, and his gentle nature made her feel safe in his presence. Lastly, there was Steve, and sometimes he made things complicated, because affairs of the heart were always so, but last night had been nice, and he understood the prospect of having a good time without doing anything exceedingly extravagant. He reminded her of home. If people were not enough… she was pretty well off and while money can't buy happiness, it can buy food and financial stability which is pretty nice.

Lily leaned over on to Clint with a soft sigh, "I hope Steve likes roller coasters," she spoke thinking of her emotional states and their varying nature.

Clint laughed a little at that, "Yeah I hope so too."

Come the next day she felt normal enough to do her job. She sort of resented taking a day off. It meant there would be no gently bringing up the subject of royalty. Loki sat on the couch once more and had The Two Towers in his hand. He was reading quite contentedly, and as Lily sat in the arm chair that she had the last time they talked he spared a glance in her direction.

"What king am I supposed to be observing?"

"Theoden, and there will be one more, but if I told you I think I might ruin some plot points." she admitted, "but Theoden for sure."

He sat the book face down on his chest and turned his head to look at the girl- his warden, "You did not come yesterday. The red haired one, Natasha, delivered my meals. She isn't as polite."

"Yeah, she doesn't like you. That's nothing new though. I had other obligations. But now I am here. How far are you into The Two Towers?"

"The wizard Saruman had been captured."

"Oh you are a quick reader. Well alright, Theoden is an important character for you… so is Wormtongue and Saruman. You lack honor. Which is why Thor was chosen for king, despite his flaws. He sought glory in battle and conquest not by slighting others. "

"I am dishonorable."

"Extremely."

"You know nothing." he hissed at her. She tilted her head curiously and looked at him.

"Then let me know."

"I was everything my father asked me to be. I was strong, my fighting was barely matched by Thor. I was the better of us two and had I been of their blood and older I would have been king."

"But you are not of their blood, and you are not older, so what makes you so entitled."

"Because I am a better ruler."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why are you better than Thor? I've actually met him, and he seems rather nice."

"Oh yes, father banished him to the this puny planet and he was somehow redeemed, but before he came here, he was a brute, an arrogant brute who sought only for his own glory. Everything he did was to make himself look better. If your idea of a good king is one who serves his people then Thor was no better than I. He wanted to be renowned-"

"Like Beowulf."

"What?" he gave her a look both annoyed and confused. She stood and went to the far side of the room where the box of books was located and pulled a thick book from its ranks it was an Anglo-Saxon book of legends.

"Anglo-Saxon warrior called Beowulf. He reminds me of Thor. The guy was basically known for how great he was, and all he talked about was how great he was, and the people ate it up," she spoke opening to the page where Beowulf began, "Shouldn't take you too long to read, and I think you'll find the comparison sound."

"If your description is right then it would seem so," he grumbled, "I lived in his shadow."

"And you resented him and your father for that, because they never gave you a chance. I can understand that, but what of your mother… or I guess your adoptive mother."

"What of her?"

"She gave you your magic, to me that seems like she was trying to help you out."

"… I suppose she was. She…understood," he spoke slowly, not really wanting to delve into the topic, but he knew he couldn't very well refuse.

"If you are reluctant to talk about it, I could learn through a touch. It would not cause you pain, I promise… unless of course you don't cooperate."

"You will get the information either way?"

"Yes. Your choice lies in your compliance."

"I will comply then," he spoke in a resigned voice. Lily stood and went to where his head rested on the arm of the couch. Her gentle fingers pressed on his temples and she closed her eyes, concentrating on accessing the part of brain that held his memories. It didn't take long for her to find it, and then search through all of the memories for the ones concerning his mother. She opened her eyes and projected the first memory she found into the room around them. It was only an illusion but the scene laid before her was absolutely beautiful. From Loki's past stories about the beauties of Asgard, she ascertained that the memory was set in the gardens.

"Loki," a warm voice spoke and a beautiful woman came into view. She sat amongst the most beautiful flowers in a gold dress, "what's the matter?"

Loki ambled slowly forward, eyes trained on his feet, "Thor and father have left me… they said I was too young," he pouted.

"Would you like to join me instead?" she offered. He looked up at her and frowned a little. It wasn't quite as good as going out with his brother and father to hunt, but it would have to suffice. He sat next to the woman who looked down at him with only concern. She ran a hand through his neatly combed raven hair, and kissed his forehead.

"You know, not all strength comes with a sword," she began softly, lifting his down cast gaze by tilting up his chin with a finger.

"What other strength is there?"

"There is strength in knowledge. In fact, I have beaten your father in battle by using it."

"Really?" little Loki's eyes widened in wonder.

"Oh yes, it's why he chose me to marry. I can teach you, if you'd like."

Loki nodded, suddenly excitied by the prospect of being his mother's pupil. For years she dedicated her time to teaching him the wit in battle, and what we would call magic. She was an intelligent woman, and caring. She understood that Loki's strengths were much different than his brother's. She taught him how to win with brain not brawn. Frigga, his mother, loved him as a mother should, and he loved her back. While Thor liked to show off his strength to his mother, Loki took to giving her small presents that he knew would make her smile. That never changed. Even as Loki grew in size and age. When he went off with Thor and Odin to fight wars in other realms, or simply attend some odd event he would collect different seeds that could be planted in Frigga's garden. Things did not change between then until he was an adult, and the pressure to be better than Thor was too much for him to handle. He spent less time earning his mother's smile and spent more trying to impress his father, a feat that was near impossible.

In the end of all things, he was imprisoned. He had shunned his mother, the only one willing to try and visit him, announcing that she was not his mother. Shortly after, the palace was attacked and all the prisoners save him were set free. In the same day, he learned that during the attack Frigga was killed. The last thing he ever said to her was that she was not his mother.

Loki watched his own memories pass before his eyes, feeling the familiar ache of pain and regret as he saw her face so clearly in his eyes, but it was only an illusion, and as Lily's touch left him, so did his mother's face.

"I see," she mumbled, "She loved you. You might have been her favorite. Parents say they don't have favorites but they do. You were more like her even if no blood linked the two of you. She loved you though… I want you to know that. Even in the end, after all you had done. She loved you."

"You pretend to know such things, but in truth you know nothing. You lie to gain my compliance! You did not know that woman and she was not my mother!" he stood to glare at her.

"Your biological mother left you to die on Jotunnheim. Frigga took care of you as if you were her own. A mother is someone who loves you unconditionally, she gave you life in her own way. Her magic was your life, your place among them."

"She did not love me." he growled, walking slowly towards her.

"You tried to kill her son, and steal the kingdom, you killed countless humans, and almost started a war across the nine realms, and yet… she still came to visit you, and she brought you books to read in prison. She fought to be sure you would not be killed, or harmed in your imprisonment. And it is because of her that you live now. If you still think that she is not your mother then you never deserved her. I will agree that your Father was not good to you, and in Thor's youth he was an absolute ass, but Frigga, was your mother, and she was a very good one at that."

Loki glared at her in outrage, trying to find someway to deny her. Lily stared up at him steadily for a few moments, then closed the small distance between them and reached up to touch his face. Her touch brought no feeling except that of her skin, and her warmth.

"We accept the love we think we deserve… you could not accept Frigga, because you did not think you deserved it. You accepted what Odin gave because you thought that was all you were worthy of. But you were only a child. And children are ignorant, and innocent of their ancestor's crimes. Children are just children. Frigga treated you as a child should have been treated in your youth, and as a son as you grew."

"What of it now? She is dead."

"Forgive yourself for not claiming her. In her heart she knew your love. In her heart she still saw you as the child who did anything to win her smile," Lily instructed in a soft voice.

"Forgive myself?"

"What's done is done. Let yourself mourn her, not because you wronged her, but because she was your mother." with a gentle push from her powers, Loki's will to resist her command came crumbling and tears washed down his face. He sat heavily on the sofa and covered his face in his hands. Lily sat at his side, and pulled him close, as she knew she must and hummed a tune from his childhood, to fully break him. She coaxed him to lie with his head in her lap as he threaded her fingers through his hair, and sung the Aesir lullaby that Frigga always sung when the world had been unusually hard on her youngest child. When she found him asleep, she bestowed a gift from Thor to Loki. It was their mother's locket with a family photo and a picture of both Thor and Loki inside. They were both very young and Thor was hugging his brother in the photo, and Loki was hugging him back. She placed the simple gift around his neck and left the room.

As she reentered her own room, she started creating her report on Loki's progress for the day, so she could email it to Fury and be done for the day. She sat on the sofa with her laptop on her lap. Natasha was out completing tasks of her own. And Clint was probably in a nest somewhere enjoying solitude. She hadn't spoken to Steve that day yet, and she really didn't feel up to it. Today would be a work day, no time for complicated emotions, or emotion based talks. All she wanted to do was her work and be done with it. Her fingers ghosted over the keys quickly making the only sound in the room.


	11. Chapter 11

"Okay, so there's this really dumb rule that we aren't supposed to have sweets for breakfast, but I didn't think you would be one to get upset about me breaking rules so here," Lily spoke as she walked into the room. She put the cake on the kitchen counter and looked around for Loki. He wasn't on the couch like he usual was. Her mind went in search for him and found the fallen god still in bed. Granted it was about 8 am but he was usually awake. She went to the closed door of his bedroom and knocked.

"I could eat this entire cake by myself but I thought maybe you'd want some… unless of course you are a person who won't eat dessert for breakfast."

The only response she heard was a muted groan.

"May I come in?"

"Come," he answered in a groggy voice. Lily turned the handle and walked in. She found that his room looked much like her own. There were discarded books on the floor and in the bed. It was oddly nice to know that she wasn't the only one who slept with books. Loki's form was swaddled in a white comforter. Only a bit of his hair showed from under the blanket.

"How are you, today?" she asked still standing in the doorway. He made a sound that she was sure wasn't an actual word.

"Not into the idea of getting out of bed? I can respect that. I think that maybe I like you a little more than Thor. He's great and all but goodness he's so enthusiastic about life. Do you know that he was practically bouncing at dawn! Dawn! He asked how I was feeling! I felt like committing murder, that's how I felt. I can't even imagine growing up with a morning person. The fact that he lived to see puberty means you deserve a gold fucking star because I thought about beating him to death with several kitchen appliances."

Her rant earned a light snort of laughter from under the covers, "I swear, he's too happy about life, and it's just unstainable."

"Did you try speaking of me?" Loki asked ruefully.

"Oh I tried that! 'You are a kind midgardian with a compassionate heart. I thank you for helping him. When do you believe I will be able to see him."

"He wants to see me."

"Yeah. I'm not really sure why… I mean don't get me wrong I enjoy our talks, but you can be very unpleasant."

"I'm aware."

"Then why do you do it?"

"I enjoy solitude."

"So you act like an ass so no one wants to get too close. Are you also afraid that if you let someone in they won't be delicate with you?"

"Oh, spare me, please," he groaned drawing the covers more firmly over his head.

"I'm the same way…we've only just acquired ourselves, it's perfectly natural to be a bit selfish with yourself," she assured.

"What is that supposed to mean to me?"

"It means, you've got to be more open… to me, and maybe eventually your brother."

"You can take whatever you please, why do you ask for my compliance?"

"SHIELD needs to know that you are willing to comply to their terms without the use of force. Basically, they would really rather not have to babysit you for the rest of your life."

Loki stirred in the bed until he sat up. His torso was bare, and his hair was messy from sleep. He looked at her steadily, searching for some kind of response to his partial nudity. Her face was as it always was, emotionless and serene as her eyes held his.

"From whom did you acquire yourself from?" he questioned.

"I will make a deal with you… I will tell you my story, if in turn you tell me yours."

Loki gave her a quick nod, "I would have you speak first, Angel."

"I planned on it." She sat on the bed and folded herself into Indian-Style, "well, I was sixteen when I was taken. I was on my way home from school. Some men came and grabbed me from behind. They knocked me out and threw in the back of a van-" Loki gave her a look of confusion, "It's a really big car that can hold a lot of people. I was taken to an underground human trafficking ring and I was sold off to a Russian group along with about 50 other girls. We were shipped to Russia, and held in this old army base..at least it looked like an army base. For the first few months they made us do uncanny labor. It was physically impossible, but if you didn't perform up to par you were beaten severely. After three months there were 40 of us left. In the next months they did tests on us. They would hook us up to odd machines…the pain…I thought that alone would kill me. Unfortunately I wasn't so lucky… 13 of us survived that. The next few years the testing and labor continued, only a new element was added to the torture. Each girl was assigned to a man on guard in the facility. When it was time for us to sleep, they would come into our quarters… if you were lucky they just beat you to unconsciousness… if you weren't then you were raped. I was not lucky often. I was assigned to the head of security. A man, who had all of the captives call him 'master'. He was by far the most vile man I have ever met. At the end of a few year period of torment, I was the only survivor. I can't tell you how I survived… whatever force that controls this universe just wouldn't let my die… I wish it had…because then I was given my powers. I thought I knew pain. I knew nothing. I was simultaneously being created and destroyed. I died that day… but I lived. In my brief moments of death I felt a peace like no other. I felt absolutely free, without body, without limitations. But, I was soon brought back to my body. They spent the next few months training me to use my powers. They kept me compliant by using mind games, making me feel like I couldn't go anywhere else. They had me kill things… first a few small animals, then they asked me to kill an inmate. He begged for me not to. He cried, and screamed, and I remembered how in the beginning I had cried and screamed. When I was first beaten, I had begged them to stop, when The Master came into my room I had begged him not to do what he planned, I thought they had a humanity I could appeal to. I quickly understood that they had no humanity so I stopped begging, and screaming and I learned to just retreat into my mind. This man though, he had been here long enough not to believe in humanity, yet he still believed in me and I could not kill him. I would not kill him. I refused over and over… as punishment they put in this bright white room, and they would play this sound that made my head feel like it was gonna explode. Then the master came in…and I knew what he was going to do, and I also knew I had the power to stop it. I hated that man with all of my being, yet I still did not want to kill… until his intentions were clear and my own fear pushed my hand and I killed him. I can't describe what it feels like to triumph over someone like that. It wasn't hard to kill anymore and in that same instant I set a smokeless fire to the entire facility. Everyone died a fiery death. Turns out I played right into their hands. I tied up their loose ends, and I was retrieved, then taken to a second facility. They put me in chains and a muzzle, in a room with no windows… It was maddening. The day I was found I was roped and gagged to go out for more testing, and I heard the fight going on in the facility… Natasha and Clint saved me and I became a part of SHIELD as recompense for the lives I've taken."

"Those people deserved to die," he insisted.

"I would not rethink my choice, but that is just my own willingness to play God. I don't condone my actions but I'd do it again. My tendency to be irrational, is my likeness to humanity. Just like your hunger for vengeance. "

"Do not compare me to them," he seethed, but there wasn't the same amount of convection as there usually was.

"You've already acknowledged your likeness… if you wish to feel any better, you are no more terrible than the average politician… you just never hid your ghastly-ness."

"How do I know you are not lying to me?"

"Oh politicians are really that bad-"

"No, your story." he sighed.

"Why would I lie?"

"To gain my empathy."

"I have no use for your empathy. I only wished to uphold my part of a deal, so when I acquired your memories you would feel no pain. As a person who had no choice whether she was subjected to torture or not, I understand how much a choice means. You must only give me your hands." she held out her hands palms up, and stared at him steadily. He put his hands slowly in hers, and she saw all she needed to see from the God of Mischief.

Thor sat in the surveillance room, as he always did when Lily went in with Loki. He told people he did it for the girl's protection, but in truth, he was curious. He wanted to know more than anyone what made his brother go astray. He watched on the screen as Loki and Lily held hands and within a few moments, Lily launched herself at Loki. At first, Thor thought it an attack, but the actuality of the movement caught him off guard. She was embracing Loki. Loki seemed to be just as surprised as his arms hovered out and away from her, as if she were some foreign object, yet slowly but surely he returned the gesture.

"You are no less despicable for your actions, Loki. And your punishment is just, but you are no less worthy than Thor was for a new beginning," her voice rang out clearly, and her words had a visible response on Loki. He simply buried his face in her shoulder. It took Thor a few moments to understand that his brother was weeping.

"What sorcery does this woman possess?" Thor mumbled.

Thor was never alone when watching the surveillance footage. Steve came too. He was actually there to ensure Lily's safety. His heart fell into his stomach as he watched the embrace. Not for any noble or chivalrous reason. No, there was nothing noble or chivalrous about what he felt in that moment. Even though he rebuked his unwarranted emotions they still lingered. His gut wrenched, and his jaw clenched. It wasn't hard for him to put a name to the feeling, it was hard for him to admit what it was.

Lily let go of Loki, and pushed a bit of his hair out of his face. He his nose was a rose bud, and his green eyes were red around the edges. She read in his mind the tones of embarrassment and shame. She gave him her best smile, and for once, let it touch her eyes, for she was truly pleased with him and his progress.

"Angels are miracle workers, I think I could work one for you." she kissed his forehead and let him be alone.

As she immerged from the room, and began her trek to the laboratory, to watch over and assist Tony and Bruce. She had the sample of the metallic material the would be used to create the feathers of her wings. She pressed her palm to the scanner and walked into find Tony standing in front of what looked like an endoskeleton . Bruce was at his desk working on something that looked an awful lot like a the spinal cord and its projections. As the doors slid closed behind her, he glanced up.

"Good you're here, I need you first," he spoke looking at Tony who seemed too invested in his work to notice.

"What do you need?"

"Could you tell me if this would work as connection points?"

She came over and touched the extensions then the cord itself, before shaking her head, "No, it's a little off… I mean it'll suffice as an attachment, but it's not quite my composition."

"Perfect. I couldn't make an exact replica, without the element that made you what you are in the first place. I had to use the stem cells in your CSF to make this. Tony will have to find a way to armor these, and it'll take months to grow all of the projections we'll need."

"I came up with the material," she spoke pulling a black feather from her pocket. The feather shaped metal glinted violet, and blue in the light. Bruce held out his hand for it, and she set it in his palm.

"It's lightweight, less than a millionth of an ounce, but its harder than diamond. I kinda like the color too. Like a shadow in the night."

"That is amazing," He said as he turned the feather this way and that, "Tony, she's made the feathers," Bruce called, gaining Tony's attention. The man simply held out his hand. Bruce rolled his eyes and started to go around the table, but stopped as he watched the feather begin to float over to Tony. He looked to Lily with confusion.

"I know every atom intimately because I rendered them. Therefore, it's easy for me to move them." she explained, answering his unspoken question. The feather landed lightly in Tony's hand, and he stood with his hand out for a few more seconds.

"Tony you have it," she informed. He looked at the feather in his hand in astonishment, "It's stronger than Cap's shield," she announced.

"Give me… six months… and whole lot of these," Tony responded.

"So what's all of this leading up to," she asked, inspecting the frame in front of her. She touched it lightly, changing its composition.

"To having you on the team. SHIELD wants you mobile, and while we believe that you could possibly teleport yourself and others, you are not ready for that. This also allows for you to work from an aerial perspective, and who knows when we'll need that."

"So, basically, I'm becoming a more versatile weapon," she sighed, "This company is making me over powered."

"They're making you a more capable hero," Tony contradicted, turning to look the girl over. She continued to stare at the endoskeleton with more scrutiny than necessary. She scoffed at his contradiction and shook her head.

"Have you talked to Cap today?"

"I have a job, and so does he," she said curtly, "and so do you. And it doesn't involve my personal affiliations."

"Whoa, I thought we were friends."

"As a friend I would ask you not to inquire about that subject."

"What happened?" he pressed. Lily gave him a blank stare then turned on her heel to walk back through the double doors of the lab, but Bruce's voice made her pause.

"You're different than him, he's never been afraid of himself, and he's never been afraid of the world."

If his words had been a physical entity they would have been a brick wall that her body had just smacked into. For a few seconds she could not breathe, nor move, and everything hurt.

"And what should I do about that?"

"Try to be happy for him."

She laughed a short sound and shook her head, heels continuing their steady beat as she left the room. Thor was just outside the lab doors. Her gaze came up to meet his with indifferent curiosity. The man in front of her seemed oddly troubled, as if he had seen something he couldn't quite understand, and the unknown frightened him. Her penetrating gaze pulled his worries out of him and she smirked.

"Has no one hugged your brother before?" she questioned curiously.

"Not quite… many embraced him, but he only returned our mother's embrace."

"Loki needs love. I am providing it for him."

"And what do you plan to do by showing him love."

"I plan to break his will. I plan to break him down and build him back up. I plan to give him a choice, one he was robbed of. Your father was not a bad man, but he did not understand Loki. He did not know how to properly hone Loki's focus. Battling for conquest is toxic to anyone, I believe if he had been taught to strive to help others by whatever means he found himself capable, then things might have been different for him. If he had been taught correctly… Loki would have been a fine king…but alas there is no instruction book on parenting, and your parents did try. So A for effort. I'll be taking him out tomorrow. So you and Steve will have to find a better way to watch."

Her words didn't heed any words on his part. Knowing this, she continued her journey back to her quarters. There was a big warm bed waiting for her, and she would close her eyes and pretend that she was content with doing so. Doing nothing was both unnerving and soothing. However there was not much for her to do. Unfortunately, her dose of human interaction was not quite done yet. As she walked to her door, she saw Steve standing by her door.

"Hello," she greeted, looking up at him with a carefully composed expression.

"Hey, how are you today?"

"Tired." she answered reflexively.

"Oh, well I'll just-" he began.

"What do you need?" She asked

"I just wanted to see you," he murmured, looking down at her feet as opposed to her face. Lily narrowed her eyes at him, scrutinizing his posture, and the tinge of red on his face. Curiosity made her want to simply read his mind, but whatever it was made him embarrassed. Looking into it would be immoral. She stepped closer to him, to try and regain eye contact with him.

"You want to spend time with me?" she questioned.

"Yeah, but if you're busy, I get that. I'll just go-"

"Stop being ridiculous. Come on," she pressed her palm to the sensor on the door and stepped into her room. It always smelled lightly of some baked good in her quarters, even if she hadn't baked recently.

"You know… Steve," she began softly, keeping the brunt of her emotions turned off, "I'm not entirely sure why you still want me. I understand that I'm pretty and that might be appealing, but that seems unlikely. My personality is less than appealing at times, and I'm just a difficult being."

"Hey," he took her had and held it firmly in both of his, "I… I love you, a lot. I'm just worried you aren't happy."

"Steve, no I'm not consistently happy, and that's not your fault. I care about you a lot, and you tend to make me feel… normal. But you have to understand, for five years I was held captive, five years of being conditioned to behave a certain way, it takes time to unlearn that. I want to love you like a normal girl could, but I can't. So, I don't know what you feel about that, but if you expect me to just surrender myself completely to you then we should just call it quits, because I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to do that," she told him steadily.

"I'm fine with what we have now. Completely fine." he assured, staring down at her with those honest blue eyes, and she believed him as she always did.

"I'm taking Loki out of the facility tomorrow. Just FYI, it's time to really break him." she murmured loosening her hand from his grip.


	12. Chapter 12

Lily looked out from the cliff she stood on and viewed the forest. The air was crisp and cold, but not quite biting. She stood there looking statuesque against the horizon. The matte black leather clinging to her body served to make her look somehow more ethereal than usual, as if she ought to actually sprout wings and soar off. Loki tried to push those thoughts away, in favor of wondering why they were outside.

"I got tired of people watching us," she spoke turning around to look at him, her hair blew in her face as she did so, partially covering the smile on her face, "Well I got tired of being watched in general, but I thought you'd appreciate a change of scenery. One room can get very dull."

"So this is for your benefit."

"I am a selfish being," she shrugged maintaining her smile, "And let's both be honest, you like being outside."

He studied her carefully, noticing the shift in her behavior towards him. Her posture was a little less erect, and her smile touched her eyes. Unlike usual, her hair was down, resting over her shoulder in great abundance. She began walking towards him with an amused look on her face.

"When I was younger I much preferred sitting inside, reading and writing. I wanted to be an author."

"Oh?"

"Yes, it was my passion you see. Too often our passions are ripped away from us."

"Appealing to our similarities?"

"We aren't very different."

He looked at her, unamused by her efforts.

"I cannot see my mother anymore, I haven't any other family, and I spent five years captive. They made me into a monster, just like they made you one. I chose to be better. You chose to be a monster."

"I was born a monster," he spoke coldly.

"Monsters are not born, they are made. No baby is evil. Odin saw something in you to keep you around."

"I was an instrument to make peace with the Jotunns. Nothing more."  
"He loved you, in his own way. Not in the way you needed, no. But there's no book on parenting. You were his son, and your past does not have to be your future. He has given you the same opportunity he gave Thor. Will you take it?" She held out her hand palm up looking into his eyes with her onyx ones. They were a glistening black now. He thought if he looked deep enough, he might see galaxies in her eyes. It was so unlike the other times he had seen her, and her eyes seemed like a canvas painted black. They were deep, like an abyss he could get lost in.

"What choice have I?"

"You could brood and waste your life away in one of SHIELD's prisons." she offered.

"When you put it in that manner, I suppose I cannot refuse," he smirked a little, but placed his hand in hers.

"And we're off!" she announced, towing him away from the cliff and down its side. They ventured through the woods, and Loki had to admit it was a bit endearing. It was quiet in this place, as opposed to the city in which he had seen the last time he was on earth. The quiet of the forest was comfortable. Songs between birds filled any empty silence, and the faint skittering of small animals came in short spurts. Eventually, his ears picked up a new song, amongst that of the birds. The woman leading him through the forest was humming to herself. He listened to the soft unfamiliar melody curiously.

"I have absolutely no idea where we're going," she sung in the tune lightly, " but we're just gonna go with it. That okay with you, big guy?" she asked looking back at him.

He only gave her a perplexed expression. What game was she playing at?

"No games. I want to find somewhere pretty. I can smell flowers not far off… maybe there's a meadow around here, and we can be cliché."

"Is one of us going to fall in love in that meadow?" he questioned ruefully, recognizing the familiar trope.

"I think we're both above that, yeah?"

"I am quite appealing to midgardian females, I hear."

"Oh no, how will I resist," she lamented.

It wasn't long before they broke through the tree line, and found themselves in a meadow of wild flowers. She guided him in the middle of them and sat down. He expected her to say something, anything really, that would make him understand the whole of the situation. However, she was quiet, eyes closed, chest lifting with each breath. The woman was good at this. While she seemed more relaxed than usual, Loki didn't see anything that he wasn't supposed to see. Her defense was air tight. Her eyes opened, and her head lifted to look up at him. The light filtering through the trees fell on her eyes and revealed that they were not black as he had once presumed, but a dark brown. It was a beautiful and enigmatic color, as it was tainted with black flecks.

"Are you going to sit down?" she asked.

He blinked breaking his thoughts away from the color of her eyes and sat a few feet away from her. Her fingers moved with a sure grace over the petals of wild flowers. Every petal she touched turned a luminescent blue.

"Humans have an inane love for magic, you know?" she informed, with a voice like honey.

"Oh?"

"We eat it up. Simple card tricks, slight of hand, everything done in good fun." her hand came up as if she were going to touch his face. Instinctually, he was aware that she could produce crippling pain and moved away from her palm. She persisted however, brushing his hair away from his ear and producing a flower.

"As long as no one gets hurt, we're all smiles about things we can't understand," she murmured, holding an impossibly white flower out to him. He took it slowly from her hand. It was cold to the touch, as if made completely from frost.

"And what happens when people get hurt," Loki questioned, bringing the flower closer to his face for inspection.

"Then the magic isn't fun anymore."

Loki touched over the petals of the flower and made them turn a pale icy blue. The color traveled throughout the little wild flower until it looked like a little crystal rendering. He offered it to Lily and she grinned at him.

"It's still alive," she whispered.

"Yes, just frozen."

"Wow," she breathed, "see? You were gifted something beautiful."

"My power is not a mere parlor trick."

"No it is not. It can hurt a lot of people. But it's our job to make it seem just like a parlor trick. Pretty little baubles."

"Why?"

"Because we're dangerous." she answered simply, "what I look like makes up for how powerful I am. You… you give off the big bad wolf persona. You'd probably make a small child cry, just to be honest."

"So I should change myself in order to fit in with a world of apes."

"… Oh when you put it like that I can't see one thing about you that could be improved upon," her sarcasm was biting as she shook her head and closed her eyes, "Loki, somewhere deep, deep,…deep…deep…DEEP, inside of you there is a sweet wholesome guy," she looked up at him, and meet and met Loki's incredulous expression. Lily's laughter gushed out of her in one loud guffaw before she clamped her hand over her mouth.

Loki felt himself smiling a bit at her, and immediately replaced the expression with a scowl. Despite that, her giggles continued on.

"I'm sorry, that was complete and utter bull shit. I believe, there is a good person in their somewhere. A person that could fit into our world," she clarified, "You've just got to accept my help."

"I thought that's what I was doing."

"Yes, you are and you are doing phenomenal. However… things aren't just about you, believe it or not."

"This is my redemption, no? Why wouldn't it be about me?"

"Because you didn't just hurt yourself, you know. You cost people their lives, and their families… you hurt a lot of people here. In order to make up for that… you would be pledging your allegiance to humanity." she spoke softly. Loki clenched his jaw, and glared at her for a moment.

"You expect me to serve those-"

"Loki," she spoke softly, "You would not be a servant. You'd be a hero."

"Do not sell me your childish endearments. We both know what a hero really is! They are slaves to their cause, and their cause is their people!"

"Then what is a king?"

"A king is a ruler who guides his people!"

"To protect them."

"To govern them."

"That's not a king, that's a God. You want to be a God."

"Yes!" he yelled at her.  
"No." She shook her head, "We don't need one of those. We have a bunch already, and none of them really seem to be doing their job. People kill each other, they die of disease, they live on the blood of the lower class and we all ignore it. That's the way it is, and it's all pain Loki. Being a God is no great glory. It's standing by and watching people die because they must. Trying to control an entire world would drive you mad. I don't want that for you."

"Yet, you would want me to be a hero."

"Seems like a fitful lifelong punishment for your actions. Heroes are rather sad, don't you think. The way they are compelled to do the right thing no matter how self-sacrificing, but the thing is, they are able to feel happiness. I want that for you. You will always be on the road to redemption, but that doesn't mean everything has to hurt."

He scoffed, turning his head to look at the forest around him. He caught a bit of movement out of his peripheral vision and noticed Lily lying back against the lush grass. The sun played in her hair, setting off the natural red highlights. It was beautiful, she was beautiful. Her chest rose and fell with every deep breath she took in.

"Join me," she murmured.

He lie back at her side, eyes closing. The sun lit up his eyelids, making them a bright red color. He could hear his companion singing softly in a tongue he was unfamiliar with. Nevertheless it lulled him into a calmer state. As he lie calmly, listening to her, he noticed that he began to feel as if he were floating.

"Open your eyes," her smooth voice spoke and as he opened his eyes, he was no longer surrounded by the lush forest, but in the streets of a metropolis. Beasts flew about in the sky, and all around him were people fleeing. He recognized this day.

"An illusion?" he laughed, "Is that you're plan, young one?" he strode about proudly, knowing his part in all of this. He was struck down by the fire of the Chitauri. The shot seared into his skin, and burned like a hot brand. No illusion he had ever felt or done himself was this real. Captain America jumped on the police car to his right, barking out orders. Out of instinct he sought shelter from the chaos outside. He took shelter in the closest building, finding himself amongst many other humans, most of them terrified beyond belief. Loki took in a deep breath, looking around him for some clue as to what was happening. Was this perhaps some alternate plain of existence in which he was mortal? Before he could further ponder things, he heard a thunderous crack, and more screaming from up above.

"The building is coming down!" people screamed and pushed past him in terror. He was unable to follow their fleeing steps as he was jostled around. The building was falling all around him and once again, he saw the mother with the raven haired child. The ceiling above them was falling and the mother shoved her child to safety, and into Loki.

"Mama!" the boy screamed. His mother's body could not be seen under the wreckage. Loki picked the child up and ran with the crowd, out of the building. The child cried for his mother, a woman he would never get to see again. This was New York on the day he chose to wage his war.

When the dust settled it was just him and the child in the convenience store watching the news. His own face was displayed, and he got to watch his own villainy.

"Why?" the child sobbed, "We never did anything to you? Why?"

His senses were pulled back to the forest and he shot his eyes open. Lily was still lying peacefully beside him. Her voice had not halted in its tunes.

" Why did you show me that?"

"So you would understand. You hurt a lot of humans. Innocent humans."

"You said it yourself, humans live off the blood of the lower class-"

"They are not without flaw. But humanity has so much good to offer. I wish I could take you out of this place, to see the people worth saving, that make all of the assholes worth it."

"You're trapped too?"

"You haven't got clearance," she shrugged, "But one day."


	13. Chapter 13

As she walked into her quarters, she shed her suit, and began her trek to the kitchen. Her primary reasoning for being there was to find a snack. Upon walking in though, she found a note on the kitchen table.

"Come to the roof at 8.

-Steve"

She smiled slightly at the note before checking the time on the oven… it was 7:58. Her eyes bucked as she turned around an bolted for the door. If ever she wished that she could master teleportation, now was the time. Hurrying up to the roof of a largely underground facility was no walk in the park. People about the facility watched her dash past, and gazed at her in confusion. Things were already a bit tense between her and Steve lately she didn't want to make him worry more by being late.

As she made it to the roof, she admired Steve sitting on a blanket, toying with something in his hands. The sight of him made her smile. She could sense the vague tenor of his thoughts, and all she could do was smile at the nerves there. As if she could ever slight him, or just not show up. Especially when he had gone through so much trouble. There was an expensive looking telescope, a couple of bottles of wine, and some cheese fries set about him and she knew this was a date night.

"Hey, I just got in to see your note," she spoke as she walked over. He turned to look at her, a relaxed smile taking over his face.

"You're right on time."

"Well I better be, I ran here," she laughed coming to sit by his side. Her eyes were only for him as they traced over the details of his face.

"I wanted to show you the stars out here," he murmured, " You don't see stars like this in New York."

She tilted her head to observe what he was talking about. The stars were like diamonds in a jewelry store showcase. They took her breath away.

"In Russia…. The stars took over the entire sky… I only saw that sky once. It was the day Natasha and Clint saved me. I was terrified. They had kept me blind for so long… and one of the first things I saw was the stars…. The very first thing I saw was Natasha's face." she remarked with a slight smile, "The stars… they were my new beginning though."

Steve was silent watching her face as she spoke softly to him. He had not expected her to share such an intimate memory. He had not expected her to mention Russia to him ever.

"I have to tell someone…" she reasoned, "I think a lot about the stars… I identify with them. From far away they are beautiful shimmering jewels, up close they are burning, destroying anything too close. I'm that way."

"You are a lot like a star," Steve agreed. Lily looked at him in confusion, "You give so much life… and you're the center of my universe."

She grinned at him, "That was the cheesiest line ever,"

"But it made you smile," he laughed.

She leaned forward and kissed him softly, "And it worked."

"I have more terrible lines."

"Why me?" she questioned, leaning back to carefully look into his eyes. Under her gaze there was no threat of lies, for it would simply be impossible to lie to eyes that looked like they could hold all of the stars in the sky.

"Because you are special."

"I'm a weapon of mass destruction."

"You're not just that… You're not just something they made in a lab. You are someone who has survived and endured…you remind me of me before the war. Small, but tenacious… and unbelievably stubborn."

She smiled at that and kissed him again, and because he felt nice on her lips. She wound her arms around him, pulling him closer than she ever allowed. Since that was comfortable she let him wrap his arms around her. A fire pooled in her belly and only because it was so comfortable, she let it have what it wanted. Steve pulled away from her and cradled her face in his hands. She kept her eyes closed and leaned into his touch. Her face was warm, almost feverish, he assumed it was from the kissing. When her eyes finally opened they went to look at the stars. The little points of light reflected perfectly on to her eyes. He could even see the red planet way out there.

"We can see Mars tonight," she grinned. Her attention went over to the telescope, "May I?" she questioned. He only nodded, watching her crawl over the blanket towards the telescope. Steve watched as her dainty hands touched at the different knobs, using the instrument to see far into the cosmos. He knew exactly when she had found what she was looking for because her face was alight with a smile that rivaled the stars in beauty.

"I've got my sight on Mars," she announced, not pulling her gaze from the telescope. Her hair was gathered up on one of her shoulders carefully pushed out of her way. When she finally looked up it was to offer Steve a peek inside the telescope. He preferred to watch her though. Her head was angled back up at the sky, and he could hear her humming to herself. It was an unfamiliar tune, but beautiful all the same.

"We used to have bon fires in our backyard, and I'd pull out my telescope and put my sights right on the moon…," Her voice was quiet and breathy, "I love the moon. When I was little I used to have dreams of lying out on its surface and just floating above it all. I know now that that's physical impossible but it doesn't stop me from dreaming."

"When I was young-"

"You were young?" She gasped interrupting. Steve gave her a playfully stern look.

"When I was young I lived in Brooklyn, and even back then New York was too bright to really see stars, so my friend and I we'd go up to the top of our apartment building and pretend all of the street lights were stars and we'd try and make constellations and come up with stories for them."

She pressed another kiss to his lips just out of affection for the words he'd spoken. It was a beautiful scene to think about. However the display of endless stars over them was admittedly better than any lights in New York. The both of them we're deep in kissing, paying no mind to anything else, because every part of their skin was hyper-aware. His finger tips caressing her cheek. The feeling of his biceps under her hands. Sensory overload, that was the proper term for everything she was feeling. However instead of feeling afraid because she was overwhelmed, and out of control, she felt safe. She felt safe in the circle of his arms, and under the stars.

It wasn't cold on the roof top, at least not to her. The air felt nice on her sweat slicked, over heated skin. The breeze played in her hair as she stared up at the sky. The stars, for the second time, felt like freedom. Steve's lips pressed against her bare shoulder as he wrapped a blanket over her nude form.

"Trying to preserve my modesty?" she questioned with a soft smile in his direction.

"Didn't want you to get cold."

"I feel warm and fuzzy," she hummed, leaning back against his chest, "Hmm there are cameras up here," she spoke thoughtfully. She felt Steve stiffen behind her. She looked up at him, watching as his gaze traced across the rooftop.

"I disabled them," she assured. She felt him relax a little, but his eyes were still looking around the rooftop. Lily leaned forward and grabbed the Styrofoam container of cheese fries.

"Really?" he laughed, "Those are probably cold by now."

"Super powers," she reminded.

"Of course," he looked down at her with nothing but pure adoration, "Maybe we should get off the roof."

"Yeah, probably," she agreed before licking the cheese off of her fingers, "I'm bringing the fries with me though."

"Well yeah," Steve rolled his eyes then got up to get dressed. Lily stayed looking at the stars a little longer before she started getting dressed again.

They walked through the halls back to his room, grateful that no one was up walking around. It was just them in their own little happy bubble. She was kinda absorbed with eating which wasn't really the thing most people did after making love for the first time with their significant other, but Steve didn't mind. He was happy to see her happy and cheese fries made her very happy.

"You know that was a good date, with the stars," she congratulated, "I really like stars."

"I know," he smiled.

"And I really like you." she meandered over to press a kiss to his lips. She tasted like salt and cheese and that should have been gross but it was only endearing. She went to put the empty container in the trash and wash her hands before she decided to sit on the kitchen counter.

"Back before… everything, my mom used to work at a Planetarium, and I'd get in for free to see the stars. Sometimes when her shift was over she'd come in with me. Things were simple. The moment I get clearance I'm gonna take you to meet her. You'll like her, she just an older version of me… well me without all the sadness… She'll like you too, because I like you."

"…I know I'd like her." he said quietly. She looked over at him with a light sardonic smile.

"I'm ruining the mood aren't I. I just… I feel like I can tell you about this stuff. I feel like you understand. If I tell you this then I don't have to talk about what they did, because you'll know what they took from me and you'll understand."

"No, no I understand," he put a hand to her face, bending a little to look into her eyes, "I get it." he assured. She leaned forward to kiss him, unleashing the passion deep in her belly, coaxing them both to his bedroom.

Natasha got up the following morning with the intent of waking up her roommate for her first shift with Loki. The girl was not in her room. Her bed didn't look like it had been disturbed at all. It wasn't entirely unnatural for Lily to just not sleep. She did it often; Natasha just wanted to be sure she wasn't late for her shift. As far as she understood Lily's work with Loki needed to be consistent, if it was to work. With that in mind, Natasha headed out to look for Lily. As she stepped out of her room she immediately heard talking. Just down the hall Lily and Steve were talking in his doorway. Natasha crept silently to a closer vantage point, hiding behind a column.

"I have work, Steve," Lily laughed, "I can't stay in bed all day."

"I know," he wrapped his arms around her waist. Lily stepped back immediately breaking his hold, "Sorry."

"No, it's not you," she took a deep breath and went back to their former position, "you'd think after last night I'd be over that," she joked.

"Baby steps."

"See you later," she reached up on her tip toes and pressed their lips together, " breakfast for dinner, right?"

"Sounds good. I'll help."

She went to walk away, but Steve grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her again before letting her go. Natasha watched the girl walk off in a daze down the hall towards her room. Lily walked right past her without even noticing. She watched Lily until she disappeared into their room then turned to ambush Steve. He was about to close his room door when Natasha ran in and wedged her foot in the way of the door. Steve looked back, confused by the obstacle.

"Alright, Rogers, spill," Natasha demanded.

"Spill what?"

"Oh stop trying to act innocent, I saw you and Lily just a second ago. I want details."

"Nat," he groaned.

"I'm not letting you off easy, what the heck happened between you two."

Steve's face became impossibly red, sealing all of Natasha's suspicions. Her draw dropped and she pulled in a sharp breath.

"No," she gasped in disbelief. Steve pulled her into his room and closed the door.

"Don't start gossiping," he all but begged, "it wasn't just a fling, or whatever you guys call it these days."

"Well I would hope not! So you guys had sex?"

"Sh! Oh my goodness, Natasha."

"What are you? Five?"

Steve glared at her. Natasha huffed quietly in disappointment. Steve was not going to give her any details. She supposed that she should be happy with that, because if he wasn't going to tell her, then he sure as hell wasn't going to go gossiping to the masses. Now, while Steve was a locked safe, Lily was an open book.

"I'll just ask Lil."

"Don't give her a hard time about it," Steve pleaded.

Natasha looked him over carefully, taken in his disheveled appearance. It had been quite a night for him, she didn't want to ruin it.

"You really care about her don't you?" Natasha questioned.

"Of course I do. She's a good girl."

"Well from the looks of you, not as good as I thought. You might want to wear a scarf or something today. She did a number on your neck."

Steve touched the red and purple bruise on his neck reflexively. Of course he knew it was there, he had enjoyed every second it took for her to put it there. Natasha smirked a little and made a little note to herself to ask Lily about that mark when she got a chance.

"You killed those people Loki, and that is why you are here." Lily said in a hard voice. Her eyes peered into his very soul.

"They were collateral damage."

"So your intention wasn't to absolutely devastate earth… funny. Well explain to this child how his mother was collateral damage," Lily demanded. There was suddenly a raven haired child at her side, glaring up at Loki with big green eyes. Big tears flooded over the child's waterline as he peered up at Loki. s

"I know an illusion."

"This child is real. He may not be here, but he is real," Lily slapped a file down on the table, "All because you wanted to play god. But that's not the first time somebody has gotten hurt because of your selfish ways." Frigga suddenly stood at Lily's side, "She loved you, Loki."

He looked away from the image of his mother. Lily stepped closer to him, bringing the apparitions with her. He may have stood taller than all of them, but their presence was more impending.

"Did she deserve to die, Loki?" Lily asked softly.

" Stop it," Loki demanded, turning to glare down at her.

"Why should I? Why should I stop? Your whole family asked you to stop! They begged! Your mother begged! Did you stop?"

She could feel that he was seething, that he wanted to lash out. In his anger she picked out the sound of his mother's voice from his memory, adding it to the apparition at her side.

"Loki," it spoke, "my son, you have to stop this madness. It will lead you no where, no where but death. Let me have peace, Loki."

"It's not real," he growled back at Lily, looming over her. She met his glare steadily with a steely look of her own.

"Haven't you hurt enough people… how could you ever be worthy?" she questioned.

"I am worthy!"

"Worthy of what?!" she laughed a hard wicked sound.

"I am worthy!" he screamed at her again.

"Worthy of being king?! Of ruling?! Of taking Thor's place?! You are a hapless child! A criminal! I don't care how much you are hurting, if you are going to behave like a wounded animal you're worthy of nothing more than a cage! What makes you worthy?!" she demanded, yelling in his face.

"You think they don't haunt me?!" he yelled back at her, stepping forward, "You think the dying face of my mother causes me no pain? You think I sleep peacefully at night knowing that if I had been different, my mother would still be alive? I know what I am. I know I am a monster."

"And why are you a monster?" she questioned quieter.

"Because I killed and I never thought of who I was hurting." Tears rolled down his cheeks, as he shifted his gaze to the image of his mother. The suffering in her eyes etched themselves into his brain, it was the way she had looked the last time he saw her.

"She gave you a second chance at life. Will you take it… or will you disappoint her again?" Lily held her hand out as she spoke.

"What does it matter?"

"How the hell is a miserable shell of a person supposed to be worthy of anything, let alone king? Stop being so god damn apathetic! Get your ass in gear and give me the best you've got. You're mother did not raise an apathetic piss baby! So are you going to be a disappointment or not?!"

"No!"

"Good. Because I don't waste my time on people who don't want to help themselves. Your superhero training starts tomorrow… for now, get some rest, you are going to need it."

As she left Loki's room, she almost ran into Natasha, "Oh hey Nat," she greeted, "I was just headed back to our room. "

"Well let's go. I want to talk to you anyway."

The phrase immediately put Lily on edge, not because she had done anything wrong, but it was just disconcerting. She could want to talk about any number of things, and not all of those topics were pleasant. Therefore the entire trip back to their room was filled with what-if scenarios. Sure she could have just read Natasha's mind, but to be honest, she was too petrified to even do that. Therefore she was silent as Natasha unlocked the door to the room and they walked in. The red head took out the time to walk all the way to the living room before turning around to look at Lily.

"So I saw you leaving Steve's room this morning," she said with a smirk.

"That's all you wanted?!" Lily bellowed feeling her heart suddenly slow down from its fevered tempo, "Yeah, we made love."

"Just like that? Wow, I thought I was going to have to pull it out of you."

"Well I thought you were about to tell me life shattering news. I planned on telling you anyway. Jesus Christ, Natasha. Why didn't you just ask Steve?"

"I did he wouldn't tell me."

"Ever the gentleman, that one. Yeah we had a bit of a date night on the roof and one thing lead to another. I don't regret it, he was a perfect gentleman like I said, even offered to get me the day off so we could cuddle. I didn't have a break down or anything it was smooth sailing."

"So was it good?" Natasha grinned with a smug look as Lily looked at her with wide eyes.

"Y-yeah… I- I enjoyed myself," she answered softly, rubbing the back of her neck, "I mean I guess I just felt very loved… Steve's a good guy… and I just for the first time he didn't feel like he was too good to be true. I felt like we were meeting in the middle and that I could deserve a nice, handsome, man like Steve Rogers."

"Oh you sap!" Natasha rolled her eyes and walked off towards the kitchen, satisfied with Lily's answer.

"Well if that's all you wanted them I'm gonna go get ready to go check on Bruce and Tony."

"Capsicle!" Tony called just in front of Steve's face. Steve focused and devoted himself to pay attention the words leaving Tony's mouth, "What the hell has you so distracted?"

"Nothing. Now you guys said you need to do more tests on Lil."

"I said that a while ago. I'm asking if you'll be there to help us out if we need you?" Tony sat on his desk and let his feet swing a bit as he awaited Steve's answer.

"Of course. What are you guys working on know?" He turned his head to look at the monitors on either side of him. The collar of his shirt that he had buttoned up all the way to the top button moved a bit exposing a bit of the discolored skin under it.

"What is that?" Tony questioned leaning closer.

"What?"

"Is that a hickey?" Tony laughed reaching out a hand to pull at Steve's color. Steve slapped the hand away.

"Just a bruise from training…"

"Bull shit, cap. I know a hickey when I see one," Tony hounded, "I didn't think Lil' bit was the type to leave marks, but lo and behold. So an intense make out session, or something naughtier."

"Would you back off?" Steve asked crossly, "It's none of your business anyway."

"Alright, alright calm down. I think it's cute that she gave you a hickey."

Steve sighed and went over to where Bruce was working silently on his own, "You called me down here, what do you need, Bruce?"

"Well, I need Lily to test out these spinal projections, and I thought it would be prudent to have you down here… just in case it gets to be too much for her."

" Why do you need this special pack, why not make her one like Sam's."

"You see the problem with Sam's wings is that they rely on a power pack to work. Anything gets in it and boom he's out of the sky. Additionally, new software has been made to identify non organic matter in the sky, meaning bird boy is easier to spot," Tony pointed, "What we are building for our dear angel is a prosthetic that runs like any other appendage would. She'll be picked up on scanners as a completely organic organism. Making stealth missions easier than ever."

"She's not clear to go on missions like that yet," Steve informed.

"But she will be. Lily is a spy in training. Her partner is Natasha, what did you think they were gonna do with her. Put her out in the field with you? No offense Cap but you're a bit of a drama queen."

Steve glared at Tony, before deciding that arguing such a trivial point was less than necessary. Either way the doors to the lab opened revealing Natasha and Lily. Lily was in a pair of yoga leggings and a tank top. Her hair was pulled into a French braid at the back of her head and she wore a smile that lit up the room.

"Nat, there is no way I'm telling you that," she snorted, "You could just ask him."

"Or get out the ruler myself," Nat murmured so only Lily could hear. The girls burst into laughter as they continued in. When Lily recovered she took notice to Steve.

"Hey hon bun," she greeted, "also hello to my favorite science nerds." She grabbed Steve in a hug leaning into him heavily, "You've got bags, honey. You should get more sleep," she grinned cheekily. Soon enough she let him go and turned her attention over to Bruce and Tony. They were watching the warm greeting, Tony with a knowing smirk on his mouth.

"What do you fine gentlemen have in store for me today?"

"I need you to try on the spinal projection," Bruce explained.

"Sounds simple enough, so why are you dreading it?"

"We have to put you in a sterile chamber while it's on you. Any exposure to air can ruin it's chemical composition."

"…Oh. That makes sense. I see why Steve's here."

Bruce stuck sensors just under her collarbone, and all over her chest. She was fitted with a funny looking cap that placed metal sensors along her scalp. She then turned over to expose her back to Bruce. He pushed the hospital gown out of his way so he could sterilize her skin and get it ready to be bonded with the spinal projections. The tattoos on her back that covered scars were perfect for helping him indicate where the attachments would connect.

"Alright, if it gets to be too much for you we'll shut it down, okay?" Bruce promised. Lily turned back over to lie on her back. Bruce closed the clear case and she looked up at him, giving him a small nod to let him know she was okay. Steve soon took his place, and he put his hand on the glass and gave her a reassuring smile. It was like she was everything strong and good in the world when he looked at her like that. It was the same way he had looked at her when she was enveloped in his touch, and he in hers. Swimming in his baby blues was the most relaxing form of therapy she had ever stumbled upon.

"Alright, Lil' bit, I'm starting her up," Tony informed, his voice called through a speaker in the chamber. The machine hummed to life, lighting up with activities. As instinct she closed her eyes.

"Honey," Steve's voice called out to her, "you're alright."

She opened her eyes again to see Steve with a headset microphone. His hand was still pressed to the glass but this time she brought her hand up to touch the glass too. The machine made a loud noise and she flinched, heart rate spiking.

"So, Cap won't tell me, but I'm sure you will. What happened to Steve's neck?" Tony questioned. His eyes, however, were glued to the numbers displayed on the monitors in front of him.

"I'm sure Cap was protecting my honor," she answered focusing only on Tony and Steve.

"So does that mean something naughtier than a hot make-out sess. happened."

Needles bit into her flesh and they pierced exactly where the needles that gave her her powers had gone. Her eyes shut again and all she could smell was the rust and mildew of the room in Russia.

"Pozhaluysta ostanovis'! [Please, stop]" Lily whimpered, "Net! Ya budu khoroshim![No! I'll be good!]"

"Lil, honey," Steve called out to her, "look at me honey. I've got you. I'm right here."

Lily opened her eyes and looked at Steve, his eyes were beyond worried. Both of his hands were on the glass and he looked like he was about to crush it. It wasn't the same look he had given her the last time she was looking up at him like this, but his words were the same.

"Tell me what you told me last night," she whispered, hoping he could hear her. It would seem a bit counter-intuitive to make it impossible for her to communicate back to them.

"I love you. Trust me, and relax," he spoke, "all of this can stop whenever you want it to, just say so."

The attachments connected to the needed points sending a zap of unbridled pain through her entire being. She cried out, but kept her eyes on Steve.

"It's okay," he promised.

The procedure wasn't over but she closed her eyes, this time to concentrate. She listened to Steve's voice and remember how safe she had felt with Steve. He had hovered over her, one arm protecting her from his full body weight. Her heart was in her throat, and she felt like maybe she'd lose control. Steve kissed her neck and lingered where he could feel her pulse going crazy.

"You okay?" Steve murmured.

"'M scared… what if I lose control and I forget where I am? What if I hurt you?"

"I love you. Trust me and relax. I will stop if you want me to. We can put back on our clothes and watch a movie."

"I want to do this."

"Then relax for me, doll," he rasped softly in her ear and she made the effort to relax herself. With his lips at her neck she found it easy to give over to desire and relax in his arms. While the pain of the procedure still blazed on she reminded herself that she could walk away at any moment. No one was forcing her to do anything. They were making her better, making her more mobile to fight off more threats. These people were her friends and they would never do anything to hurt her.

"Lily, do you feel the attachments?" Bruce questioned. Lily brought her attention t the foreign objects on her back. They didn't feel like anything.

"No."

"Good. That means they're compatible with your body. We're almost done. We just have to extract the attachments."

"You are doing great." Steve congratulated. She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes again as she felt needles go back into her skin. They hurt like hell but it was over rather quickly. The chamber opened and Steve pulled her into a tight hug.

"That was unpleasant," she grumbled.

"I know, but you were brave." he bent down and kissed her softly. He backed out of the kiss sooner than Lily expected, leaving her leaning forward for more, "Your greed is going to get you in trouble one day," he rebuked with a light laugh.

"I hope it's good trouble," she grinned, leaning closer.

"What am I going to do with you?"

"I've got two hours until my next shift."

"Hate to break up the moment, love birds, but Lily we need those sensors off of you." Tony informed

"Oh yeah, sorry," she agreed immediately moving away from Steve so Bruce could come take off the sensors. When she was finally free to go, she went back to her room to wait for her next shift with Loki. Natasha followed her out and they decided upon watching a few movies together.  
"I'm making breakfast for dinner tonight, unless you want to eat the chef's food," Lily mumbled as she rested her head on Natasha's shoulder.

"I thought that was just for Steve."

"Well I'm cooking in here, because Steve's cabinets are not stocked, and I don't see why you have to leave."

"Sweet," She nodded, "so how you feeling, short stuff?"

"Sore."

"Oh?"

"No! Not from that! From the procedure! Good lord, get your mind out of the gutters." She hit Natasha with a pillow before settling back so she could rest her head on the other woman's shoulder.

"You felt the procedure? I thought-"

"Me too… but I guess my spine is my weak spot. I could feel everything."

"We'll have to keep that in mind while you're training."

Lily moved around the kitchen, pulling out the needed ingredients for dinner. As much as she loved cooking she wasn't sure how much she'd love cooking with a partner. Generally, when Lily was cooking everyone stayed out of the way, just as a rule of thumb. It was safer that way, and her calm couldn't be compromised. Natasha usually sat at the breakfast bar and watched her move around. She found her grace in the kitchen endearing. Now she sat there firing off questions.

"So, how did your session with Loki go?"

"He is a formidable fighter, but he still has a lot to learn about being a hero. I'm going to have Thor in tomorrow to help me make a hero out of him."

"Well this is the homestretch. It seems like things are going well."

"They are. I mean he still hates everyone and everything but ya know…. He's not gonna kill anyone. I mean he can't I took that away from him. That bloodlust just wasn't good for him."

"You think you'll be done soon?"

"I do. And hopefully I'll be able to get on the first thing smokin' to Missouri."

"Fury will probably have Steve and I accompany you."

"That's no problem. I think you both should meet her," she shrugged, "she's a pretty great lady."

"I can believe it. She's your mother after all," Natasha smirked. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Flatterer," she grinned, " hey do you know if Steve is any good at cooking?"

"He makes a mean omelet," she supplied with a shrug, " but uh, that's all I've seen him cook, to be honest."

"Welp, good thing we're making breakfast."

"Are you guys having breakfast because you didn't get to have it this morning?" Natasha gave her a smug smile.

"Yeah, we both slept in a little later than normal. Which I'm sure you can understand given that neither of us got much sleep."

"That's what I thought." Natasha laughed. There was a knock on their door, and Natasha went to open it. As she let Steve in she left out.

"You don't have to leave," Steve spoke.

"Oh I no I don't. Save some food for me, and tie something on the door if I shouldn't come back in." she winked and continued down the hall. Steve closed the door after her and went into the kitchen. Lily was humming softly to herself as she fished out measuring cups and other things they'd need. He didn't say anything at first. He only watched her move around, and sing some of the words to a few Broadway tunes. When she finally turned around she jumped a little. She didn't usually let her guard down like that, but Natasha was usually the only one in their quarters. There was no reason for her to be guarded. Her body relaxed as she made eye contact with Steve.

"It's dangerous to sneak up on me," she chastised.

"I didn't mean to. You just looked so content."

"Yeah, yeah," she looked around, and back at where Natasha once sat, "Where's Nat?" she questioned.

"She left."

"Of course she did," Lily sighed, "come on, breakfast for dinner." She proceeded to put on her apron, and throw an extra one to Steve. All of her aprons had little witty phrases on them. Hers said cutie pie with a pie on it. The bottom ruffle like a dress. Steve's apron was blue and said "Check out my hot buns" with embroidered buns on it. Steve looked down at it and laughed. It was just like her to have aprons like this. They made dinner in quiet bliss. It turns out they were oddly in tune without having to say anything to each other. They moved around the little kitchen space without bumping into each other even once. Much to Lily's surprise, Steve was quite good at cooking. She allowed him to flip the pancakes while she carefully made fruit toppings to go on them. As she moved about she kept humming little tunes to herself, and Steve found the habit adorable. She really seemed content. With the details of the previous night he had been afraid that things would never be the same between them. There was a definite shift in there relationship but he hadn't known if it was a good or a bad thing. It was a good shift, they seemed closer some how. Lily caught his gaze and gave him a happy smile.

"Don't burn the pancakes, lover boy," she teased.


	14. Chapter 14

"Loki, you have to understand what you're feeling. And I can only provide you with enlightenment if you let me. Give me your hands," she said softly. They sat together in a training room, legs crossed her hands out stretched. Her eyes bored into his, as he slowly let his palms fall in her hands. With a touch, she took it all away. She erased the pain, but not the memory of it. She got rid of the blood lust, but not the passion. She showed him moments in which his parents' and his brother's love was unmistakable. She showed him the world as it could be, the place she wished it was, but knew it never would be.

"You give me an idealistic view?" he questioned.

"Our job… is to make this world into a place that doesn't need superheroes."

"And what if that doesn't make me happy?"

"Loki, you thrive on destruction, and it takes destruction to build something new. You will take down regimes that hurt, and I will build better places. You have so much potential."

"She is right, brother." Thor's voiced pierced through their quiet moment. Loki looked up at him with the usual scowl.

"I have done all that I can for you, Loki. I've let you work through your pain, but there are some things I cannot begin to teach you. You will go with Thor."

"What is it that he could teach me?"

"Love for humans." she spoke with a measured stare.

"And why can you not teach me such a thing?"

"Because I do not love them as he does. He will prove a better teacher… I'm done being your teacher, Loki. I'll see you around."

Lily stood from her place on the floor, and Loki watched her moved gracefully out the door. He hoped this would not be the last time he saw her. She was largely still and enigma to him. He didn't understand how she worked, and why she stayed with these people who only wanted to use her power? Why did she let them use her, surely she knew what they are doing? Her form, clad in a body suit that could protect her body from all harm disappeared behind double doors.

"She is an interesting creature, Lily." Thor spoke. He had noticed Loki's stare, it was hard not to notice.

"Lily?" Loki questioned.

"Oh, Angel… she's… her name is Lily."

"Lily is fitting," Loki said thoughtfully.

"Just think about moving the ball, from here to there…" Bruce coaxed. Tony had been kicked out of the lab because he was a detriment to Lily's concentration. The object she was staring at was small, and a good starting point for what they had in mind. She just kept thinking, move over there, move over there.

The ball disintegrated, only to somewhat reintegrate across the room the process was slow, but an improvement nonetheless. Between working with Loki she spent a good portion of her time trying to master teleportation. Her work with Loki was mostly just training, and helping him find a nice stable way to release his anger. More often than not they found themselves in the training room fighting each other. Lily always did him the luxury of not using her powers. More than once she had sustained a few bruises, from the God's punches. However she had yet to lose a match. By the end of the day she could do little more than curl up in Steve's bed, or her own. A month passed this way, a month before she was dressed up in her uniform on the quinjet with Steve and Natasha, headed to a government testing zone. She had almost forgotten about the 'weapon's test' she was doing with the president.

"I don't know why I have to do this! Did they make you guys do this?'  
"They had Tony do it," Steve supplied.

"They showcased Tony's suit. Tony's suit isn't a person," Lily snapped back, " And his suit is privately owned. He didn't have to show it off. He's just a flashy ego maniac."

"I know, it feels demeaning, but sometimes you just have to appease the powers that be." Natasha spoke

She pouted sitting in her seat with a cross expression. Inside her head she made the silent resolve that she wouldn't show them everything. She wouldn't show just how destructive she could be. If they knew, they would start pressuring Bruce and Tony for the magic potion to make more of her, and she couldn't let that happen. Steve took her hand and rubbed her knuckles gently.

"I feel like a circus elephant." she complained

"Does she really have to do this?"

"Fury said so," Natasha shrugged, "Just give them a short demonstration, and you can be on with your day."

"Sure that's what you say now. But you know how men handle power," Lily grumbled.

"Do it for your mother. You are a few days away from getting to see her, don't mess it up now."

Lily huffed again but agreed. Loki was doing well. After six months of therapy and training, he seemed pretty uninterested in the destruction of Earth. And while SHIELD would always be keeping an eye on him it was still a lot more than being stuck in an underground facility in Illinois.

"What's with this outfit?" She questioned suddenly, " I know my name is Angel and all but don't you think all white is a little dumb."

"Bruce says it's not actually white. It'll work with the spinal projections on your back to change and camouflage as you need it to."

Lily tried that, deciding to become the color of the seat she sat on, just as Natasha said the fabric changed colors. She guessed it wasn't so bad. The suit was tight but not too uncomfortable, and there were no parts of her hanging out, so as far as she was concerned all would be well.

They arrived at a bunker of sorts. It looked rather insignificant at first but they went through enough security clearances that it took them an hour to get through them all. Men in suits received them after they walked through this weird scanner. Lily happened to look behind her a computer screen to see her nude body displayed on the screen. She was about to turn around fully but Steve grabbed her arm.

"It's just a security protocol." He assured .

"It's an invasion of privacy."

"This is the American government, we have no privacy," Natasha thought. She didn't say the words out loud because of the men on either side of her, but the thought was pointed towards Lily, so she picked up on it. Lily frowned at the woman and allowed Steve to continue to lead her down the long hallway. The hallway seemed under lit and she didn't know if it was for dramatic effect or to just save money on electricity. The light gleamed off the steel walls enough to make things visible. The glint of the walls reminded her of the facility. There was only one reason she was ever out of her cell.

"Subject 0001 to the performance arena," she could hear the voice drone. She closed her eyes trying to ignore it all. Natasha took a glimpse at her from the corner of her eye. She noticed one of the lights flicker also. Natasha grabbed Lily's hand and rubbed her thumb over the knuckle.

"I knew this was too soon," she thought.

Lily swallowed down her instinct to run as fast as she could from the building. The air felt heavy and it was hard to force it down her lungs. The heavily armed man in front of them stopped at a set of doors. He opened them after putting in a complex code. He moved out of the way for Lily to walk in. She did automatically. Natasha reluctantly let go of Lily's hand. Lily looked back at her bewildered. No one told her she was going in alone. Steve was supposed to, but he didn't want to upset her. She would figure it out on her own anyway.

"Can I go in with her?" Nat asked the man.

"Too dangerous. This is the weapons containment room."

"She won't hurt me." Natasha argued.

"Ma'am I'm telling you it's too dangerous. No unauthorized-"  
"She won't hurt me. I want to go in with her," she continued, stepping closer to him. Steve put a restraining hand on her shoulder.

"We'll be able to see from up top." Steve assured.

Lily watched them leave, her eye contact with Natasha only breaking when the doors slid closed. Lily turned and looked around the room. It seemed heavily armored with a few doors that could open around the perimeter of the room. She looked up to where there was an observation window. She was trapped in the room, alone and all she could think was, "Subject 0001, please perform." and her mouth was dry, to dry to pull in a comfortable breath.

"Subject 0001, perform or you will be taken to the White room." she could hear it in Russian now, and she couldn't pull in a breath. She was looking for something anything to grab on to.

"Lily!" Natasha's voice was in her head and it was only because she was thinking at Lily very loudly. This was a technique Natasha had used before when Lily had to be alone on a mission, "Take a deep breath okay. I know it seems like you're trapped and you have to do this, but look at the weak spots around the room. Look at how easy it would be for you to get out."

Lily's eyes searched around looking at the points of escape she could make. They were simple, it would only take a blink of the eye. She could set the entire building a flame if she wanted to. She was the one in charge here. Another thought, a memory of a voice, came to her. It was a voice of a long lost friend.

"Lil, you are in charge here, you hear me. Show them what they want to see, and get what you want out of them."

She took a deep breath and tried to steel herself against all of the emotions coming up to her.

"Steve was supposed to tell you it would be solo." Natasha's last thought came to her, and then it was time for her to perform. She showed them everything SHIELD knew she could do. She showed them her strength her agility, and healing. She went so far as to let them see her disintegrate a small object so they would think that's all there was to her, exactly the things on paper. She saw no reason to use the wings, or demonstrate all of their abilities. She was let out of the room, and greeted with open arms by Natasha.

"Good job," she smiled, "I think they'll leave you alone for a few more years." When Nat let her go she glared at Steve just long enough to let him know he was in trouble.

"I didn't tell you because I knew it would scare you," Steve sighed as they boarded the jet again.

"You should have told me." she replied.

"So you could go to Fury and get yourself into trouble."

She was silent. She decided she wouldn't talk to him because she didn't have to. Lily sat beside Natasha and let her head rest on Natasha's shoulder. When they went back to the base in Illinois she still wasn't talking to him. Tony and Bruce were there waiting to help her get out of her gear.

"Lil, I'm sorry." Steve sighed.

She was silent, hugging Bruce then Tony, telling them that everything was functional, assuring them that she would turn in her reports on the technology by morning. Both Bruce and Tony were beyond confused as to why Lily was blatantly ignoring her boyfriend.

"Can we take these off," she prompted, as she turned her back to them. Tony took off the wings and stored them in a safe place, while Bruce took off the spinal projections. It was a heavily armored piece that had to be manually taken off. She pulled her hair out of it's taut bun after they were done and let it fall down. It had a crease in it where the hair tie sat, because of that she ran her fingers through her hair to try and calm the crinkle.

"Lily, what more do you want from me?" Steve sighed following her.

"I don't want anything from you. I wanted you not to hold information from me, but I thought that went without saying, my mistake."

"It didn't seem that pertinent."

"Steve I have been through a lot… I didn't want to do that and to all of a sudden have to do that alone that was terrifying for me! Love means having my back! You didn't have my back."

"I was right there if anything went wrong. Right outside the door."

"Why wouldn't you let Nat come in? Did you think I would hurt her?"

"No, it's just the government has tricky rules-"

"I don't belong to the government! I'm not a tool… I don't want to be a tool! You know how I feel about all this! Do you know how much this all looks like Russia?! Except they never gave me the illusion of freedom! I knew what I was to them…. What am I to you?" she whispered the last question as it fell from her lips. She didn't want to think ill of him, but it was hardwired into her every breath to distrust men after everything she had been through… and then he said one thing that melted her.  
"You are my best friend, and all I want to do is protect you… the way I should have protected someone else."

Her mind was transported back to the last person who had said something akin to that to her. His blue grey eyes etched themselves into her head. That person was dead now though. There was no use in thinking of him.

"I can protect myself… as long as you give me the information I need," she said softer this time. Steve walked to her slowly and wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm sorry. I really am."

"I know you are. I know," she whispered back. She sighed softly an let go of him only to look up at him with a soft frown.

"I choose not to read your minds out of respect for your privacy… don't make me regret that," she went over to where her computer sat on the coffee table to begin her reports, not only for Tony and Bruce, but for Fury too. She had a six month accumulation of reports to turn in.

"Where did they take Loki?" Lily questioned.

"Thor took him, he didn't say where," Steve answered.

"So the actual convicted enemy of the world can leave without any upset, but me… I'm trapped here. I guess they aren't genetically altered weapons," she laughed humorlessly as she continued typing. Steve came around the couch to sit by her.

"You don't think you can be happy here? With me?"

She looked up at him with a tinge of regret, she hadn't meant to make him feel like he didn't mean anything to her, but this was different. This was her mom. Who would be able to calmly sit and wait for government people to allow her to see her mother, a woman she hadn't seen in somewhere close to seven years.

"I can't be happy knowing my mother thinks I'm dead. It doesn't matter where I am, I miss her. They said I could see her once I was cleared. Why is it that Loki can be cleared before me?"

Steve felt his heart squeeze as she looked up at him with big sad eyes. She was all but begging him to understand, and he did. In truth, she was cleared, and had been for the last six months, but they couldn't let her go. Steve leaned in and pressed a kiss to her lips.

"I know everything will turn out fine."

"How?"

"Because you are one of the best people I know."

She looked up at him, trying to understand what she wanted from him. She wanted to feel safe, like nothing could ever break her body again because everything was her choice. She wanted to feel someone's love, and she wanted to prove that her heart had not been hardened by all of the pain and suffering.

"Will you make love to me?" she questioned bluntly, staring up at him as if she had simply asked him what time it was. Steve immediately turned bright red at the sudden question.

"Uh… I… yeah, yeah, sure." He recovered. Lily smiled before breaking into giggles at his embarrassment. Steve leaned forward and kissed her all over her face, moving the lap top off of her lap.

"That's funny?" he questioned, kissing her neck and chest. His fingers went to the place at her sides that made her squirm and ugly laugh. He continued until she had wiggled on to the floor, then he picked her up and took her to her bedroom. He lightly set her on the bed, knowing she reveled in gentility. She was still smiling up at him.

"I really am sorry," he spoke.

"I can feel that from you," she murmured, putting a hand on his face to reassure him. He brought his mouth down to her now bare stomach so he could blow out air and make a sound close to that of an elephant. It made her laugh and squirm, and nothing made Steve smile more than the fact that she was so ticklish.

"I love you," she spoke, her smile lingering on her lips long after he had stopped trying to make her laugh. It was the first time she'd said it to him. It was the first time those words had left her mouth and they sat there for a moment, as Steve stared at her surprised.

"Don't say nothing," she whispered.

"No, no, I love you too. I just can't believe you love me."

"Well of course I do." she pulled him to her lips, and let his arms pull her in to a tide of deep breaths and sweat.

In the morning, Lily woke up to a little note and a few wild flowers.

"Went out for a run. See you at lunch." the note read. She smiled a bit, and got up taking the time to comb her hair, take a shower and get dressed before going back to where her laptop sat abandoned. It took only a few more moments to finish off her report and send it to Fury. Natasha walked out from her room and sat next to Lily giving her an expectant look.

"What?" she asked.

"So, I saw Steve leave your room this morning… in yesterday's clothes."

"Oh, we made love," Lily answered lightly, "and maybe I told him I loved him."

Natasha gave her a small smile, "Well good for you. So what's the star spangled man with a plan like in bed."

"Nat!" Lily groaned.

"C'mon just between us girls."

"I don't know… he's pretty nice. Nat I dunno!"

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Yes."

"Like really enjoy it?"

"Yes!"

"So like is it slow or-"

"Ugh Nat he's fine. Okay, he's great, I enjoy it, he enjoys it. Everyone's having a good time. Kay?"

"I just like to tease you," Nat smiled, "I'm glad you're happy. That's all that matters… Fury wants to talk to you in about fifteen minutes."

"For?"

"I have a hunch he wants to talk about your clearance."

"Really?!"

"Yeah, I mean the US Military was pleased with you. I have given you quite high marks in all fields, and Lil you're a good person."

"Nat thanks, for everything. For believing in me, and being there for me with all my nightmares-"

"You are welcome. Now don't get mushy on me, kay?"

"Yeah."

"I hear Loki is back in the building. Thor only had him out for a few hours and Loki decided he'd rather stay on the base."

"That's odd… everyone hates him here."

"Not you," Natasha shrugged.

"Well no not me, but the vast majority do."

"I don't pretend to understand the actions of a crazy man."

In fifteen minutes she was in Fury's office sitting there nervously. The man glared at her like she was an insignificant bug sitting in a chair. Steve was walking back into Lily's room to see Natasha just sitting on the couch. She looked over at him curiously.

"Lily left to go talk to Fury."

"Already?!"  
"She didn't want to be late," Natasha shrugged. Steve turned on his heel and all but sprinted out of the room. He wasn't really sure what he would do. Things were kind of out of his hands now. Natasha got up and followed after him wondering what the big deal was.

"You did well, Agent, Reformed a maniac in six months and managed to impress the president of the United States. SHIELD is satisfied with your work here and would like to grant you full clearance… take a trip to the Bahamas or something." Fury informed the woman sitting across from her. She felt tears of joy spring to her eyes. She finally had full clearance.

"I can go see my mom now?" she gasped, hand covering her mouth. It hit her like train, she could go see the woman that had spent the last years thinking she was dead.

Steve had caught the attention of the other Avengers and they followed curiously even getting Thor and Loki. They wound up milling together in the small conference room outside of Fury's office.

"No, you can't," Fury answered. Lily looked at him confused.

"If I have full clearance why can't I?"

"L-"

"I've been working my ass off here why can't I see her!" She was yelling now. Her body stood without her consent, and she moved fast enough to knock the chair over "What do you mean I can't go see my mother? I have done my part! I am tired of jumping through hoops for this company and getting nothing in return." Lily turned on her heel and stomped out of the room. She was surprised to see all of her friends already outside waiting for her, but it was convenient so she chose not to question it.

"I can't understand it, so maybe you all can. What have I done to become the prisoner here?"

"What's the matter?" Natasha questioned. Both she and Steve came to her side, wondering in what way could they help her.

"He won't let me see my mom!" she cried out.

"Director, she is more than capable of going and I will go with her if that's your concern. Civilian danger is minimum at most-," Natasha volunteered.

"It's impossible, she can't see her mother," Fury spoke precisely. His voice didn't permit any negotiation. It was final. Lily heard it in his voice and saw it in his posture. He wasn't going to budge.

"Then I quit." she ripped the badge off of her suit and threw it on the table, pulled her company guns out of their holsters, then went for the door. Steve grabbed her wrist and pulled her away from the door.

"Lil…you really can't go," he said softly, pulling her gently towards him. More than anything he wished that he could have done this in private or at a better time, but as it was he had already waited too long.

"What," her voice was quiet, confused and slightly hurt. Steve was supposed to want her to be happy. All of this time he had stood behind her desire for her mother, and even encouraged her prowess. Why now did he think that she should stay? Was he too afraid that she would harm her own mother?

"You can't go," he repeated precisely. His eyes looked down into hers in a way that made her stomach drop into the soles of her feet, and her heart stop beating. It's like when everything gets too quiet in a storm, and you know something bad is going to happen. Yet, you don't venture to the basement for shelter, you press on and look out of the window at the green hued sky and greet the impending danger.

"Why?" she questioned. She knew why. Deep down, she knew why, and as Steve hesitated to verify her gut instincts the rest of the room held their breath.

"Your mother passed," Fury's voice rang clear in the silent room. Steve closed his eyes, and let out the breath he had been holding. He steeled himself against her reaction. He expected her to yell or to cry, but instead she was silent, staring only at him. Her face was a mask of confusion and uncomprehending pain. Two people took a step towards Lily unconsciously: her caretaker Natasha, a woman who spent years promising Lily a moment that would never happen, a woman who was too hurting, and Loki. Better than anyone, he knew the look on her face, the betrayal, the disbelief, everything. He knew what it was like to feel all five stages of grief at once. It felt like something was simply incinerating your heart… and to have a loved one do such a thing to you, well it was the final nail in the coffin.

"Three years after your abduction, she died, it was of natural causes. You knew she was sick." Fury continued, but she didn't look at Fury. Steve opened his eyes to see her tortured gaze only on him. He wanted to hide. He didn't want her to know everything that she was surely finding out, not only from Fury, but from himself. There was no where for him to hide, and she was reading him, reading every lie she would have caught sooner if she had not loved and respected him.

"You knew," she whispered in outrage, pulling her hand out of his and distancing herself from him before she turned her gaze to the rest of the team, including Loki and Thor. Loki looked on at her with a type of sympathy he'd deny having if he was asked.

"Who else knew," she demanded. As she read the minds of the room she looked at Bruce, Tony, and Clint. All of their gazes were down cast in guilt. Thor, Loki, and Natasha had been absolutely ignorant, just like her. No one spoke, they barely even breathed. All eyes focused on the woman glaring at all of them. Her jaw flexed in quick intervals. She closed her eyes and let her head fall back to face the ceiling. Her hands balled up into tight quaking fists.

"So when were you going to tell me?" she questioned, "If I hadn't inquired now, how long would you have let me senselessly hope to see my mother again?"

"We didn't want to counteract your progress-" Steve began.

"BULL SHIT!" she screamed, several chairs flew across the room and hit the wall, "How long were you going to lie to me?!" she opened her eyes to glare at the people she had considered friends.

"Lil," Steve tried again. She whirled around and slapped away his out stretched hand.

"SHUT THE HELL UP! I trusted you! I! Trusted! You!" she sobbed, "I loved you! How could you think this would be okay?!"

He stepped closer to try and touch her. She screamed out wordlessly, stepping back as her emotions reared their ugly head and the lights flickered. Natasha knew just how bad this all could get, yet there was nothing to be done about it.

"I-" Steve wanted only a chance to explain himself.

"NO!" she yelled, breaking the office windows.

"Calm down, Agent!" Fury demanded. His words only served to further tear the room apart. The woman she had spent her entire life loving had been dead for four years. The woman that brought her into this world and gave her nothing but love, was gone. The person who was the only parent she got to have had been dead for years. The woman who cared for her most died alone. Lily didn't even get to say goodbye. There was nothing that could surmount that. The company she had put her faith in after being held captive for five years, did the exact same thing. They used her, and they didn't even have the common courtesy to be honest about it. As if she would have shunned them for telling her the truth. With her mother dead, where else could she go? What was the point of all this?

"Angel," the voice wasn't one she expected, and it was close. Her brain was unable to remember the owner of the voice. Yet when a hand touched hers she knew. It was the only hand that could be colder than her own. The room was still and she looked at him. For a moment everything was like the first breath after not breathing for a long time. Everything still hurt, but in that one moment, there was peace in emotional exhaustion.

"Stop this," he spoke quietly, "I know it hurts, and I know they deserve it, but you are better than to succumb to your pain. Not like this. What would you be if you hurt them the way they hurt you?" his hand held her in place so that his thumb sat at her jawline, and the rest of his hand along the side of her neck. The position forced her to maintain eye contact. He watched as the fires of anger flickered in her onyx eyes, but the flames were soon put out by the wave of her tears. Loki did what Lily would do for him when he wept. He pulled her close and hid her away from the world.

Natasha stepped forward and placed a hand on Loki's arm, "We should take her home, " she murmured. Loki nodded, and bent slightly to hook his arm behind her knees. He carried her like a child out of the wrecked conference room.


	15. Chapter 15

"How is the lady?" Thor asked Loki. They sat in the front room of Natasha and Lily's apartment. They were acting as gatekeepers, keeping the other members of the team at a safe distance from the young lady. Steve had broken through once and Lily nearly killed him. To say they were surprised when shards of a broken mirror started flying at the super soldier was an understatement. They stopped just in front of his body: Natasha had persuaded Lily to keep the glass from killing him. From then on, her visitors were limited to Natasha, and occasionally Loki, if she asked for him. She had only asked for him once and that was to offer him thanks for helping her calm down.

"How am I to know, brother?" Loki spit out with quick venom.

"Do not act this way, Loki. This is a time of tension and-"

"Why am I still here? She means nothing to me."

"You must mean something to her. She listened to you."

"She listened to me because I didn't know anything. She would have done the same if you intervened."

"Why did you intervene?"

"Because I didn't want to die! Stop trying to find depth in this!"

Thor was quiet looking at his brother with a speculative eye. Loki didn't yell, he used sarcasm, and arrogant comments, but he didn't yell unless he felt threatened. Not physically threatened but mentally or emotionally, Loki felt like he was emotionally compromised. Thor didn't know enough of the young lady to make judgment upon her but he knew his brother, and if Loki were afraid for his own life, he would have just saved himself. He wouldn't have prevented Lily from destroying the people who imprisoned him.

"I loved them, Nat!" Lily cried into the woman's stomach, "I loved him."

"I know," Natasha ran her hand through Lily's hair. It was in obvious disarray, as she'd been crying for two hours straight. Just when Natasha thought she might be done it started all over again. This was several different blankets of hurt, over one big bed. First, the bed, her mother's death. The reason for her wanting to be a hero.

Second, her friends, they were supposed to be people she could trust and they had lied to her, in order to make her stay with SHIELD. Third, Steve, he lied to her. Fourth, Steve, she loved him. Fifth, Steve, she thought he loved her. Sixth Steve, she had allowed him to touch her with his lying hands. Seventh, Steve. Eighth Steve. Steve, Steve, Steve, and her mother was dead.

A few more hours passed and Lily had finally cried herself to sleep. Natasha slid carefully from under her. The girl was so tired the light stirring didn't even wake her. Natasha walked out to see Thor and Loki sitting on the couch. They looked up as she approached, her shirt ruined with tears and probably snot. She looked tired.

"I'm gonna… take a walk. Call me if she wakes up, okay?" Natasha spoke. Thor nodded and watched her leave, steps heavy on the ground. She was going for a walk, yes, but she had a distinct place in mind, and it wasn't very far away. Natasha walked next door to the room that belonged to Steve and banged on the door. She was tired and hurt because Lily was hurt. Everything inside her had told her to keep Lily from dating anyone, anyone at all, because once you love someone they have the power to break you in ways you can't imagine. She knew that was dangerous for a girl like Lily. However it was Steve, and she trusted Steve. She had trusted him just as much as Lily did, and this betrayal was a betrayal of both of their trusts.

Steve opened the door. He was tired looking, shoulders slumped forward a bruise on his cheek from a bit of flying debris from Lily's break down. While she was walking to the room she told herself how she'd burst in and kick his ass, make him wish he'd never been born, but looking at him now she just felt… disappointed. She glared up at him and shook her head.

"She's not gonna forgive you… not for a long time…. Or ever." Natasha informed. Her voice dragged like a lazy bow on the strings of a violin.

"I know," Steve looked down at the floor between them.

"Then why'd you do it?"

"Because she had enough on her plate. You knew how depressed she was, she couldn't handle the news."

"Is this any better, Steve?"

"She wasn't supposed to find out this way. I wanted to tell her but-"

"But then you thought I better sleep with her first, really make her trust me."

"I didn't mean for that to-"

"She was just too pretty. Just a little flower. You couldn't possibly say no to her! She was a novelty to you, some kind of broken relic!"

"No."

"Then what was she, Steve?! What was she to you?! Why couldn't you just tell her?!"

"I didn't want to break her," Steve all but whispered," I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want her to lose the will to help people."

"You didn't want her to leave. You wanted her to stay with you so you could fix her like a jigsaw puzzle. Because men love beautiful disasters. Well she's more than that. She's more than the pretty girl with a broken heart, and she doesn't need you to fix her."

"Fury didn't tell you about her mom?"

"If he had we wouldn't be going through this. I would have told her. What did you think was going to happen? Did you think she'd just forget about her mom, that she'd be so wrapped up with you she wouldn't want anybody else?"

"I don't know what I thought."

"Me neither," she snapped back looking him up and down, "I started to tell her not to bother with relationships that they only end in rage and tears and heart break. I started to tell her to leave you alone, but she never got to feel human, and I thought she might like it… but we're not like you all."

 _"Just pull the trigger, Subject 0001."_

 _Her breath left her in little huffs that puffed up around her in the cold air. Her target was clear, easy to eliminate. His daughter was in the room but out of the way._

 _"You kill him. You go home."_

 _She knew it was a lie but she had no choice. Kill him or they kill her mother. She would never go home but she could protect her mom. Kill him, save the one person that meant anything to her. So she pulled the trigger. His brains splattered all over the wall, all over his daughter._

 _"Good job." the man at her side kissed her cheek and she retreated further into herself so she wouldn't feel it. The scene melted away to show another. They ordered that she have her hair combed and well taken care of. Some times they put makeup on her, bright pink lipstick, thick mascara, and to top it all off cheap perfume. She was pretty, they like pretty assets. She sat against the concrete wall looking at the man strolling up to her._

 _The drugs they put in her system made her more than compliant, she could barely lift her head up, let alone fight. He'd smile and begin to undress her. That was a familiar memory, by now she knew she was dreaming, she knew to bide out her time, and she'd wake up take a too hot bath, drink listerine, and cry until things felt better. This dream was different though. She looked up to the man strolling towards her in the drab grey compound. His shirt stretched over his muscular chest, blonde hair softly ruffled, lips pulled up in a smile._

 _"No, this isn't- No! I don't want this! Steve leave me alone!" she yelled at him, calling on her powers to do something anything, but she couldn't move, couldn't speak. Her entire being was trying to scream so much so that it woke her up._

Lily sat upright in bed screaming loud enough to make both Loki and Thor burst into her room.

"Are you alright?" Thor demanded.

She was staring without actually seeing, face blank and vacant. She was mumbling something under her breath, something they couldn't make out. It's likely it was in another language.

"I am going to get Lady Romanoff," Thor spoke. Loki nodded and stayed in the room, watching as she just stared. He moved towards her curiously, wondering what she was saying. He still couldn't make out her words, he guessed she was speaking in a Midgardian language he was unfamiliar with. He grabbed her hand in an effort to snap her out of what ever trap she was caught in. The moment he touched her skin it was like he was being electrocuted. Many different images flashed before his eyes, images of horror and torture, like he had never known. He snatched his hand away to see Lily staring at him wide eyed and horrified.

"I… I'm sorry," she whispered, "I didn't mean for you to see that."

"Lily! I'm here," Natasha called as she hurried into the bedroom. Lily looked up at Natasha with a look of avid relief.

"I had that nightmare… except this time it was Steve."

"Come on, you want to take a bath?"

Lily shook her head, "I want to leave… I want to go far away."

 **Book 2**

The bodies hit the floor with a dull thud as Lily raised a hand to them. They weren't dead, not yet anyway, and she wouldn't kill them unless she had to. Worst case scenario they'd be paralyzed for the rest of their life. She strode forward to the computers in front of her. She plugged in the flash drive and accessed the needed files. This mission was the same as the thousand other missions she'd been sent on in the last year or so. It was simple, thoughtless, all direct missions from Fury to pick up the pieces left from SHIELD and HYDRA, and even the Avengers themselves. She was no longer an official part of the Avengers, she was just a ghost story now. Government bodies knew of her, but most had never seen her. Every now and again she'd be assigned to assassinate heads of terrorist organization, or save important people. She was the miracle worker, the one you called when you had no other hope. As it were, she couldn't be hired to do just anything. You pleaded your case to her and if she thought she should interfere, she would. If she didn't she'd direct you to someone else. The information being taken from this computer was of the utmost importance to whistleblowers all over the world. This had names, locations everything of these people who had come forth to reveal the deeds of those that would kill them should they know of their involvement. After the information was taken, the servers in the computer were fried. She pulled out the drive and made her way to the roof of the building. The moment she was there, she opened her wings and took flight back to her home.

"Here you go," Lily slid the envelope across the table to Natasha. They sat in a nice little diner with good food. Lily ate a stack of waffles that looked more like dessert than breakfast. Natasha grabbed the manila envelope and looked inside to see the flash drive. She put it in her purse then took a sip of coffee, looking over the other woman carefully.

"How are you?" Natasha questioned.

"Fine. I've been volunteering at the animal shelter when I have the free time," she answered truthfully.

"Yeah? Thought about getting a pet of your own?"

"No, I work too much."

"You could work less."

"I could," Lily shrugged and put another bite of the waffle in her mouth. Natasha sighed a little. Lily looked a lot different now-a-days. Her long black hair had been replaced with a curly little pixie cut that didn't look half bad on her. It made combat easier, or so she claimed. She was slimmer, more toned, and she smiled less. However, Natasha had been to Lily's apartment a few times, and it still smelled like baked goods, so some things were the same.

"Well if you're not gonna start working less now… there is something Fury wanted me to ask of you."

Lily simply rose an eyebrow at her. It would have been impolite to actually talk, given that her cheeks were filled with food. Natasha grabbed a file out of her purse and set it on the table in front of them. Lily looked at it curiously, wondering why she had placed such sensitive papers right on the table. Nevertheless, she took the folder and opened it to look at a face that she hadn't seen in what felt like lifetimes ago. She looked up at Natasha even more confused than before.

"Do you know that man?"

"… Yes."

"We think HYDRA was involved in your creation. This man has been recovered as a lost asset of HYDRA. He is currently in cryogenic sleep, until we can figure out how to treat him."

Lily pulled out the picture of the man in his World War 2 uniform and gave it a fond smile. Her fingers touched over the picture for a short second.

"He was in the last facility with me…" Lily murmured, "I knew him well."

"How well?" Natasha questioned, studying the fond look on Lily's face. There weren't very many people that could pull a smile like that from her anymore. Lily looked at Natasha once more, gaging how much she should tell the woman. After all, she was still closely affiliated with the Avengers. However, Natasha was a dear friend, and this could be important for her to know.

"Bucky, that's his name. James Buchanan Barnes. They'd fried him so much that was about all I could get from him when we were together. Lots of it was just missing, you know. It would have taken too long to heal and we didn't have much time. I got him his name, a few memories here and there but nothing real important."

"You two were friends."

Lily opened her mouth to speak then closed it only to take a deep breath and try speaking again, "We were lovers."

"Oh."

"I wanted to know what it felt like to have the choice of someone touching me, and he never did anything to me that I didn't ask him to do."

"Well that is awkward."

Lily picked the information as to why out of Natasha's head and immediately felt like dying. Of course, this was her luck, this was exactly her luck. What are the chances that the two men that Lily had ever loved being childhood friends. She wanted to bang her head against the wall. She pushed the stack of waffles away from her in disgust.

"Listen, Lil, your name came up a few times. Fury wanted to know if you could help Bucky."

"Well yeah I can."

"Bucky and Steve come as a package deal… and well Tony will want to oversee the whole thing…"

"So I'll be with Tony, Steve, and Bucky."

"And the new recruits."

"No go, give me Bucky, I give him back good as new."

"You know Steve is as stubborn as an ass, and Tony's no better. We were at each others throats for days over Bucky and the Sokovia accords-"

"Which was a dumb ass idea."

"Listen, do it for Bucky. He deserves to have his mind back. You refused to help with Ultron, help us this way."

"Ultron was Tony's fault, and if I interfered you all would think I'm gonna clean up all of your fuck ups and I'm not."

"Well Bucky isn't on us. You know you used to give a damn."

"Sad how that gets beaten out of you," Lily threw back only to glare at Natasha for a while longer. Eventually she let out a low long breath and put the pictures back in the file, "Fine. I'll do it for Bucky."

"Does Fury know I'm more emotionally unstable than when I first came to your merry band of heroes."

"Well I'd disagree, I'd say you're very evenly miserable."

"Right back at you. I paid last time Romanoff," she uttered before standing up and grabbing the file on Bucky. Romanoff sighed, in her absence from Lily she forgot how grating she could be when pissed, and she had been seething for a year, "I paid last time too," she grumbled more to herself than anyone in particular. It was best that she paid and met Lily at her apartment to pack her things.

Every one was collected in a room again. This time everyone knew why they were there. With the resurfacing of the Winter Soldier, and the conflicts born as consequence they needed a mediator to handle the situation. She was a neutral force, angry at both sides of the conflict and therefore indifferent to their opinions: That was Fury's explanation of why he had gathered the available Avengers to meet their ex member in a conference room they were all hoping she wouldn't tear to shreds. There were two in the room absolutely unaware of why the air around the room was so tense, but they'd heard enough to have a vague understanding.

Lily entered the conference room with a look of civil indifference with Natasha tailing her. Her eyes touched those of everyone in the room, not lingering on one longer than any of the others. She seemed to be looking for something, and when she didn't find it immediately she frowned.

"Why haven't you gotten the asset out of the cryogenic chamber? I'm here to heal him, right?" she demanded severely.

"You're here to find a way to make him pay for his crimes-" Tony began but stopped as Lily glared at him.

"If James Buchanan Barnes is to be punished then so am I. I am more accountable than he for any deaths I have caused. He was not in control of his body and therefore cannot be held accountable for the things people made his body do."

Tony stood glaring at Lily as if he could hope to change her mind by yelling about it loud or long enough, "He killed my parents."

She snorted and rolled her eyes, "Your weapons killed countless parents, and fell into the hands of terrorist."

"That's different they used my weapons to-"  
"And they used his body to kill people, people who just so happened to be your parents." She replied mercilessly, daring him to put up a rebuttal. He was appalled by her dismissal.

"You don't know what it's like." he through back stupidly. The entire room flinched. While she had simply been dismissive before, now she was livid. Her entire posture changed to make her taller more threatening as rage pushed through her veins. She glared up at him with a wild look in her eye.

"The man who said he loved to me lied to me and let me believe my mother was alive! For five years I was turned into a weapon and used to harm innocent people. For the last year I've watched you stick your head deeper and deeper in your own ass because you are a privileged piss baby, that wants the world his way. I don't know what it's like?! You don't know what it's like. You don't know what it's like to be the weapon! You've always made them, managed them. If your weapon is hurting someone you give it to someone else to protect it. When you're the weapon no one thinks for a second that you're a person you're not just an asset. Ask me what it felt like to watch an orphanage burn to the ground and not be able to save anyone because I was given orders not to interfere. Ask me what it's like to kill women and children because you were forced to send a message. Ask me what it's like to be the weapon and after that you still won't know. Because your body has always been yours, and you ruin it yourself. You have no idea what it's like to be ruined or how it feels to come back from that. I am going to help Bucky. Sit down you fucking idiot and wallow in your ignorance," she made the air around him force him into his chair. The rest of the room was tense, watching her warily. Natasha touched Lily's shoulder in an effort to calm her down.

"I can take you to go see him," she said.

"Good. Thanks."

The rest of the team watched the woman leave just as quickly as she came.

"What is her problem?" Wanda, a new member questioned.

"Spangles over there broke her heart." Tony grumbled, throwing a lazy finger at Steve who sat quietly, frowning. Wanda looked over at the man she had gotten to know over the last few months in absolute surprise. He just didn't seem like the heart breaking type. She wanted ask what happened exactly, but the tone of the room let it be known that it wouldn't be prudent to ask.

"She's not as combative as she wants you to believe," Steve assured, "the two of you have quite a lot in common."

Wanda tilted her head in confusion.

"You're both telepaths," Steve enlightened.

Lily looked at the chamber with the soldier in it. Part of her wanted to cry, the other part wanted to punch something. Natasha stood silently at her side, watching as the clash of emotion played over the other woman's face. They were waiting for the clearance to go through for them to bring Bucky out of his sleep. Before long a doctor came to inform them on the progress of their request.

"The King would like to be present before you wake him," she spoke. Lily only nodded and continued staring at the face of the man in front of her. The doctor left soundlessly, not knowing what else to say.

"They couldn't freeze me, you know?" Lily spoke all of a sudden, "My body would simply get hotter to compensate. So they decided to get the most of their weapon as possible. I have more confirmed kills than all of the winter soldiers combined, and I wasn't brain washed… so you have to understand, if Bucky is going to be imprisoned… then I should be too. I should be put to death… but you know…"

"No one is imprisoning anyone. You said you could help Bucky so that's what's happening. "

"Natasha I did not expect to see you again so soon," the voice of a man broke the women away from their conversation. Natasha turned with a kind smile.

"Neither did I, but here I am, your highness," she spoke slightly sardonically. It was hard to keep formality up with someone you tased to their knees.

"And who is this?" he questioned, his eyes skipping over to Lily. Her eyes cut in to him like tangible probes. She had an intense stare that didn't strike him as impolite, only extremely vigilant. Her shoulders were back and squared, posture straight and sure.

"I am Lily," she introduced striding forward, "I am the one who can help Bucky."

"I am T'challa, king of Wakanda."

"A pleasure to meet you," her voice was polite, but not yielding to any further conversation as she turned back to Bucky. Natasha and T'challa exchanged a glance with each other.

"She's a right to the point kind of person," Natasha offered. T'Challa nodded and had the attending doctors begin the process of waking Bucky. Lily didn't speak again, she was too wrapped up in her thoughts, and in her memories. She remembered the day she and Bucky were first paired together. He was supposed to be a punishment, an extra layer of torment to her imprisonment. He just wasn't though, he wasn't interested in the extra cruelty.

They opened the chamber and Lily watched him pull in a slow breath as he woke slowly but surely. Without knowing it Lily held her breath. She didn't know how he would wake up, or if his first reaction would be to try and kill her. Who knew what they did to him after they took her away? When he finally opened his eyes he looked at her with surprise, as if he actually recognized her. She looked up at him, confused and hopeful… but at the exact same time she realized the complications if he did remember. After learning that Bucky was Steve's best friend, it would be more than a little problematic for obvious reasons.

"Lily?" those were his first words and she let out the breath she had been holding.

"Hey Buck," she smiled. His hand went up to touch to her face. His hand was soft against her cheek and she leaned into his touch without thinking. All at once she came back to herself and she pulled her face away from him. She was here to help him. He frowned at the action, lowering his body to look her in the eyes. Lily looked at the people surrounding her, they stared in almost wonder as they watched her interact with Bucky.

"Could we maybe have a moment?" Lily asked looking up to Natasha. Natasha looked up to T'Challa, trying to convey that it was best to give her what she wanted. He simply nodded, leading the other people in the room out. Lily watched them leave and sensed their movements to be sure they weren't eavesdropping. The moment she felt it was safe she grabbed him in a hard hug.

"You remember me," she breathed out, in confusion and relief and a pain that she had pushed back many years ago.

"They couldn't wipe you," he admitted, "but I thought you were dead, they showed me your body-"

"Tetrodotoxin," she supplied.

He caressed her face once more because her skin was impossibly soft and her face was so very beautiful. There were small changes from the first time he saw her. Her skin was not kissed with the dew of sweat, her hair was cropped short, shorter than even his own hair. However her eyes were the same… that was unfortunate. Her eyes were dark wells, shimmering lightly from the water they held in their depths. They were empty, and one would think after being free from your captivity the light would come back to one's eyes, but no. Her eyes were vacant and hungry, hungry to feel. It was the way they had always looked.

"Oh Buck," she sighed, tears clear in her voice, "they've hurt me… but they've given me you so maybe I can forgive…"

"HYDRA? What did they do to you?" he demanded still bending to catch her gaze. She laughed a little and looked up at him so he could stop bending.

"Not HYDRA… no the Avengers, SHIELD, they… Nevermind I'm supposed to be helping you. C'mon, lemme see the damage." she lifted her hand to her lips to pull off the glove covering it. Before she could touch his temple he grabbed her wrist.

"What do you mean they hurt you?"

"It doesn't matter, okay? I'm sure Steve will tell you everything… I… I just want to know what I'm dealing with," she insisted. Bucky reluctantly let go of her hand and he went back to studying her face. She didn't look any older. She was still different though. He was sure it had everything to do with something Steve could supposedly tell him. They were on the same team so maybe Steve saw what happened.

Lily sifted through the blended mush of his memories. Scar tissue blocked memories and disrupted proper emotions. Then there were the words. The words that could send her blood running cold: Longing, rusted, seventeen, daybreak, furnace, nine, benign, homecoming, one, freight car. Those words meant seven minutes of fighting the Winter Soldier while spectators watched.

"You aren't going to be better in just one treatment, but we already knew that," She spoke giving him a small smile. She reached up and ran a hand through his hair, it was oily and gross but that feeling was familiar. It's not like the facilities were offering daily showers. Bucky did the same to her, pulling at the short curls on her head. They were so soft to the touch.

"Does that mean I get to see more of you?"

She only nodded, looking deep into his eyes. They were only empty when he was the Winter Soldier, Bucky just couldn't have empty eyes. They were always alive with some kind of emotion. He wasn't like her, he didn't just turn everything off when things got hard. No Bucky was strong, so unbelievably strong. Her eyes welled up with tears again, but this time they spilled over on to her cheeks. Bucky wrapped his arm around her pulling her into his chest.

Natasha leaned against the wall beside the door that lead to the room Lily and Bucky were currently in. She had taken it upon herself to monitor and be sure no one would burst in. With what she knew about Lily and Bucky she figured they would need a moment, and well the other team members didn't know very much about the two's relationship. In her place as guard she watched Steve come down the hall towards her. He went immediately to the door and she put her hand on his wrist.

"Lil's in there with Buck right now." she informed. He was the last person she wanted walking in on that reunion, at least until Lily told him everything. Steve nodded and looked over at Natasha, it had been a few months since he'd seen her. When the Lily situation broke out Natasha had left with Lily at first. Even Loki disappeared for a while. When Natasha came back he expected Lily to be with her, but no such luck.

"She seems…"

"Still angry? Yes, but she's less angry at the company and the team and more just angry at you."

"Oh," he shifted awkwardly on her feet.

"Yeah, she knows everyone else was just following orders. She feels like orders shouldn't have mattered to you."

"I almost told her-"

"She doesn't care." Natasha looked at him with a tired gaze, "At any rate, she agreed to help Bucky."

"… Why? I know it's not for me."

"Definitely not. She knew him."

"How?"

"The facility she found him in was a HYDRA affiliate. She was a HYDRA agent. They were in the same facility for a while." Natasha refused to say anymore, it wasn't her information to give. While Steve was still her friend, she knew it was best to stay on Lily's good side. Steve nodded and pulled in a slow breath. The door beside them opened to Lily and Bucky. Lily expected to see Steve there, she could sense him through the wall, as well as Natasha.

"I understand that we will be staying in Wakanda. Where?" she demanded.

T'Challa had arranged for them to stay in a high security building on the coast. They were beautiful living quarters. Lily expressed her thanks to the king before they left to go to the building. It was a quiet ride with Natasha and Steve accompany Bucky and Lily on the ride. They would be staying as aid: Natasha because she was always appointed to accompany Lily, and Steve because he went where Bucky went. Lily looked out on the beach and smiled a bit to herself. She was happy she brought her bathing suit. The beach seemed quiet enough, and unbelievably beautiful. The entire country was gorgeous, when she had the time she might actively seek out T'Challa to take him up on the invitation he extended before she left.

"Lily, as a friend of the Avengers you are a friend of mine. Find me if you would enjoy a tour of our lands." his words replayed in her head as she thought about how he had looked down upon her.

"Wakanda is so beautiful." Lily murmured under her breath.

"I think the king likes you," Natasha said from the front seat, looking back at Lily with a soft smirk.

"I always wanted to be a queen," she mused a little with a little smile.

"I'm sure he'd make a queen of you, if ya know what I mean."

"Natasha," Lily groaned, encouraging Natasha to laugh. No matter what, Lily was still disapproving of Natasha's vulgar jokes, though only playfully. Lily wouldn't mind being made a queen.

They walked on to the floor they were monopolizing, Natasha and Lily were rooming once again, leaving Steve and Bucky. Lily's things were already put away and set up in the place they were to live. She opened the cabinet and looked at how fully stocked they were.

"Yeah, I put in an order with all the things you usually cook with… I thought maybe we could have dinner with the boys… and talk." Natasha spoke as she joined Lily in the kitchen.

"It's probably for the best."

"Listen I know you're still mad at Steve-"

"Yes, I'm still mad. Seeing his face made me want to punch him in it. And a part of me wants to keep this secret. I want to have sex with his best friend and let him walk in on it, but that would be evil, and hurtful…" she trailed off to meet Natasha's wide eyed stare, "I'm not gonna do it," she sighed.

"I know, but wow."

"The point is… I know I don't like things kept from me, and I'm mad, I'm really fuckin mad and I can't say I'm gonna be nice, but if I try to hurt Steve I'll hurt Bucky too."

"You love Bucky?"

"I do."

"Look at you, with your big girl panties on. I thought for sure you were going to go crazy about all this."

"I've had time to think," she shrugged, "I've forgiven, but I sure as hell haven't forgotten. I know I'm here for Bucky and when he's better I'll go back home."

"I know. And that's all we're asking of you."

"Good. What am I making for dinner?"


	16. Chapter 16

"What happened to Lil?" Bucky asked. Steve sighed wiping a hand over his face. They sat together on the couch, previously in companionable silence. Steve didn't even know where to start, or if he could even answer the question properly. What _had_ happened to Lil? He would have like to believe it was a mixture of things that caused Lily to act like this, but he knew it was really just him.

"I mean, when I knew her she was always… cold, but she said the Avengers hurt her. Did they think she was some kind of enemy or-"

"No, nothing like that Buck… it's just that… where do I start? I, uh, we kept something real important from her, and she hasn't forgiven us yet. I'm not sure she ever will."

"What did you keep away from her?"

"SHIELD told her when she proved herself stable she could visit her mother, go back home…her mother has been dead for several years, long before SHEILD got her."

Bucky stared at Steve, unbelieving that his friend would lie to someone about something like that. He knew what it felt like to lose his mother. There was also another bit of information that made him even more disgusted with the lie, "HYDRA used her mother to make her do their bidding. Said if she didn't comply they'd kill her mom. I think her mom was all she had in the outside world."

"Yeah, I know now. Look I'm not proud of what I did. Not by any means. She won't even look at me anymore."

"She'll forgive you."

"Wouldn't be so sure, Buck," he gave his friend a weak smile.

"Trust me… she'll forgive you. It'll take a while, but as long as you don't do anything else stupid, she'll forgive you."

Natasha knocked on the boys' door with a quiet sigh. Lily had set upon setting the table, and had sent Natasha to extend the dinner invitation. Steve answered the door quickly enough, inviting Natasha in. She didn't budge from the doorway.

"Lil made dinner and she wanted me to invite the two of you." Natasha informed in a bored tone.

"She invited the both of us?"

"Yeah, unless you guys already made dinner," the sentence didn't really mean anything, she knew for a fact that they hadn't made anything. Besides none of the team would pass up Lily's cooking.

"No, we didn't. Um we'll be there."

"Well she's setting the table now, so come quickly." Natasha turned on her heel and left the open door. After thirty minutes of deliberation Lily decided to make Spaghetti and meatballs with garlic cheesy bread. She actually had to make the noodles and bread from scratch, meaning both were unbelievably delicious. Natasha had been a very eager taste tester for both dinner and dessert. It felt like old times with Lily humming to herself as she cooked. It was so nice to know she wasn't all sarcastic remarks and eye rolls. When Natasha walked back into their apartment Lily was there with two bottles of wine.

"What goes better with spaghetti? Red or white?"

"White, goes better with tomato sauce." Natasha answered as she sat at her preferred seat at the table as Lily came in with carefully arranged plates. She set them at each seat before bringing in the bread and wine. The smells of food were all but intoxicating. They heard the knock on the door.

"Nat, would you get that?" she asked as she poured wine. Natasha sighed.

"COME IN!" she yelled, effectively inviting the men in. They came in to see Lily dressed in a casual t-shirt dress. It looked a lot more comfortable than her uniform. It was a dark forest green that set off her skin perfectly. She looked beautiful as always.

"Take a seat," Natasha invited, "Any where's good."

They all sat and Lily was silent as she ate, thinking to herself about how to bring up the conversation that she and Bucky had been more than cell mates. The table was silent and Lily just decided on focusing on her food. This left Natasha. She thought this would just work out organically. However the tangible tension at the table let it be known that if she didn't do something, then this entire dinner would be silent. Therefore, she took a long drink of wine and took a deep breath.

"So Lily, now that you're back for now… what's the game plan?"

Lily looked up with a mouthful of food. She looked like a cross between a chipmunk and a deer caught in the headlights. The food was really good especially the bread, so her cheeks were swollen. Natasha looked over at her and tried very hard not to burst out laughing. Bucky did the same, a small smile taking over his face. Lily chewed as quickly as she could and swallowed lumps of food that were bigger than she would have liked.

"Um, well, I uh have to sort of do treatments with Bucky. It shouldn't take more than a few weeks, all of my work from in the facility is still intact so it's just a matter of building off of that. Some things will be harder to erase than others, but I'm confident in my ability to heal him."

"You were healing him in the facility," Natasha nudged.

"Yes, we were cell mates… I um decided to try and help him. He was the only other American I had met in a very long time. Guess I had a soft spot."

"I'll say," Bucky spoke up, giving Lily a smirk. She immediately looked away from him and to her plate. She knew what Natasha was doing, she also knew there was no graceful way to go about this. Therefore she decided to just be out with it, "Did you ask Steve what I told you to ask him?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry about your mom. Steve was just trying to protect you, he's dumb like that sometimes."

"How much did ya tell him, Steve?" she asked lifting her head to look at the blond super soldier. He looked very uncomfortable, but this talk had to happen. It would save everyone a lot of pain.

"I told him that I lied to you."

"So you didn't tell him that I loved you?" she asked with a spiteful smile, "you didn't tell him what made the situation so much worse? You didn't tell him how much I trusted you? That I let you touch me, and-"

Natasha put a hand on her arm to calm her. Nothing would be solved if Lily started yelling now.

"I didn't think it should be the first thing I said to my friend after he wakes up."

"Right, you haven't had much time to talk. Well for the sake of not keeping things from you, I'll tell you that I loved Bucky before I loved you. We were cell mates in the facility, and when they pent us against each other he didn't kill me, even though I really wanted him to. Even when he was just a mindless weapon he wouldn't kill me. So I tried to heal him, and I was sure we would both die there, so I chose to love him because he was worth loving, and you know even in that hell hole he never betrayed that trust." she spoke softly, "But you are different men. And I see why you need a friend like Bucky because he'll keep you honest. I forgive you, Steve… but I don't think I'll ever forget. There Natasha, I said it."

Natasha only nodded looking over Steve as he sat looking at his plate, seeming like he wanted to fall into a pit. Lily was quiet again stuffing her face with food to keep her from saying mean hurtful things that would make her more of a monster than a person. Poor Bucky just sat in the middle of it all stunned and unsure how to proceed with the information he had been given.

"Fury told me not to tell you. He knew you were making progress, and we both knew that knowing you lost your mother would make you leave. If you left, there would be no protecting you," Steve spoke.

Lily just stood up and left the table, "Feel free to have dessert," she mumbled as she left. She disappeared from sight around a corner and proceeded into her bedroom.

Natasha poured another glass of wine, and looked at the two men still at the table. At the very least everyone knew and there wouldn't be any hateful screwing to get back at each other. Part of her knew the night would end this way. Lily never really addressed her anger with Steve. She just kind of beat it down so she could function.

"She doesn't want to know why you did it. She knows why," Bucky said softly, "what she wants to know is that you are sorry and that you won't do it again. She wants to trust you."

"How well do you know Lily?" Natasha questioned.

"Well enough to know that she's not mad. She may seem mad, but she's just hurt." Bucky shrugged, pushing a meatball around on his plate before looking over at Steve, "You never were good with the ladies," he joked dryly.

Steve laughed humorlessly, "Tell me about it."

 _"Subject 0001, entering arena," the voice spoke as she stepped into the coliseum-esque room. She looked up at the blackened windows above, knowing the spectators were watching._

 _"Winter Soldier entering the arena." the voice spoke again. She turned as the door across the room opened. His hair covered his face and she could see one blue-grey eye peeking out under the untamed locks. She wanted to die. She didn't want to kill another asset. She just wanted it to be over with. Seven years was a long time to live this life, and if she just turned off her pain receptors, it wouldn't be so bad. It would just be pressure. However she had to make it look like an honest fight, so she dropped low ready for him to charge towards her as the other soldiers had. Instead he walked forward slowly. The closer he got the more she could read his eyes. She could see how far away they looked, how much pain was in them. Unlike the others the man inside that body was still there. She threw a punch and let the fighting commence. Eventually she just gave him the opening, gave him the obvious opening to kill her. He could have grabbed her neck and choked the life out of her. He could have snapped it like twig. He didn't, he threw her to the ground then stopped. She got up immediately so they wouldn't kill him for not complying. She glared at him in confusion. What was he doing, he wasn't taking the openings?!_

 _"Stop." the voice spoke, " Subject 0001 and Winter Soldier, return to the holding area."_

 _They both walked into the holding area and Lily only stared at him. He looked straight forward, staring at nothing in particular._

 _"Winter Soldier, why didn't you attack?" she projected her voice into the assets head. He looked over at her with wide eyes._

 _"Because you had a death wish," he thought back, "and I'm tired of killing."_

She stood on the beach late that night, staring at the moon and the stars and the waves. Sleep was a rare luxury, but this was still nice. The sand was warm under her feet, and the smell of the ocean made her feel calm. In her home there was a stream that led to a pond behind her apartment building. It was a nice place with koi and water lilies, and a little water fall, but it was man made, and things made by man were rarely as good as nature's creations.

 _"Bucky, I don't want to never have been touched," she whispered to him in the cold cell. She was sitting on the concrete staring up at him. Her hair was oddly taken care of. The men found her nice to look at so they kept her pretty. Bucky looked over at her confused._

 _"I have seen your memories, you're not unaccustomed to the female body. You know what it's like to feel someone's skin against yours and want it there." she stood and walked towards him. Out of habit, Bucky stood too, staring down at her. She lifted a hand slowly, keeping her eyes on his. She let her hand rest on his chest._

 _"I will die here... but I don't want to die without knowing what it feels like for someone to make love to me."_

 _They were silent in the dark room. Only the sound of their breath could be heard. He wrapped an arm lightly around her waist. She shivered and closed her eyes, feeling her heart pound against her ribcage._

 _"Sh Lil. It's alright."_

 _"I know," she responded, picking up his metal hand and pressing it to her face. Bucky bent down and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. She responded slowly kissing him back. He lied her down on the bed and kissed her more._

Bucky sat up in bed, it was the dead of night and the dream he had seemed so real, like they were back in that facility. They weren't though, the bed under him was too soft for it to be the same one there. He gave up on sleep and stood to get some fresh air. He went on to the balcony to stare out at the ocean, and listen to nature's version of silence. However his eyes caught sight of a small lonely form on the beach, it was in a loose t-shirt like dress, and it's hair was short. It didn't take long for him to figure out it was Lily. She just stood there, the coastal wind tugging at her curls, making her dress bellow a bit. It was like she was in some kind of trance, and he couldn't help but to remember how she used to just stare off at nothing when they were in a cell together. He'd heard of the thousand mile stare, but it was like she was looking through everything in to the void of space. It was a look that was as haunting as it was beautiful. She turned around and looked up right at him, as if she knew he was there all along. She waved him down, an invitation to join her.

When he met her down on the beach she simply grabbed him into her arms. He did the same immediately.

"I'm sorry, Bucky."

"For what?" he questioned.

"For Steve, for not looking for you… I assumed you were dead, but I should have looked-"

"Sh, stop that. I thought you were dead too. "

"How badly did they hurt you?" she whispered, even though she already knew the answer. They had begun to break him. There were cracks in his psyche.

"I don't want to think about HYDRA." she heard in what avenue his mind was going. He missed her, just as she had missed him. She stretched up on the tops of her toes and they kissed, slowly, sweetly. In a moment he lifted her up, her legs around his waist, arms around his neck.

Lily sat up naked in her bed. She remembered him leaving. She remembered watching him pull back on his pants and his shirt. She could still feel the last kiss he pressed to her lips. He kissed her so sweetly, and she could tell he wanted to stay, that he wanted to hold her, but they both knew he couldn't stay. Even so, she still felt the way he caressed her face before turning away and leaving. She hadn't gone back to sleep. Instead she kept replaying his touch, she kept feeling his body on hers, hard and sure. She remembered feeling him deep in her bones. Her fingers ghosted over her lips, still feeling his teeth where they had bitten.

She had to leave last night behind and embrace another day. She got in the shower to wash his smell off of her skin. Before letting the water touch her she skimmed her nose across the skin of her arm just to hold on to the smell of him for a few seconds more. They were good at hiding this sort of thing. No one would ever be the wiser. She washed her hair and coated herself in her favorite body wash. She smelled like coconuts and pineapples when she was done. She dressed quickly and thoughtlessly, before continuing out of her room. She made breakfast just thinking about the night before. His lips had been so soft against her skin yet he knew she wouldn't break, he knew she was strong. She felt alive in his arms, like nothing else mattered.

"Lil!" Natasha called loudly.

"Yes?" she questioned turning around to look at the redhead. She was staring at Lily with concern. Lily immediately wondered how long she had been calling her name.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah… I just couldn't sleep last night. Pancakes?" she offered.

"Yes, thanks." Natasha agreed, placated with that answer, "You know I'm proud of you for talking to Steve. I know it took a lot."

"Yeah, well you were right it was better to let it be known now as opposed to later."

"So are you and Bucky going to just pick up where you left off-"

"No, I don't think so. After all he's Steve's best friend." She blatantly lied without even thinking about it. She put two warm pancakes on Natasha's plate and handed her the maple syrup, "I'm just here to help him."

"Fair enough," Natasha answered, relief very evident in her voice.

"Where's Bucky's metal arm?" Lily asked curiously.

"Well, Tony blasted it in a fight… so it's in a lab back at the hospital. Technicians are working on it but it's slow going.

"Get it for me, I can fix it. Did the rest of the team go back to New York yet?"

"No."

"Are they staying?"

"Yes, in case things with Bucky go south."

"Hm, well they won't. How much will I have to answer to the King of Wakanda?"

"I'll handle that relationship. But if you plan on taking Bucky around the country we should probably tell him. Though I'm sure he'd appreciate a call from you a bit more."

"Nat, my love life is already complicated as it is."

"Who said anything about love? Please, Lil, I know you aren't opposed to one night stands."

"It's unhealthy what I was doing," she mumbled, "Probably shouldn't do it with a king anyway. I feel like it would back fire."

"It probably would," she laughed.

"I'm going out to the beach."

Lily dressed in a bikini that was less than modest, but it made her feel nice, so she put on a cover up and left her room. Natasha looked up from her food, and her eyebrows shot up in surprise. The bikini made her look goddess like. If she wasn't careful Aphrodite would take her as a threat. She let out a low whistle catching Lily's attention.

"What?" Lily questioned.

"You hoping to run into someone?"

"Like myself in a mirror? Yes?"

"Grab a hat. It's really sunny." Natasha advised. Lily took the advice and left their apartment. As she began down the hallway another door opened, and it could really only be one of two people. She didn't look to see who was looking at her, but she sensed it through her telepathy instead. Steve stood dumbfounded in the door to his apartment watching Lily pass. Bucky peeked over his shoulder and saw her, he looked at his friend's face and felt a strong wave of guilt come over him.

"Think you've got some drool," Bucky teased, to keep from thinking about how much of a shit friend he was.

"Shut up." Steve tore his gaze away from Lily's retreating form. He decided to postpone his trip out of the building until Lily was out.

"I thought you were going to the gym?" Bucky asked confused. Steve only shrugged moving past him to go to the kitchen and set his water bottle on the counter.

"You're avoiding her?" Bucky questioned.

"No, I'm not. It's just that…"

"You're avoiding her. Well that is going to be difficult if you want to follow my every foot step."

"I am not trying to follow you."

"Sure. Listen I'm not gonna say you can't avoid her, just don't hurt yourself."

Lily dove under the calm waves of the ocean, surveying the ocean floor as she went. As she got far enough out she observed fish rushing past her and coral reefs housing many organisms. It was calming under water. There was no sound, no pressure to look a certain way, just the pull of the waves and the creatures beneath her. She just chose to float, let her body be taken where ever the ocean would allow. Eventually she made it into the shallows again, as if the ocean had had its fun with her and it was delivering her back to where she belonged. Her wet curls clung to her forehead as she stood on her feet once more. She didn't open her eyes, however. The sun felt nice against her eyelids. Also if she opened her eyes now she knew she'd have to go back to the complicated parts of her life. She'd have to go see Bucky and pretend that last night didn't happen. She'd see Steve and force herself not to scream and yell. She'd see Natasha, and have to keep herself from confiding in the only Avenger she really trusted. So for a few more seconds, minutes, hours, months, years everything was still and she wasn't sure how long she stood in the shallows with her eyes closed. Soon enough, the thoughts of an approaching person made her open her eyes. She turned to look at him, to make him aware that he wasn't sneaking up on her. She stared him down, onyx eyes meeting one another.

"Your highness," she addressed respectfully walking towards him. His eyes danced over the bare skin where drops of salt water rolled down. She was used to this kind of attention. It bored her, and she preferred that he just tell her what he wanted.

"Hello, Lily. You are enjoying the beach, yes?"

"Yes, it's beautiful beach, with interesting fish species." she spoke flippantly, looking back towards the horizon for a moment. She wanted to stay in the water forever, but there was work to do.

"Wakanda is a place of many wonders. It would be my honor to escort you on a tour."

"With all do respect, I have to get back to Bucky."

"Ah yes, another time perhaps?"

"Perhaps not. Excuse me, please."

She walked past him back to the building she was residing in. Perhaps she had been rude, but she already saw were all of that was headed, and instead of making it seem like she might be interested in the King of Wakanda, she made it her business to be sure he knew she was uninterested. This was for no reason other than, it would require her to stay in the public, being a queen was anything but low profile, and she just wanted to disappear. She didn't want anyone to even know she existed. Anyway, it would probably be for the best that she met up with Bucky to do his first treatment. It was time to look him in the eye and pretend that she felt nothing more than light camaraderie for him. First, however, she went to her room, changed into something a little less revealing.

She went to retrieve Bucky, knowing it would be best to just knock on the door and ask for him. Logically it would be smart for her and Bucky to share a living space, but with all of the ramification concerning the two it was probably in their best interest to stay apart. As she stood outside the door, she wished that someone else had the powers that she did, so she wouldn't have to be the one to pretend for the sake of someone else's feelings. Her knuckles hit the door, grabbing the attention of both men inside. Steve however got up to answer, Bucky didn't answer doors.

"I'm here to get Bucky." Lily spoke looking up at Steve with a blank stare. Her hair was still wet, curls dripping on the ends it made her like somehow juvenile, to be so small in a big shirt and a pair of shorts looking up at him.

"Yeah, okay," he agreed quickly moving out of the way, as if to let her in. She didn't move though. She just stood there staring at him expectantly.

"I'll… uh get him," he left with the door open to retrieve his friend. Lily just stood in the doorway, trying to keep her emotions stifled, trying to look like something close to normal. Steve called out Bucky's name, as he walked into his room. Bucky looked up from the book in his lap and nodded, standing up to follow, Steve out. When she saw Bucky she shoved her emotions violently back. It almost physically hurt. It was like all of a sudden her heart ran in to her throat, and her stomach hit her toes, and the butterflies inside made it all the more worse, then she shoved her heart back in her chest, digested the butterflies, and kicked her stomach back to its rightful place. It was a necessary pain, because Steve was still there, and Bucky didn't seem pleased to see her, he seemed sad. Nothing was right about the way she was feeling; it was all selfish and silly.

"I'll have him back shortly," she murmured turning to go to a room she spotted while on her walk back into the building. It was like a quiet room for meditation. There were two couches, and a table with a lamp on it. The walls were sound proof. She and Bucky walked silently to their destination. There were a lot of things Lily wanted to say. Maybe: _Last night was a ridiculous mistake that won't happen again_ or _Last night I felt alive, and I've been dead a long time_ or just skip words all together and just kiss him. She wanted to kiss him until her mouth was sore and her body was aching. Then she wanted to leave him, and leave herself aching as punishment for all of it. She wanted to suffer.

Instead of acting on any of the thoughts in her head she went up to the door of the room she intended to go to, and reached to open the door. Bucky did the same thing at the same time and their hands touched. For her was like a flash of memories both her own and Bucky's. It was twin desires and pain, and self loathing. For him, it was simply her soft hands, that had once healed even the deepest wound, and stole the cold from his chest in the coldest winter of his existence. They both ignored the moment; Bucky opened the door for her and she stepped in. She gestured for him to sit on the sofa and he did, closing his eyes so he could prepare himself for what came next.

"You know what I have to do," she murmured.

"Why did you choose such a small room?" he questioned.

"Because it's soundproof."

"So no one will hear you scream if-"

"You won't hurt me." she assured, "try and relax. You won't hurt me or anyone else, I guarantee it."

"Ok."

" Longing," She began sitting beside him. She pulled him down so his head could rest on her lap, "rusted," with this she ran her fingers through his hair staring vacantly at the wall in front of her, "seventeen, daybreak, furnace, nine, benign, homecoming, one," She paused as he grabbed her hand, making her looking down at him. He wasn't fighting her…he trusted her, yet still he was scared, "freight car." she whispered watching his eyes go blank.

"Ready to Comply," he answered. A soft shakey breath left her mouth.

"Stay still," she ordered, pressing her fingers to his temples. There were lots of things she never wanted him to remember and, maybe she would never let him remember it, but she also got to see Steve from his eyes. She gave him back those memories, because maybe if he could remember everything about his best friend he wouldn't want her anymore. She'd hurt all alone and Bucky could go on without betraying his childhood friend. She began filing away at the grip that the trigger words had on him. It would take a few more sessions to erase them completely.

"That is all soldier," she sighed. His eyes closed and she waited for them to open again. When they did she new Bucky was there again, but he looked at her like she was some kind of stray kitten in a soggy cardboard box.

"Why are you sad?"

"What?"

"I could tell. I could feel it."

"That's not really any of your concern, Buck," she sighed turning away from him to look at the solid door.

"It's like your… power goes two ways, and I could see stuff from you too."

"Well forget what you saw from me. It's none of your business!" This had never happened before. No one ever saw or felt anything from her, ever.

"We have to talk to Steve, I mean maybe-"

"Bucky."

"Maybe you can work something out."  
"I don't want to work anything out with him or anyone. Okay? Forget what you saw, or felt or whatever."

"Is it because I left you this morning?" his head was still in her lap and she shoved him off to stand up.

"Leave it alone Barnes!"

"Because I had to. What we did it was a mistake and we can't-"

"You think I don't know that?! We can't do that ever again, I get it!"

"Talk to me Lil."

"None of this means anything! I am here as a favor to Natasha to heal you, that's it. Nothing means anything okay!" she yelled at him. He looked at her steadfast and patiently waiting for her to be done, for her breath to calm down and the wild look to leave her eyes. Eventually she just turned around and left, leaving Bucky alone to ponder what he had seen and felt from her.

 _I watched him leave, and more than anything I wanted to pull him back. I wanted to make him stay with me, to continue to chip away at the death that clung to my skin. He had to leave because neither of us could stay. He wasn't mine and I wasn't his and both of us belonged to the same man that we hadn't seen in a long time. Yet, I don't want that man, not anymore. But because I want something that belongs to him I can't ever truly not belong to anyone else and I'm so tired of giving myself away and never having anything to show for it. I'm tired of life, and all that comes with it. I shouldn't exist, and neither should Bucky. It would be too perfect for the two people who don't have a place in this world to be allowed to coexist. As it is though, I am alone._

 _If all the world is a stage then I've been cast the starring role in a tragedy in which life becomes hell and I never die._

Bucky sat in his room simply thinking about those words that he had heard from her as clearly as if she had spoken it. Not only were there the words but also the feelings, this intense sense of hopelessness, and hunger, and sorrow, there was also this draining feeling. It was almost like parts of her were being pulled away, leaving nothing in its wake. That feeling is what scared him. It reminded him of Subject 0001, the girl Lily had been in the facility, the girl who hid inside of Lily now.

 _"More than anything else, I'm afraid of… nothing."_

 _"You aren't afraid of anything."_

 _"No I'm afraid of nothing, the absence of anything. Sometimes it's like there's a black hole inside me and it's always hungry and I don't know what it wants so I give it everything, and it takes everything but there's still nothing," her eyes were wide and haunted, hands curled up against her chest as if to cover an actual hole there._

The concept of nothing was something he never understood, not until now, not until he had felt it himself. He didn't know what it meant for her. Ever sense he woke and saw her face he felt something off. He thought at first it was just everything she'd been through, but every touch from her was like opening the vacuum of space and getting sucked in. When they slept together it was the same, twin pleasures, hers and his, knowing exactly what she craved, he figured they were just close, but now he knew it was different.

What if he made the nothing go away? He didn't feel it before when they made love, maybe he was the answer? Who could ask? Who could he talk to about any of this, about her? Did anyone know the shape she was in? Did they know how bad she was hurting?

Bucky finally left his room with the resolve to figure who he could tell. He knew certainly not Steve. Her feelings towards him were very clear. He couldn't rely on the other Avengers either, she didn't trust them anymore. She couldn't not after what they pulled. So who, or was there anyone? Steve could at least be good for information, right?

"You need something Buck?" Steve asked, for Bucky had been staring at him with a strange intensity for a while.

"She's just got the Avengers?" he questioned, "No other… friends."

"She didn't get out much. But after the incident she and Natasha disappeared for a few months."  
"I thought she was angry…"

"Natasha didn't know about Lily's mom. She would have told Lily in a heartbeat. Maybe she would have been right to. "

"So they're still close?"

"I don't see why not. I mean she's the only one Lil listens to anymore. Natasha can get her to do just about anything."

Bucky nodded to himself, Natasha then. That would be easy if he could just get her alone without Lily knowing.

"Why?" Steve asked.

"Just… curious."

"I just do not understand why we are still here," Wanda complained as she sat on the other side of the bar manned by Tony.

"We are here to damage control when everything goes terribly wrong."

"If this girl is as powerful as you all believe then why are you so sure something will go wrong."

"She's powerful, but occasionally she gives a damn about people, and knowing that she and The Winter Soldier were 'jail pals'" he air quoted, "only adds to the potential for disaster."

"You know Tony if you were so worried about me coming back you could have filed a complaint. I mean you bitch about everything else until you get your way," Lily suddenly spoke as she walked into the room. Tony gave Wanda a steely glare.

"Aren't you telepathic? You couldn't give me some warning."

"I am not omniscient."

"So what, Are you here to yell some more, because please spare me."

Lily sighed, "We are both being juvenile. I understand that HYDRA had your parents killed. He doesn't deserve to go to jail anymore than you do. After all, Stark Industries killed a lot of families."

"I shut down that-"

"And that's what I'm doing for Bucky. I'm shutting down the part of him that killed your parents, and killed a lot of other people. I would like it if we didn't have to fight about this. I'm already fighting with Steve, I don't want to have to black list you too." she looked up at him with pleading eyes.

"So you're done hating everyone for lying to you, because it was our job to lie to you."

"Yes. I'm not happy about it, but I understand the necessity."

"Then welcome back to the Science club shorty," he gave her a small cocky smirk. She missed how simple things could be with Tony. Just a talk, and they were on good terms again. Lily turned her gaze to Wanda.

"I am sorry that the first time you met me I was very angry. I promise I'm not usually that bad. I'm Lily."

"Wanda," she answered.

"I intend to catch up with you later. It's nice to have another telepath on board. But right now I need to talk to Tony privately if you don't mind."

Wanda only nodded.

"Is this room safe to talk in?" Lily asked looking around. Tony shook his head and signaled for her to follow him as he walked around the bar. He lead her to his own room. He had already disabled any surveillance. She sat on the couch and let her breath leave her body in one big huff. The room looked much like her own. Tony sat on the arm of the sofa and looked down at her.

"Promise me you won't tell anyone. You owe me this one secret," Lily said severely.

"Yeah, you're right… cross my heart hoped to die yada yada yada. "

"No you have to pinky promise. If you break this promise I will literally cut off your pinky," she said severely.

"Wow alright."

They hooked pinkies and shook, then Lily took in a long deep breath, "IhadsexwithBucky."

"YOU WHAT?!"

"We were together in the facility and I loved him, and seeing him back I just, I just lost the will to care about anything but what I wanted. And it was selfish, I know and I hate myself, and I couldn't tell Natasha, because she'd want me to tell Steve, because of their friendship or whatever, who else could I tell?"

"No one this is the kind of thing you take to the grave."

"I won't be in a grave, ever! I know I should stop, that what I did was cruel to Steve, even if the sight of his face makes me want to punch him in it. What I'm doing to Bucky is even worse, I'm making him choose between his childhood friend and some girl he fucked in a HYDRA facility. You wouldn't think the choice would be hard but he's having difficulty with it-"

"Stop." Tony put out a hand to silence her. He stroked the hair of his mustache thoughtfully. Seeing her so frantic had sort of made the initial anger vanish, she was already crucifying herself over this, she didn't need him to pick up stones and start throwing, "Kid… you aren't the only one at fault here. In the end, it takes two to tango. You didn't force him with your powers?"

"Of course not."

"Then he chose to be with you, which is cruel on his part. I've had my fair share of regrettable sex, and if you really don't want it anymore, the best way to get over it is to have less regrettable sex with someone else."

"Tony," she groaned.

"No really, find someone who's better in bed than both of those popsicles and forget about them. It's history, and you're young, it's weird that you're after such ancient men anyway."

"I'm just supposed to ignore what I feel."

"Is he interested in finding something permanent between the two of you?"

"He said it was a mistake," she whispered, looking down at her hands, remembering the way it had felt to hear him say that.

"Then he's history. And he's just a job. Another patient you're gonna treat, just like you did with Loki."

"You're right," she had begun to cry, because once again she was all alone and it had to be that way, because there was nobody out there for her, because she was supposed to die a long time ago. That was fine, she'd move on with her existence, pretend none of it hurt.

"Don't cry," he sighed.

"I'm gonna live forever," she whispered, "Eternity alone… I don't deserve that… do I?" she looked up at him.

"You don't, and it doesn't have to be like that and you know it. You're charming, if not a little psychotic sometimes. You're gonna be somebody's sunshine, and it's only a matter of time."

"It sucked being mad at you," she smiled a little bit, looking up at him.

"I know it did, little bit. I'm pretty awesome. If you are done unscrambling your regrettable one night stand's brains we could go for a night on the town."

"No thanks."

Much later she sat in the foyer of the floor the Avengers had been allotted at the piano. She played softly singing lightly to herself. She found what she was doing ridiculous, but the words to this song had resonated with her ever since she came to be an Avenger. It was the first song she taught herself on the piano. It was Creep by Radiohead, and she wished she could keep the words of the song out of her head on lonely nights like this.

"When you were here before," she sung cautiously keeping her voice low as not to draw too much attention. Either way she knew most of the team was trying to stay clear of her, so it really didn't matter. She let her voice do what it wanted to. It barely got above a whisper at first.

 _"If we make it out, we'll have a house far away from everyone," she whispered to him in the dead of night while she drew patterns on his chest. She whispered the words more to herself than to him._

 _"We can get a dog," he added._

 _"And a cat… we could have a whole farm if we wanted it," she built, excitement lacing every word, "you could touch me in the day time too. You could look at me like this," she sat up so she could look into his eyes, "I wouldn't have to heal my marks. We wouldn't have to hide. And no one would ever touch us to hurt us. Never again."_

 _She scared herself with how hard she whispered those words, and the passion behind them. Bucky frowned a little and placed a gentle hand on her cheek. She leaned into, pressing her face firmly against the warm metal._

"I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul," the song continued.

 _His lips were pressed firmly against hers, hands pressed against her bare back, and then the door to the cell flew open. They broke apart quickly but it was too late. One man grabbed her by her hair and dragged her away from him. She dug her nails into anything that would make her stay. She obliterated the men who touched her and desperately tried to crawl back to Bucky, to protect Bucky. They were attacking him too, and she knew what they would do to him. She knew they would wipe him and the only man she ever loved wouldn't remember her. They could beat her all they wanted but nothing would ever hurt more than that._

 _Then she felt something stab into the back of her neck and she couldn't move and everything hurt . She could hear Bucky yelling for her but she couldn't move, she couldn't fight as they began dragging her away._

"What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here." she ended. The moment she stopped singing she could hear the heart beat of somebody in the room. She turned quickly to see Wanda standing a few feet away. They just stared at each other for a long time, before Wanda felt like she should say something.

"Your singing… it… I couldn't hear the others any more. Just you and I wondered what was happening."

Lily snapped out of her trance and wiped the tears away from her face. She didn't know what to say so she just stood and began her escape out of the window. Wanda touched her hand in order to stop her, but as she did so it was like there was a static shock between them. Instead of electricity there were visions and feelings. Lily snatched her hand away and continued out.


	17. Chapter 17

"Natasha, there's something really wrong." Bucky insisted.

"I know there is. I live with her, you think I don't know?" Natasha threw back.

"I don't know what to do…" he sighed.

"Don't lead her on. Let her do her job," Natasha said sternly glaring at him as if she'd snap his neck given the chance.

"But if I can make it better-"

"You aren't special, Barnes. She spent a year filling the void with bodies to make herself feel whole. She's had enough of that. She's not gonna find salvation in your dick, so how about you just piss off."

"I-" he began but chose to just close his mouth, because maybe she was right. He nodded and left.

The next day Lily wore dainty satin gloves with a pretty dress that made her feel pure and untouched by evil with its frills and bellowing fabric. She found herself in the lab with Tony working on Bucky's arm. He had music on that was too loud to speak over and for that she was grateful. There was no pressure between them to talk because it was simply impossible. They exchanged glances when a song she hadn't expected came on. Lily didn't outwardly acknowledge it, but she knew that this was his way of making himself a safe place for her, and for that she was also grateful. When everything first fell apart, she was surprised that Tony had gone along with the plan that she shouldn't know that her mother was dead. She still wondered why he did, but she didn't ask because it didn't matter. It was over now and the fact of the matter is it wouldn't make her feel better to know. It was peaceful in their little work bubble until the music abruptly turned off. Both of them looked up in search of the culprit only to see Steve.

"Do you think maybe we could talk?" Steve asked.

Lily shrugged, "We probably could but I don't want to."

Tony picked up the arm and looked at it for a moment, putting it on a higher surface to take a screw driver to the fingers.

"Lil-"

"Don't call me that. You don't get to call me that," she snapped, her face setting into a mean pout.

"I just want to talk to you without you walking away from me."

"No."

Steve sighed opening his mouth to say something else but Tony cut him off, "Go away, Spangles, she doesn't want to talk to you."

"Tony maybe you should stay out of this. It's none of your business."

"Maybe you should respect what she wants instead of assuming you know what's best for her," Tony jabbed not looking up from the hand he was working on.

"Tony don't act like you're-"

"I'm not acting like anything."

"This is between me and Lil."

"She told you not to call her that."

Steve looked away from Tony back to Lily. She was just watching them with a stoic expression, "I just want five minutes for you to listen to me and not walk away."

"I told you no, and I don't like to be stuck in situations that I can't walk away from."

"If you could stop acting like a child for one second-"

"No. I will be exactly as childish as I want. I don't want to talk to you, Steve. Leave me alone."

Steve just stood there trying to think of something he could say to change her mind. Tony began bending the fingers down on the arm.

"You heard her. Bye."

Steve looked over at Tony to see the arm he was working on with its middle finger up. He just shook his head and turned around to leave. Lily watched the door for a little bit then let out breath she didn't know she was holding.

"I need a drink."

"Get me one too?"

Lily walked over to the fridge and pulled out a large bottle of water and grabbed a couple of clean beakers out of a cabinet before coming back over to Tony.

"Cupcake Vodka?" she questioned.

"Sounds good."

She poured the drinks oblivious to the fact the Tony was just staring at her. As things were, he was fine that she didn't want to go out and talk to Steve. To some degree he could understand why she wouldn't want to talk to him, but since when did she drink when problems arose. She slid Tony his beaker before dunking down her own.

"Whoa, slow down. I can't have you plastered in the lab," he cautioned as he watched her pour more. She snorted in response and put the beaker back up to her lips.

"Lily," he sighed.

"You know, why would he waltz in here like I owe him the time of day? What the fuck is that about?" she questioned waving her beaker around as she spoke, "He can go fuck himself."

"No I get it, but maybe less alcohol for you."

"I'm fine! I can only get drunk if I want to be."

"Do you want to be?"

"Oh desperately." she grinned putting the entire bottle to her lips.

"You are a train wreck."

"Yes," she agreed nodding firmly, "but no one else is really grasping that. Every time I turn around someone's saying, _Be the bigger person Lily. Forgiveness is a virtue_. Well maybe I don't want to be the bigger person, maybe I want to sulk. He made me think he loved me, you know?! I honestly thought, hey maybe someone… maybe a fucking hero loves me. Maybe, just maybe I'm not just something cooked up in a lab and forced on the world. Maybe I'm not a monster, but no, no no no, I am just a fucking weapon. I'm not a person, I'm not anything. I'm just here to kill what needs to be killed," she put the bottle back to her lips.

Tony sighed, and snatched the alcohol away, "Who gives a fuck about him?" he snapped as he took it. Liquor poured down the front of her dress and she frowned at the mess, "No one makes you anything. You choose not to be a weapon. You choose to be something better. Or you choose to cry about the deal life handed you."

She took off her glove and wiped her face with the back of her hand, glaring at him, "I'm choosing to be my own."

"Then be your own woman. Get your job done and leave if that's what you wanna do. Give Spangles hell if it's what he deserves, but don't call yourself a monster unless you're choosing to be one."

"Thanks, Tony," she replied sadly.

"Ah no more tears, c'mere"

He pulled her into a hug, despite the fact the she was covered in liquor. She let him hold her, she also let a few tears escape without anyone being the wiser. Sooner than expected she pushed away from him and wiped her face. She took a deep breath and gave Tony a weak smile before looking over at the arm.

"We're done right?" She asked.

"Yep," he nodded.  
"Great. I'm gonna go give it to Bucky." she picked up the arm and headed out of the lab.

She knocked on the door to Bucky's room. Bucky opened the door to see Lily standing there with a prosthetic arm.

"Tony helped me get your arm fully functional… well we kinda remade it. I chose the black vibranium." she murmured as she walked in. Bucky stood by the door still watching her wander around the room for a little before she turned around to look at him, "Take a seat somewhere so I can put it on" He sat at the breakfast bar and she set upon properly connecting his arm.

"Did Steve talk to you?"  
"He tried, but I don't want to talk to him," she answered bluntly, "he always thinks people have to listen to him, and I don't want to anymore."

"He's trying to make things right."

"You can't make a wrong a right no matter how hard you try. So stop encouraging him to talk to me."

"But you love him."

"No I don't. I loved him, past tense. I feel nothing for him now."

"You don't just stop loving someone."

"Don't you? I can do anything I want, and I have decided that I don't love him anymore."

"So you just turn it off huh?" his voice had a hard edge to it that made her meet his eyes.

"Yeah, I just turn it off. When things aren't working for me I get rid of them. " Bucky's arm snapped into place and Lily stood up.

"So what about us?" Bucky asked as she began walking away. She looked back at him for a moment, with a blank face, then shrugged as she turned back around.

"I don't think it's working for me."

"It's not _working_ for you? What the hell does that mean?"

"It means, I'm turning us off," she said precisely, she stopped right in front of the door, staring at the stainless steel door handle.

"After everything we've been through together… you could just turn it off," his voice sounded wounded, and heartbroken. Lily felt her own heart lurch into her throat. She felt tears happening again, and she was so sick of crying.

"Bucky, don't do this to me," she whispered.

"You can't just decide we don't mean anything to each other."

"Why not, Buck?!" she whirled around to look at him, "you said it yourself, it was a mistake. And you got up and left… and you didn't look back. You didn't even look back."

"Steve is my friend, and he loves you, we can't do this to him."

"Then why are you so opposed to me just turning it all off? If you don't want me, why can't I just stop loving you?"

"Because I don't want to be forgotten… I don't wanna be the only one who remembers what we had."

"You want me to hurt. You want me to remember my first love every time I look at you. You want me to know that you want me too, and the only thing stopping us is Steve. You want me to hate him like that?" she questioned stepping closer to him with every word and until she was toe to toe with him, "You want me to love you, knowing you won't ever be mine?"

"What we had… it's a part of our story. I don't think you should get rid of it."

"I'll always have the memories. I'll always remember what we were to each other… but Bucky… I've got to move on. I've got to let you go, because you don't really want me, and I can't have you. So I'm not going to just sit here and mope over a love long lost. I've already mourned you. Bucky let me live my life." she stepped backwards a few paces then turned around and left. She nearly ran into Steve, and she tried continuing past him but he caught her arm. She stopped and snatched her arm away, throwing him a look that could kill.

"Don't. Touch. Me." she hissed at him.

"We don't have to be like this to each other, just let me-"

"You can't just leave me alone. You're no better than any other self righteous piece of shit that thinks any woman owes him her time! In fact, you're fucking worse. You know why? Because you're Captain America and you can't respect that I just don't want to talk to you! I don't want to hear a word from your lyin' ass mouth. Keep harassing me, and I'll leave, and I'll let you figure out how you're going to help Bucky."

She stomped down the hallway and around the corner out of Steve's view. He swallowed the lump in his throat, and continued into his room. Bucky was sitting at the breakfast bar with his head in his hands. He looked up when he heard Steve walk in.

"Steve… I think maybe you should just leave her be."

"She talked to you too," Steve gave a sad laugh as he sat beside Bucky, "What about you guys… if the two of you would be happy-"

"No, we're not… anything to each other anymore."

"Is it because of me? Because I think I have to move on and-"

"Steve. No. She'll fix me… and then she'll leave, and it'll just be me and you. Just like old times."

Wanda sat thinking about the prior night. She hadn't much insight into who Lily was, but in the brief time in which their hands had touched she saw a flash of what looked like cement walls and steel doors. Wanda got up and walked towards Tony's workshop, or rather the place Tony had made into his workshop. He seemed hard at work on a pair of wings.

"Tony, what is Lily's story?" she asked sitting down on one of the chairs across from his work table. Tony looked up. He was sporting a monocle-like magnifying glass. He pulled it off and looked at her, confused by the question.

"Why?"

"Well… we are similar in many ways, perhaps we could be friends." Wanda suggested with a small shrug. Tony pulled in a breath then let it go.

"Lily was kidnapped and held in Russia for about… 3 or 5 years. While she was there they tested a serum on her, it gave her powers like no one has ever seen. It's like she has command over matter at an atomically small level. It's amazing, but it's hard to control someone that powerful… so they broke her first," he began, gesturing with an odd tool in his hand, "Torture… every kind I think, they had her kill a lot of people while she was in their custody. SHIELD caught wind of the experiments and raided the facility, that's where they found Lily. From what Romanoff will say… she was bad off. SHIELD put her on an island for a year or so. Natasha doesn't like to talk about the island, Clint won't either. They were the only operatives allowed near her. They were the one's that took her out of the facility, so she only trusted them and by trust… I mean she didn't just kill them on sight. I don't really know much about her time on the island everyone is real tight-lipped about it. But when she got here it was to train and continue her mental recovery. She was assigned to Natasha and Steve. Eventually, she fell for Spangles," he sneered, "Steve's job was to get her talking about her past, Natasha's was to further assess her ability to function. You see, Lily, only had one family member, her mom. Everyone knew that's what she was working on, SHIELD told her, if she could prove herself worthy, she could go home and visit her mom. Problem is, her mom died shortly after Lily disappeared. The pain of losing her only child really did her in I think. No one knew until months later… Natasha was not in attendance for the meeting. Fury said she was too close to Lily, I think that's the first time I've seen Fury doubt Natasha's ability to do her job… but he was right. Natasha wouldn't have kept the secret, none of us should have. Steve was there, and he already had it bad for Lily. I knew what would happen if we told Lily her mom was dead… in a lot of ways, Lily is like me… she has nothing that makes her stay here, no real allegiances, you know? But I could turn my back on the Avengers and it would just be unfortunate, someone with as much power as Lily can't be left as a power unto themselves. What would happen if she fell into the wrong hands?"

"She is not a weapon," Wanda countered.

"She's too powerful to be left alone, distraught and angry. But I was still gonna tell her, because if someone lied to _me_ about _my_ parents, there would be hell to pay. Steve stopped me, said he should be the one to do it. I figured he was right for once. They were bed buddies, so it seemed right that he tell her… but he never did, and I kept asking him about it and he'd say he was going to tell her… and then she slept with him. At first… I didn't know how big that was, and fuck if I'd realized it then I would have told her right then and there. I didn't realized how big that was for her because no one said anything about the island, no one would say what happened…" he trailed off looking off into space.

"What happened?" Wanda questioned.

"What they did to Lily in that facility…. It's too fucked up for words… There are files, videos… but in the island when she slept… her dreams would come to life. They were like holographic projections of memories… it was sickening and I couldn't describe it to you if I tried. She used to say that her body was only just her body, and I never understood it until I saw the videos. They treated her like an object… and the… rape," the word fell from his mouth as if it were venomous, "it wasn't about those bastards getting off- which is a vile prospect all on its own- it was about power… and some how that made it even more cruel. When she slept with Steve… she was sharing a piece of her that was only just healing…. She was showing a trust so… strong, a loyalty so firm… it went beyond years of trauma. She slept with him and he … decided not to tell her that her mom was dead. I don't know why he did… but maybe he was scared… or maybe he just didn't know how fucked his plan was. But he didn't tell her, not until she was going to leave… half a year after he was told. She has every right to be angry. I would have raised hell if I was in her position… she could have ripped him to shreds, killed him a million different ways… but she didn't . That's her story, or part of it."

"These videos-"

"They aren't anything you can ever unsee. There's a reason they are buried deep, no one should see that, no one should have to live through that." his voice was hollow, as if he wasn't really there. Wanda looked at him, reading flashes of the memories of the scenes. She could tell he barely got through the first two minutes of the video. She clasped a hand over her mouth, having seen the beginning of the vile acts.

Lily sat on the living room couch just staring at black screen of the powered down TV. Many thoughts were going through her head, most of them not her own. She was just surveying, taking in the gist of what we was being thought about. She didn't focus on one thought until she heard her name.

 _What they did to Lily in that facility… It's too fucked up for words-_ her body jerked at the words. How much did Tony know? It didn't matter she kept listening, and the more she listened the more she remembered. She remembered the torture all of it, every second. She remembered the sound of her own screams. Her stomach lurched and she ran to the bathroom. Natasha was only in the next room. She heard the sound of the other woman gagging, and bolted to the bathroom.

"Hey, hey, Lil, honey you're alright," Natasha rubbed Lily's back in soothing circles. When Lily was done throwing up she was hyperventilating and crying and the lights were beginning to flicker. Natasha grabbed Lily's hand and held it firmly in her hand.

"You are in the country of Wakanda. You _chose_ to be here," Natasha put Lily's hand on her face, "I am right here. Look at me."

Lily was staring at her, eyes still swimming in tears, and to her everything seemed to be shaking apart. In reality there were tremors, small ones, pulsing through the room. Natasha yanked down her blouse that covered the only scar she had ever gotten from Lily. She pressed Lily's had to it with one hand and stared at Lily, praying she snapped out of it.

"It's alright," she whispered, "I have you. I promised, on my life they will never have you again. It's me, and no one else, no one. You put me back together, and I'm here. I'm _here_!" she insisted leaning closer to Lily. The tremors stopped and the lights calmed. Lily launched herself into Natasha's arms, burying her face into the woman's neck.

"Tony knows. He _knows,_ " she rasped, "He shouldn't know he doesn't need to _know._ "

"Hey, it's okay. I know it hurts, take deep breaths with me."

They sat on the bathroom floor until exhaustion made Lily fall asleep.

Wanda noticed the flickering of the lights and Tony told her what room Lily was in. As she walked to the door she found Steve sitting beside the door looking miserable. When she saw him, her face unintentionally hardened. She knew it wasn't her place to be mad at Steve, but there was a part of her that was just disgusted with him, but she reminded herself that he didn't know.

"You came because of the lights?" he asked as he looked up to see her.

"Yes…" she trailed off.

"You shouldn't hang around here it's dangerous." Steve sighed.

"Is that why you're here, because it's dangerous?"

"I'm here because I need to be."

"You don't, " she shook her head. She paused trying to find a pleasant way to say her next words, "You… make her more dangerous. She… would be safer if you left her alone."

"Yeah, I know," he hung his head, "but I don't want her to think I don't care-"

"She already thinks you don't care. You trigger bad things for her."

"How do you know that?" Steve was getting defensive. Wanda tapped her finger on her temple. The door opened and she looked up to see Natasha in the doorway. Natasha sent a hard glare to Steve.

"What do you want?" she hissed.

"Is she alright?"

"She's _fine_. If that's all, then go away." Natasha turned her gaze to Wanda the same exhausted malevolence in her glare, "What do you want?"

"I want to be sure she doesn't have bad dreams," Wanda explained. Natasha jerked her chin up and grunted an agreement, moving inside to let Wanda in. Natasha didn't break eye contact with Steve until she closed the door. She then led the way to Lily's room.

"You think you can make her sleep peacefully?" Natasha questioned outside her door.

"I know I can." Wanda assured meeting Natasha's gaze steadily. Natasha opened the door and lead the way into the room. Lily lie in bed, her brow furrowed, and lips turned down into a frown. Her body was restless, it tossed and turned in the bed. Wanda sat on the edge of the bed and hovered her hands just above Lily's head. The red glow of her power rolled delicately off of her dancing fingers and on to Lily. She watched Lily's face and body relax. Her lips parted slightly, completing the look of undisturbed sleep. Wanda withdrew her hand looking over the sleeping woman for a moment before turning around to leave. Natasha was still in the doorway. Her facial expression seemed more relaxed than it was before, but she still seemed troubled.

"So how much do you know?" Natasha asked.

"Tony told me about the island."  
"What did he tell you?" her eyes narrowed.

"He said he found these videos of the island and how her nightmares would materialize in her bedroom."

Natasha took in a slow breath, "That's what triggered this. Lily must have heard you guys talking. She's had her telepathy on 24/7 since she got here. Thank you, Wanda," she moved out of the way allowing Wanda to leave the room. Wanda left the bedroom but lingered in their sitting room. She wanted to be of help some how but she knew not how. I mean, sure she could constantly be sure the woman had sweet dreams but she knew things went deeper than that. There was a source behind the bad dreams.

"I could help with her rehabilitation, maybe," she offered looking to Natasha. Nat smiled a little. Calling it a smile was a bit generous but her lips slightly turned up on one corner. Overall she looked tired instead of happy.

"That's really kind, but she doesn't trust a great many people."

"Maybe if I got to know her-"

"Wanda, I know you are coming from a good place… but I can't guarantee she wants to be helped by anyone in this building."

"I would ask you to offer it to her. If she says no, that will be the end of it. I just want her to know she has an option."

"Thank you."


	18. Chapter 18

"Lily I think you should take some time to yourself. Triggers take time to recover from and you almost brought this building down," Natasha spoke as she watched the woman move about the room, getting ready to leave.

"It was just a little shaking and some flickering lights," she scoffed.

"We both know what that can lead to," Natasha stepped in front of Lily's route to the door, glaring down at her.

"I get better quicker when I'm busy," she glared back then stepped around Natasha.

"Lil, come on! Don't do this."

"I have a job to do. The sooner we get it done the sooner I can go back to my peaceful life," she continued out the door.

"You mean as Fury's personal weapon?!" Natasha yelled back but received no response. Natasha huffed a sigh and looked around the apartment. There was nothing to do. She had decided upon her course for the day.

Lily stood in front of the door to Steve and Bucky's room. She pulled in a deep breath and with it she buried the brunt of her emotions until everything was dull. She felt like she was just floating along a lazy river inside of her head. It was easier this way. Her knuckles hit the door harshly as she knocked. She didn't have to wait long before Steve answered the door. He looked down at her blank face, something inside of him was relieved to see her up and moving, but as he looked at her he knew she wasn't truly there.

"I'm here for Bucky." she informed looking up at him, as if she dared him to defy her. He took in her stance, it was the one she used in concealed defense. He couldn't push her over if he tried. She didn't trust him.

"Yeah," he nodded, thinking better than to say anything to her. There was no use in pleading, or trying to convince her he meant no harm. He turned to look at Bucky he wasn't too far away, already in the entry way staring warily at the woman in the doorway. The vacant look in her eyes made his blood run cold, but he swallowed down the fear and followed her out to the room they would meet in today. It was in the gym, in a room where there was padding on the floor and mirrors on the wall. Lily sat on the floor and motioned for Bucky to join her. He did so, lying down and resting his head in her lap.

"I never got to tell you, your haircut is nice," he mumbled. A serene smile livened her face but it did not touch her eyes. Flashes of memories of those eyes took over his sight of her. He blinked them away and focused on the smile instead.

"You know what I have to do. I've locked the doors… moved to a bigger room, you seemed troubled by the size of the last one."

"Yeah, this… this is better," he breathed.

"Longing," she sighed. As she spoke the trigger words she closed her eyes letting the image of his mind take over her sight. His memories were like a tangled mess of yarn. She was tugging at the strings, unraveling the scrambled misplaced bits of information. Each one she touched pushed at the wall she put up against herself and Bucky. She was trying to cut of the two way connection and make it one. He couldn't see anything from her, yet she could see everything. As she touched over a twisted memory it took hold of her, like she had grabbed a livewire. Her own face stood before her, but it was sweat covered and her eyes were cold and empty.

 _"Subject 1, attack,"_ a voice called out and Lily was running towards the owner of this memory, Bucky. She felt as her own hands tore him apart and then suddenly she couldn't breathe. This wasn't in the memory and as she opened her eyes she realized Bucky had her throat in the grasp of his metal arm. Her hands went up and pried the fingers off of her. The memory she touched was still going and she was still partially connected to it. The moment she heard the voice speak again she was airborne.

 _"Winter Soldier eliminate her."_

Lily crashed into the far wall, gasping for air, she knew exactly what was happening and regained her footing immediately.

"Bucky!" she yelled, trying to call him back to himself before she'd have to hurt him. There was no recognition in his eyes for a moment as he stalked towards her. She let the full brunt of her power push at his psyche. She listened to him scream at the pain of it all but she was pulling the threads of his memories apart placing them back in order. He fell to his knees.

"Stay down," she ordered, forcing his mind to comply to her will and she knew her insistence only made the pain worse. He screamed as she did it, and she steeled herself against his suffering, until the Winter Soldier was gone and there was just Bucky. The door to the room burst open and Steve and Natasha were there. As the threat subsided so did the rest of Lily's strength. Natasha caught her before she could fall all the way down.

"Is she alright?" Bucky growled out fighting against a headache so strong he thought he was going to throw up.

"She's just exhausted," Natasha sighed, as she picked the small woman up, "I'm enforcing her leave as of right now, Rogers you know your job." Natasha glanced at Bucky then at Steve before settling her gaze on Lily's face.

For a while there was nothing, just silence, and in the mind of a telepath that is so rare. The lack of sound was frightening. She could perceive however something like a curtain, and as she got closer to it there were the faint whispers of the voices she was used to hearing. The voices of other people's minds. It was normal, it's what she should be hearing so she pushed at the veil violently.

"She's pushing me away," Wanda grunted as she tried to keep the woman on the table asleep.

"Let her go," Natasha spoke quietly. Wanda let her hands fall her to her side as she panted from exertion. Lily's eyes snapped open and she sat up immediately.

"Where's Bucky?" she questioned, "Is he okay?"

"He's with Steve, he's fine. You however, are not. I'm enforcing mandatory leave," Natasha crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Natasha, I just touched a sensitive memory is all-"

"Wanda told me what's going on with you. She says you can't keep your emotions in check anymore. That's why you've started wearing the gloves."

"No-"

"Don't lie, I touched your hands and I saw everything, you're a liability to yourself."

"I'm working on-"

"When did this start? And why didn't you say anything?"

"What was I supposed to say?! Was I supposed to tell you that I'm more broken than before? Was I supposed to stand in front of all your beloved teammates and tell them a broken heart was making me unstable? Do you want me to look Steve in the eye and let him know the damage he did? You expect me to give anyone that much power?!" Lily yelled.

"You're dangerous right now. You need to go."

"And what happens to Bucky?"

"That's for him to decide."

"Natasha, leaving isn't going to make me better," tears made her voice thick and shrill.

"I know, but you don't want to talk to Steve. You don't want to forgive anyone for anything they've done to you."

"Why should I?! They don't deserve it! They don't deserve to feel like they're off the hook."

"Not for them, for you," Natasha urged.

"I don't know how to forgive, I don't know how to let go of the hate in my heart," she whispered harshly, "but I'm not leaving until my work is done."

"Fine, but you aren't seeing Barnes for at least two weeks. Enough for you to repress all this and function," Natasha sighed.

"Fine." she wiped at her tears angrily and her face settled into an angry pout.

Natasha glared at the woman then rolled her eyes before leaving the room. Wanda left too, slowly, always glancing back at the woman on the table. Lily left too eventually and went back to the gym, but this time in a room where there were punching bags. She wanted to work her muscles until they gave out, until she couldn't do anything but limp back to her room and pass out on the floor. Steve walked into the gym, hoping to go a few rounds with a bag until he saw her, and he was reminded of the first time he saw her like this, except then she was just exercising, this was lethal, any of the punches she was throwing could knock out a man twice her size.

"What, Rogers?" she growled, still punching.

"…I'm sorry," the words fell from his mouth without thinking and he immediately regretted them as she stopped the punching bag and hung her head.

"Fuck you," she spit back, trying to quell the fires of rage that ignited in the back of her throat and the buzz of power surging through her muscles. She was acutely aware that she could tear him apart with a simple thought.

"I was doing my job. Look at you, you couldn't handle the truth. I was trying to prevent this," his voice was desperate but his words were accusatory as if she were so much of a hot head she couldn't have possibly answered to reason. It became harder to suppress the maddening anger in her veins, as it tensed all of her muscles. She was acutely aware that she could beat him to a pulp. She could just punch and punch and the only way anyone would be able to identify his body is if they took DNA.

"You should have told me the moment you knew. I would have let you hold me. I would have stayed with you and let you help me through my pain. I would have told you anything you wanted to know. If you had told me months after you'd known I would have forgiven you. If you had told me the day after we'd made love I could have forgiven you, but you didn't do any of that. Fury had to tell me… and I had to look in your eyes and know the truth… you didn't know if you were ever going to tell me," she was crying, he could see the tears falling to the ground, as she rested her forehead on the punching bag. Her fingers were digging into the material causing sand to slowly spill out onto the mat.

"They say the first one to break your heart hurts you the worse… and god this hurts," she choked out, "This is agony, and every time you touched me I want to fall into your arms but I also want to punch you in the face until your skull breaks under my fist. You gave me happiness and you turned it into hate, and when I think about our time together I think about how you knew my mother was dead and you let me continue on ignorantly."

Anger became a second pulse and the only outlet for this manic energy was her fingers as they continued to pierce through the punching bag and rip at it's covering. She didn't realize that during her words he had begun to walk towards her, but then he touched her arm and she jerked away from him.

"Did you not hear what I just said?"

"I don't know how to make things better between us. I don't know how to make you happy again."

"You could hurt, the way I hurt," she growled at him, malevolence dripping from every word. Her right hand gouged out the covering of the punching drag and she let the material fall from her hand lazily as she let go of the bag and faced him. She stood like a mountain, challenging him to step even a centimeter out of line. She wanted a reason to punch him right in his stupid mouth. She wanted to let out this energy that just kept reaching new summits.

"You think I'm not in pain? Losing you was-" he touched her again, without thinking this time and she pushed him back by his chest, because along with the maddening rage there was girl crying for him, screaming at him to runaway from her. He needed to run and never come back or this anger that burned like the fires of hell would consume him and it wouldn't stop until there was absolutely nothing left to burn.

"Don't… I'm dangerous, especially to you," her voice had taken on a begging quality. Looking at her pain, Steve couldn't help his own heart ache. The need to comfort her banging at his chest like a prisoner of war.

"I never wanted to hurt you, I wanted you to have a few more days before you had to know that your mother was dead… because things are never the same for you after you know that. I wanted just a few more days for you," he was still walking towards her and he touched her again. Her fist smashed into his face as the storage of manic rage finally overcame the dam of her restraint.

"I don't care what you wanted! What about me!" she screamed stalking towards him now. The force of her punch had made him stumble back. She threw another punch that he dodged, only to get a kick to the stomach. She was seeing red, a water color red as angry tears obscured her vision. She wanted him to see red too. She imagined the blood pooling in his eyes as every blow she sent to his face caused blood to splash on to hers. She imagined it and adrenaline poured into her blood stream like the sweetest sugar.

"You told me you loved me!" another punch this one thrown at the height of a jump and it crashed into his temple he was down. She crawled on top of him and grabbed the collar of his shirt pulling him up to look into her eyes.

"You broke something in me. Just. You. You did more damage in a year then HYDRA did in 5. You hurt me and you broke everything… because you were inside my head. You got inside of my head. HYDRA tried for 5 years and you did it in a couple of months. You got in there and you broke me, and I trusted you. You sweet foolish man, I trusted you and I know you were trying to be good, I can read that and I'm still angry. And I looked deep inside my heart to figure out why the truth didn't matter to me. Why knowing you had no malicious intent didn't stop me from hating you. I know now. It's because intent means nothing, the consequences remain regardless to your intent." she kept punching, but there was something in her pulling the strength from her muscles as If there was something, or someone holding her back grasping at her arms, begging for her to _stop. You're killing him, you're killing him! Stop it please! If you kill him what does that make you?! You have to stop!_ The little voice in side of her of the girl she once was screamed and cried along with her and the anger left her muscles. It dissolved into sobs and wails as if she were a wounded animal.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry for breaking your heart." he rasped out. She sobbed and let her forehead fall on his chest.

"Why can't you let me go?" she demanded hitting her head softly on his chest.

"Because I love you."

"You lied to me!"

"I'm sorry."

Lily paused for a moment, her breath hitched, and tears still running down her face, "I forgive you," she cried. She took off a glove and placed a hand on his forehead to heal the quickly swelling parts of his body that she had damaged.

"I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that," she was still crying, the tears clung to her voice.

"It's alright, Lil, just let it out."

And they stayed there, as he let her cry.


End file.
